Bella's POV
The sun felt fantastic on my pale skin, the heat soaking right through to my bones, reviving the dormant cold muscles. I was like a frozen turkey, thawing out in the intense Arizona sun. I've spent too many years in Forks Washington with my Dad Police Chief Charlie Swan.
A constant cold rain brewed ominously over this inconsequencial town more then any other place in the United States. It was from this gloomy wet town my mother Renee escaped when I was very young. She was the whole reason for my first trip outside of the Olympic Peninsula. I was thrilled that I was going to live with her for the first time with any degree of permanance. Even if it was just for the summer.
The windows in my Dad's black Ford truck acted as a magnifying glass, filtering the intense sun on my up turned face. I felt like one of those poor ants I used to fry as a little girl with my neighbor Angela Weber.
Out of habit I wore my long sleeved thermal shirt and faded blue jeans. I let my heavy mahogany hair drape long and protectivly around my pale face. I just wasn't used to the sunlight as a natural heating resource. I had no summer wardrobe to speak of and even my water proof boots we're my everyday shoes. To say I looked and felt bland was the under statement of the year.
You would think, after traveling hundreds of miles, Charlie would have gotten used to the flashy cars that began to spring up since California. Apparently that was not the case. A bright yellow 911 Turbo tore past Charlie like a bolt of lightning. He grumbled under his breath that they should count their lucky stars that he was out of juristiction. I chuckled. All the cars around here had an open sun roof or souped up engine that rattled your teeth. Dad drove at a sensible fifty MPH while dried mud broke off in chunks behind us on the pristine highway.
Sheesh! Everything about Charlie and I screamed, Were from out of town.
I looked over at Charlie. He was frowning. Of course he was.
He wasn't looking forward to dropping me off at Phil's fancy lake house in sunny Arizona. He was my Mother's fiance; a nice guy from what I could tell over infrequant e-mails and phone calls. They were getting married this Saturday, thus the reason Renee summoned me here. At first I was overly suspicious of the sudden invite. It had been eleven years since I had seen my mother. I had come to grips a long time ago that she just didn't want me, that my birth was a mistake. It was a nasty burdon to carry on your shoulders when you're a six year old. And now she asked for me to be with her, in person, while she got hitched to a man that wasn't my father. To say it didn't feel a little wierd would be lying.
I sighed, trying to quell the uncertainty that polked at my resolve. I didn't want Charlie to sense my indecision. He would assume he was right in this being a huge mistake. And let's face it, as a seventeen year old I could not give my father the satisfaction of gloating. It went against some teen code or something.
I pressed my forehead to the window and looked out at the alien landscape that stretched out before us.
We drove past a patch of lonely looking cactus, the land beyond it was nothing but red sand and dry brush scattered here and there. The landscape was so dry and parched. How did it survive? There was so much sunlight and wide open space that it was impossible to find shadow or shelter. I guess, coming from Forks, it was my natural instinct to scope out my surroundings for shelter. But there was no need here. The biggest danger was heat exposure and dehydration. The polar oppisite of home.
I guess that's why Renee ended up here.
I swallowed thickly at the realization. If she preffered this atmoshphere... then how is she going to react to me? A product of the gloomy town she hated enough to shun her own family. Her own daughter.
I shoved my depressing thought's aside, trying to focus on the reason I agreed to come here in first place. I know this was horrible of me, and I felt more than a little guilty for using my mothers wedding as an excuse, but I wanted to veg on the beach and soak up some well deserved ray's. Maybe even get some color. I snickered. The gang at school wouldn't know what to think if I came back with a natural tan. Not like Jessica Stanley's orange tan in a can. Ha! I'd be the first person beside's the LaPush kid's to have warm toned skin.
"What's so funny?" asked Charlie.
"Oh, I was just thinking about what everyone back home would say if I got a tan." I chuckled again. My skin had always been practically translucent!
"You won't return home any different Isabella. Not if I have anything to say about it."
