A/N: If you don't read my fanfic The Parallel: Two Corpses before you read this, you probably won't get it, and this technically happens in the opening chapter of Path of Demons.
Setting: the Fleet of Shadows has returned to Earth after breaking down and recycling the remains of Installation 4.2 and the Ark, as well as destroying the remaining Halo rings. It is the month of December, 2555, at a base built next to the Portal Generator, where the Spartans have been stationed.
A Very Merry Two Corpses Christmas
December 15
"Good morning, Commander, Lady Cortana!"
Said commander was immediately threatening to maim the comedic relief of the Fleet of Shadows if they did not get the fuck out of his room this instant, but they ignored him with practiced ease, instead letting the evergreen tree they had been carrying thud to the ground outside the door before they bounced inside.
"Ne, Commander? Why didn't you ever tell us about this 'kurisumasu' holiday that the humans have?" Venera asked, crouching on his side of the bed while her twin tied mistletoe to the ceiling.
"It's pronounced 'Christmas,'" he growled, automatically correcting their pronunciation even as he rolled away from her, "and I've never celebrated it before so I didn't think it was relevant. I thought you already knew; you lived on Earth from 10000 BC to 2100 AD. Why?"
"The humans are decorating the base, so we're getting everyone to help!" Kenera said as she scattered fake snow across the top of the couple's dresser, "and if you're not up and dressed when we come back, we'll post compromising pictures of you on the Internet. Bye!"
Cortana heard John grunt something vulgar into her hair but roll out of bed before she sighed and did the same, tugging on their respective sets of armor before the pair headed out of their room in the officers' barracks, completely ignoring the mistletoe taped over the door, much to the amusement of the Infected. John was roped into carrying the simply enormous Christmas tree since it weighted almost literally a ton, but it was light as a feather to him, if quite a bit more unwieldy.
Venera and Kenera were pracing around like Christmas fairies with long strings of beads or holly for garland, while their brother Dacien tottered along behind them, overloaded with boxes of ornaments for the trees being put up all over the base, and John came over to help, saying in passing to the twins, "If you decorate the Fleet of Shadows, I'll kill you," but he said it like he was simply alerting them to a new recipe he was going to try.
"Commander, the whole planet doesn't even have enough decorations for the Fleet of Shadows; I doubt we could find enough garland to run down the sides of all the ships." The twins looked speculatively up at the five Forerunner ships in geosynchronous orbit over the Portal Generator. "Hmm... a project for next year."
"Like hell it is," the Spartan growled, "It was bad enough when you convinced the rest of the crazies to cosplay like Pokemon and do a brief musical to the theme song on the top of the Storm; you are not decorating it for Christmas."
The twins struck a pose and began dancing. "I wanna be the very best - like no one ever was!"
"Oh, God, what have I done?"
December 18
"Are they ever going to stop?" Fred said unceremoniously three days later, flopping down into the chair across from the Supreme Commander of the Fleet of Shadows. The twins had changed tact and started singing Christmas songs twenty-four-seven; most people weren't around long enough for it to get annoying.
"Probably not," John replied, leaning on his hand and watching them jump by to enunciate their "ten lords a-leaping" line, "Or, at least, they might stop if they run out of songs. They might just start all over again."
"I wouldn't give them any ideas if I were you."
The black-clad Spartan snorted. "I'd know if they could hear me or if someone suggested it to them, whom I'd probably kill before the year is out."
The pair of male warriors sat there for a long moment, watching the women finish up "The Twelve Days of Christmas" before they moved on to "Deck the Halls." Simultaneously, they glanced at one another as if to say, "Apparently they really are that crazy," before resuming staring at the women as they put on quite the musical outside.
"You know, it's not really Christmas unless it's snowing."
John snorted and sipped his ice water. "I lived in Florida for six years around the turn of the millenium, and we never had any snow." He chugged the rest of his drink. "But if it bothers you that much, I'm sure you could convince Epheria and Selenica to bring some in on Christmas Day so you all can have a snowball fight."
"Right. Where's Cortana?"
"Christmas shopping with Halsey."
December 20
"Thuh-uh Firrrst Noweeell theee angels did saay was to certain poor shep-herds in fields as they lay; in fields where theeey laay, keeping their sheep, on a cold winter's night that wa-as so deeep..."
"I'm going to kill them."
"Oh, let them have their fun, John."
"Hmm."
"No-elll, No-ell, No-ell, NOO-EH-ELL! Born is the Ki-ing of I-Israel."
"At least they don't have horrible voices but do it anyway."
The Spartan sighed. "Good point."
December 23
'Who is this "Jesus" person, Commander?'
[He's the Messiah of Christianity. You remember those funny dudes in the robes we saw around 5 BC?]
'Oh, is that who they were? But... What about the star-thing?'
[Actually, historians now-a-days think that it wasn't an exploding star at all, because that kind of thing would have been recorded all over the world.]
'So what do they think it was?'
[Something to do with astrology, because that was all the rage back then in everywhere but Judea. I heard something about Jupiter being eclipsed by the moon while in the Aries constellation on the History Channel waaaaay back in 2010. So, um, yeah.]
'So if Christmas is about him, what's all this about, um... "Santa Claus?"'
[Saint Nicholas. He was a Greek orphaned at a young age and gave all of his inheritance away to the poor. Eventually, he became a bishop and attended the Council of Nicaea after he was released from prison. He had a habit of secret gift-giving, like putting coins in people's shoes, which is where Santa Claus got his start. He's most widely known as the patron saint of children.]
'That sounds... know what, never mind.'
[?]
'Pedophilia, much?'
[Only you.]
December 25
THUD.
THUD.
THUD.
'What the -?'
"*SQUEEEEEEEEE!*"
"John..."
"Well, how else was I supposed to get the Scarab here? It's not exactly subtle, you know. By the way, Merry Christmas, anata."
"Bah humbug."
He knew she was lying; he could feel her smiling when he kissed her.
A/N: Meh, short.