A/N: This 1 took me by surprise. Like S4, this is probably gonna be an emotional roller coaster for some. Hope y'all enjoy the ride!

Dear Sam,

I don't know how to be here and not be with you, so ...

I don't know when I'll be back, if I'll be back ...

I hope you find happiness Sam, even if it's not with me ... you deserve it.

If I don't make it home, know I love, that I've always loved you, that I will always ...

Andy

Andy opened Sam's locker and put the folded piece of paper on the shelf where she knew he'd see it before closing the door and walking out of the guys locker room.

She couldn't help but think of the first time she went in there. It was her first day, Sam was taking his frustrations out on his locker after she hauled him in after mistaking him for a suspect and blowing a 8 month UC. Well, technically she didn't blow his cover, Jerry did when he hugged him in front of "his guy". But he still hauled her into Boyko's office and chewed her ass out for not knowing he was undercover. She braved his temper to get information that helped solve the case.

And of course there was the time she sat on the bench after he helped get her out of the torched laundry mat.

That brought a whole bunch of memories to mind. How he'd stayed on the phone and kept her as calm as he could while they waited for the Fire Dept. to get her and the guy's wife out. His was the first face she saw when they crawled out from under that charred desk.

Of course she remembered a couple times he went into the girls locker room looking for her - the Landry bust when she'd played his girlfriend; the night of the blackout when she emptied her clip into the chest of a pedophile.

The blackout. Now there was a night she'd never forget. She showed up on Sam's doorstep an emotional mess, not knowing how to deal with taking her first life. That was the night they almost made love for the first time ... but the lights came back on.

The awkwardness between them after melted away with a few bad jokes on a trip to Sudbury.

Thoughts of Sudbury brought memories of every time he was there for her and the one time he wasn't. Memories that brought tears to her eyes.

She slammed the door on those thoughts as she went back to the women's locker room to grab her bag.

"You ready?"

Andy looked at the guys locker room one last time before nodding and walking away.

"You sure you wanna do this?" Nick asked.

Andy smiled sadly. "No."

"Andy?"

Andy rolled her eyes. "I'm fine, let's go."

Nick knew he'd have to keep a close eye on his partner.

Sam opened his locker and a piece of paper caught his attention. What the ?

He recognized the penmanship immediately. His blood ran cold when he read the words if I don't make it home ...

Sitting on the bench he read her note over and over until he knew it word for word.

"Hey brother," Oliver said coming in. "Sammy? You alright, man?"

Sam handed the note to Oliver who took it, surprised. "What's this?"

"Read it."

Oliver read the note, stunned. McNally was gone. He knew they were having problems, but ...

"What the hell happened?"

"She left."

"I can see that, wiseass, Why?!"

Sam shook his head. "Because I screwed up?!"

"Brother, you did that when you dumped her in the rain ..." Oliver said softly.

"Don't remind me, man."

The next day during Parade the absence of a certain pretty boy detective as well as both Andy and Collins was glaring.

After he dismissed Parade Sam went to Frank.

"Where is she?"

Frank tried to play dumb. "Who?"

"Don't play dumb with me, man, you know who."

"You know I can't tell you, man."

"Can't ... or won't, Frank?"

"Sam ..."

"I will find out, Frank," Sam said walking out.

He spent his entire shift trying to find out where she went. It didn't take long to figure out that he was being stonewalled.

That night at the Penny he was surprised when Peck sat beside him. "Any luck?"

"With?"

"Come on, Swarek, I know you tried to find her ..."

Sam didn't confirm it or deny it.

"Maybe I can help," she said as she slid a piece of paper across the bar.

Sam looked at her.

"Yes, I used my last name."

Sam smirked. Throwing some money on the table he left.

Sitting on his couch he finally looked at what Peck had given him.

He let out a low growl when he read the note that confirmed his fears ... she was part of Project Dakota.

