Love, Lust and Lunacy

Disclaimer: Nope, not mine…never will be.

Spoilers: la la la la, I can't hear you… it's Alternate Universe

Rating: T for language

Characters: Trish, Dawn, Victoria, Lillian, Lita, Randy Orton, Chris Jericho, Tyson Tomko, Batista, Christian, Jeff Hardy and John Cena…appearances by many others.

Summary: Bad plumbing, a need for room-mates and a mutual friends wedding brings them all together.

Notes: So yes, another alternate universe.. What can I say? I like these situations because I can blissfully ignore any storylines, injuries or whatever that I choose. Pertinent notes- everyone is more or less the same age…mid to late twenties. Some real names used, some not.. We'll see. And I know the summary is vague, but have some faith. And, I know the airport security measures have been tightened, but just play along with me a bit.

…………………

Saturdays were always laundry days. And since the wiring problem in the apartment complex…laundry day resulted in a trip to the Laundromat. Of course, they wouldn't have to worry too much about the laundry issue in a week. Childhood friends and college room-mates, Trish Stratus, Victoria Varon and Lita Dumas were finally moving out of their cramped apartment. Trish had been fortunate enough to spot the six bedroom house for sale in the classifieds one month ago…and they had all been fortunate enough to finally put up the necessary cash. Why they needed a six bedroom, they didn't really know…but it was certainly better than the cramped apartment they were currently living in. Being friends with the real estate agents daughter -Dawn Psaltis- helped their case immensely. Dawn was supposed to be one of the two room-mates they needed, but.. Her upcoming nuptials put a dent in that plan. The other planned room-mate -Lillian Garcia- was also out of the picture. Her excuse being that she had to move back in with her parents to help her mother take care of her ailing father. Not that Victoria, Trish and Lita didn't understand her reasoning…just that it left them in a temporary bind as to what to do. The three really didn't want to put an ad in the classifieds as they really didn't trust the population of San Francisco. But, if they didn't find the room-mates, they'd be left with no other options.

Lita wrinkled her nose, ripping down the paper that Victoria had just tacked up. "We are so not advertising in a freakin' Laundromat."

The dark haired woman sighed. "And why not? Take a look around Li, there are normal people in here."

Lita snorted, "Yeah right.." she shook her head, sorting laundry into piles. "Vi.. You take a good look around…a lot of these people are far from normal."

"Including us," Trish commented from her spot between the two. "I mean really, we're not exactly poster children for 'normal'."

"Which is why it wouldn't hurt to put up an ad here," Victoria reasoned logically. "What else are we going to do? Advertise at our places of work?"

Lita shrugged, "We'll figure out something…but that doesn't mean we have to advertise here."

"Trish?" Victoria glanced to the aforementioned blonde woman. "What do you say? We just got a six bedroom house, and there's only three of us."

Trish rolled her eyes, "Duh…we were gonna have Lil and Dawn move in with us, and use the sixth bedroom as a guest room or something. And no, we can't let this place go. We've already used a lot of our budget money, plus dipped into our savings to get this place." She sent a pointed look to the redhead, "Besides… someone decided that the house would be perfect."

Lita held up her hands defensively, "I couldn't help the fact that the band needed a place to practice.. And besides, it wasn't just me, Lillian's also in the band."

Trish raised an eyebrow, "Not the point…your band could've found somewhere else than our already small apartment."

The redhead raised an eyebrow in turn, "I never heard you complaining…and if I recall correctly, you actually encouraged Jeff to practice there."

Victoria snickered, "She's got ya there Trish."

"And?" Trish stuck out her tongue at the raven haired woman. "You were making goo goo eyes at Chris."

"Actually," Lita glanced sent a sly look to Victoria. "You were more interested in my brother.. It was Lillian who kept missing her entrances because she couldn't keep her eyes off of Chris."

Victoria rolled her eyes, "So? I had no one else to talk to.. Trish was at work, you guys were practicing…what else was I gonna do?"

Trish exchanged a look with the redhead. "Hey Li.. Why don't we ask your brother to move in with us?"

Lita nodded slowly, "That's not a bad idea actually…Ty and one of the guys he works with are looking for a new place."

Victoria smiled dryly, "Sure.. And while we're at it.. We can ask Jeff to move in with us. There is a guest house on the property remember?" She rolled her eyes, "Which I still don't see the reason behind getting a six bedroom house, plus a one bedroom guest house.."

"Well…it's a small ranch for one." Trish shrugged nonchalantly. "That's reason enough right there. It's out of the city, but close enough to the city and more importantly- we get out of a very cramped apartment."

"Not to mention," Lita began with a smile, "Finding an affordable place in San Fran.. Is like looking for a needle in a haystack. Honestly Vikki, for what we were paying in rent plus parking…we would've spent way more if we had stayed in that lame ass apartment complex."

