Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with Glee.
Awake and Unafraid
It was supposed to be one of those rare nights when the Hudmel house was blissfully vacant aside from Kurt. He, Blaine, and Sebastian had been planning the night for a week, but it didn't seem to be working out according to schedule, Sebastian already being an hour late. Kurt and Blaine barely looked up from their takeout containers when the door opened.
"You're late." Kurt poked at the lo mein he was eating before looking up to where Sebastian was standing in the doorway, his back turned as he hung up his jacket on the rack. It wasn't like their boyfriend to make such a subdued entrance. "Seb, what's wrong?"
He set the container down on the table and got off the couch, Blaine close behind, walking over toward Sebastian. As they got closer, Sebastian sniffled once and wiped his eyes roughly with the heel of his hand, letting out a frustrated growl when the tears didn't stop. Kurt put a hand on the taller boy's shoulder. "Hey, talk to me. What's the matter?"
Sebastian turned around to face his boyfriends, his eyes red-rimmed and brimming with tears. "I'm sorry. I just—I got stuck talking to someone I used to hang around with," Sebastian said quietly, clearly avoiding Kurt's question. Blaine exchanged a glance with Kurt before they both fixed Sebastian with a stern look. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair before letting it fall to his side limply. "I-I'm not who I used to be anymore, am I?"
Blaine's eyebrows knitted in confusion at Sebastian's helpless tone and the convoluted question. "What are you talking about, Seb?" He asked, sliding a hand across Sebastian's arm.
Sebastian shrugged past his boyfriends and went to drop heavily on the couch. They followed him quickly and joined him, each taking one of his hands into their own. He finally looked up to meet Kurt's eyes, looking more vulnerable than Kurt had ever remembered seeing him. Somehow, seeing the vulnerability and hurt in the usually cocky boy's eyes felt wrong.
"I-I've only been with you guys for ten months. There hasn't been anyone else. But no one believes me. I'm not what I was anymore." He dropped his head into his hands.
Blaine slid a hand across his boyfriend's back. "Sebastian, what happened? We know that you've only been with us. You're not a cheater."
Sebastian looked into Blaine's eyes. "I was getting ready to leave lacrosse practice to come here and I was going to take a shower in the locker room and this guy I used to know came in and started taking off his clothes like he was going to get in the shower too. I ignored him, because I didn't particularly want to see him. We didn't exactly end on great terms. I turned toward my locker and he came up behind me and grabbed my ass. I pushed him off and told him I was with you guys, but he wouldn't stop. He started getting pissed and saying shit."
Blaine squeezed Sebastian's hand. "What was he saying?"
Sebastian's voice was quiet and hurt. "He shoved me and said, 'Sebastian Smythe saying no, there's a first.'" His voice took on a mocking tone as he repeated the insult. "He laughed and said something about 'whores never change' and stomped away toward the shower. I just threw my clothes on and left. It just-" He let out a huff of breath and Blaine rested a hand on Sebastian's thigh and frowned sympathetically. "It just pisses me off that no matter where I go, there's always someone there to remind me what a terrible person I am."
There were tears in his voice and Kurt pulled him into his arms, leaning back against the couch into a more comfortable position. "Seb, you're not a terrible person. And you're most certainly not a whore. You've changed into this amazing person that no one expected you to become. You showed everyone!" Kurt smiled encouragingly. "Can't you see how far you've come? Last year, you were callous and closed-off. You pushed everyone away, because you didn't want to risk letting them see the real you, didn't want to risk letting them hurt you."
Sebastian sniffled and pressed himself closer to Kurt's side, letting himself be comforted. His voice was soft and wounded as he buried his forehead in the crook of Kurt's neck and whispered, "I'm just waiting for the day you and Blaine realize that you can do so much better than me and leave."
Blaine gasped and pulled Sebastian away from Kurt's side roughly, turning him until they were facing. "Don't you ever say anything like that again. I hate when you say things like that. Even when you say you're joking, I know you mean it. So stop. Seb, we're not going anywhere." His fingers gripped Sebastian's arms tight enough that there would probably be bruises the next day. Sebastian kept his eyes cast to his lap. Blaine let out a frustrated breath and lifted Sebastian's chin with his finger.
