Full House:
The Spelling Bee
Chapter 1: Bee Happy
Waaaake Up!
"Hello, and you're watching Wake Up San Francisco. I'm Rebecca Donaldson and am glad that you can join us!"
"And I'm Danny Tanner and am glad that you can deal with the same greeting every day."
"Now, Danny, is that really the way to greet the folks who are watching at home?"
"Sure, they love it! What's a show without humor? If it needed it…"
"Top story of today: Child Obesity: How much are you really feeding your child? Does the scale outweigh the child or does the child outweigh…the scale?"
"Well you know, Becky, in my experience, raising a child can be a hefty responsibility. Literally."
"Talk about big pounds."
Show clips of San Francisco and house
Enter Michelle, Stephanie
"Michelle, do you know how to spell happy?"
"Yes, I do." She flashes a smile "Is that happy?"
"Very funny."
Michelle pouts
"Yes, Michelle. It is happy, but I was looking for more like a…spelling bee type of thing."
"Ok. I'll try and catch one at the park today. They're preeeeetty tricky and I'm feeling veeery happy."
Enter Joey and Jesse
"Joey, I'm tired of hearing of your chicken antics."
"Jess, come on. I get that all the time."
"Get what?"
"Rebuttals. It's nothing new."
"You know? You're right. Let's face it. You get that from everyone…all the time. It sure is a big surprise. annoyed So why don't ya just quit it?"
Stephanie turns around
"Joey, don't worry. I like your jokes. Even if they weren't so funny."
"Really? You do? You're not just saying that? Well, how about this one? Achem…Now you listen, big bird, don't be such a big chicken."
"Uh, I take that back. Maaaybe I don't like your jokes, even if they weren't so funny."
"See what I mean?"
Jesse slides onto the counter
"Ehh, let's face it. I'm desperate for a laugh. Maybe I'll go into the baby's room and crack a joke or two."
Jesse arises from the counter and opens a can of soda
"Or maybe just crack a window or two."
"Come on, Michelle, time for happy hour."
"You got it, dude."
She flashes a big smile.
"Uh, by the way, Steph. Mind if I ask you why there's a big dictionary on your head?"
"What can I say? I'm defined."
Exit Michelle and Joey
"Uncle Jesse, there's this thing that's going on in school."
"Well, that depends."
"Depends on what?"
"Well, uh, is it a good thing or a…bad thing? Because let me tell you, I've heard it all. From the geek getting stuck in his own locker to the infamous 'my-dog-ate-my-homework' excuse."
"But Comet actually did eat my homework one time."
Uncle Jesse looks uneasy
"Well, what's the good-bad thing?"
"An in-between."
"Well, what could be in-between?"
"There's this…spelling bee and I was just thinking if I should enter it."
"Steph, I think you should. A guy like me should know how to spell onomatopoeia without using the spell check."
"Onomala-what?"
"A really big word."
"Oh."
Jesse is about to exit when…
"If you don't mind me asking…does the dictionary on your head have to personify the magnitude of the spelling bee?"
"Mm, somewhat."
"Do you even know what I said?"
"Mm. Nah."
"Good. Me neither."
Show clips of San Francisco
"Hey, Tanneritos."
"Hi, Kimmy."
silence
"What's the matter, Steph? I said hi. Cat got your tongue?"
"Cat got your ibrain/i?"
"Speaking of which, gee, Steph! I didn't know you were Siamese twins with a dictionary."
"And I didn't know you were Siamese twins with a dumbo. Wait. Actually, I did know that. Anyway, there must be a definition in here for minding-your-own-business."
"Hey, are you calling me dumb?"
"That's the smartest question I've ever heard you ask!"
"Really?"
"No."
"Hey, listen. I know how to spell Siamese, if that's what you're thinking. And by the way, I do own a Siamese cat. His name is Siamese."
"Wow, and I never knew you had one. And I'm guessing you named him Siamese?"
"It's a she and your guess is as good as mine."
"Not necessarily. Were we born Siamese twins? Do we share the same thoughts?"
Stephanie and Tanner say simultaneously…
"No, we don't."
Enter DJ
"Kimmy! I was looking for you everywhere. Where were you?"
"At home sweet home. Where else?"
"Well, I mean, we have that project to do. It's due Monday! What are we doing just roaming?"
"Roaming like a bunch of cattle? Now, don't compare me to an animal because I'm not one."
"Kimmy, we are animals."
Stephanie comes over
"But Kimmy's an exception. Y'see, she's a iwild/i animal."
"Very funny, Stephanie. Tell your sister to learn some manners, DJ. And better comebacks."
"She has a point. You iare/i one wild and crazy kid."
"Just like that TV show: Wild and Crazy Kids! Thanks, Deej. That's a real compliment. Now, I'm gonna be a contestant on there and be a geek for the rest of my life."
"Was that sarcastic?"
"Sarcastic as a sardine!"
"Suit yourself, but we still have a lot to cover on this project. So, let's go."
