My Ode to Snipers.
(Fiddles with Ukulele)
We are called n00bs and many other things.
We all destroyed the Sacred Rings.
People scream and curse.
Before they are in need of the nurse.
Travelling at Mach 2.O.
We send our love but not by bow.
The long barrel of our death bringing machine.
Glows black and quite pristine.
You charge with your head held low.
To avoid that fateful blow.
That would send you tumbling down the grassy knoll.
We are snipers the best the feared.
We all have long shiny beards.
(Bashes Ukulele. Useless instrument)
My Ode to Glitchers
(Plucks steel guitar)
In your glitchy hands you hold.
The skulls that shine link burnished gold.
The rocket and sword not power weapons but tools.
To send you soaring above the common fools.
The scorpion was not spared your glitching tizzy.
Across Coag you hurtled it made use all fell really dizzy.
I was so moved by seeing the 66ton tank grow wings.
That I tried and even went for a swing.
Then next you ingenious mind produced.
The superbounce we now all curse.
Into Zanzibar's sky you rocketed like a comet on fire.
It is used so much the situation is quite dire.
The mighty Foundation next fell before you onslaught.
With suberbouncers and glitchers it is know fraught.
Warlock had three days to live before you all arrived.
The situation has taken quite a dive.
I must say to all glitchers out there.
I admire your originality and flair.
But please give use a little time with the new maps coming out in July.
So we don't all wish you to die.
(Throws steel guitar away. Is there no instrument for me?)
My Ode to the Shotgun
blows tuba
What is that I hear?
The blast of the Holy Boomstick draws near!
Death and destruction follow in its wake.
Ready to own us all like a fresh baked cake.
If only my above verse could tell the truth.
Right now I would be better off with a bowl of chicken noodle soup.
In the LAN parties of Halo 1 is kicked much butt.
Now the unfortunate user should go live in a hut.
If I pick up this weapon of by gone days.
I will be called many terms used for gays.
The Host can still wield its awesome power.
Only then in the hands of a master does it make us all cower.
So let use raise our glass to this weapon of former deadly effect.
And maybe we could all defect.
trashes tuba
My Ode to the Fuel Rod Gun
(Comes onstage. Crowd falls silent.)
This mini nuke it quite the gun.
For starters it sorta reminds me of a long john bun.
One hit from my radioactive friend.
And you get what appears to be a bad case of the bends.
Its ammo glows green it is really quite quaint.
Looks like a cross between Tylenol and green paint.
In campaign the grunts fire with wild abandon.
As you begin to feel really sat on.
Then the real pain arrives like walking tanks the hunters stride toward you.
You begin to sweat and scream as one whispers….BOO!
So yes this weapon is very good.
But I bet you never peeked under its hood!
(Takes bow. Pies flies. Ducks pie)