Searching for Love By Donna L. Crawford/div
Rating: MA some M/M sexual situations. some M/M/F sexual situations, mature language.
Nate and Carter have a one-night stand and things happen years later. Enter Jenny.
They were laughing about something that would be less important of what was about to happen. Carter looked into Nate's eyes, licked his lips, and saw the approval. He went to kiss Nate passionately as they were clinging to each other. They broke apart and knew that they crossed a line that they weren't sure they wanted to, but in an instant, they knew how they were feeling, Nate was with Blair and Carter just returned to town. Judgments would fly, but right now, in this moment, all either cared about what what was going on then. Nate touched Carter's scruffy cheek as he leaned in and they kissed and kissed as clothes were flying everywhere. It lasted all night, they took turns with each other, and fell asleep holding each other. Then, morning came and reality set in and Nate was ashamed and told Carter that it was a one time thing and that he would deny it if Carter ever told anyone. Carter closed his eyes to hide his hurt and agreed.
... To be continued.
The present:
Nate sees Carter and he feels his stomach go into knots. What was this he was feeling? He was not into guys, he loved women. He needed a stiff drink, maybe that would make him forget what is going on. He approached the bar and a beautiful brunette bartender named Brandie fixed him a double bourbon neat. Nate gulped it down in one gulp He told her to keep them coming, not to worry he had a limo. She did as she was told, he put a $100 down on the bar as he drank and drank. Serena saw him and came over.
"What's wrong Nate?" She asked.
"Nothing, just having a bad day."
"You can talk to me." Her concern was there in waves.
"I can't, I just can't tell you or anyone. I made a mistake a while ago and now I have feelings that I don't know what to do with them."
"What happened?"
He whispered in her ear. "I slept with Carter Baizen and now I am conflicted on what and how I feel. I am straight, at least that I what I think I am. I want him Serena, God knows I shouldn't, but he made me feel things I never have before." His head was down.
Serena was shocked, but not in the way that he feared. "Nate, you have been there for me more than once and I will be there for you. Maybe you want him, maybe you don't, but you have to figure that out for yourself. Do you love him?"
"I'm not sure, maybe, but I know physically, I want him so bad."
She sighed. "Then go to him and talk about things, see how he feels, and go from there."
Nate hugged her and then, went to find Carter...
More to come.
A tipsy Nate finally found Carter standing outside. Carter was confused, but happy to see Nate. Nate approached him and whispered in his ear, "Can we go somewhere private? I need to talk with you."
Carter just nodded his head with a yes.
Soon they were at Nate's condo. Nate almost fell several times, but Carter managed to keep him on his feet. They went inside and Carter helped Nate to the sofa after turning on the lights. "So Archibald, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"Baizen, do you remember the night that we spent together?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Because I can't stop thinking about it, I put it away, but it is there and I don't know what to do with my feelings."
"You think that it has been easy for me? It has been Hell to try and forget it. I never thought that I would like being with a man, but I did and I would like more. I even tried to be with another man, it wasn't the same and I ran out of there in a hurry."
Nate was in shock, Carter felt the same way? Was he hearing him right? "Me? It was me that made you feel that way?"
"Yes you. Before our night, I was sure that I would NEVER ever think of being with another man, but bam, it happened and I want to explore what we had then and see if we still have it."
Nate reached over and kissed Carter with everything that he was feeling and getting the same back from Carter. They parted and Nate lead Carter to his bedroom, where they stripped each other and were kissing the whole time. They fell onto the bed and it was the same magic that it was the first time, it went back and forth all night long.
Morning came and Nate was content with a smile on his sleeping face. Carter was looking at him. Nate's blue eyes opened and he smiled at Carter before kissing him.
"You don't regret it? You want me?"
"No, I don't regret it and I do want you. Now to explain it to everyone- over time. I don't want them to attack you, me, or us. I want to see how we are, I am not ashamed, I swear to you, I am not, but I want to take our time to be with each other and just us."
"Thank God. I am up for waiting, but we will have to tell them sooner than later."
"I just don't want to be judged for falling for a man. Everyone thinks that I am straight, I do like women, but something about you with me, it makes me happy and I don't want it to be destroyed."
"I fell for you too, Nate. We will take it a day at a time." With that, they kissed, take a shower together, got dressed, and went on about their day.
"Oh Carter, love you and Serena knows, but she won't say a word."
"1 down, many more to go."
To be continued...
Several weeks passed and Carter and Nate were still keeping their relationship under wraps with just Serena knowing of it. It was by mistake that Dan found out and told everyone. Nate wanted to pound Dan into the ground for doing that, but in the end, it was a relief to not have to hide his feelings for Carter and their relationship. He brought everyone that was important in his life together to his condo to hear what they had to say and to tell them that yes he is with Carter, he is in love, and if they couldn't accept it, then the Hell with them! First to arrive was Chuck and Blair. Henry, their son, was at home with Dorota. Then, was his parents and Grandfather. Finally, came in Dan, Serena, and Jenny. The only woman that he loved, but it was not to be. Unless things went bad with Carter, he would try to recover what was happening with her. Once everyone was seated, he opened his mouth to speak.
"Before you lay into me, I am with Carter Baizen. I love him, we are together. Either you accept it or you can leave and not talk to me again, it is your choice, I made mine."
Carter stood by Nate. It was silent for almost 10 minutes before Serena spoke up. "I found out about it first and I am here to support you. If it works out, that is good, but if not. I am here for you."
Next was Grandfather, who was upset, "Nathaniel, are you serious? You're gay?! I had such high hopes for you. I would rather you be with any woman, Diana, the girl from Brooklyn, anyone else."
"I am bisexual, at least for him I am. There are no other men that I want to be with. The girl from Brooklyn? Her name is Jenny and she is right there!"
Jenny was speechless, she didn't know what to say or do other than go hug Nate and give him a kiss on the cheek. "I am with you no matter what." As she smiled at him. Now Nate was even more confused. He loved Carter, but then there was Jenny and she was his real first love. Cound he be with both of them? That would have to be discussed at a later date.
Carter saw the confusion on Nate's face and rubbed Nate's shoulder.
Next was Dan, Chuck, and Blair. They embraced Nate and told him if Carter hurt him, they would deal with him. Nate was relieved. After his parents told him that they would try to support his decisions, everyone, but Carter and Jenny left. Now Nate's stomach was turning.
"Nate, what's wrong? I can feel that you are conflicted. Do you want to be with me or Jenny?"
"I don't know, if I could be with you both, then, but... that is a silly notion."
Jenny touched his cheek. "I wouldn't be opposed to that."
Carter spoke up." Me neither. Maybe we could figure something out."
Nate's confusion went away and a smile was on his beautiful face. "I can be with you both? Not at the same time, well maybe, not right away. But, thank God." With that, Jenny kissed Nate the way that they kissed all those years ago and it was like time stood still. He kissed her back and then Carter came in and kissed them both. This was new, it was interesting, and it would be wonderful if they let it be.
To be continued...