His flat tone wiped the smile off my face. He said it as a demand more then an off handed comment.
He never spoke to me like that before. Ever. He saw my frown and sighed. In a very un-Charlie-esque gesture he reached over to pat my hand that was resting on the seat between us.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm just a being foolish old man."
"You have every right to be nervous, dad." I certainly was.
"I'm not nervous," he lied. His mustach bristled; a tell tale sign I was hitting a nerve. "I'm frustrated. I never meant for you to grow up in a broken home." Just then a green interstate sign announced we we're getting closer to our destination. He glared at it and said, "Bouncing your child between state lines is not my idea of good parenting, Bella."
"Aw, Dad." I squeezed his hand and smiled sadly. "You've done a terrific job raising me despite the obsticals." He furrowed his dark brows into the rim of his sunglasses. Renee's was still a touchy subject.
I needed to lighten the mood. "You know, dad? You're really lucky I'm such a great kid. It give's you bragging right's. While I'm gone you should take the oppurtunity to show off you're mad parenting skills."
He cracked a smile and put his hand back on the steering wheel.
"That's just the thing Bells. Your not a kid anymore. If you haven't noticed your practically a woman. Eighteen," he lamented.
"What do you mean?" I rebuked him. "I'll be seventeen until September thirteenth, thankyou very much. Don't make me grow up too fast. Geese."
That made him laugh.
There, let him live in denial for a little while longer.
He had lucked out as far as father's go. I had never had one single boyfriend. Not even a first kiss. I have, however, had a regular line of boys show up at my front door this past year. Eric Yorkie, cute asian boy in my Triganomitry class. Mike Newton, Gods answer to a golden retriever. And Tyler Crowley, a sweet guy but he just couldn't take no for an answer. He was the old adage, Im rubber your glue.
I liked them all fine as freinds. But I felt no spark, no chemisty when they were near me. I didn't pant or get dizzy just by the sight of them. I longed for that moment when I saw him. My prince charming. My handsome knight. My Mr. Darcy.
I loved the classics, especially Jane Austen. Her character's are so real that even in our day in age the hero's of her novel's make my twenty first century heart flutter. If only such a man exsisted for me. I sighed wistfully.
"I think this is the exit," Charlie muttered, checking the online Yahoo Map Quest directions. "Yep, here we are. Lake Pleasant."
My eyes grew wide. I sat up and leaned into the window. We had been driving for days along a straight flat stretch of concrete, and now my sunny warm sanctuary was within arms reach. My heart beat faster. My pale palms grew clammy. I swallowed back a whimper, panic coursing through my viens.
Woah! What a silly reaction, Bella! You're here to have fun in the sun. Here to see your Mom get married.
But if I were honest with myself I would admit that it was her final step of seperation from Charlie and I.
Why would she want me to witness that? I wondered if she understood how fragile I really was? What her leaving did to me? It destroyed me. At six years old when your daddy goes to work every single day because he can't stand to be reminded of his ex-wifes absense... it leaves that child with a sense of no worth. That's how I felt, sitting in my window seat, starring at countless car's driving by, waiting for momy to come home. Worthless and cursed.
And yet, here I am. Willing like a lamb led to slaughter.
All I desperately wanted was to be loved by her. Was that really so much to ask? She did in her own way, of course... just not enough to come back for me.
Depression replaced my panic and I lost interest in the picturesque lake that began to sprawl out before me.
Good going Bella. Once again you found a way to turn a positive into a negative.
A glossy red convertible shot past us with a car full of kids, all smiling and good looking.
I sighed. I was pretty sure the kids who live around here threw beach parties and wore bathing suits all day long. I, on the other hand, hung out at the general store with my friend Jake and wore tatty sweatpants and hoodies. The highlight of my social life was Bingo night at the Lodge with dad and Billy Black. I rolled my eyes. Yeah, I was down with the elderly.