"And the laundry," Trish nodded between the carefully sorted piles. "I mean, we've used most if not all of our meter money to do laundry today.. Not that we'll need it after next week anyway…but--"

"Alright," Victoria let out a mock sigh of defeat. "You've made your point…even if we are gonna be paying taxes on this stupid place for the rest of our lives.."

Trish rolled her eyes, "Which is why we're looking for room-mates…and sorry Vi, but I hafta agree with Li on this one- no way in hell are we advertising for room-mates at the Laundromat."

Victoria shook her head as she put in a load of laundry. "Then what are we going to do? For arguments sake, lets say we do invite along Ty and his co-worker.. That's two room-mates right there, but do they stay in the guest house or the house, house."

"Well…let's take a closer look at this." Trish began as she started a load. "We're gonna need three room-mates for the house, one to rent out the guest house. Plus, we have a finished basement and an attic to work with."

Lita coughed, pausing the loading of laundry. "Actually…I was hoping to use the basement for practice. Like you said, it's finished, plus it'll be out of your way. We won't clutter the living room with our instruments and--"

"I know, I know.." Trish rolled her eyes. "You also need space to set up your dark room so you and Jeff can complete your projects. But that doesn't mean you'll be using the basement twenty four hours a day…so if we really need to, voila. One more spot open."

Victoria nodded as she shut the door to the washer. "Which means we'll need that attic for storage…think about it- three of us, plus whatever room-mates adds up to a lot of junk."

"Right.." the redhead nodded as she shut the door the washer she was using. "So, we'll talk to a few people.. I can ask Ty if he would be interested.." with a sideways glance to Trish, she added: "And I'll talk to Jeff."

Trish shut the door the washing machine with a flourish. "Well there's always tonight.. Remember? Dawn's having her engagement party."

Victoria raised an eyebrow, "So? It's not like there's gonna be anyone new there.."

"Yes, there will be…Christian's childhood best friends or something."

Lita blinked, "I thought one of 'em was Christian's cousin…"

"No," Trish corrected in a moment. "It's Dawn's cousin and one of Christian's room-mates from college, who also happens to be his cousin."

"Right.." Victoria swept her hair from her face, "So we're still hanging around here because…?"

Trish shrugged, "We can't exactly go very far…but we might as well get lunch."

…….

The three filed out of the Laundromat then, their destination as of yet- unknown. As Trish had pointed out, they really couldn't go far…since they had to return to claim three dyers. Added to that, they would risk losing the prime parking spots just outside of the Laundromat. And as they all knew, good parking spots were hard to come by in the city by the bay. Whatever the case, they didn't go too far, opting out of the popular all natural food place just around the corner in favor of a pizza place further up the street. There, they further discussed their room-mate options and the all important prospect of moving to their new place. Between them, they had a descent amount of furnishings, but they were severely lacking in kitchen appliances and dishes. Having lived in the apartment and having the added benefit of being college students- most of their dining experience had come courtesy of the college campus. Hence, the need for their own kitchen appliances and dinnerware had been lacking. But, they reasoned, they'd manage with what they had until they could afford more…or hopefully, their room-mates would be able to provide in that department.

"So, what do we really need to get?" Victoria queried on the way back to the Laundromat. "Most of the stuff we'll be taking with us…is furniture, a mop and a lot of clothes."

Trish shrugged, "The house already comes with a refrigerator, oven and dishwasher. I think there's a microwave too, but I'm not sure.."

"Well why would we need anything else for the kitchen then?" Lita sent the two a questioning look. "Unless one of us plans on taking up gourmet cooking, we don't need much."

"True," Victoria conceded with a nod. "Which means we just need to get some more pots, frying pans…and dishes."

"We should get a vacuum.." Trish added then. "We also need a dining room table, since ours is about ready to fall apart."

Lita frowned in thought, "Jeff's got a dining room set…plus a living room set. We could use a new couch or we can put it in the den."

"Ooh… we need a new television." Victoria sighed. "Ours is on it's last leg."

Trish snorted as they re-entered the Laundromat. "If we have guys for room-mates, I doubt getting a decent television will be a problem."

"Point," Victoria pushed back a few strands of hair. "So, what time is the engagement party and where is it being held?"

"Pier 39.." Lita stated as they re-grouped near the washing machines. "Since there will be some out of town guests coming in, Dawn figured a good tourist trap would be the perfect place."

Trish nodded, "And given that it's Dawn…we'll probably be at Neptune's. Best food, best views."

"Yup, Dawn also had her father book a private tour on one of the Blue and Gold ships." Lita shook her head, "And this is only the engagement party."

Trish opened her mouth to add to the statement when her cell phone beckoned. A blink later and the blonde was occupied.

"Trish.." Dawn began hastily. "Can you three do me a huge favor?"

