Disclamer: Don't own any of the characters, etc... except Kira Olivier.
This is my first ever fanfic, I quite like it as Cat never really gets a look in in the actual series's. Anyway please read and review it, thanks.
Stasis Survivor
The Beginning
"Right for the last time I'm the top hat and you're the dog. Ok?" Sighed Lister who was sat at the table opposite Cat, on the table was a tatty looking board game – The popular 20th/21st century board game "Monopoly"
"Why have I got to be the dog?" Whined The Cat whilst filing his fingernails" What about me being the cat?"
Lister groaned and laid his head on the table. "I told you, all the other pieces are missing, and there was no cat piece."
Cat's senses sprang to attention in outrage "No cat? That's feline discrimi…" He trailed off confused as to what it was he was trying to say.
Rimmer who was laid on his bunk looked up smugly from the book he was reading entitled The Existence Of Aliens – True Or False? "The word is discrimination"
"What he said." Admitted Cat as he looked out the window into space.
"Look, are we gonna play the smegging game or not?" cried Lister his voice starting to rise in pitch.
Cat stood up, brushed the creases out of his favourite black and white fur coat and leaned over Lister "Not, I've got better things to do than hang out with you two monkeys. MAAIIOOWW!" cried Cat as he exited the sleeping quarters dancing in his own individual manner.
"What's he up to?" Asked Rimmer suspiciously.
"I don't know but I'm going to find out, have fun with your quasars." Grinned Lister as he stood up grabbed his hat from the table and followed Cat out of the door.
"Oh ha-ha!" Yelled Rimmer after Lister.
A few seconds passed, then Lister's head appeared round the door. "Love the witty remark Rimmer."
"...Git." Muttered Rimmer as Lister departed down the corridor. He then went back to reading his book.
Runaround
Cat stalked out of the Xpress Lift his senses on extra alert after travelling in the "tin can of doom" as he had nicked named it. He had gone not more than a few steps down the corridor of floor 16 when he stopped, cocked his head on one side and sniffed the air.
"Something don't smell right, this cat has a tail and it's not the usual kind" Cat then spun on his heel and danced of in the opposite direction.
Lister came pumping down the corridor breathing heavily and placed a hand on the wall to steady himself. "I'm going to kill Cat… No I'm going to jettison all his damned wardrobe into space, THEN I'm going to kill him." He stood up and entered his quarters to find Cat sat on his bunk, looking at his reflection in his portable mirror with his legs dangling over the side of the bunk.
"YOU!" Cried Lister lunging at the blur that was Cat as he easily jumped out of the way with the use of his quick reflexes. Lister fell on the floor next to the bunk beds, much to Rimmer and Cat's amusement.
Cat after checking his clothes were still ok and his hair smoothed down proceeded to walk around Lister, But just out of reach from any angry grabbing hands.
"Hey buddy, is it my fault if you're dumb enough to take on a cat? You loose dog food breath" Smirked Cat as he glided around the room
Rimmer, who was growing increasingly annoyed after the initial hilariousness of the sight of seeing Lister made a fool of, decided enough was enough. "Do you mind? I'm trying to broaden my mind here"
"Rimmer, the only way that would happen is if Holly gave you a wider head." Stated Lister as he sat up and rubbed his elbow.
"You look here smeg-for-brains." Warned Rimmer as Cat slipped out the door leaving the moneys to quarrel.
Back In Time
Cat strutted down the corridor, briefly looking at the sign on the wall saying Floor 16.
"How am I looking?" Cried Cat before pulling his mirror out of his jacket pocket.
"I'm looking gooooooooooood" He howled as he spun around and entered the stasis leak to go back in time to a few weeks before the drive plate accident that killed most of the crew.
"Phew" whispered Cat almost inaudibly after realising that no-one else was in the shower so not only would there have being no awkward conversations, his hair wouldn't get wet. He stepped out of the shower and left the room singing.
"I'm gonna get you lil kitty" temporarily forgetting that the woman he was hunting were human.
"Hey girls!" Yelled Cat at every female crew member as he strutted down the main corridor following his path from his previous visit, stopping for various periods of time as he passed each mirror.
Cat stopped and sniffed around at the crossroads in the corridor, he had a choice, wander to the female officer's block where he and Lister went searching for Kochanski, or to go down to the hotel and try some hand cooked cuisine instead of the food that came from the vending machines or what Rimmer occasionally cooked when he felt in a good mood even though he often ended poisoning everyone.
