Baby Bottle

Chapter 1

Author's Note: Here is the first chapter of what I hope will be a series. This idea popped into my head last night. Also, THESE ARE JOKES. Don't be offended because I call Harry "gay" or something like that; I am a huge fan. Now, on to the story!

Harry walks into a gay nightclub

Ron follows

Guy walks onto stage

Guy: Today we will label the gay of the month! You will receive this pretty crown. points to flavored condom

Everyone looks at each other

Guy: IT'S A CROWN WORSHIP IT! pulls out gun

Harry: Just get on with the story!

Guy: Right. cough puts away gun

Guy: The gay of the month is... SHEAMUS FINNIGAN!

Sheamus: fans his face with his hand as tears run down his face, then grabs the condom and pushes Guy off the stage

grabs microphone

Sheamus: Like oh my god like I like never ever thought like I'd get like this big of an honor! Like, wow! starts bawling EVERYONE LOVES ME!

everyone backs away from stage

Sheamus: fans face C'mon Neville! stuffs condom in pocket, grabs Neville Longbottom and drags him into the back room

moaning sounds are heard a few moments later, as everyone stares

Sheamus screams

Sheamus: YOU BIT ME!!

Guy: climbs back on stage Well, now that's over, enjoy the PenisCutoffs as they perform their new hit song, "Dildo Paradise". walks off stage and crossdressers replace him on stage and start singing

Harry: sulks I wish I was the gay of the month. I wouldn't even mind being Gay of the Day.

Slytherin Boy: See, John! I KNEW IT! I KNEW THAT SCAR WAS A SEX INJURY!

Ron and Harry: stares

Harry: "HUMPY DILDOEY!"

Slytherin Boy: Runs outside and starts humping girl passerby But, I'M NOT STRAIIIIIIIIT! NOOOO!

Harry and Ron: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Harry: stops laughing and coughs up a hairball Turns around

Ron: puts hand on Harry's shoulder Don't worry, Harry. Who cares if everyone knows your secret?

Harry: peels a banana What?

Harry: picks up and opens waterbottle takes drink

Waterbottle: You have sucked me! Harry and Ron look at each other For that VERY, Very, very... GREAT pleasure... Harry and Ron exchange dirty looks ... you get one wish.

Ron: WOW! One wish! pokes Harry Are ya gonna get me some chicken strips? Huh? Huh?

Harry: punches Ron Turns to Watterbottle Hmm... I know!

Watterbottle: pulls out wand that suspiciously looks like a wooden dildo

Harry: I WISH I HAD HUGE KNOCKERS!

Watterbottle: takes dildo out of his mouth : DONE!

Harry: immediately grows giant boobs looks down YAHOO! feels them

Random Guy: pokes Harry's new boobs Those are so obviously fake...

Harry: I have big plans for these....

Watterbottle: I think I deserve a thank y- is stepped on my a stampeding Harry

Harry: runs outside and grabs random Random Straight Guy

RSG: Wanna get a room?

Harry: Definitely.

Harry and Random Straight Guy: walks into a hotel room

Harry and Random Straight Guy: are making out. RSG takes off shirt and then slips off Harry's

Random Straight Guy: moans puts hand down Harry's pants

Random Straight Guy: face expression changes from dirty to confused Uh, whatsurname.... Uh... what's this??

A/N: Please review! I need at least 5 positive reviews to post the next chapter!

NEXT CHAPTER PREVIEW:

Hermione finds the waterbottle!