Sweet Child o' Mine. My first Bleach Fic.
Got the title from Guns n' Roses. I do not own the song in any way.
I will not lie to you, this is intended to be a one-shot. Nothing more, nothing less. It depends on the reaction on if I will continue or not, so if you wish for this to continue then review, done deal. Just tell me your own view of this one-shot and if I need to upgrade anything, then please do tell.
This is a IchiRuki. I do not own BLEACH or the poem by Sylvia Path "Morning Song". BLEACH rightfully belongs to Tite Kubo, not me. That goes the same for the poem. I hope you enjoy.
Love set you going like a fat gold watch.
The midwife slapped your footsoles, and your bald cry
Took its place among the elements.
Our voices echo, magnifying your arrival. New statue.
In a drafty museum, your nakedness
Shadows our safety. We stand round blankly as walls.
I'm no more your mother
Than the cloud that distills a mirror to reflect its own slow
Effacement at the wind's hand.
All night your moth-breath
Flickers among the flat pink roses. I wake to listen:
A far sea moves in my ear.
One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral
In my Victorian nightgown.
Your mouth opens clean as a cat's. The window square
Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try
Your handful of notes;
The clear vowels rise like balloons
-Sylvia Path "Morning Song"
The pain wasn't as everyone had deciphered it. It wasn't a pain that was truly unbearable and made you want to rip your hair out. The pain wasn't so much that she couldn't handle it. No, she could handle it, she knew she could. She had been in many battles and had sustained many wounds, and every time their was a war wound she would handle herself. This pain was nothing in comparison of what she had felt in her battles, that was pain. This she could handle, this could do on her own. Yet, there was a young woman sitting beside her, gingerly holding her hand.
Sweat trailed down quickly off her body, her back arching in the sudden pains. She could handle this, it was in no comparison to her battles, but still...it hurts. Once one pain would leave soon after another would follow, this had been going on for some time now, and she wasn't even sure how long it was. Her mind was becoming delusional with pain, pain that she was able to handle and at the same time destroying her all the same. She wondered how long the pain would last, before she would conduct into the bigger matter. The woman who sat by her side with a warm expression carefully slid her hand from the tight grip, a small whimper exiting her mouth.
"Don't worry, it won't be long," her voice soothing her, "I'll be right back."
Without thinking she reached out a small arm towards the woman, wanting her only support to stay. When the woman was out of view, all she could do was stare upward. The pain was still there, but her mind was trying to force it out, attempting to numb it. It was working. Then she heard footsteps approaching the room, it was the woman from before, but there was someone else, a man in white. A doctor, he stared at her as if inspecting her, and crossed over to her panting form. He leaned over her, looking between her most personal place, and nodded in somewhat an agreement with himself. A small grunt of disapproval could be heard from her mouth as he inspected her.
A small smile appeared, "Miss Hanson if you don't mind, I think she is ready."
"Miss Kuchiki can you hear that," Miss Hanson leaned down to her level, "we need to get you ready okay, now I'm going to need your help, alright?"
"Yes I know," she breathed out, "I'll do what I can." The petite woman with the over size stomach pushed her body up in a more comfortable position, breathing in deeply. This was going to be it, this was where everything was going to change, where she had been informed of the pain that was soon to come.
"Alright Rukia," the doctor said in a firm tone, "push!"
Push she did. Her body instantly replied to her manic requests to force the child out; it began to comply to her pushing the child out. After a few seconds of pushing she lied back down, panting at an extreme rate. The nurse was holding onto her hand again, and she was grateful for that.
"You're doing great," she told her, "now at the count of three, push some more the baby is almost out."
Rukia replied with a weak nod. "Okay, 1-2-3, push!!"
There she was again, pushing out the child that would she soon call hers. Didn't take long though, because she already felt the head coming out, sliding out of her. Before she knew it, the doctor was pulling out a newborn babe from her, screaming and hollering.
A bright smile appeared on the nurse's face, "Look, look there-there's you're baby, there's your daughter, isn't she beautiful?"
Rukia was at a lost for words. The child was covered in her liquids and blood, there wasn't much about it. She had seen a few live births on health channels on television before, but nothing had prepared for this. The realization had hit her like a sledgehammer, like a raging storm, she was a mother.
She was another person's mother.
She watched with wide eyes as the child was carried off into the section where she was to be cleaned and checked. When they were done, wrapped in a pink blanket, the nurse handed the newborn into her arms. Rukia didn't know how to respond. No words could describe how she was feeling at the moment, nothing she had ever faced in her life, well this lifetime could reflect the boiling emotions that swelled up when she at long last was able to see the being that was forming inside of her for the past nine months. The girl had violet blue eyes, such as herself, and despite having only a few strands of hair-she could see the brightness.
No doubt it was his.
