A/N: Hello once again! This phic happens to have been my entry for the PFN Humor Phic Contest. It came in 9th place out of 14, and I'm quite proud. Here you are, Back to the Beginning.
Christine Daae sat up straight from lying on a bed.
Yes, a bed.
Obviously, it wasn't hers.
It was red and black.
Christine had weird feelings about red and black things. They made her want to yell 'DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?'.
Whatever that meant.
But the point was, Christine was not in her bed, it was night time, and her bed is where she should've been. But she wasn't. Which leads us back to the beginning.
She sat up, and was confused.
"Where's…my…bed…?" she slowly said, drawing out each syllable. "I…want…my…bed…"
"I suggest you try looking upstairs." A voice bemusedly said in front of her.
"AAAAAAAAH." Christine yelled half-heartedly.
"Please, deer, no yelling. My hearing's not as good as it used to be."
"Deer?" Christine echoed blankly.
"Yes, deer." The face-belonging-to-the-voice frowned.
"Correction: Dear." She replied slowly.
"Right. Dear." He nodded thoughtfully.
"Who…are…you?" Christine asked.
"I?" the body-of-the-voice rose to it's full height in superiority, triumphantly standing high and stretching his neck far out. Which resulted in cramps later, but that wasn't important. "I am the Phantom of the Opera!" he announced, raising his hands and looking to the heavens, as if expecting something great to come. A stalactite hit him on the head. "Or…" he said weakly, rubbing his head, "Erik."
"Erik…?"
"Erik. Just Erik."
"Erik Just?"
"No…Just Erik."
"Just Erik?"
"Yes."
"Just?"
"No. Erik."
"Oh." Christine puzzled over this for a moment, then turned to stare at 'Erik'. "What are you doing here?"
"What am I doing here?" Erik paused, "I say, I live here. The real question is what are you doing here."
A silence met these words. Christine waved her hand, as if to say 'go on'.
"You're here," he started, "Because I love you deeply and passionately, want to marry you, hate the Vicomte, and want to give you singing lessons." He waited for the reaction.
"Well?" he demanded.
"I see…" Christine pondered, "Well, scale?"
"Scale?"
"Scales."
"What?"
"Well, would you like me to sing you some scales?" Christine translated.
"Oh. I see. Of course." Erik nodded, disappointed. "Come here." He motioned for her to stand up, so she did. She walked up to him, and took little notice of the mask on his face that covered his whole face. How Christine could tell he frowned before is unknown, but also unimportant.
"Do…Re…Mi…Fa…So…La…Ti…Do!" Christine sang.
"Nono!" Erik complained, "Doh, Reh, Mih, Fah, Soh, Lah, Tih, Doh!"
"With an 'h' at the end?"
"Yes. 'H's are nice, wouldn't you say? Which is why some call me 'Erikh'."
"Isn't that the same thing as 'Erik', just with an 'h' at the end?"
"Yes. Isn't that funny?"
"Oh." Christine pondered this for a moment, "Does that mean I'm 'Christineh'?"
"Not necessarily. It sounds nice though, doesn't it?"
"Well…"
"Now, in the case of the Vico–I mean, in the case of fops, we add a 'ly' at the end. Which goes in the case of 'foply' and 'Vicomtely', so to say…a way to describe them?"
"So Raoul would be…Raoully?"
"Yes!" Erik gleefully cried, rubbing his hands eagerly. "One day, everyone will use my – OUR – name coding. Meg will be 'Megh', the managers: Andreh and Firminh – oh, correction, Andrely and Firminly."
"I see…"
"Do you really? Wonderful!"
"So, I ask again, what am I here for?" Christine slyly smiled.
"Because I love you deeply and passionately, want to marry you, hate the Vicomte, and want to give you…"
"Yes…?"
"GRAMMAR LESSONS!" Erik ran over to a chalkboard nearby, and flipped it over. It read 'GRAMMAR WITH ERIKH – A Class for the Grammar-Uneducated'. "Our students should be arriving soon!"
"Students?" Christine gaped as someone came into the lair.
"Ah, our first student!" Erik – or rather, Erikh – pointed at the 'someone'.
"Hello!" the extremely and dangerously familiar someone said.
"Oh! My God! Oh! My God!" Christine said, rocking back and forth.
"What's your name, monsieur?" Erikh said, donning a pair of glasses and looking at a clipboard. "Monsieur Raoully de Changyh!"
Needless to say, Christine fainted.
When Christine woke up later on, she found herself on a bed.
Yes, a bed.
Obviously, it wasn't hers.
It was red and black.
Christine had weird feelings about red and black things. They made her want to yell 'DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING?'.
Whatever that meant.
But the point was, Christine was not in her bed, it was night time, and her bed is where she should've been. But she wasn't. Which leads us back to the beginning.
Literally.
Literallyh.
The End.
A/N: Well, I hope you enjoyed it! READ AND REVIEW!