The Spaces Between Things
A scruffy merchant named Edmond tramped over a grassy mound in the Wilderness, overshadowed by the steep, dark mountains surrounding the bounty hunter arena, weighed down by an enormous bundle on his back.
The grass in that Saradomin-forsaken place was sickly and the earth blackened by ash. A limp breeze stirred the air. Edmond raised his head suddenly and looked around, focussing particularly on the dark crags in the cliff and the low grassy humps stretching to the north.
Suddenly an enormous figure rose up over a hump waving what appeared to be a small tree, and a somewhat less enormous figure leapt out of a fold in the cliff waving what appeared to be a large sword. Two voices cried simultaneously, "Get offa my Wild'ness, hoo-man!" "Get out of my Wilderness, merchant!" Edmond yelped and fled from that place as fast as his legs could carry him, crediting himself by not dropping his bundle.
A tall moss giant stumbled up onto the mound Edmond had just vacated where it found itself face to face with a bent old human in blue armour.
"What you scare off dinner for, hoo-man?" Demanded the giant.
The human raised a runite broadsword threateningly. "Don't come any nearer, Giant. With this sword I've slain demons and dragons and giants and goblins and things."
The giant stood back and examined the human more closely. His beard was white, his face wrinkly and he appeared to have shrunk inside his runite armour, which was now several sizes too large for him. Strands of white hair emerged messily from beneath his medium helmet and the point of his sword wobbled unsteadily in the air. "Uh…" Said the giant. "You not want to eat hoo-man too?"
"Course not," Said the human in a slightly wheezy voice, "I want those merchant fools out of the Wilderness and back to the cities where they belong! Back in my day nobody sold anything in the Wilderness! If they tried they'd be chopped to pieces like that!"
"Like what?"
The human stopped and looked up at the giant, whose slimy hair was blackened with age and the wooden log that replaced his right arm was suffering from a nasty bout of dry rot.
"I don't know what the world's coming to;" He mumbled, "Merchant's in the Wilderness! What's happening to this place?"
The giant growled and nodded, "When I first came to live here dis place was hooj, wiv Hoo-mans fighting everywhere… Der always something to eat and enuff left for da beard as well. Now hoo-mans never fight out here; dey does it all civilized in dehr." He gestured towards the great mountains surrounding the Bounty Hunter land.
"Bounty Hunter," Grunted the ancient warrior, "What rubbish. What happened to the days when you could fight what you like, where you like? I mean look at us; now people fight in arenas and I'm having a conversation with a stinking giant!"
The giant sniffed, then pointed to his beard, "Dat him stinkin; not me." The beard grumbled indignantly. "But I know whats you mean. I would never of torked to a hoo-man back in da old days. If I wasn't gunnuh eat em I'd just kill em for fun."
The warrior sat down on the mound, tenderly bending his arthritis-ridden back, and took off his battered old helmet, a glum expression on his face. A moment later the aged giant slumped down beside him, creaking noisily and creating an enormous thump as he hit the earth, and offered him some limpwert root. The two ancient champions sat side by side, chewing reflectively and looking northwards, where a handful of skeletons plodded around obstinately despite their mortal disadvantages.
At length the human gave a great sigh, "I mean look at Varrock sewers," He began.
The giant looked over his shoulder, "Can't from here; dat cliff's in da way."
If the human heard he gave no notice, "Back in my day only the bravest of the brave went to the depths of that place; most didn't get in deep; the places where the moss giants lived were almost inaccessible."
"I was born in Varrock sewers," Said the giant helpfully. "Lived dere all my time as a sapling. Not many hoo-mans came down but dere was always enuff for three meals a day."
"And now, you get little level 12s fresh from Tutorial Island running around in the depths, and someone went in and built a shortcut! A shortcut into the depths of Varrock sewers!"
"Dey didn't!"
"They did!"
The moss giant growled, as did his beard. "Shortcut into my sewer! What my old da' would say if 'ee knew…"
"And then there's Edgeville Wood," The man muttered, referring to the forest between Edgeville and northern Varrock.
"I likes Edgeville Wood. Went dere after leaving da sewers; I mean, after I ate out at da Church… And da museum. It was nice; always lots to eat in Edgeville Wood. Nice trees, too."
"S'gone."
"What's gone?"
"Edgeville Wood. They chopped the whole thing down to make their 'Grand Exchange'. We la-dee-flipping-da! That's what I say!"
"Dey didn't! Dey couldn't! 'S a crime against nay-tuh, da's wat it is!"
"They did! And guess where they got the stone to pave over it."
"Where?" The giant asked, sounding terrified.
"Well let's just say the peak of White Wolf Mountain is 20 feet lower than it was before!"
The giant looked shocked, "Da's a crime, dat is! Da person who did dat should be eaten dey should!"
The human nodded glumly, "Merchants in the Wilderness, banks everywhere, Varrock sewers, Edgeville Wood… I went to Draynor Manor the other day; you know what I saw?"
"What?"
"Wallpaper."
"Wallpaper?" Shrieked the enraged giant, "Wallpaper in Draynor Manor? Dat just taked da bisscit! Dat's like snow on Karamja, dat is!"
"Oh, it snowed on Karamja Christmas before last so you can't even say 'Snow on Karamja' anymore without getting odd looks. And they've started mining in Lumbridge swamp. And on Crandor Island! Crandor Island used to be the most dangerous place there was and now people go there to mine!"
The giant gurgled with rage.
"And look at this…" The warrior pulled out a pale blue book and waved it before the distressed giant's eyes, "All I have to do is sit in a circle on the ground and read from this and I get sent straight back to Lumbridge, and they give these books out for free to everyone these days!"
"How could dey, how could dey!" Demanded the giant, jumping to its feet and pacing about the mound in agitation.
"I know! Back in my day you found your own way 'round and if you got lost it was your problem to get unlost; there was no 'teleport to safety' option. It was ages before I went any further than Port Sarim, and when I first visited Falador it took me hours to find my way out again! And now they're even selling maps and giving out free weapons to the newbies!"
"DA'S NOT RIGHT! DA'S NOT RIGHT!" Roared the giant to the air, and then it froze, its back straight, head bent towards the black heavens. And with the slow inevitability of a tree struck down in a thunder storm, it toppled rigidly over, rolled down the slope and landed face up on the blackened earth of the Wilderness.
The warrior shimmied down the grassy hump and looked down at the prostrate giant in befuddlement. "What happened there?" He asked. The giant's beard shrugged.
A brief examination proved that the giant had gone to meet its maker, and most likely to lodge a complaint. The shrivelled warrior in his too-large runite armour raised his sword to the giant's chest to cut out some of its valuable bones, but he paused and his arms slumped to his sides. "Nothing's worth anything anymore," He muttered, "What ever happened to the spaces between things? Seems to me the larger the world becomes the more people want to fill it." The beard gave him a sympathetic look.
And the ancient human, slayer of dragons, giants and demons slumped off southwards towards the great cities where men chopped down trees, paved over deserts, built roads over mountains and told tales about heroes.