His loins got the better of him and after tearing himself from a wall mirror next to him he danced of down the corridor, getting quite a few raised eyebrows along the way.
He stopped and sniffed when he reached the place where his scent ceased. He looked around and realised he was outside Kochanski's quarters. He shrugged and was about to move on when a woman brushed passed him and made to enter Kochanski's quarters.
"Wow!" acknowledged Cat as he followed her with his eyes.
"Look." Stated the woman in a harsh tone. "I don't know who you think you are, but in today's day and" –
"Cat."
"What?"
"The names Cat." He said smiling as warmly as he could with protruding fangs.
"Whatever, oh your Lister's friend, he's a sexist git as well." The woman ran her hand through her hair and sighed.
"Look babe when I see a pretty woman – which isn't often, I like to compliment them don't freeze up lady, ok?" He also ran his hand through his hair, then leaned on the wall. The woman opened her mouth as if to argue but was interrupted by Cat.
"Hey I've smelt you before."
"You what?"
Cat moved round the woman sniffing, who watched him annoyed "Hey you're the room mate of the monkey's girlfriend… What happened to your hair?" Cat scratched his head slightly and delicately so as not to upset his hair.
Kochanski's roommate shook her long auburn, brown hair, a movement which mesmerised Cat almost as much as looking at his reflection…almost.
"Oh I just un-dyed my hair and put extensions in whilst I'm waiting for it to grow."
"Cat once again ran his hand through his hair, a perplexed expression on his face.
"You un-dyed your hair? Alphabet head should take some tips from you"
"What? I just took the blond hair dye colour out."
"Oh, ok I'll still mention it to him, anything would be an improvement on that look."
The woman suppressed a smile and tried to look sternly at the dark skinned person in a cool looking zebra striped coat who seemed to have a problem grasping simple
concepts. "Who are you? What is your full name and rank? What is it you want?"
"Wow lots of questions babe"
"Well answer them then"
"Ok, ok, I, am the Cat, and what I want is a bit naughty"
"Name and Rank"
"Look, babe I have no rank, I'm not part of the crew, orange or beige with this skin colour, are you mad?"
"Well who are you?"
"And I thought I was slow"
"If you don't explain what's going on right now I'm calling security" She said as she entered her quarters, closely followed by Cat.
"Ok, but Rimmer didn't believe himself. I'm Cat, right?"
"So, you keep saying, why are you called that?"
"I had no name see, and dog breath was lacking imagination."
"Dog breath?"
"Lister."
"So you're saying you are a cat?" She asked sitting on the bottom bunk in disbelief.
"Well yeah, you see Lister brought a pregnant cat on board and got put into the stasis thing for it, Alphabet Head then didn't fix the drive plate properly and killed the whole crew, my people bred in the hold thing for about 3 million years, evolving and stuff and I'm the last one left and there's just me, Lister, Holly, but he's gone senile, and Rimmer the hologram.
"And what's this got to do with me?"
"Well sweetheart –" Cat started as he catapulted himself of the bunk, only to be interrupted by his female companion.
"Kira." She murmured, quite quietly actually, but easily picked up by Cat's acute hearing.
"Kira?"
"It's my name, Kira Olivier" Kira blushed and fumbled with her watch an action she often did when nervous.
"Sweet name, sweetheart, I'm –"
"Cat, yeah, you said" Smiled Kira softly, suddenly warming to this strange creature.
"Oh yeah." Smiled Cat starting to feel like he was losing his confidence in the presence of – in his opinion, the most enchanting woman he had ever met."
"And this is all true, right?" Kira questioned, unsure of the situation she was being thrown into.
"Yeah babe, all true." Cat sat down on the bunk again, sick of pacing up and down like a nervous humanoid.
"Prove it." Kira said folding her arms and waiting expectantly.
Cat stood up again deep in thought – something that didn't happen very often, suddenly he turned his back to Kira and began to remove his coat and shirt – carefully so as not to crease his clothes.
"What the smeg are you doing?"
"Taking my top off."
"I can see that, but what for?" She asked puzzled and slightly worried at the same time.
"For proof" Cat sighed in exasperation as he turned round.
