Hello, fellow Ranma fans! This is Preventer Squall, and I welcome you all to my first venture into the 'Ramna ½' realm. Contrary to my dreams, I do not own this series, or any of the chars from 'Ah! My Goddess' series.
Before anyone asks, not a single member of the fiancee brigade will be sinking their hooks into Ramna. I would rather set him on fire then let them ruin his life any further, and I have the canister of petrol to prove it! -holds up and empty gas can- Who will our hero end up with? You'll just have to read, won't you?
Now then, on with the show!
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"Blah" Normal Speak
"Blah" Thought Speak, Letters
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Preventer
Squall presents: Wild
Horse of Ragnarok
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There are some men that just grow used to unpleasant situations. Situations like that would include a boring job with an irritating employer, a slightly skewed relationship with one's family, a lack of interest from the opposite gender, or a low amount of monetary funds.
Those are the situations that normal humans would label as 'unpleasant'.
This particular example of the human condition was pulling herself out of the local canal, her sopping wet hair plastered to her face and neck, was in a life situation that she deemed 'a living hell'.
Of course, her version of the phrase denoted having no job whatsoever, a blissfully deluded mother and an irresponsible father that had bartered her like a piece of meat, so much attention from the opposite gender that she was being smothered to death, AND a low amount of monetary finds. The person known as Saotome Ranma had grown used to having no money, since most of what little that was made went to Tendo Nabiki, and the rest was something that just seemed an inescapable fact.
It had been over a year and a half since Ramna and his father came to the Tendo dojo. Over a year and a half of rivals and fiancés. Over a year and a half of training, triumphs, and the inevitable tragedies that always managed to follow every other step. The latest offense against her sanity was the infamous 'Wedding fiasco', having occurred two months prior to this moment. His infuriation over..pretty much everything had gotten the fiancés and rivals out of his hair for about a week and a half. While it was enjoyable, he was the one still stuck with having to clean up the mess in the dojo, since Akane and everyone else in the Tendo dojo blamed the transgressions solely on him.
In the end, everything was blamed on him. His rivals blamed him for stealing their women. His fiancés blamed him for being indecisive. His father, and the Tendo patriarch, blamed him for being irresponsible. And Akane…
…well, she blamed him for even breathing in what she deemed a perverted manner and would hammer him before he could get a word in edgewise.
And this was why she was sitting down on the canal rail, turning her attention to the sky. "Too late to run back. Pops and the others will have eaten everything." She muttered to herself, deciding to just set up camp and sleep in the park tonight. At least there she could get some peace and quiet before trouble came around, and since it was Saturday, it meant she could sleep in tomorrow.
But first thing she had to do was call Kasumi and tell her she wouldn't be home tonight. Of all the people in Nermia, she deserved to know the whereabouts of the wayward Saotome.
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"About damned time!" someone shouted as she watched the aquatransexual roam around for a public telephone, rubbing her hands together in unrestrained glee about getting to finally meet Saotome Ranma in person.
Of course Urd, the Norn Goddess of the Past, knew this young man very well. He had been deemed one of her 'pet projects', and she enjoyed watching him almost as much as her soap operas.
In fact, it WAS like watching one of her soap operas. The drama, the suspense, the unrestrained violence. There was not a thing about Ramna's life that she didn't find astounding. The young man had toppled the demigod Saffron, and had done his level best to keep everyone around him relatively happy. In her opinion, one day of his life had earned him the right to call their hotline. But now the chance was here, and she had every intention of going down there and fixing that boy's life.
She was currently lost in a daydream about that hunk of man meat 'thanking her', when little Miss Buzzkill just had to snap her out of her reverie. "Urd, the readouts give a 37.684 percent chance of him asking to help improve his fiancé problem, and a 60.312 percent chance that he'll screw up and ASK you to be newest one!" Skuld bellowed, waving the absurdly long sheet of paper in Urd's face, as though the pages would magically keep her from making this monumental mistake. At least, she hoped it would. She hadn't made these calculations when Belldandy had gone to Keiichi, and damned if she let her other sister go down there without knowing the score.
The platinum-haired goddess snatched up the sheet and glanced over it, not able to make heads or tails out of this techno-babble. "What about the remaining three percent?" she couldn't help but ask, an eyebrow quirked up slightly.
Skuld rolled her eyes in irritation. "A bowl of ramen that never stayed empty."
She visibly twitched when Urd just broke out into laughter, dropping her carefully gathered computations on the ground as she clutched her sides. "This isn't funny! If we lose you too, then Yggdrasil will be even harder to manage!" she snaps, trying to get Urd to see this as something dangerous AND serious this could turn out to be. Saotome Ramna was a literal chaos magnet, and they didn't know if divine intervention would make his life better or not.
Urd smiled and leaned over to pat Skuld on the head, earned a withering glare from her younger sibling. She knew she was just trying to watch out for her big sisters, but there was no way she couldn't help but find her concern amusing. Chaotic or not, she was a Goddess, no matter the classification. "Thanks, sis, but I know I can handle myself down there. I'll make plenty sure he makes the right choice." She said with a wink, which seemed to unnerve her sister all the more.
What choice she would 'help' him make was what now worried her.
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"My Queen! He's accessing the network!"