"Do you understand me, Sebastian? We're not going anywhere. We're in this for the long haul," Blaine said, his voice comforting but insistent. Kurt nodded and pressed a kiss to the back of Sebastian's neck.
The taller boy just shook his head, a tear sliding down his cheek. "But why?"
Kurt turned Sebastian to face him, thumbing away the stray tear. He smiled softly. "Because we love you, idiot."
A watery smile touched Sebastian's face and he let out a shaky breath through his nose. Kurt let out a sigh of relief to see that some of the light had returned to his boyfriend's eyes, the familiar devious glint was back, even if he still looked sad. "I love you both so much," he breathed, leaning forward to capture Kurt in a hug. Blaine slid a hand across Sebastian's back, leaning in to press a kiss in between his shoulders.
"Alright," Kurt spoke, his voice gentle but firm, effectively ending the tension in the room. "Now that we've established that no one's going anywhere, you-" He pulled back and pointed to Sebastian. "Go upstairs and take a shower. You smell like sweat. You can change into the pajamas you left in my dresser." He pressed a kiss against Sebastian's lips and patted his cheek. "Blaine and I will reheat dinner while you're in the shower."
Sebastian smiled and kissed Kurt again before leaning over to kiss Blaine. "You guys are amazing."
When Sebastian came back downstairs, Kurt and Blaine were already in their own pajamas, cuddled on the couch eating. Sebastian kissed the tops of their heads and reached down to the table and grabbed a bowl of chicken fried rice before dropping down beside his boyfriends. The television played in the background, coming back from commercial to the actual program. Sebastian scoffed and raised his eyebrows in distaste.
"Jesus! Why did you let Blaine pick what we were watching?" He griped. Blaine swatted playfully at Sebastian's shoulder and went back to his food, shushing Sebastian and scowling at Kurt's laughter. "Come on, the Giants are playing the Redskins tonight," he whined.
Kurt shook his head. "We're not watching football, Seb. I've told you there is never an excuse for stirrup pants."
"Yet it's perfectly fine to make me suffer through Tabitha's Salon Takeover," Sebastian grumbled bitterly. He knew better than to argue with Kurt.
After an episode, Sebastian was already convinced that he was in Hell. He barely noticed Kurt take the bowl from his hands and disappear into the kitchen. Blaine was still watching the TV with rapt attention, curled under Sebastian's arm and covered with a blanket.
"Here," Kurt said softly. Sebastian startled a bit at the sound of his voice. Kurt laughed and kissed him. "Drink this-" He put a glass into Sebastian's hand. "It makes the show easier to watch. Trust me."
Sebastian laughed and looked down at the glass in his hand, realizing for the first time what it was. "Kurt, where did you get wine?"
"Blaine bought it with his fake ID that says he's thirty-eight," Kurt answered, his voice amused as he handed Blaine a glass as well before sitting down with his own.
The show played in the background as Sebastian drank. And drank. And drank.
Kurt and Blaine had a pleasant buzz, cracking open a second bottle of wine because, after Kurt poured another round of drinks for himself and Blaine, Sebastian decided to take the rest of the bottle for himself and start drinking in earnest.
Blaine, half asleep under the weight of the wine he'd drank, was curled into Sebastian's side. Kurt reached out to pet his curls, earning himself a contented hum. Everything seemed perfect, comfortable silence and relaxing on the couch, except the fact that Sebastian's gaze was unfocused, half from the wine and half from thinking.
Finally, Kurt had enough and took the bottle from Sebastian's lips, setting it on the coffee table. "I think you've had enough, sweetheart," he said gently, turning to meet Sebastian's gaze, preparing for the backlash that was sure to come.
The backlash never came, which worried Kurt more than anything else. Sebastian always rankled at anyone doing anything that even remotely resembled trying to control him. He studied his boyfriend's face further. There was sadness deep in the thoughtful green eyes. Blaine looked up, clearly following the same train of thought as Kurt.
He rested a hand on Sebastian's chest and shifted until he was sitting, his face a mask of concern. "Seb?"
Sebastian's face was thoughtful, his eyes distant and looking away. His voice was no higher than a whisper when he spoke. "I've never let anyone fuck me."
Blaine and Kurt exchanged a worried glance. Kurt reached forward and took Sebastian's hand, pulling him from his thoughts and asking, "What?"