"SMEGGING HELL!" Kira screamed jumping back in surprise.
"That enough proof babe?" He asked not totally prepared for that kind of reaction.
"Err yeah." Kira replied distantly slowly reaching her hand forwards and ran a finger along his chest to check that the 6 nipples were not fake or a hallucination. As she did so Cat moaned something and turned away.
"How'd you get here?" She wondered aloud as Cat delicately put his shirt on, realising that he felt something for this woman, something he never had for anyone.
"Though this magic door to the past. A stasis leak or something."
"And the crew all die?"
"Yeah, in about 3 weeks babe." He answered as he smoothed a few specks of none existent dust from his coat and replaced it around his figure.
"Can anything be done?" Kira asked, a look of fear in her face and eyes.
"Not really, no-one would believe you, and Goal Post Head is still going to mess up."
"What about me? What's the point in telling me all this if I'm still going to die?"
"Well erm I don't really know it just seemed like a good idea at the time." He replied hanging his head.
"Oh great…" Kira muttered. Silence fell for a few minutes till Cat jumped up in excitement.
"Hey there is a way!"
"A way to what?" She said glumly.
"To save you." He grabbed her hands in excitement and danced her round.
"How?" She managed to ask when Cat finally stopped spinning her round the room.
"The magic door will turn you to powder but dog breath and Goal Post Head were both trying to save someone because there's a spare stasis booth thingy." Cat grinned at his own genius – especially as he wasn't expecting it.
"Aren't they still?"
"Nope, Kochanski married a future, future Lister, and the non-hologram Rimmer went a bit mad… well more mad than usual."
"So I could go into stasis now? And I would wake up 3 million years in the future?" Confirmed Kira, trying to comprehend the unbelievable circumstances she was finding herself in.
"Well yeah…" A small pause developed causing the Cat and Kira to realise that they were still holding hands, they let go and turned away, both smoothing their hair with their hands in the process.
"Why me?" Kira asked eventually.
"I don't know, You just… smell right." Smell right? Smegging Hell what's wrong with me… It's probably true and all… smeg. Cat wondered these thoughts thinking about what he was turning into in just a few short minutes.
"Huh?"
"It's a cat thing." CAT THING? God I've lost my style and joined the lame brigade.
"Oh," Said Kira thinking. As she did so she played with a strand of her hair. Cat watched the movement deeply, like he did when looking at his own reflection.
"I better split babe." Cat said after what seemed like an age.
"The monkey's will be wondering where I've gone." He said as way of explanation. Not that it was true of course.
"Oh, ok." Kira replied as if in a daze. "Erm… See you in a few millennia."
Cat grinned at this incredible woman and went towards the exit but in doing so did something he never did due to his grace and reflexes. – He fell. Kira laughed at Cat, making him feel embarrassed – another emotion that Cat had never before felt.
"Smeg." He muttered as the door slid shut before picking him self up and checking for dirt marks on his suit.
Emergency
Rimmer and Lister were in their quarters, completely bored when Holly's bald head appeared on the screen.
"Emergency. There's an emergency going on…It's still going on…
"What is it Hol?" Sighed Lister.
"There's an intruder on Floor 16 next to the stasis booths Dave."
"On our way" Lister replied opening his locker and reaching for his bazookoid.
"ALIENS!" Yelled Rimmer, racing out of the room.
"Smeg, Holly where's the Cat?" He asked as he grabbed his hat and walked down the corridor.
"Scanners reveal him to be on the same floor as the intruder Dave." Stated Holly after a pause.
"SMEG!" Yelled Lister picking up pace after Rimmer. "What's he done now?" He asked rhetorically as he fought controlled his imagination.
Friend Or Quasar
As she stepped out of the stasis booth – released by Cat she looked around feeling slightly disorientated and remorseful towards the other members of the crew who weren't given a second chance like her. She turned round at the sound of a voice though knew it couldn't be Cat as he was looking at himself in the mirror.
She turned to see a man running towards her "Oh mighty Quasars welcome to – WHO THE SMEG ARE YOU?" He yelled, shocked to see someone none alien like – and female standing in front of him. "You're not an alien.
"I should think not." Kira stated briskly as Lister ran up next to Rimmer.
"I don't remember the future us mentioning her." Rimmer said as Lister panted for breath.