DJ turns around
"By the way, if you mind me asking…what's that big dictionary doing on your head, Stephanie?"
"It runs in the family."
Kimmy and DJ exit. Stephanie walks over to a dining room chair.
"Page 430. In-tol-er-ant. Intolerant. Hey! I know that word. Maybe the spelling bee won't be so bad after all."
Chapter Two: Complaints and Retention
Full House will return.
Back to Full House.
Show clips of San Francisco
"Happy-face, Michelle. Happy-face, Michelle."
"Michelle, not now. Whatever happened to happy hour with Uncle Jesse?"
"I was not happy with the Bullwinkle jokes. What are you doing?"
"I'm studying."
"Studying for what?"
"A spelling bee at school, remember?"
"You're going to catch a bee?"
"Well, I guess you can put it that way."
"But that was my job!"
Stephanie looks confused
Enter Danny
"Scrubbin' the floor. I'm gonna scrub the floor. Pickin' up the trash. I'm gonna pick up the trash. Hey, girls."
"Hi, dad. Do you think you can help me?"
"With what? I have a million things to clean. What's your question?"
"But didn't you just clean?"
"You know, honey, when I said 'what's your question' I didn't really mean for the question to be about my personal cleaning life."
"Sorry dad. Ok, let me start over. There's this big spelling bee and—"
"Well, what I only see is this massive dictionary in front of my nose and I can't help ya if there's this book in front of me."
"She says she's catching a bee and that's supposed to be my job."
Michelle shakes her head.
"Aw, come here, Michelle."
Scoops up Michelle
"Exactly. Even Michelle knows. How am I supposed to be tested on words that I don't even know? It's too hard."
"You know, honey, spelling bees don't have to be so hard. In fact, you shouldn't even be studying the dictionary. It's impossible."
Michelle waves her index finger in the air
"Vewy impossible."
"But dad, I don't want to disappoint you."
"What do you mean 'disappoint me?'"
"Well, you are coming, right?"
"Yeah, but Steph, you don't disappoint me. Even if you didn't know how to spell some words here and there. In fact, I even misspell some words. Even Joey and Uncle Jesse too."
"Yeah. He told me."
Danny laughs
"So you mean you won't laugh at me? Like you did just now?"
"Laugh? At my own daughter? Of course when you're being the silly self you are, but I'm your dad and you should know better that the only unnecessary laughter that comes from my mouth is from…Joey's cheesy jokes. But then again, I sometimes don't even laugh at that. And if I did, it's not real laughter. It's staged. But if it's staged laughter and I'm not on stage—"
"Dad!"
"Oh, thanks honey. Anyway, I would be a total fool to laugh at you. I should be supporting you instead. Go for it, Steph. Just keep your nose out of the books once in a while…especially away from me."
"These bees are giving a lot of twouble!"
"By the way, missy, aren't you ready for a date at the park today?"
"You got it, dude."
Enter Kimmy
"Hola, Mr. T. I thought I heard someone come in."
"Well, you did…unfortunately and it's, uh…very pleasant…to see you…again. Now, come again…buh-bye!"
"Yeah, dad, boot her out."
Stephanie gets up and crosses her arms.
"I can't leave now. I'm working with DJ on the project. DJ!!"
Yells up the stairs. Enter DJ
"You know, Kimmy, I'm beginning to think you have short attention span. And a very loud mouth by the name of a chimpanzee."
"Your dad here's trying to give me the boot!"
Stephanie walks around the room
"Boots…bees…I'm going bananas!"
"What's up with her?"
Stephanie turns around
"She's going bananas, it's so obvious."
"Hey, how do you know that word?"
"I don't know. I just saw it in the dictionary somewhere and it looked really searches through dictionary sophisticated."
"By the way, I know of a very effective way to pass the spelling bee."
"You do? Wow, that's—that's a first."
"Mr. T? Come over here."
"If it has to do with my lucky socks that have been dirty for years, don't even think about it. I cleaned them last week."
"Darn! The gross-me-out socks would have eventually gotten to the teachers for good."
DJ crosses over and back up the stairs
"Not to mention…gross!"
The phone rings
"I'll get it."
DJ re-enters the room
"Kimmy, it's your mom. She wants you home now."
"Okay, Deej. I'll talk to you later about the project."
"How can we talk later when we haven't even spent time on it when you were over here?"
"Wait…what?"
"Never mind. I'll talk to you later, I suppose."
"Now you're talking my language."
Kimmy exits and Stephanie looks up and clasps her hands
"Thank you."
Enter Jesse and walk into living room
"Hey, Danny. I'm just about to hit the road for tonight's performance over at the Rock Café."
"Hey, uh. Break a leg."
"No, Danny. We never say that to impose good luck. We say…se rompe una pierna."
"Se rompe una…wait! That means—"
"Okay. Gotta go! Bye bye!"
closes door
Stephanie enters living room
"I don't wanna study anymore."
"What did I tell you about that, Steph?"