I could feel a huge ass L tattooing itself to my forehead.
I sank back into my seat and glanced sideways at my Dad's face. His eyes were tired and lined, his curly brown hair receeding. He looked older then he should. This couldn't be easy for him. He wasn't pleased that I had to be subjected to a wedding that mocks his daughter and himself. He argued with me for months that I shouldn't have to go. But I refused to miss the big day. I wanted some symbol of her past to be there. Phil, her future. Myself, her past. Maybe it would give her a chance to realize what she'd lost. What I'd lost.
We drove in silence for half an hour, both our heart strings tightening with every mile. Charlie's knuckles grew whiter against the steering wheel while my lips set to a hard rigid line. I was really starting to feel the stress now; a headache settling itself directly between my eyes. Shouldn't this be we're my father's 'mad parenting skills' kicked in? Shouldn't he recognize my stiff posture and quick shallow pant's as a sign of distress? He should be insisting, don't be afraid, Bells. One quick call and I'll be here. But no, he said nothing. It was the Swan way I suppose. Bottle up all your feelings until your blood pressure is beyond repair.
I decided to look out at the scenery, give it another chance.
The tall lush trees I've seen before. Nothing new there. Greenage was the usual canvas I was accustome to in Forks. But it was what layed beyond the tree line that made me blink with admiration. A crystal clear auquamarine lake of breath taking beauty shimmered for miles and miles and miles. Big pretty house's were tucked deep in the green hills of the landscape just beyond the waters edge.
So many families, I thought jealously.
I've seen lakes before of course, but not to this degree of calm elegance. I watched a speed boat slam through the waves it's neighboring jet skier was creating, twisting and turning erratically. The people in the boat were laughing, throwing there arms in the air. I couldn't see any detail of their face's, but I longed to be that happy one day. To let go and slam through the waves I created.
"Here we are," Charlie said a few minutes later.
"Already?" I squeeked, my voice a few octaves too high.
Renee burst through the front door of a large brick house at the end of the smooth blacktop driveway. I examined her face curiously. I looked very similar to my mother except that she had auburn hair and was tan. I sucked in a surprised gasp. Charlie looked from Renee to me, nodding as if he had expected as much. I realized in that moment that everytime Charlie looked at me, he saw Renee. A constant reminder of his failed marriage.
Great. Add on the guilt. I think there was a few inches left in my body somewhere.
Her similar face was glowing with excitment. Mine was resigned at my miserable fate. I forced a smile and waved, grabbing my backpack from the bed of the truck. I can do this, I chanted. I had acted happy for Charlie since I was a little girl. Acting was a simple matter of survival in my life.
"BELLA!" Renee cried.
"Hi, mom," I said breathlessly when she crashed into me.
"Look at you!" She held my arms out from my side, scanning me up and down.
"Bah," I waved her off. "There's nothing special to look at."
She pulled an incredulous face. "What are you talking about?" She touched my cheeks, forcing me to make eye contact. I flushed, feeling suffocated by her attention. I wasn't used to it. "Your all grown up, baby girl. A woman."
Baby girl...
I forgot that she used to call me that. It sparked an ache deep in my chest. Renee's hazel eyes moved to something over my shoulder. I could feel the instant tension. Charlie pulled out my suit case and walked over to us.
"Hello, Renee," he nodded his head curtly.
"Charlie," she smiled uncomfortably. "You look well."
"You too," he said cordially. "Where do we put these?"
"Follow me." She led us to the brick house and opened the screen door. "Welcome home, Bella," she whispered as I stepped inside.
"Thanks," I said confused. This wasn't my home. Charlie bristled.
The house was large and cozy. The floors were a shiney pine and the walls a buttery yellow. All the windows we're cracked open, a light breeze blowing the sheer curtains about. It was beautiful, light and airy. I noticed immediately that it was, once again, the polar oppisite of our home in Forks. The claustraphobia that one exprienced from the dark florsant lit homes was something you never got used to. For whatever reason this made me feel inadequate. My clothes, my personality, my everything wasn't up to snuff here. I felt like slinking off into the woods where I belonged.