"I don't think their Cat did this." Lister replied.
"Did what exactly?"
"Jesus Rimmer he's brought back a female officer using the stasis leak like you wanted to with you, and me with Kris." Lister said, exasperated as he wiped his hand on his trousers and extended it. "Hi, Lister – Dave Lister.
"Arnold J Rimmer at your service Ma'am." Rimmer said smugly whilst doing his special salute.
Kira smiled softly at the actions of the remaining crewmates. "Dave it's me Kira, don't you remember me?"
"SMEGGING HELL!" Lister yelled making Cat (who was leaning against a nearby wall watching the unfolding events.) wince. "Kira, It was the hair I didn't recognise it back to normal you had it blond and short for so long!"
Not wanting to be left out Rimmer tried to join the conversation – with an opening to be alone with the new arrival. "I'm sure you want to rest after you're long… erm sleep, would you like me -?"
"Or me?" interrupted Lister
"- To show you to your quarters?"
"No thanks." Kira said firmly. "I think I can remember the way" she said sarcastically as she walked passed the two men. "Cat, you coming?"
"Sure babe." "Cat said as he stood up from where he'd being watching and listening, and after checking his clothes for creases, followed Kira down the corridor, grinning at Lister and Rimmer as he passed.
Rimmer and Lister just looked from Kira and Cat to each other. "Smeg." They said in unison before walking off.
Realisations
Kira and Cat enter Kira's quarters to find it a complete mess compared to how it was when they left it what seemed just a few hours ago.
"What the smeg?" Exclaimed Kira, surveying the damage.
"I think Lister comes here when he's mooching over Kochanski" Cat stated before sitting down on the bottom bunk, taking out his hand mirror, and proceeding to comb and style his hair.
"You are so vain." Observed Kira smiling.
"You better believe it babe." Grinned Cat widely, showing his glistening fangs. Kira starts to smile again but instead bursts out crying.
"Hey babe, what's wrong?" Asked Cat, realising that for the first time in his life that he genuinely felt concerned for a person other than himself.
"You and the others are so nice and everything but here I am 3 million year away from my time, almost everyone I know is dead and I'm the last human female alive. I feel so alone…and helpless. I can't help wondering in coming here was a mistake."
Kira sank sobbing into the pillow of her bunk. Cat moved closer to Kira slowly, all his senses on high alert, he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a hand embroidered handkerchief which he handed to Kira.
"Thanks she mumbled, smiling weakly through her tears."
"I was left almost completely on my own when the other cats left and I felt so… alone even with my wonderful clothes and accessories, I felt overwhelmed, then the hatch became unlocked and I found myself on the main part of Red Drawf, with a mad hologram, a deranged computer and Lister, man who's fashion sense and personal hygiene is so bad, the sprinklers turn on when he walks down some of the corridors. In the end I've just learnt to not let the situation let me down, hey I've still got my suits and whatever those guys are, they can be good for a laugh." He paused. "Or a near death experience at least."
" I've never told anyone that." Cat mumbled after a mall pause when he had finished his speech.
Kira looked at Cat trying to see his face but he had turned away, but she knew even in the short time she had known this creature that he had changed a lot. She shifted over, brought her knees up to her chest and laid her head in Cat's lap, as she drifted off to sleep a feeling of contentment overwhelmed her, increasing in intensity as she realised that Cat was holding one of her hands.
They lay together like that for eternity, Kira in deep slumber, and Cat protecting her, his senses on red alert. If a pipe creaked in the corridor – he'd know about it.
He carefully reached his hand over and brushed a piece of Kira's hair out of her face. A feeling swept over him that he had never felt before for another living being, he stood up carefully, so as not to wake her. He then covered her with the two duvets from the bunks and climbed onto the top bunk – a great vantage point where he could watch both the door and Kira.
As he lay there guarding her, a sense of realisation hit him – the emotion he was feeling – it must be love.
Don't Believe It
"I don't believe it, I don't smegging believe it. Rimmer shook his head and tried to concentrate on his hologram-book again.
"I know." Said Lister glumly, absently flicking though the pages of Kira's report.
Rimmer sat up on his bunk still shaking his head.
"I mean I just don't smegging believe it!" He said putting more emphasis into his words.
"I know." Lister replied, turning the page.