Six months after Andy disappeared Oliver and Dov brought in a player in a Drug Squad op. It didn't take them long to realize it was the same op Andy and Nick were working.

Sam took a dislike to the Drug Squad detective immediately. He was an arrogant bastard and the way he ran things reminded Sam of Boyd. He liked him even less when they tried to get him to pull Andy and Nick and he said he couldn't because they had lost contact.

"You're telling us you lost them?!"

"It's fine."

"No, it's not, if you haven't heard from her something is wrong," Traci argued.

"I said it's fine," the detective snapped.

"You don't know McNally! She doesn't go off the wire, she doesn't miss calls ..."

"You know this how?"

"Because I'm her partner, jackass!" Sam growled. He'd really had more than enough of this bonehead with a badge.

The detective sat up and took notice when Frank threatened to have his badge if he didn't help get his officers back.

They were hiding in a warehouse, Andy's back against the office door, Nick keeping watch. Nick was out of ideas when he looked back to see Andy with a phone receiver in hand.

"Who are you calling?" he hissed.

Andy ignored him as her fingers dialed the familiar number.

Sam was waiting for things to get organized when his cell rang. Checking the Caller I.D he didn't recognize the number. "Swarek."

Andy breathed a sigh of relief. "Sam?"

"Andy? Where are you?"

"I'm fine, I'm ..."

Sam couldn't help the small smile hearing her voice after so many months.

"Not how, McNally, where?"

"Oh! Uh, I don't know. Trucking warehouse I guess ..." she didn't say anything else because Nick said, "Andy, we gotta go ..."

She left the receiver dangling.

Sam cursed when the call dropped. He did a quick reverse search of the phone number - it was for a trucking company in Fort Erie.

Sam didn't think twice, Fort Erie was an hour and a half down the Q.E.W, longer if traffic was bad, shorter if ...

"Frank!" He yelled heading for the door.

Frank came running. "Yeah, man?"

"I'm goin' to get her back, tell Blackstone to ..."

"Tell me to what?"

"Get your shit together. Unlike you, I don't give a damn about your drug bust, we're missing officers, I intend to get them back."

There was something in his tone and the look on his face, Jacob Blackstone didn't for a second doubt he would.

"You don't know where she is."

"I know where she was 5 minutes ago, that's all I need," and with that Sam was gone.

Sam was at the Fort Erie city limits just under an hour later. He had used lights and siren to get out of the GTA.

He found the trucking company. It didn't take long to find a trailer with the door down. He tried to lift it and it pushed itself back down.

"McNally? You in there? Open the door."

Andy and Nick let the door slide up.

Sam couldn't help the smile as he said, "Hi."

She smiled back. "Hi."

"How was your trip?"

Andy sighed. "Good."

"How are you?"

"Great. It's good to see you."

Sam clapped Nick on the shoulder before they walked out of the warehouse.

Back in Toronto Nick and Andy were informed that the op had been a success with all the players being taken down.

Blackstone shook Sam's hand. "Thanks."

Sam nodded. Looking at Andy and Nick he said, "You can do your debrief here."

Both smiled their appreciation being able to do it at 'home'.

"Come on kids, let's go," Blackstone said as he walked down the hall to an office.

Andy was back in uniform the next day.

Andy and Nick were in the gun cage when Sam walked in, in street clothes. She hadn't thought about it when she saw him the day before then Nick congratulated him.

Andy was stunned to learn that while she'd been gone Sam had taken the exam and had joined the D's.

She was surprised during Parade when Frank announced that their stuff had been sent up from Fort Erie. There were boxes for both her and Nick. Sitting on top were her notebooks. One she would hand in as her notes from the op, the other ...

That night after a long warm shower she curled up with a glass of wine, a pen and her books.

She handed her notes from the op in but couldn't get up the courage to give Sam the one she'd kept for him. She wrote her thoughts down every day as if she were talking to him the way they used to talk, before ...