Title – Ice Covered Lips

Rating - T

Pairing(s) – Damon/Elena

Summary – Elena is trying to cope with Damon's death.

Emotion – Angst

Glittering snow covered the landscape like a white sheet. The cold frosted windows and iced over steps. Elena Gilbert watched this wintery world from her room, her breath misting slightly by her open window. Everything was dead, including her. She could feel death in her chest. It seeped in like the cold, gnawing at the place where her heart had been.

Elena Gilbert was a beautiful girl. She had straight brown hair and the most beautiful smile, or so they said. That smile had turned into a line, her lips rarely moving. Conversations had become short, clipped, like a butterfly's wings. Chocolate eyes that had once been warm and inviting had turned to slushy puddles of muddy snow. She was faded. Her hair wasn't washed and her skin had broken out from lack of care. No care was her problem. Ever since he left, nothing mattered.

The sill was cold under her fingers. She could feel it sinking through her skin and cooling her blood. Fingers were numb, but she couldn't tell the difference between her own natural lack of everything. Her tongue moistened her lips and she repositioned. How many nights ago had Damon slid through the window and kissed her goodnight? How many pools of tears had she cried when she got the new? Dead. Dead like the trees. Not undead, but truly dead.

Having a vampire for a boyfriend had been a terrific experience, especially a vampire named Damon Salvatore. He was charming and sweet, hard when he had to be, and above all dangerous, but the danger made it exciting; the risk made it worth it. He was as likely to bite as he was to kiss and she didn't know which was more thrilling. Elena held the memories close to her chest, not to be tarnished. Even now she could still feel the ghost of his touch.

Time seemed to pass slowly and quickly all at once. She wasn't sure when it had started snowing or if she had even noticed in a timely manner. She just knew that the snowflakes were captivating as they swirled to the ground. Damon had showed her the individual flakes, showed her how they were all unique. Tears pricked her eyes as she remembered how he had told her she was beautiful. He had meant it in every syllable, and she had felt it in every caress.

"It's freezing in here!"

Caught in slow motion her head turned to see Aunt Jenna. She had brown hair with a tint of orange and creamy skin. Elena took a sharp breath, startled at how slow her breathing had gotten.

"I'm not cold," She said.

"That's a lie," Aunt Jenna strode up to her and touched her icy skin, "You're freezing! Come on; up! I'm getting a warm soup in you."

There was no point in resisting; Elena followed her. The kitchen was empty when they entered it, appliances gleaming from a recent cleaning. Elena couldn't quite remember the last time she'd had a meal in the kitchen, it all seemed blurred. Faded. She lingered by the fridge while Aunt Jenna warmed some soup in the microwave. Her lungs felt empty as though no air was entering. She was too numb to breathe. Watching Aunt Jenna anchored her but it didn't cure her emotional paralysis.

Memories haunted this kitchen. They coated the walls and dripped out of the faucet, scented the air and poisoned the food. This was where Damon had first kissed her. It had been hard and forced but the pressure made her lips tingle even now. She remembered him preparing dinner for her, she remembered bickering, and she remembered heated looks that others mistook for dislike. She remembered it every second.

"Soup's done," Aunt Jenna said as the microwave binged, "Table, go."

Elena took her bowl of soup and sat at the table. Flavor melted onto her tongue as she took a hesitant slurp. Chicken noodle soup. It warmed her insides as she began to eat. Aunt Jenna watched her carefully as she ate, a constant eye. Somehow, Elena suspected, she expected her to break, to shatter into a thousand glass shards. She didn't know if she was that fragile but she didn't care to test it. Damon would be enraged if she did something so stupid.

"Elena," Aunt Jenna began, her expression soothing.

"No. We're not doing this," Elena said, shaking her head, "We're not having this talk. Not now."

"When then?" She lowered her voice that had peaked angrily, "You've been missing Damon ever since he left. I never thought he'd be better than Stefan and I now I know he wasn't. You can't just mope around the house all day!"

"Why not?" Elena asked dully, "My grades haven't dropped; I don't get in trouble, why does it matter?"

Aunt Jenna took a calming breath, "He was bad news Elena, he did bad things to you! He's made you this- this- this zombie. You act like you're dead."

She shrugged, "Maybe that's how I should be."

The words had slipped out without conscious thought. She felt a stab of guilt as she saw Aunt Jenna pale. Her insides seemed to freeze at the look; she realized how much she had hurt her with those words. The truth in those words was a mystery to her. Elena tensed for the explosion.

"You don't mean that," Aunt Jenna whispered.

Elena tried to say something but her lips seemed to be cemented together. No assurances of sanity would spring forward to relieve her aunt. Words glued her mouth shut, and she could only watch as Aunt Jenna began to draw her own conclusions and courses of action.

"Do you need to see a doctor?" She asked, a tremor in her voice, "I know you've been struggling but-"

"I don't need a doctor."

Her face regained some angry color, "Then why are you saying this suicidal shit? You're going to kill yourself over some boy? I fled town because of mine but you want to check out? Really Elena?"

Elena took a couple seconds to collect the right words, "I never said I wanted to kill myself."

The words seemed to come out as a sigh. She didn't know what she wanted, the only thing she knew was that the only thing she ever needed had left her. He was gone. The criticalness of the moment hadn't escaped her though. Most of her mind was focused on the conversation at hand. She knew Aunt Jenna was really struggling here.

"I don't know what to do," She rubbed her face in a kind of horrified reflex, "I- I don't know what to do. Elena you dealt with your parents death-"

"I pretended to deal with my parents death," Elena snapped angrily, "I had to. I'm pretending to deal with this as well, but you can't expect me to be perfectly fine when I'm not."

All for the dramatic exit, she placed her spoon down and stood up. She could feel eyes on her as she left the room. Anger had filtered through the numbness. Along with the anger came sadness, so deep it made her lose her breath and blanch. She could taste it on her tongue like something bitter and rotten. Something ruined.

The front door made her pause, hit by a wall of memories. The first time Damon had entered through that door she had no clue who he was, what he was. Her eyes had followed him unconsciously. Even when she had been with Stefan she'd felt something for Damon. Damon was dangerous but he was in so much pain it made her want to cry, just imagining how it must have felt. She had felt for him. And once that door was open she had felt so many things for him. Now the only thing she felt because of him was pain.

The house was suffocating her. The very air was thick with his presence. If she spent any more time stuck in the house filled with the past she'd lose the present. Elena slipped on her boots and jacket and left.

Cold air filled her lungs as she walked, biting her face and causing her nose to freeze. She walked until she no longer knew where she was. Nothing made sense. Her breathing had slowed down and she was shaking slightly. God, it was cold. Ice glittered on the tree branches and snow powdered any grass that poked through the wintry blanket that covered the ground. The surroundings looked alien.

Her foot caught and she came crashing to the ground. Numb shock filled her and then flickered away. She felt dazed and tired. She just wanted to relax, to sink into the snow. Elena rolled over so she was staring up at the sky. Small flakes of snow landed on her face and rested in her hair. The sky was blindingly white, even though it was just a pale grey. Pretty. Thoughts had begun to slow down. They turned to sludge that made her head oddly heavy. She could feel Damon lying beside her, any second he would say something and touch her. Any second now.

A/N Well there you go. The first one-shot which is 'Angst'. She wasn't freezing to death by the way. Elena was just in a lot of pain and her body was numbing it. Stefan finds her and brings her home.

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