"About damned time!" Hild snapped before she hopped off her throne, walking behind the network manager so she could have a look at Ramna Saotome with her own too eyes. "Ooh. He's gotten good and hunky." She thought to herself, making sure that she wasn't drooling on her minion before she drew back and placed her hands on her hips. "How long until he makes the connection?"
"Seven seconds, my Queen."
A sly grin curled the lips of the queen of the Underworld. "Tell me when the circuits are about to complete." She barked, a glyph already appearing around her feet in preparation for a traditionally loud and flashy exit.
"…NO-!" the rest of his sentence was incomplete when his master suddenly left the realm of Hell in a flash of lightning, the deafening boom of thunder continuing to reverberate throughout the room. The slightly charred demon sighed and glanced at burned fur and sighed softly. "And I just had this suit cleaned too."
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"Hello! You've reached the Goddess Help Hotline. Please…" the voice was suddenly cut off, but Ranma was still as confused as when she had first punched the numbers in. Had she somehow misdialed? No. That made no sense. She knew he wasn't booksmart like most people, but she knew the Tendo's phone number by heart.
With a great deal of hesitance, Ramna hung the phone up again and reached into her pockets for more change, only to find none was left. "Just my luck." She muttered under her breath, resisting the urge to ask which particular deity she so irritated that she could NEVER catch a break.
That was, of course, until lightning touched down right behind her, tossing the martial artist off her feet and face first into the pavement.
As much as her face stung and the thunder rumbled between his ears, Ranma managed to look up at the cloudless night sky, and was somehow unsuprised that even nature was out to get her now. Sighing in irritation, she pushed herself over to check out the damage she could have taken, only to see a beautiful woman standing right where the lightning had struck, and apparently decimated every television in the display window of the store.
"Hello, Saotme Ranma. My name is Hild." She said, actually curtsying to the befuddled martial artist. To say she was stunning would be a gross understatement. Ramna was quietly glad she was already on her ass, or else she'd actually have gone weak kneed at the sight of her awe-inspiring beauty, despite how young she seemed. What else got his attention was the aura of sheer power that she so casually radiated, which snapped him out of her daze and to the apparent business at hand.
"Look, before ya start, I want to give you tha chance to get outta it right now." She said, reaching inside her shirt and drawing out a very official looking piece of paper. Upon closer inspection, Hild would see it was an Engagement Annulment Form (patent pending). "Just sign here 'n here, then initial and date tha bottom part, and whatever deal your father made with my old man'll be canceled, and you can go home on ya..lightning bolt?" she couldn't help but form the last part of it as a question, looking up at the sky again for an obese guy with a receding hairline floating around on a puffy cloud.
She probably would have looked for another few minutes, had Hild not interrupted her with her sudden fit of laughter.
"Oh Ranma, you are simply too funny!" she said, her high pitched rather hypnotizing, even to the female Ranma. "I would get right down to the point, but I'd rather be talking to you as you really are." She snapped her fingers, a tub of hot water suddenly appearing over Ranma's head. Before the redhead could even ask what was going on, the bucked overturned, turning the busty, but soaked, female into an attractive, but still soaked, male. "Much better, though you probably want to get into some drier clothes," Hild didn't even have to do a thing as his clothes suddenly went from soaking wet to warm and neatly pressed.
Ranma blinked and looked down at his attire, which hadn't looked this new in years. "Uhh, thanks." He stammered out, not used to this kind of kindness. Thankfully, he focused his attention on something more prominent. "Could ya tell me how you did that? Some kinda remote Hidden Weapons trick?" he asked, wondering if Mousse would ever try to drop an anvil on his head from the other side of town, or something like that.
The woman merely smiled and shook her head. "Not everything is a form of martial arts Ranma-kun. It was just good ol' magic." She said with and illuminating smile, as though she was unaware of Ranma's newfound hesitation. She knew about his previous run-ins with magic, however feeble such little tricks had been when compared to the universe-bending power that she could summon with a flick of her pinkie. Or would, were it not for the fact that she was restricted to a mere fraction of her true power while on this plain of reality.
But with Ranma's help, that would change.
"If you wish, I can teach you some, but there is a reason I'm here tonight." She said with a smile, reaching within her ample cleavage to withdraw a rolled up piece of paper, giggling to herself when Ranma quickly turned his gaze away from the view most men would sell their souls for. Even without seeing what it read, she could see all the color leave the young man's face, and he went stone stiff when he saw Saotome Genma's signature at the bottom.
"Saotome Ranma, your soul belongs to me!"
To be continued..---------
Didn't see that coming, did ya? Well, you would have if you read the preview, you silly nits. But don't worry. The next chapter will be a lot longer, since I didn't want you all to know everything just yet. -cackles maniacally, and then is forced to take his medication-
Please review and tell me what you think of this. Constructive reviews will be taken seriously, and I will just laugh at whatever flames are sent. And for those who are wondering what'll happen in our next chapter, here's a little something for all of you:
Next time, on Wild Horse of Ragnarok :
Tempers flare, as Urd and Skuld get a bird's eye view of Ranma's introduction to evil. Ranma gets a taste of just who he's dealing with, and is offered a deal that he simply can't refuse. Armageddon gets a jump start in our next episode, Ice Cream with the Devil.