A/N: Hey! This is my first attempt at a Spongebob fic so I hope you guys will read and enjoy. R&R but no spammers or flames please. Constructive criticism is welcome. Please know the difference between a flame and a critique!!

Warning! May contain mild SpongeXSandy

Guaranteed free of: Gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, Mary-Sues, slash, femmslash, Canon-sues, Marty-Stus, and oc/canon pairings

Disclaimer: I do not own Spongebob Squarepants. He belongs to Mr. Hillenburg, Nick, and all that good stuff

Chapter 1- Marine With Envy

A low sigh emitted from the throat of a small tawny squirrel, her face pressed against the surface of her plexiglass home.

"Ah the ocean…", she sighed. "So beautiful yet so unforgiving to those who don't belong."

Sandra Cheeks had been a resident of Bikini Bottom for several years now and a day had not gone by that she had not envied the aquatic inhabitants for being blessed with the ability to breathe underwater.

Sandy pressed her face harder against the dome wall, clamping her eyes shut and feeling the cool plastic on her fur. She loved residing in Bikini Bottom and she loved being a squirrel but the two did not blend so well. Although she had a protective suit, it was limited, and in many cases, inconvenient. It was impossible to stay outside of her Treedome for extended periods of time before the Carbon Dioxide levels would build up in her helmet to a hazardous level. Equally important was the increased risk of nitrogen narcosis and decompression sickness, side effects of breathing air under pressure. To this day she had not gotten the luxury of eating a krabby patty in the Krusty Krab, the most popular eatery in Bikini Bottom. It would always have to be ordered to-go, to be eaten later when she reached the safety of her air-filled home. Sandy exhaled in another deep breath of despair. Evolution could be so cruel.

"It's a shame land-bound critters couldn't have the best of both worlds," she thought.

A soft distant thud brought the squirrel out of her deep thoughts. What was that? Had she forgotten to shut her nutuccino machine off again? Another thud was heard, louder than the first and this time she got up to investigate. Almost immediately she understood what it was and laughed softly to herself.

"Duh!" the squirrel exclaimed. "I'm too busy daydreaming to answer my own door."

She scurried to the front of her dome. "Coming!" she shouted.

A buzzer was heard on the opposite side of the water-tight metallic door accompanied by the sound of water draining. Sandy opened the door to a smiling yellow sponge.

"Howdy Spongebob."

"Hey Sandy," he replied adjusting a large glass water-filled helmet on his head. "Is everything alright? I hope I didn't come at a bad time."

"No, no," said Sandy. "I suppose I was just too absorbed into my thoughts is all."

"Thinking of new inventions?"

"No, Spongebob…"

"Texas?"

"No,"

"Is it time to hibernate already?"

"No!"

"Your Treedome needs fixing up?"

"NO!"

"Karate?"

"Look Spongebob, don't you have work or something?" said Sandy, her patience waning fast.

"Oh my gosh, you're right Sandy! Mr. Krabs will have my spatula if I'm late."

Sandy Cheeks breathed a subtle sigh of relief. All she wanted right now was a day to herself.

"Say Sandy…" began Spongebob. "Would you like to walk over to the Krusty Krab with me?"

Sandy bit her lip tenderly. She could never stay angry with the little poriferan for too long. "No thanks Spongebob. Guess I'm just not feeling quite like myself today. Besides, you'd be late for work by the time I got suited up."

"Ok Sandy," said Spongebob solemnly. "You should stop by the Krusty Krab later. Nothing cheers me up like a fresh Krabby Patty."

"Yeah," said the squirrel thinking that the sandwich wouldn't be fresh by the time she got back to her Treedome.

"Seeya later,"

"Bye Spongebob,"

Sandy leaned against the plastic enclosure, allowing her back to slide down the wall. Spongebob Squarepants was the sweetest, kindest person Sandy knew in Bikini Bottom but he just didn't understand.

"I wonder what Sandy's so upset about?" said Spongebob aloud as he trudged off towards the Krusty Krab. "She probably thinks I'm a barnacle-head. I should do something special for her." Spongebob brightened. That was it! He would throw a surprise party for her at her Treedome. "Hmm, maybe a small gathering of friends would be better," he thought. "She doesn't seem to be in much of a party mood."

Maybe he'd write her a poem. But he was far too shy to admit his true feelings for her. He lifted his head just in time to avoid a collision with the glass doors of the Krusty Krab. Pushing open the twin doors, he stepped inside.

"Spongebob! What in Neptune's name kept ya!"

Spongebob glanced at his watch. "But Mr. Krabs, I'm ten minutes early!"

"Yes, me boy but I'm used to seeing you here 30 minutes early."

"Sorry Mr. Krabs. I'm trying to find a way to cheer up Sandy."

"Ah, the air-breather," said the red crustacean. "I think yer overthinking it Spongebob."

"What do you mean?" asked Spongebob, quizzically.

"Well….you know women." began Mr. Krabs. "Specially, when it's their…" he twisted his claws awkwardly. "….you know."

Spongebob was puzzled. "No Mr. Krabs. What are you talking about?"

"Well, you know…" said Mr. Krabs leaning closer and lowering his voice. "…their time of the month."

"Wow, Mr. K! I never knew that girls picked a certain time of the month to be upset. Do they set their alarm clocks for it?"

The crab scowled. "No! It's a natural thing females go through and use it as a reason for why they're cranky, moody, sensitive, and depressed. Geez boy. Didn't yer father ever teach you about the scallops and the jellyfish?"

Eugene Krabs inhaled deeply as he tried to regain his composure. He heard a customer clear their throat sharply. Wheeling around, the crustacean found himself staring at dozens of scowling females. Krabs chuckled nervously as he fumbled with his shirt collar.

"Ladies, it was just a figure of speech."

The women hissed angrily as they stormed out of the restaurant, leaving their male companions looking dazed and confused

"Spongebob!" snapped Mr. Krabs. "You're losing me customers boy! Put yer problems behind ya and make some patties!"

"Aye, Aye sir!"

A/N: Chp. 2 up soon! Please read!