Sebastian turned toward Kurt, his eyes contemplative and cast toward his lap. His voice was a bit louder but still quiet when he spoke. "I've done everything else, but I've never let anyone fuck me. Whenever someone tried, I wouldn't let them."
"Why wouldn't you let them, sweetheart?" Blaine asked, his voice soft, reminiscent of speaking to a child. In that moment, Sebastian seemed just as vulnerable.
Sebastian swallowed thickly, gripping Kurt's hand tighter. "I was scared. I didn't want to let anyone have that kind of control over me, to actually be inside me." He lifted his gaze from his lap and met Kurt's eyes. Kurt's heart broke at the sadness brimming in his boyfriend's eyes.
He leaned forward and thumbed away a stray tear falling from Sebastian's eye, and Blaine had his arms wrapped around the crying boy's middle. Sebastian shook his head, a self-deprecating smile forming on his lip. He scoffed in an attempt to disguise a sob.
"That's so fucked up, isn't it? The whore of Westerville won't let anybody actually fuck him."
The words came out mocking and cold and made Kurt and Blaine's hearts break a little more.
"It's not fucked up, Seb," Blaine was quick to reassure, coaxing the boy to turn around and kissing him on the lips, swallowing the noise that sounded very much like a sob. Sebastian reached out to wrap his arms around Blaine and held him close, burying his nose in the crook of the smaller boy's neck as he felt Kurt's fingers threading through his hair.
They were silent for a few minutes, Blaine sliding his hand across Sebastian's back as a silent reassurance that he wasn't alone, not now, not anymore.
Kurt kissed Blaine softly on the lips and slid a hand down his cheek with a small smile, a silent question in his eyes. Blaine nodded and loosened his hold on Sebastian, letting Kurt pull the tall boy into his arms.
Sebastian pressed a kiss to the side of Kurt's neck, soft and innocent, mumbling, "Love you" against the skin.
"I love you, too," Kurt whispered, brushing hair away from Sebastian's forehead and pressing a kiss against it. Sebastian's eyes slid closed at the touch of Kurt's lips. "Sebastian, sweetheart, do you trust us?"
Kurt felt Sebastian stiffen slightly but slowly nod, his head still cradled in the crook of Kurt's neck. He pushed lightly at Sebastian's shoulder to lean him back before connecting their lips in a soft, loving kiss, his hands coming up to frame the tall boy's face, only breaking away when the need for a breath overwhelmed them both.
Sebastian didn't go far, panting against Kurt's lips as his head rested against the boy's forehead. Blaine's hand was sliding steadily up Sebastian's thigh, massaging the strong muscles and dropping kisses to his boyfriend's shoulder blade through the shirt.
He shifted forward until he was pressed flush against Sebastian's back and started mouthing along his jaw, kissing behind ear and whispering, "Why don't we take this upstairs?"
The breath ghosted hotly across the shell of Sebastian's ear and he swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat, a shudder rippling through his body.
Sebastian's answering voice sounded small and nervous. "O-Okay."
Blaine stood and took Sebastian's hand and Sebastian reached out instinctively for Kurt's. Kurt lifted his boyfriend's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss against the back, earning himself a tiny, shy smile.
They ascended the stairs in silence, nervousness radiated from Sebastian, but Kurt slid his thumb over his knuckles soothingly. Blaine shut the door behind them the moment they made it inside Kurt's bedroom, standing back and watching Sebastian standing anxiously at the foot of the bed.
Kurt pulled his shirt over his head and walked back toward Sebastian, pulling the shirt from his shoulders and tossing it aside, pulling the nervous boy flush against his front and kissing him, his fingers tangling in the back of Sebastian's hair as he pulled him closer, sucking lightly at his bottom lip.
Sebastian's lips parted and Kurt took the opportunity to slip his tongue inside, claiming and tasting. The taller boy melted into this kiss, whining against Kurt's lips as Blaine came from behind to suck open mouth kisses to the space between Sebastian's shoulders before mouthing up to suck at his neck, pressing flush against Sebastian and sliding the hard line of his clothed erection across the swell of his ass.
Sebastian reached back to put his hands on Blaine's waist, pulling him impossibly closer before letting his arms wrap around Kurt again, letting himself be kissed deeper.
