Seras looked at her master with fear etched on her face. Oh no, she thought, Master saw me! She tightened her grip on the small paperback book in her hand. Ever since master saw the commercial for Twilight he's been going insane whenever he hears or sees something Twilight related!
"M-master!" she cried, "You don't want to do this!"
Alucard let out a chuckle and pointed his gun at the book in her hand. "Oh, but I do, police-girl!" He grinned, revealing his long fangs. "I'll blow that book to smithereens!"
Seras began to back away. "No! This is a library book!" She turned tail and ran. "And it's due on Tuesday!" she yelled over her shoulder.
Alucard ran after her, the two vampires were a blur.
"Please master!" cried Seras "Spare this book! It's not another vampire, its just paper!"
Alucard stopped; he frowned and scratched his forehead. "Just paper…" he pondered. His frown was replaced with a phsyco smile that sent shivers down Seras's spine. "Oh, in that case…" he pulled out an even larger gun and waved it threatening. "KILL THE PAPER!" he roared, "DEATH TO THE PAPER!"
Seras screamed and slammed the book on the ground. "If you want it that bad take it master!" she cried.
"Oh I want it," purred Alucard. He pointed his gun at the book and gave a little wave with his other hand. "Bye-bye." With a howl a triumph, he began to fire away.
Bullets flew from his and penetrated the covers surface, leaving some holes.
"OH YEAH BABY! THIS IS IT! HOW DO YOU LIKE ME NOW, CULLEN!"
When his gun had run out of ammo, he lunged at the book and began to tear it apart with his teeth.
Seras watched in horror as her master mauled the book. Awwwwwwwww... I have a fine…
Alucard finished his mauling and gave a content sigh. He pushed his glasses up and straightened his fedora in a single elegant gesture. "Now police-girl," he said with smile, "We don't want to see anymore of that."
With those words, he vanished into the darkness, leaving poor Seras to pout over her newly acquired library fine.
A/N: I don't own Hellsing. Haha, I wrote this in, like, five minutes. I might make this a series of Oneshots that ends with a showdown between Alucard and Edward. If you love me, you'll review! And if you don't review anyways because its nice :D