The blonde raised an eyebrow, "What, why and when? We're kinda in the middle of doing laundry right now.."

The brunette sighed. "I can't get off of work until later and I was supposed to pick up my cousin and Christian's cousin from the airport."

Trish nodded slowly, "Uh huh…and why can't Christian get them?"

"Because, he's interning with Daddy today."

Trish pinched the bridge of her nose, "What time are they getting in and where are they staying?"

"Their flights get in at 3:00 and they're staying with me and Christian.." Dawn paused to bark out orders at her secretary. "That's the other problem…I was supposed to give them a small tour of the city before the party and now--"

"Fine…fine.." Trish shook her head. "We'll pick them up and play baby-sitter.."

"You're a lifesaver," Dawn gushed instantly. "Thank you so much Trish."

The blonde woman nodded, reaching for her purse to take down the necessary notes. "Okay.. We'll pick them up at the airport and meet you at Pier 39 at 5:00 for the party…yeah.. I know you owe us, Dawn."

"I'll make it up to you, I promise." Another pause, "Anyway I have to go…this team is really starting to get on my nerves."

Victoria and Lita eyed Trish expectantly when the phone call was ended.

"That was Dawn," Trish began first. "She needs us to pick up her cousin and Christian's cousin from the airport later."

Victoria grimaced, "I have to head to the college, work out my plans for next year. Remember?"

"Right, right… the masters program." Trish sent a pleading look to the redhead. "Li?"

The redhead sighed. "Fine…I'll go with you." She sent the blonde a look. "You're lucky that test was moved to next weekend."

Trish regarded her curiously, "So that means you're going after the teaching certification?"

Lita nodded, "Yup… of course, having Chris' dad on the board of education helps a lot."

The blonde nodded, "What are you planning on teaching?"

"Music or art I think," Lita shrugged. "But, I'll take just about anything."

Victoria inclined her chin. "Chris had mentioned there was an opening at that new elementary school.. But, I think it's kindergarten."

"It's also a co-taught class." Lita added wryly. "And you start with the kindergarten level, teach all the way through to sixth grade. Same group of students, same two teachers. If that doesn't come through for me, I'll just keep teaching piano on the side and working at the children's center."

Trish frowned thoughtfully, "So what are you gonna do about the band? Chris just got that internship with the Chronicle, Lil's doing the part-time nursing thing both at the hospital and at home…Jeff's--"

"No one knows what Jeff is doing. Last I knew, he was also going for a teaching certification so he could teach art." Lita finished for her. "But honestly, I really don't know what's going to happen. We held onto the band thing because it got us some extra cash for college."

Victoria nodded, "I think you'd be better off doing what you're doing now, Li. You love those kids at the center and they love you."

Lita smiled, "Yeah I do love them…they're great kids. But, it's only a part time job, Vikki.. I can't do that for the rest of my life and expect to make it."

Trish rolled her eyes, "Then go full time, silly. You can do that now, you know.. Work 3:00 to 11:00 at the center. That way you can still do your piano lessons."

"I've thought about it," Lita shrugged, moving a load of laundry from the washer to a dryer. "But, I'd have to wait until there are more full time openings."

"It'll work out," Trish smiled warmly. "And in the mean time, I have to find a part time job for me. Four more years plus a one year internship before I even get to residency."

"And you'll get there," Victoria stated with a smile. "Just like I'll get through law school."

……..

Conversation trailed off then, the three discussing their future plans. Both the realistic future and their dream visions of the future. They all knew a rocky road was ahead of them, but they had been expecting that anyway. All they could hope was that, it wouldn't be too rocky…and it was at times like that, they wished they had Dawn's life. Their friend, daughter of one of the city's best real estate agents, was also employed by one of the top interior design firms. Of course, that was partly due to some nepotism.. Dawn's mother the owner of the aforementioned firm. But, they weren't really jealous of their friend, they just wished they could have it as easy as she did. Where they had struggled somewhat to make ends meet, Dawn had always had it easy. Life for the brunette, had been served on a silver platter…sometimes literally. Her upcoming wedding was already one of the most talked about events…and the wedding wasn't even scheduled for another year. Whatever the case, the three remained resolved in their beliefs to succeed.

"Alright.." Trish began when they entered the airport. "Dawn's cousin is flying in from Boston, Christian's cousin is flying in from St. Louis." She glanced sideways to the redhead, "Who do you want?"

Lita shrugged, "It doesn't really make a difference Trish, we're all heading in the same direction afterwards."

Trish rolled her eyes, "Okay…Dawn said that Christian's cousin is on the tall side, he has brown hair and blue eyes.."

"That really narrows things down.."

"She also said, that if he's wearing a short sleeved shirt, he's got tattoo's on his arms."