With Kurt pressed flush against his front and Blaine against his back, each doing everything in their power to make him feel relaxed, to make him fall apart, Sebastian felt cared for. Not that he didn't always feel loved by his boyfriends, but something about this felt different.
He'd always made a point to keep his guard up, to keep people out. Kurt and Blaine had always found a way to break down the walls he would build. They always knew what he needed, even when he didn't know himself. And of course he trusted them. They were the only people in the world that he did trust. And it scared the hell out of him, but he went with it.
He let the vulnerability that he felt around them push him further into their arms, not quite wearing his heart on his sleeve, no never, but with them, he didn't have to. They always knew. When he'd close himself off, they knew just what to do to get him to talk again. When nothing was going right and the rest of the world treated him like he was nothing more than a common whore, they were always there to remind him of their love.
At first it was hard giving someone else (especially two someone elses) the power to break his heart, a heart that he'd done his very best to convince everyone around him was made of stone.
But now, in their arms, he didn't feel very much like he was made of stone. He felt very much as though he was made of brittle glass, easily shattered with the slightest misstep.
This was new and, to his intense surprise, he loved it. He loved giving himself over completely to the two people in the world he trusted not to hurt him.
He focused on the feeling of Kurt's lips moving against his own, letting his tongue slide across his boyfriend's bottom lip and still tasting just a hint of the red wine he'd been drinking.
Sebastian let his head fall back against Blaine's shoulder to give him better access to where he was mouthing over the column of his neck. Blaine took advantage of the newly exposed area to suck tenderly at Sebastian's pulse, letting his arms wrap around the tall boy's waist and slide his flat palms across his bare stomach, brushing where Kurt's fingers were dipping underneath the waistband of his pajama bottoms and sliding them down his legs.
Kurt slid to his knees as he removed the last of the fabric covering Sebastian, guiding him to step out of the pool of cotton at his feet. Blaine guided him backward, pulling him back easily with the arm around his middle. Kurt reached up and wrapped his slender fingers around Sebastian's cock, giving a few lazy strokes before dropping a kiss to the head and sinking his mouth down around him.
Blaine used his restraining hand to stop Sebastian's initial reaction of burying himself deeper into the wet heat of Kurt's mouth, his restraint met by a soft whine from Sebastian. The sound quickly shifted into a low moan as Sebastian tangled his fingers into Kurt's hair as an anchor. Blaine put a finger under Sebastian's chin and turned his head before connecting their lips in a heated kiss.
Sebastian felt Kurt's mouth pull away, replaced by his hand. He continued stroking with one hand while the other explored the sensitive inside of Sebastian's thighs. "Come on, let's get in bed."
Strong arms from behind were leading him toward the bed. He climbed on and laid out flat, watching Kurt and Blaine kiss, all tongue and teeth, by the side of the bed, all clothes had been removed, strewn across the floor.
"Get in bed. Please." Sebastian was surprised by how breathy his voice was, nerves still coloring his tone.
Two sets of eyes turned toward him and he shuddered at the way they both looked so lust-blown. He opened his arms as his boyfriend's joined him on the bed. Kurt positioned himself above Sebastian while Blaine curled into his side, his hand roaming across the bare expanse of Sebastian's middle as Kurt kissed him deeply, rolling his hips and sending sparks shooting through Sebastian's body.
Blaine was fumbling through a drawer off to the side, returning after a second with a small bottle in his hands.
Sebastian heard the plasticky snick of the bottle being thumbed open and noticed Blaine warming the liquid in his hands before shuffling down between his and Kurt's legs. Kurt rolled to the side, turning Sebastian's head with a hand on his cheek and continuing the kiss.
Blaine was dropping kisses to the inside of Sebastian's thighs, pausing to suck a mark on his left thigh before soothing over it with his tongue. He tapped on Sebastian's hip, prompting him to raise up, and slid a pillow under his hips.
Sebastian whined as he felt Blaine's finger sliding across his opening. Kurt lifted his hand to stroke along the tall boy's cheek with the tips of his fingers, and Sebastian kissed him deeper as he felt the finger breach him. Blaine's free hand was sliding soothingly across his belly, letting his thumb stroke over Sebastian's hipbones with each pass in a way that made the green eyed boy shudder.
"How does it feel?" Kurt breathed into Sebastian's ear, kissing the spot right behind the shell that sent a warm shiver down his spine.
