Fic title: Heart Ripper
Autor: Lena
Email: Jake and Peyton, what else? ;) Angst, cause definitely that is my mood these days
Rated: not suited for people under 16
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to OTH. Characters are property of the people who created them, I just borrowed them for a while. I don't own the lyrics of "Arrancacorazones" by Ataque77 either, but it's a song that I love and I thought it might be good for a fic. What I do own is a lovely new bow that will take me all the way up to shoot pro, hopefully
Dedicated to: all the Creative Souls out there. People at TWC and RC, for being great, Karen's Café, for being crazy.
Most of all, to my lovely friends, for putting up with my personal angst during this time of my life
Heart Ripper
Evitar, resistir,
Tu hechizo de suave adicción
Como si fuera fácil,
Dominar mi sentir
To avoid, to resist
Your spell of sweet adiction
As it were easy
To control my feelings
Peyton stood up and contemplated the view. The calm sea that hid underneath all the fury contained after years and years of struggling. Not a word. Not ever since he left that day… she knew it was possible that that might happen… but it hurt nonetheless.
It always hurt. Even if she tried to move on, even when she tried to forget about him by embarking herself in meaningless relationships, in drunken one night stands… his image would always come back to her. Like a drug… like something that had nested inside of her and refused to leave, no matter what she had tried to do to make it go away.
And here she was, 5 years later. Out of Tree Hill, out of everyone's life. She'd left and never looked back, because the memories were too painful. Nathan was the only one who knew where she was, and this was only because she needed to confide in him in case he needed her. And she knew he would not say a word. If someone could understand the pain that came with someone you loved leaving, that was Nathan. He would never betray her trust by telling her secret. He would respect her need of loneliness…
Y saber que te vas
Y saber que la abstinencia me puede
Todo se vuelve oscuro
Y solo puedo decir más,
Dame un poco más,
Quiero intoxicarme en vos,
Arrancacorazones
And to know that you're leaving
And that abstinence takes on me
Everything turns into dark
And I can only say
Give me a little more
I want to get intoxicated in you
Heart Ripper
It was not a need of loneliness, though. It was the need of him… always the need of him that torn her apart and left her without wanting to do anything but to close inside of her and remember the time spent with him.
Every night, as if it were a drug, she'd lay in bed and close her eyes, remembering every single word, every single touch. Her heart aching because of the present absence of him and her mind traveling to the darkest dungeons where she kept the one and only moment of happiness in her life: him. His voice, his word marked deeply into her head, upto a point where they were the only thing that she heard over and over. His image, his eyes, his hands… his soft lips and the way they used to caress her. All the memories that were a blessing and a curse at the same time. Because they were intoxicating upto a moment where past and present were a blurred mixed of emotions. Where she could no longer tell whether she was dreaming, hoping or remembering.
Hoy, antes del final
Quiero intoxicarme en vos,
Arrancacorazones,
Dame tu droga
Today, before the end
I want to get intoxicated in you
Heart Ripper
Give me your drug
He was the one that saved her from that white line once, only to become the drug she needed now… and he was gone. And the lack of him was worse than the damage any other drug would have done.
Why did he leave? She knew the reasons, still she could not understand them. She refused to do it so. She needed him and he was gone. And with him, all the hopes of happiness and love were gone.
The worst part was that she could not hate him, cause she knew that it had been painful for him too. Yet she wanted to hate him. With all her heart, she wanted to hate him so it could be easier to forget him. Cause even though he had been the happiest thing on her life, he was now gone and it was killing her day after day.
Peyton light a cigarette and moved down to the porch of her house and sat there, on the bench, looking at the sea at night, the only thing that could calm her inner struggle. She kept wondering why it was so hard to move on, why this was so hard to let go. And part of her knew that she could not let go. That even if she tried, part of her was sabotaging that intention, because she still wanted him, needed him. She still loved him.
She looked up and saw a figure walking in her direction. Her heart stopped… it could not be so… it just could not
Y pensar,
Que una vez me dijiste:
Terminemos todo,
Mi vida es un desastre
Y no te quiero en él
And to think
That one day you told me
"Let's end everything
My life is a mess
And I don't want you in it"
But there he was… standing in front of her. After 5 years gone, he was now at her doorstep, looking at her with longing eyes and a sad smile.
"Sorry it took me so long" Jake said as he contemplated the blonde woman standing in front of him, his heart aching for the time spent apart from her.
"How did you find me?" she asked, although she could imagine the answer to that question.
"Nathan" he replied "It took a lot of convincing, but finally he told me where to find you"
She smiled softly, thanking her one true friend for breaking his promise of 'I'd never tell' and spilling the guts…
"Jake… why? Why did you disappear?" she asked
"Does it really matter? Would it make a difference if I tell you the long road that I went through these past 5 years? The pain, the angst and all that went along with it?" he replied softly as he walked towards her "Would it help if I told you that I've tried to find her and that it took much longer than expected? That it was years of court fights, of restraining orders, of pain and despair?"
"I could have been there for you…" she said, tears in her eyes
"I know" he said softly "But I could not ask you to do that… I was lost, Peyton and you being with me would have hurt us much more than us being apart"
Pero al fin,
Te seguí por un laberinto
De espejos rotos
Y aparecí en un barrio,
Del que no puedo salir…
But finally
I followed you throughout a labyrinth
Of broken mirrors
And I ended up in a neighbourhood
That I cannot scape
"Then why are you here now?" Peyton asked, unsure of the outcome of it all
"Because I have her back… but that does not meant my life is complete" Jake replied softly "My life would never be complete unless you're next to me, Peyton, letting me love you like I've been wanting to love you all these years. Like I've loved you all these years… remembering every single moment I've spent with you as if they were the drug that kept me alive and going"
Peyton looked at him, tears in his eyes, a sad smile on his face and the unspoken hope he was sending her way… it was him. It was what she had wanted all these years, right in front of her. She smiled too, tears in her eyes, as she went to hug him. As she held on to him for dear life, she knew she was at ease.
He was at home. With her.