Moonlight vows
I'm a married man…
Oh spirits… I still can't believe it.
I look at you while you're asleep, next to me, lit only by starlights, and the thing still seems impossible to me.
It's true, instead, and it has been true, for eight hours, by now.
I didn't believe we would get to this…there have been moments I had almost stopped hoping…
Yet I've never stopped loving you…although I've tried to.
I'm still smiling recalling the wedding…although I think that you probably haven't found what happened particularly amusing
Yet it is so typical of our relationship that I can't help it.
It had all started in a very traditional way, the mess hall decorated for the occasion, Neelix, who, for once, had not touched any Leola's roots and you… you were wearing that marvellous white, silky, dress, which left your shoulders naked.
Let me tell you something Kathryn: when I saw you entering the mess hall, coming toward me, a smile playing on your lips, wearing that dress which made you look like a goddess …for an instant I feared my poor heart was going to stop beating…and if it's not happened, is just because I've suddenly thought that you would have kicked my dead butt from here to the alpha quadrant.
As I was saying it had all begun in a traditional way…you had stood next to me smiling, while I'd taken your hands in mine. You'd squeezed them when Tuvok performed the wedding.
We'd even chose to wear rings, though no one does it anymore.
Traditional…uh?
Tuvok had just said, "I now pronounce you husband and wife" when the ship rocked….big time!
We were being attacked during our wedding!
Now…I was a Maquis…I've heard people swearing in my life…but I think today I've reached a new level of knowledge of swearings, thanks to you…my beloved.
You sucked air out of my lungs with a kiss, then you shouted to come back on the bridge.
You were furious…hell I was furious too…I didn't mean to spend the first two hours as a married man on the bridge….yet I've got to admit I'd almost pity for the suckers who dared to attack us today.
I think the saying, "Never mess with a red-head" applies to this case…poor bastards, they didn't even know what hit them.
So much for tradition…uh?
When we eventually managed to beat them we realized that no one had the physical strength to party…so we came back in our quarters…hm…actually, though we were tired, we had some strength left…this is a tradition I'm glad we didn't respect…we weren't that tired.
"Chakotay?"
Your voice makes me start, I lower my head and I meet your smiling AND sleepy face, I caress the smooth skin of you arm and ask, "Yes?"
"You were staring at me…"
"No, I wasn't!" I lie
"Oh, yes you were…and you know? It's okay…we're married now, you don't need to deny it…" You purr against my chest.
"I've never denied it!" I protest
"Fine…" You murmur, then you add, "May I know why, were you sta…er…looking at me?"
"I just wanted to…" I stop, then smiling I say, "I didn't have the heart to wake you…you looked so peaceful…"
"Why did you want to wake me?" You ask, eyeing me.
"I've got a surprise for you"
"No more surprises for today, honey…"
"Oh…I think…I hope you're gonna like it…"
"O-ok" you say
I get up from the bed and I say, "C'mon get up and come with me"
You lightly frown and you ask, "Come with you? "
"Yes…and don't ask…just put on something warm…"
You maliciously look at me…I didn't imagine you were that evil… "I said something not someone Kathryn…though I appreciate your silent suggestion!"
"You're not going to tell me where are we going? Aren't you?" you ask putting on a robe
I just grin at you, that's enough to shut you up, for now, you grin as well and say, "Well…I guess I'll have to be patient…"
"Exactly" I say.
You're next to me, now, you offer me your arm and I gladly take it.
"Where are we going?" you ask
I've covered your eyes with a scarf while we were in the turbolift, luckily we haven't met any crew member while we were getting here.
"Just trust me, Kathryn" I whisper against your neck, and your shiver makes me turn on
You clear you throat before saying, "I trust you with my life, Chakotay…it's my feet I don't trust…I wouldn't like to stumble across something and spend some hours in sickbay… I can think of more pleasant ways to spend our honeymoon"
"You won't stumble…and even if you did…I'm here…I'd break your fall "
You squeeze my hand and you whisper, "I know Chakotay…I've always known "
We walk for a while, talking about today, about some ship's legends such as the fact I'm a terrible pilot - ok, maybe this is not a legend…but a man has got to defend himself- , I wonder whether you realize how much has moved me the fact that you trust me enough to blindly follow me, where I'm going.
"Here" I eventually say, freeing you from the scarf.
I fold it in my hands while you look around, admiring the view, you turn toward me and you exclaim: "It's…beautiful Chakotay! "
"Do you like it? " I ask, I've been working on this program for weeks, but that's not why I asked.
You nod smiling and you say, "I love it! But…where are we? "
"Welcome to Dorvan V, Kathryn!" I say.
"Dorvan V?" you ask
I just nod, we're on the top of a cliff, it's a lovely night, the moon is bathing us with its light and there's a soft breeze which is caressing us, from here we can see the colony, how it was, before the Cardassians destroyed it.
I get close to you and I put an arm around your waist, you look at me and you mouth a thank you.
"I wanted you to see where I grew up…I didn't appreciate this place when I was young…yet I could recall every single detail while I made the program"
You rest your hand against my shoulder and you whisper, "Sometimes I can see this place in your eyes…how you still belong here…so I'm not surprised you've been able to recreate it…"
I pull you close to me, and for a little eternity, we stay still, listening to each other's breaths, then I break this moment when I pull away and taking your hands in mine I say, "There's another reason which led us here tonight"
"That would be?"
"Since what happened today…"
"Don't even go there!" you tease
"Well…we haven't been able to fully enjoy the wedding…so I thought about it and I recalled an ancient tradition of my family"
You smile at me, but you don't talk, I take it as a good sign and I continue, "It's about the newly weds in my family…the first night of marriage, the man would take his beloved spouse on this cliff…and together they'd exchange vows…now…I know we're not really on that cliff, and that's not a real moon but…"
"It's ours cliff…our moon…our night…" you say, and I could swear…your eyes are a bit teary, you swallow and you say, "Tell me what to do…"
"Just listen to your heart and talk…" I breath…I can't talk right now.
You nod and I imitate you, I squeeze your hands and I close my eyes while you say, "From now on…my beloved…your tears are mine…while I swear to not make them form in your eyes"
"From now on…my beloved, I'll protect that light in your eyes, which sparkle when you're happy..."
"From now on…my beloved, your burdens become ours…so we can bear them together"
"From now on…my beloved, your battles will be ours"
"From now on…my beloved, my joy is ours…"
"From now on…my beloved, there will always be an 'us' because together we are whole… We've been in hell and we've come back…together. "
"From now on my beloved, we'll be together. Everything I was, everything I am, everything I'm going to be is yours. It's been yours for a long time…even before we met."
I open my eyes and I manage to look at you, you smile at me, but I can see through my tears, yours.
You free your hand from mine, and you raise it, to wipe away the tears from my cheeks.
You're still smiling.
You're still looking at me.
You still love me.
In your smile, I see no fear, no regrets, just love, and promises for the future, ours