"Weird," Sebastian said softly, the words twisting off into a moan as Blaine kissed his thigh and slid another finger in alongside the first. "I-I've never had anything inside bef-oh, Blaine, right there." Sebastian's hips lifted off the mattress and Blaine started working his hand quicker, crooking his fingers and brushing over the spot that was making his boyfriend fall apart.
"P-Please, Kurt...touch me..." Sebastian moaned, twisting against the sheets. "I'm so close."
His breath was coming out in quick bursts, his chest rising and falling rapidly. Kurt kissed down his neck again, sucking at the rapidly fluttering pulse. "No you're not sweetheart. It just feels that way."
He reached down and wrapped his long fingers around Sebastian's cock anyway, dipping his thumb into the precome pooling on his stomach and slicking it along the length and stroking him slowly.
Blaine's fingers slowed their pace, twisting at a different angle that let Sebastian's breathing come back to almost normal. Somewhere in the middle of all of this, Blaine had slid in a third finger.
Sebastian was unconsciously rolling his hips against Blaine's hand, desperate to get the fingers deeper. Blaine's eyes were wide and lust-blown from watching the way Sebastian was rocking against his hand, the way his tight hole was stretched around his fingers.
Quiet, helpless moans were pouring from Sebastian's lips as his eyes stayed locked on where his boyfriends were working him over.
"Kurt," Blaine said, his voice was low and honey smooth. "I think he's ready, babe."
Kurt nodded and let go of Sebastian's cock, shifting back up the bed to brush the hair that had fallen onto the tall boy's forehead. He was struck by his boyfriend's beauty, the delicate pink flush of his cheeks, his kiss-red, swollen lips parted, his green eyes warm and trusting. Kurt leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, swallowing Sebastian's whimper as their lips met.
"Which one of us do you want, sweetheart?" Kurt asked, his voice quiet and affectionate.
Sebastian bit his lip. "You first..." he said breathlessly. "Then Blaine."
Blaine met Kurt's eyes, mirroring his look of concern. The younger boy smiled softly, petting Sebastian's thigh. "Sweetheart, it's your first time. You're probably going to be a little sore-"
"Don't care," Sebastian answered, his voice determined. "I want you both. Want to give myself to both of you."
Blaine surged forward and kissed Sebastian, breaking away only long enough to kiss Kurt lovingly on the lips before he shifted down to kneel between Sebastian's legs.
The lid of the lube clicked open again and Blaine stretched out next to Sebastian and claimed his lips, sliding a hand across his chest as he licked into his mouth.
Sebastian felt the blunt pressure of Kurt's cock pushing against his opening and grabbed his biceps to pull him down for a kiss. Blaine's lips trailed across his jaw as Kurt's lips slid, warm and desperate against his own. Slowly, Kurt pushed forward, breaching the tight ring of muscle and sliding in until he was flush with Sebastian's ass.
The taller boy's eyes were squeezed shut and Kurt pulled away from his lips. Sebastian quickly bit his own lip, but Kurt slid the pad of his thumb across his lip to free it.
"Talk to me, Seb. How does it feel?" Kurt asked, honest concern in his low, smooth voice.
"I-It's so much, Kurt," Sebastian choked out, his voice rough and almost awestruck. "I can feel you inside me."
"God!" Blaine moaned loudly, wrapping his hand around his own cock. "You're both so hot like this."
Sebastian's hips rocked down, experimentally trying to take Kurt deeper, his eyes rolling back and a quiet moan bubbling out of his throat. Kurt leaned down to kiss him and pulled out before rolling his hips into Sebastian for the first time.
"Fuck!" Sebastian keened, his head falling back against the pillow, his hands flying up to grip Kurt's biceps as he felt himself being taken. He rocked his hips down to meet Kurt's thrusts, already feeling himself being pulled toward the edge from the onslaught of new sensations and the sound of Blaine's whines.
Blaine's mouth was suddenly on his, soft moans vibrating against his lips and Blaine kissed him desperately, dirty and deep. Sebastian's head was swimming from the delicious drag of Kurt's cock sliding into him, the feeling of Kurt's fingers wrapped tightly around his cock, pumping him in time with his thrusts.
"Blaine, oh my God," Kurt's voice came out as a surprised moan as he looked down and noticed Blaine's hand had slipped away from his cock and was now working lower, his long fingers dipping into his hole.