To add insult to injury, just over Charlie's shoulder where photographs showcasing my progression from birth to my junior year portrait...ugh... those were embarassing. Prepubesant skin blemishes, braces, bad hair and all, smiled back at me in the form of Bella Swan; awkward girl. I blushed and turned away.
"Come on," mom smiled, tugging on my elbow. "Let's get you settled in."
Low gentle murmmers of conversation floated from one of the doors she led us past. The kitchen?
I back tracked a few steps at the sound of my name.
"Bella?" called a man I assumed was Phil. I was shocked when he lept forward and hugged me. I chuckled somwhere in his chest, patting his back awkardly.
"I'm so glad you came," he said dropping me back to the floor. "How are you, sweetheart?"
"Im fine, Phil. Thankyou," I answered, slightly taken aback by his sweetness. "And how have you been?"
"Just dandy," he winked.
He was a tall man, strongly built and tanned; a definite athlete. He ran his hand through his straight brown hair and appraised me with his happy blue eyes. He frowned slightly. I would have been insulted if I wern't sidetracked by the fact that he was really young... like mid twenties young. Wasn't that a bit young for my thirty six year old mother?
As I dubiously pondered my mothers cougar status, I suddenly realized Phil had company. They we're sitting patiently at the table behind him. A handsome man with blonde hair and a classic profile sat next to a beautiful lady with caramel colored hair and big hazel eyes. They both wore gentle smiles and curious stares. Beside them was a tiny girl with a diseray of spiky black hair and dark glittering eyes. For some reason she looked so hopeful. I couldn't understand the expression.
She was bouncing in her seat, beaming up at me expectantly. I smiled shyly back, not knowing what to say. Her black eyes lit up and before I could even say hello she was on her feet, running at me. Her smile was simply radient. I couldn't help but smile bemusedly at her.
"Bella!" she exclaimed, hugging me like an old friend. "I'm so glad to finally meet you!"
"Err, yeah. Nice to meet you...?"
"Alice," she said, pulling back.
"Alice," I repeated.
She bounced in place, too excited to stand still. I couldn't help myself. I bounced with her, laughing. How odd.
"Can she come home with us, mom?" She turned to the soft looking lady. "Maybe she could spend the night?" What? I just got here!
"Let her get settled in before you drag her off," she chuckled. "Im sure Renee would like some time with her. Beisdes, the poor dear looks exauhsted."
"I am," I said, smiling gratefuly at the kind lady.
Alice beamed, flat out refusing to be side tracked. "Then maybe we can take her on the boat tomorrow? Jasper said they planned on going out!" The lady nodded, grinning at her daughters enthusiasm.
Alice was suddenly seriously, taking my hands in hers and looking directly in my tired eyes. "Do you like shopping Bella? There's like, dozen's of mall's and cool shops around here. I bet Rose would..."
"Alice, honey," the handsome blonde haired man said, holding up his hands. "Let her breathe. Ask her if there's anything she may want to do." Alice bit her bottom lip, feeling bad.
"I don't know if I like to shop," I answered truthfully. "Forks doesn't exactly offer too many selections. There's not much of a choice at Newtons camping Outlet. Unless you're a hiker and like thermal or flannel." I waved my hand across my torso, embarassed by my boyish attire. But it was all I had.
Alice scrunched her nose in dissaproval. "Well, we have to rectify that while your here," she said eyeing my mud stained boots with confusion. "Besides, you need a gown for the wedding, right?"
"Oh crap!" I forgot. Duh, Bella. Were you expecting to wear your best flannel and corderoy's to the ceremony? Moron.