The only two people that were in the room smiled warmly at her. Rukia only glanced at them, keeping most of her attention on the tiny being that stared up at her with wide eyes. Unlike the other two, who were apparently thrilled with the new arrival, Rukia did not share the same enthusiasm. Her face was hard, near to the point of expressionless, and that made the two squirm inside. This woman wasn't like most new mothers, she didn't have that glowing light that came with giving birth. Rukia held a mixture of feelings, not just pure bliss, but it was there-the bliss was indeed there.
"I'm going to have to take to her to the infirmary now," the nurse reached out to her.
"Oh-okay," her face still holding the same sternness, "there you go little one." Placing the infant into the arms of the kind nurse, Rukia watched them with weary eyes as she and the child exited the room. The doctor left as well, seeing that his job was done, and happy that he was able to bring back a new life. She would soon be transferred to a new room, a less demanding one, and that is where she would be able to calmly think of the situation at hand. For the time being, she would lie down and rest, there wasn't much to be done anyways.
Two days later:
Rukia watch the child sleep comfortably in her bed. The window was open, letting in a nice summer's breeze. The child rustled in her sleep, moving from once side to another, she giggled a bit at it. It had been two days since she had given birth to her daughter, two long days. Two days that were filled with consistent cries, breast feeding, and deep thoughts. The baby didn't stay with her, of course, but when she visited her-there would be silence then chaos. Her baby was loud.
Just like her father, she mused.
"I might as well give you a name," Rukia glanced at the sheet of paper that sat on a nearby desk, "the hospital has been waiting for a name eagerly."
Rukia had arrived at the hospital two weeks before the birth of her child. There was no one in sight, and she was positive that she hadn't been detected yet. Inititally, there was no plan for this, but she was still here and time was running thin.
"How about Masaki," she said aloud, "no, he would love it though, but it would sound too obvious- you need something more discreet." She had thought naming a child would be easier, she was wrong. Instead of having a list of names, she randomly popped up with a new one every ten seconds. Name giving was a task in itself.
She tapped the ink pen against the table softly, her face in a pout of what to name the child. Suddenly, it came to her, it randomly popped into her head. She scoffed at the name at first, but she found it most appropriate to the child's heritage. If she ever found out the truth, her name would at least have more meaning than she would expect in the future.
"Tsukiko," she hummed the name as she wrote it down, "Tsukiko what?" Naturally she refused to give the child her name nor the father's, it was too dangerous for that.
Then it came to her, a smile spreading on her face. The name was probably going to cause her some problems in the future, but it wasn't likely. She stared down at the child with certainty, "Yes, your name, the name that I shall give you...Tsukiko Hirako."
Rukia laid the pen and paper on the desk, her eyes lying on the sleeping girl. It pained her, pain that was different from all the others. Pain that was both familiar and unfamiliar. Getting her small body out of bed, Rukia leaned closely to the bed, her lips brushy gently against the baby's cheek. No more words were said, her silent goodbye. If she was enabled to, she would have done things differently, done things that would have made the situation easier on both sides, but she couldn't find a way out. It would be better off this way, leaving her child alone without knowledge of her true heritage. Rukia exited the room quietly, knowing full well that the nurses would be there soon to bring Tsukiko back to the infirmary. While she walked alone down the hallway her thoughts began to swell up again, she was able to think clearly.
I don't know what you'll think of me in the future or what you will think of your father as well. I don't know what to say, but I so wish for the best for you. I hope that you will understand, I am no mother, I can't be a mother.
You deserve better and so does your father.
The doors to the hospital opened automatically, letting Rukia to leave with no troubles. That's because of her using the memory eraser device on a lot people before making the final decision. Before she knew it, she was just part of the crowd, walking endlessly on a hidden road. This pain, this pain was on the edge of being unbearable, true pain. While she walked, she nearly had the nerve to turn around and start running back to the hospital, but she didn't. She walked off into the darkness, leaving her former life behind.
Back at the hospital, Tsukiko opened her large violet eyes, sensing a sudden absence. It was a warm presence, a welcoming presence that had suddenly been ripped from her. She felt safe there, she felt at home. Now, that security was snatched away, and she didn't understand why. She blinked up at the ceiling; her face soon turning into a trembling frown, that soon became a scream that filled the room. Hospital staff rushed to where the crying was coming from, to find one of the newborns unsupervised. Because of the memory eraser, the staff didn't recognize the baby or the baby's mother. The only evidence that proved she was born at that particular hospital was the birth certificate that was left on the table in the room.
I know, when you are older-you may not want to forgive me, you may even resent me for it. If that means you are safe from this life and the dangers, then I shall accept you're hatred with open arms. I am not fit to be a mother, I've disgraced myself.
Ichigo...please forgive me. I have taken someone truly dear to you and I with you being unaware of her existence. I hope, I truly do hope someday you and I will be able to resolve this.
Goodbye Tsukiko, goodbye Ichigo.
I wanted the poem to fit with the story. As said before this is a completed one-shot. Dealing with Rukia's choice to give up the child she and Ichigo created. Tsukiko also feels that her mother has left her and cries out to her. This one-shot was pretty sad to write and at the same time fun.
Hope you enjoyed it!