"I mean I just –"
"Rimmer, just SHUT UP! Ok?" It looked like an argument was about to take place when Holly's face appeared on screen.
"What's up dudes?"
Rimmer scoffed. "What's up? We have an absolutely gorgeous female officer who's perfect in everyway except she thinks Cat, a guy with more hormones than a 16 year old and a smaller intellect than one is a good person to hang out with.
"And you are Rimmer?" Lister questioned.
"That's all then?" Holly said not really bothered.
Rimmer flung himself back onto his bunk. "Goit." He muttered under his breath.
"You what?" Said Holly haughtily.
"You heard. What's her report say Listy?"
"Nothing unordinary, just that she joined up when she was 19, she's now a Science Officer, she is 27 years old and is allergic to dogs." Lister closed the report and placed it on the table.
"At least it's not cats then." Rimmer replied with bitterness in his voice.
"Holly, where are they?"
"Where are who?" Holly asked confused.
Lister sighed "The Cat and Kira."
"Oh them, scans indicate they are in her quarters, in bed." Holly added the last bit – though the truth, just for fun really. Well, he thought, I've got to entertain myself somehow.
Lister let this piece of news sink in. "Oh. Rimmer you want to go to check up on them?" Lister stood up, grabbed his hat, and placed it on his head.
"As much as I appreciate privacy Listy… Let's go." The two left the room both wondering as to what they'd find, and both thinking the worst of Cat.
First Kiss
Kira was still asleep but despite being long overdue for naps and food Cat still stayed crouched on the top bunk, his eyes flicking from Kira to the door very so often.
He sniffed the air and put his head on one side. "Here come the chimps." He whispered almost inaudibly so as not to wake Kira.
"Erm hi" Lister and Rimmer said in unison, not sure what else to say when they realised Holly had set them up.
Cat had decided the best thing to do was act normal – well as much as he could. He swung his legs round and jumped silently from the bunk.
"Hey bud, what you and Goal Post Head want?"
"Nothing, nothing, just came to see you and Kira that's all." Lister watched the figure as she started to wake up."
"hmmm Cat?" She mumbled sleepily, in a flash he was there by her side.
"Yeah babe, I'm here, you ok?" He took her hand and knelt beside her carefully, partly so as not to disturb her, but also so as not to crease his suit.
"Nothing, just checking I wasn't dreaming" Kira mumbled and turned over again as Cat let go of her hand.
"Man I'm starving" Stated Cat as he made for the door, then to Rimmer and Lister's surprise he turned to Kira and said: "Want anything from the machine?"
The two bunkmates raised their eyebrows incredulously at the change in their crewmate.
"No thanks Kira muttered sleepily as she huddled more into the covers"
"See you later buddy ." Cat said grinning, as he walked past Lister and Rimmer.
"I don't believe it." Rimmer said shaking his head.
"I know." Lister replied as they left the room."
"Anyone else experiencing Déjà vu?" Holly asked, but no-one was listening.
Lister and Rimmer stared at Cat as they passed him in the corridor
Cat went to the nearest food dispenser. Not sure what to eat he decided to see what the machine came up with. "Food." He said
"Today's specialty is Duck AL'Orange, enjoy your meal." Said the machine in a monotonous tone. As a container appears in the collection hatch.
"Food."
"Today's specialty is Duck AL'Orange, enjoy your meal."
Cat opened his mouth as if to order more but instead paused, picked up the two containers and walked back to Kira's quarters. The smell of food awakened Kira's senses as Cat sat down next to her and opened the first container.
"Awww aren't you sweet you brought me some food anyway." Kira said as Cat handed her the other container even though he could have eaten it himself, this on it's own was a major change to his character Cat realised, because if there was one thing he didn't do, it was share food.
"No problem." Cat mumbled turning away as he felt himself blushing, something that in Cat's opinion was not good – the colour would clash with his shoes.
Kira sat up and after a bit of neck craning managed to make eye contact with him. She then reached over, and gently kissed him on the lips before leaning back and starting to eat the food gingerly.
A smile slowly develops into a large grin on Cat's face.
It's cold outside, there's no kind of atmosphere
I'm all alone, more or less
Let me fly far away from here
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun
I want to lie shipwrecked and comatose
Drinking fresh mango juice
Goldfish shoals nibbling at my toes
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun
Fun, fun, fun in the sun, sun, sun