I can't (an Allegiant fanfic)
Chapter 1
I let her go today. I faced my fear. But more importantly, I spread her ashes and said goodbye. But I can't let her go. Ever. She is gone and I can't do anything about it. It was that bastard, David. He had to be in there, ready to shoot Caleb, or rather, Tris.
After two and a half years, I still can't believe it.
My Tris.
Dead.
Gone.
"Tobias." My mother's voice cuts through my thoughts as we eat dinner, in silence.
"Yeah?" I mumble.
"Are you thinking about her?" Evelyn asks, worriedly.
"Well, I can't forget about her or ever stop thinking about her. So yes." I say in a frustrated tone.
"Okay. I'm done. Do you need anything else, Tobias?"
"No thanks. I'm good Evelyn."
I walk back into my room after cleaning my plate and putting it in the dishwasher. I lay down on my bed and let the tears come. I miss her. I just miss her so much. All I want is to see her again. Yes I see her in my dreams. But they're only pretend. I'll never see Tris again, not until I'm old and grey. That is, if I get that far. Before I know it, I've dozed off, only to be woken after another dream.
This one was different. Usually my dreams were Tris, just saying I love you and that I need to be brave and to carry on. This one was still Tris. Only she was beckoning me to come with her.
'Maybe I could go with her.' Says the voice at the back of my mind.
I look over at the time.
11:46pm.
I suddenly see Tris standing there, in the clothes I last saw her in. Black. But there are bullet holes in her neck, arm and leg. She survived Death Serum, but not three bullets.
'Come with me Tobias. You know you want to. Meet me at the top of the Hancock Building.' Tris says to me. Her voice. The voice I haven't heard in two and a half years.
I get up and put some shoes on. I leave a note to Evelyn which reads:
Evelyn, I can't be here anymore. Not without her.
I grab my jacket and open my apartment door, as quietly as I can. I walk to the Hancock Building and unlock the door with the key Johanna gave me. I walk up the stairs to the top. I see the zip line I went on this morning. Where I spread her ashes.
Tris appears again.
'Be Brave Tobias. Don't think, just jump.'
Memories start to pour into my mind. When she fell into the net. When we went through my fear landscape. When we were in Amity and she was having nightmares. When she was on Peace Serum. When we were at my house in Abnegation after rescuing her from Erudite. When I told her that I would be her family. When we went on our first (and last) date. When we went outside to the Bureau. When we broke up. When we found each other again. That night. All I want is to be with her again. Then I remember what I told her in Erudite. You die, I die too.
And that is what I plan on doing.
'Don't think, just jump' Tris says again.
Don't think, just jump.
Chapter 1 1/2
As I'm laying on the pavement with broken bones, I see Tris turn the corner and run up to where I'm laying.
"Tobias, you've been so brave these last two years, going on without me." She says, with a small, loving smile.
I stand up and say "I can't be here any longer without you. Tris I love you more than anything in this world."
"I know. Come on, mom and dad want to meet you!" She says excitedly. I pull her into a kiss with my hands around her waist and her hands on my cheeks.
We pull apart and I take her hand, sliding my fingers between hers. Together we walk around the corner and into the light.
Chapter 2
Evelyn woke up to her son's apartment being eerily silent. She held her breath to see if she could hear the signs of another human being living.
But there was nothing.
Evelyn walked out of the guest bedroom and into the main living area, where she saw something on the kitchen counter. It's a note, in Tobias's small, slanted handwriting.
Evelyn, I can't be here anymore. Not without her.
She dropped the note on the floor in shock before falling to her knees. There was a knock on the door.
Evelyn got up off the floor and, with the note in her hand, walked to the door.
To her surprise, Zeke, Amar and George were standing there. All three had tear stained cheeks and Zeke had a tear falling from his eye onto his cheek.
When they saw Evelyn's slack, empty expression with tears on her eyes, threatening to fall out, they knew she knew.
"Evelyn, we are so sorry to tell you, that last night, Tobias jumped off the top of the Hancock Building at 12:28am." Says George, trying so hard to keep his voice steady.
At this point, Zeke let out a sob and Amar wrapped him in his arms. George folded his arms around Evelyn.
Christina comes running down the hallway as soon as she turned the corner and saw Evelyn, Amar, George and Zeke standing at the door of Tobias's apartment.
"What's going on? Why are you all crying?" Christina asks worriedly.
"Tobias jumped off the Hancock Building last night. Christina, he's dead." Evelyn chokes out before Christina, who has silent tears running down her face, hugs her.
"We need to tell Johanna. She will tell the city." Christina states.
"Let's go then." Amar says.
"So that's why there was all that commotion outside the front of the building earlier?" Christina questions as the group walks into the elevator.
"Yes it was. I'm hoping its either closed off and covered or cleaned up." Amar replies.
"The question is: Why did he do it?" Zeke asks.
"It's pretty obvious, Zeke. Did you know your best friend?" George says grimly.
"He wanted to be with Tris. He left me a note that said he couldn't be here anymore without her." Evelyn explains.
The five stands in silence as the elevator comes to a stop on the ground floor.
They get into the police truck and drive to the Hub, where Johanna's office is.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"Johanna, you have visitors here with some news." Robert Black, Tris and Caleb's old neighbour announced.
"Let them in Robert." Johanna says, a small smile playing across her face.
Evelyn, Amar, George, Zeke and Christina walk into Johanna's office. When Johanna sees the heartbroken group, her face falls in realisation.
"I'm guessing this is the reason why Tobias isn't here?" Johanna asks, tears starting to form in her eyes.
"Yes it is. He committed suicide last night by jumping off the Hancock Building." Says Christina, getting right to the point.
"Oh dear. I must tell the city." She presses a button and Robert comes into the office.
"Robert, can you please call an immediate video conference to all the screens in the city?" Johanna asks.
"I'll be right on it Johanna." Robert replies before walking out of the office.
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
"To the people of Chicago. This morning at 12:28am, one of our political leaders, Tobias Eaton committed suicide. He lost his girlfriend, Beatrice Prior, one of the heroes of our city, two and a half years ago. Tris was the love of his life and it all became too much for Tobias to live in a world without her.
"Tris and Tobias were part of the small team who saved the city and fought in the war. He will be in our hearts for as long as we live. Tobias was a hero and he is in a better place. With Tris.
"To his friends and mother, on behalf of the city, we are so sorry for your loss, Tobias was a great man and we wish you all the best."