I don't even know why I bother to wake up anymore. It's not like I have anything to look forward to now. My only one that I've ever loved is gone. Gone without a word or so much as a goodbye. For the one that he said that he loved. Father Dom told me that it would be coming eventually, but I didn't want to hear him. My mom thinks that I'm depressed or that I caught something from school. But I know the truth. The truth that I can't tell any of the therapists that she's dragged me to in the past month. They think that there's been a traumatic situation that I don't want to tell anyone for fear of another traumatic situation. Talk about repitition and half-truths. I've tried to go on with my life after it happened. But something inside me didn't want to believe what Father Dom had said happened. Maybe it was how uncomfortable he looked when he told me. Maybe it was how he rushed me out of his office when he heard that there was a call from "That sweet young man who you saw yesterday".
"Susannah, now you knew it was going to happen, this was why I warned you not to become attached to him like that. I told him the very same thing." Father Dom said as I came crying to his office that Monday after....I won't get into that now.
"But. Why? Why did he go? And without a goodbye or anything?" I cried the second the secretary let me into his office. "You know that he wasn't like that don't you? And what was it that he found that finally moved him on? Why couldn't he have told me goodbye or something? You were with him weren't you? I mean, he did live...well sort of anyway...at the rectory. The only person that could see him was you. Oh. What am I going to do now? Without him, I don't know how I can deal with Paul. The shifting lessons are absolutely pointless...." I trailed off. About that time, Father D. stopped me to ask a question I should have known was coming next.
"What shifting lessons? Paul? Why did you take them in the first place? But..."
I cut him off there. " I only did it to save Jesse! I don't know if he got rid of him on his own or what. All I know now, is that Jesse's gone! He's gone!" At that, I burst into tears--again.
"Now now, Susannah, don't cry so hard. You knew the responsibilities of this kind of um... relationship that you had with Jesse. Eventually, he had to move on. He couldn't have stayed here anymore. His timing is just perfect for him." And at that time, as I was trying to ask him exactly how he knew all this, the secretary interrupted.
"Father Dominic, That sweet young man who you saw yesterday is on the phone for you."
"Thank you. Okay now Susannah, I think that it's time for you to go now. Back to class. We'll see you later. Good luck!"
And that was the end of that matter. After taking some tissues, I went down to the cemetary. Mostly to look at Jesse's grave. Maybe if I wished really hard...but no. It wouldn't happen.
When I got there, I just sunk down onto the ground and used up all of my tissues. I had to be strong. It's not like I'll never see him again. He'll be up in heaven or the next life or whatever. I'm sure I'll see him again. I think.