"Then it's settled," she hugged me again. I wrapped my arms around her thin frame, thinking that all this invasion of personal space was going to take some getting used to. "Tomorrow we'll go to Brandon's," she continued, pulling back. "It's an awsome dress shop in Phoenix. You'll love it. And after, all six of us can spend the day on the lake." I nodded in consent, it actually sounded like fun! She clapped and bounced, pleased with my enthusiasm.
Fun...what the hell was that?
Renee and Charlie floated back into the kitchen, both talking in low polite tones. I knew this was difficult for them but they we're acting as if nothing was out of the ordinary. How could they do that? There was eleven years of seperation between the three of us. Looking around at everyone it was like a before and after shot of Renee's families. The Swans versus the Dwyers. From the looks of it, I'd have to say The Dwyers looked younger and more adventerous compared to the reserved backwood Swans. It was surreal how different we we're. How different my mother had become.
The couple at the table stood up and walked over to Charlie and I. It was the first time I noticed their refined manor and expensive ironed clothes. I was intimidated. The blonde man shook Charlie's hand firmly. I noticed the skin of his hand was smooth next to my father's weather beaten one. Charlie looked like he dissaproved of the girly skin, too.
"Im Dr. Carlisle Cullen and this is my wife Esme." Oooooh, he was a doctor. I guess that explains it.
"The pixie there, " he nodded in Alices' direction. "is our daughter, Alice."
Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Rose and... what did she call him again... oh right, Jasper. Strange names. Maybe it was an Arizona thing.
"Charlie Swan. It's nice to meet you." He turned to Phil and shook his hand too. "Phil, goodluck this Saturday." You're gonna need it, I mentally added.
Phil grinned and said, "I know this must be awkward Charlie but thankyou for letting Bella come for the summer. It means a lot to Renee."
He flushed slightly. "I couldn't keep Bella away if I tried. She's been talking about it for months." Talking? More like fighting, dad. They all looked at me and grinned.
"Really?" Renee had tears in her eyes again, like she couldn't believe I was actually here. Esme threw her arm over Renee's shoulder. I nodded up at my mother. We really were similar looking. Freaky thing, DNA.
"Well, I should head back to the hotel, sweetheart," Charlie grumbled. "I need to rest before I head back. Deputy Mark can only hold down the station for so long."
I hugged him, whether he wanted it or not. I was suddenly scared. I breathed in his scent to memorize. Old spice. Charlie had been my parent for so long that it felt like I was seven years old being dropped off at your unfamiliar aunt's house. I didn't know what to say or how to act. It was unfair to Renee, but I could tell I'd be hanging out with Alice and those bunch of kids all summer. I could relate to them some what, I couldn't with her. Some things cut too deep for them to heal in a few short months. But I would be polite and smile a lot for her sake. Like I said, acting wasn't outside of my realm.
"And while we're away on our honeymoon next week..." Renee blushed. "...Bella will be staying with the Cullens." She bit her lip and hastely added, "If that's fine with you?"
I could tell she had added that as an after thought. She understood that Charlie had more right than she to decide where I stayed.
"Of course." Charlie eyed Carlisle for a moment, sizing him up.
"I promise you Charlie," Carlisle said with the utmost sincerity. "She'll be safe with us. We have a house full of kids and food. What more do they need?"
I suddenly pictured a house full of over excited Alice's. Shit. I was gonna need Tylenol.
"Bella!" Alice squealed, making me flinch away. "A week long sleepover!"
"That sounds... really fun." I chuckled incredulously. She was infectious! In the good way.
Strange, I had an instant freind in this tiny girl who obviously had ADHD. Phil reached out excitedly and patted my shoulder, explaining some of the lakes activities. I was bombarded with laughter and welcoming company. My mother kept an firm arm around my middle and asked if I was hungry. Everywhere I looked I had someone talking at me.
I hadn't noticed my father standing awkwardly at the kitchen door, battling with himself to leave. There stood the woman he never really got over along with their daughter. It was a quiet glimpse of what life could have been... and neither of us spared him one glance.
He bowed his head and slipped away wordlessly.