"I know, dad. It's just…I'm nervous. I have never been nervous like this in my life of 9 years."
sits down and Danny sits beside her
"There's plenty of time to feel nervous. You're too young to feel that way."
Stephanie looks down
"Besides, I know what you need. You need to take it easy. Have you ever heard of downtime?"
"I'm sure it's in the dictionary somewhere."
"We're going to the park tonight. Do you wanna come or do you just want to stay home with Uncle Joey?"
Enter Joey
"Hey, Danny…you down here? I have this big gig at Comedy Zone tonight. Someone needs to watch baby Michelle can you do that?"
Stephanie looks at her dad
"After all, I'm not allowed to be home alone yet, am I?"
They hug
Show clips of San Francisco
Rock café
"Okay, guys. We're gonna be setting up in about a few. Whoa, how much hairspray did she put in that palooka-do?"
"Hey, Jess. Got the amps?"
"Yes, of course. And Roger, what's with you and the amps? Take it easy, alright? Can't a guy trust his own pal? Now, let's warm up! And a 1 and a 2 and a 1, 2, 3, 4!"
Chaos comes out from the speaker
"Whoa, whoa whoa! What's this? Didja hear a count or what were ya hearin', guys? Really!"
Back at the house
Stephanie's room
"Yeah…really? Well, he shouldn't have done that…oh the poor kid…wait. Someone's at the door…okay…talk to you later…bye."
she hangs up the phone abruptly
Enter Stephanie and Michelle
"Hey, D.J."
"We're baaaaaack."
"Steph, do you feel a lot better after that walk around the park?"
"Somewhat. Thanks, dad."
Enter DJ
"Oh, good, you're back."
"Told you we'd be back in a flash. But no bees."
Michelle walks up the staircase.
"The spelling bee's on Monday. What am I going to do?"
Stephanie sits down and puts her hands on her cheeks.
We will return to Full House
Chapter 3: Conclusion
Back to Full House
Show clips of San Francisco
Rock Café
Jesse is shown singing and applause follows
"Hey, yeah! Now, we're just gonna steal the spotlight for my good man, Chase. He's been my number one fan when I was just starting out and has been loyal ever since. So, everyone, say hello to Chase."
Everyone says hello
"I just wanted to say that Jesse is a good man with good morals, and of course, with good hair."
"Hey, that mousse really does pay off. And this next song is dedicated to this wonderful individual. This'll be the last song for the night."
the music starts
show house at night
Show Stephanie having a nightmare, tossing and turning in bed
Her dream
"Hey, Michelle Tanner…the BAD SPELLER kids laugh. Hey, could you spell the word D-O-G? No, wait! You already have one, so you're cheating. kids laugh"
Stephanie is saying no over and over
"I know how to spell!"
"Please. She couldn't even spell her own name, even if she tried! How did she ever get an A in spelling? kids laugh and taunt. Steph's a bad speller. Steph's a bad speller. Steph's a bad speller!"
DJ tries to wake her up
"S-T-E-P-H-A-N-I-E! Stephanie. Now leave me alone!!"
She wakes up
"DJ?"
"Stephanie. It's all right. You just had a bad dream."
Cries
"DJ, it was horrible! The kids wouldn't stop making fun of me. They kept laughing and asking me questions and thought that I couldn't spell! I don't want to do the spelling bee. NEVER!"
"You know, Steph, let me tell you something. I remember my first spelling bee. In fact, I acted just the way you did. I let my fears get the better of me. I even had a similar nightmare. But it's not the end of the world if you don't make it to the finalists. I know I didn't, but I can say that I was pretty darn close."
"How close?"
"Close enough that the word I got to was subconscious."
"How do you spell that?"
"Why don't you try it?"
"Okay."
Stephanie closes her eyes
"S-U-B…C-O-N…S-I-O-U-S."
"Ooh, so close. That's how I lost. I forgot the second 'c' in the word."
"I don't know what 'c' you're talking about, but okay."
They laugh and hug
"So you think you're ready for that spelling bee on Monday?"
"Absolutely."
At school
"Hey, Stephanie. Are you ready for this year's spelling bee?"
"Sure, Todd. I'm so ready."
"Remember, it's for the semi-finalist spot."
Stephanie looks worried
"You're not iworried/i, aren't you?"
"Who, me? Worried? No! No. Don't be silly!"
"You should be. I heard last year, the hardest word was olomatopoeida, or something like that."
"Hey, I know that word."
"Yeah, right."
"Well, I do. Uncle Jesse told me."
In awe
"He did?!"
"Yeah, he told me that he had to use the spell-check to see if he was right. Scary, huh?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to introduce you to the fourth grade class spelling bee. This will determine whether or not they will be one of the semi-finalists."
Applause
"First up, Stephanie Tanner."
Todd
"Go get 'em, Stephanie."
Applause grows
"Okay, Stephanie. Are you ready for your first word?"
"Ready as I'll ever bee."
Laughter
"Okay. Your first word is…'happy… 'happy.'
Stephanie smiles to herself.
"Happy. H-A…"
Credits begin