Sebastian broke away to see what Kurt was reacting to, and his breath hitched in his throat and a fresh wave of arousal made his cock throb in Kurt's hand. Blaine was kissing Sebastian again, mumbling something against his lips. Sebastian broke away to hear.
"Not gonna last, Seb. Wanna feel you inside me..."
He poured more lube into his hand and batted Kurt's hand away. He slicked up Sebastian's hard length and quickly shifted to straddle the taller boy's waist, lining his cock up, and sinking down on it all at once.
Kurt wasted no time in leaning forward and kissing up Blaine's spine, sucking roughly at the birthmark in between his shoulders.
Sebastian's hands flew out to grab Blaine's hips and shove him down roughly, eliciting a sharp moan from the smaller boy.
The sensation was altogether too much. His mind kicked into overdrive from the combination of the drag of Kurt's cock, which had just found the right angle to brush against the spot that sent sparks shooting across his body, and the tightness of Blaine's ass gripping his cock.
Blaine was whining as he rode Sebastian, his head thrown back against Kurt's shoulder as Kurt sucked dark purple marks against his skin.
"Oh god, I'm gonna come," Blaine cried out, his hand working quickly over his cock and riding Sebastian faster, more erratically until his body tensed and pitched forward as his orgasm hit him, shooting hot and hard across Sebastian's stomach, his ass squeezing down around him.
It was enough to throw Sebastian over the edge with a shout, his hips arching off the bed into Blaine as Kurt thrust into him, his cock brushing over his prostate as he spilled deep inside Blaine. His release continued to crash over him in waves, hitting him harder than he could ever remember.
He slumped back against the bed, stars still dotting his vision and his breath still coming in pants. Blaine rolled off of him, collapsing against his side and kissing him deeply. Kurt leaned forward and kissed him, panting against his mouth as he continued to thrust into him. Sebastian could tell he was close.
"Come on, Kurt. Come for me," Sebastian said, his voice heavy and sated. He rocked back hard against Kurt's cock and the blue eyed boy threw his head back and thrust in hard before his body went rigid, whined gasps slipping past his lips as he came, pulsing inside of Sebastian before collapsing, his arms shaking unsteadily before giving out altogether and putting all of his weight on the taller boy's body.
Blaine was already cleaning off Sebastian's torso, kissing him quickly on the lips before rolling over to toss the tissue in the trash.
Kurt slid out and rolled to the side, pulling Sebastian into his arms, Blaine immediately curling against his side and hooking his chin over Sebastian's shoulder. "That was amazing," he murmured sleepily, pressing a kiss to Sebastian's jaw.
Sebastian turned his head and pressed a quick kiss to Blaine's lips before turning and doing the same to Kurt. "It was perfect."
A sleepy smile spread across Kurt's lips and he reached forward to brush the hair away from Sebastian's forehead again. "You're so beautiful, Seb. I know that you know you're hot, but sometimes you forget that you're beautiful too. But we'll always be here to remind you."
Blaine nodded against his shoulder and pressed a kiss to neck. "Always."
"I love you both," Sebastian said, his voice thick with emotion. "So much."
"Love you, too," Kurt and Blaine whispered in unison.
Kurt reached down and grabbed the edge of the comforter, pulling it up around them, Blaine was already almost asleep spooned against Sebastian. Kurt dragged his finger through the mess of curls. "You think he'll ever manage to stay awake for more than five minutes after sex?"
Sebastian laughed softly, turning to press an awkward kiss against the smaller boy's forehead. "I hope not. He's beautiful when he's asleep."
Kurt returned the laugh, reaching to the side to set the alarm on his cell phone before turning back to wrap his arm around Sebastian's shoulder and pull him down for a kiss whispering, "Thank you."
"For what?" Sebastian asked, his brain already drifting towards sleep.
"Trusting us. I know it's not always easy for you."
Sebastian shrugged, the conversation already taking on a dreamlike quality, blurring around the edges. "I always trust you two. It's everyone else I don't trust. You guys won't hurt me."
He was already mostly asleep and he couldn't be sure, but as his eyes fluttered the rest of the way closed he could have sworn he felt Kurt press a kiss to his forehead and whisper, "Never."
A/N: Reviews are always greatly appreciated! :)