Lita nodded, pausing a moment to read over the informational monitors. "Okay… I guess I'll meet you down at the baggage claim then. Stupid terminals on the other side of the airport."

"That works," Trish re-shouldered her purse. "See ya then!"

Lita waved in response, wishing then that she had gotten a name before she left to get Christian's cousin.

"Shoot," Trish bit her lower lip. "I forgot to mention his name.." She glanced over her shoulder in vain. "Oh well, I'm sure Li'll find him anyway."

The redhead crossed her arms impatiently while she waited for the plane to come in. "So, now I'm looking for some non descript guy who may or may not be wearing a short sleeved shirt." She sighed, "This is going well."

"Crap, they're deplaning already." Trish pushed her way through the crowd, "Okay.. Dawn said to look for a brown haired, well built, loudmouth guy…"

"Finally," Lita pushed off from the wall. "I hope this guy sat near the front."

The blonde woman narrowed her eyes as she surveyed the deplaning passengers for a likely candidate. "Hmm.." hazel eyes fell on one individual. "Well.. Only one way to find out.." Shoulders straight, she approached the male under scrutiny. "Umm.. Are you John?"

He raised an eyebrow, "Depends on who's askin'.."

Trish fought the urge to roll her eyes. "I'm Trish.. Dawn's friend. She couldn't make it so she asked me to come get her cousin."

He nodded hesitantly. "An' how do I know you ain't gonna try and kidnap me or somethin?"

This time, she did roll her eyes. "Look, if you'd like to find your own way around San Francisco, be my guest. I'm doing this as a favor for Dawn."

"Lighten up, blondie." John re-shouldered his carry on. "I'm John Cena.. Dawn's cousin from Boston."

She smiled politely, "Trish Stratus… Dawn's friend from San Fran."

While John and Trish made their way to the baggage claim, Lita was still waiting for the deplaning process to start.

"How long does it take--" She trailed off when the door to the jet way finally opened. "About freakin' time."

"I'm complaining to your superior." A man said as he walked out, "This is just ridiculous, taxiing for who knows how long."

"Well there's a rude one," Lita commented to herself, hazel eyes watching him absently. "With brown hair, blue eyes…" her face fell, "And tattoo's on his arms. Just my luck."

The male in question stopped in the middle of the terminal, to slip on his sunglasses. "That is the last time I use this stupid airline…stupid Christian for living in this crappy city."

Lita pursed her lips in dismay. "Might as well get this over with.." Hands jammed in her pockets, she approached the apparently disgruntled figure. "Excuse me.."

An eyebrow raised, "What?"

She forced a smile, "A friend asked me to come pick up her fiancé's cousin.. You seem to fit her description."

He lifted his sunglasses marginally, "Right and that could probably describe just about anyone, huh? Why should I believe you?"

She shrugged, "You really have no reason to.. But, if you want to pay your own way into San Francisco, figure out where you're going…then by all means, feel free."

He eyed her carefully, "I'm calling my cousin just to make sure you aren't some psycho."

Lita rolled her eyes, "Be my guest." She crossed her arms over her chest, standing back as he did in fact call his cousin. "What a cocky jerk.."

"Hmm." He turned to face her, once he had finished his phone call. "Christian said, it'd either be a short blonde or an average height redhead."

She raised an eyebrow, tossing her red locks for effect. "Last I checked, I fit the latter of the two descriptions."

He rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses. "Whatever.. Lets just be on our way, so I can get my luggage and complain to my cousin in person."

Lita smiled thinly, "So do you have a name or should I just call you asshole?"

He paused, "Well I could tell you or you could be polite and tell me your name first…unless you'd like me to refer to you as psycho bitch."

"I've been called worse," she stated indifferently. "But for posterity's sake, I'm Lita."

He smirked, "Your parents must've hated you.." he waited a beat, "I'm Randy."

"Displeasure is all mine."

Randy shook his head at her retreating back, the two making their way to the baggage claim in silence. To say their meeting started on the wrong foot…was a drastic understatement. But, it was still her duty to at least get him to the baggage claim, so she did that. After the baggage claim, all proverbial bets were off. As far as the redhead was concerned, Randy could walk from the airport. But, she knew if she did that, Dawn wouldn't be happy. Dawn not being happy, would result in a very unpleasant evening and that was not how Lita wanted to spend a Saturday night. All the same, their walk through the airport was tense, Lita glancing over her shoulder once in awhile just to make sure he hadn't gotten lost. Soon enough -and thankfully for them both- they reached the baggage claim and met up with Trish and John. Introductions were exchanged, the two females stepping back so the guys could claim their luggage. Trish questioned the redhead's suddenly sour mood, Lita naming Christian's jackass cousin as the source. And it was on that note that, John and Randy re-joined the two; the four subsequently making their way out of the airport and to the parking garage.