Titles
Chapter 1: Journal Entry of the Warden-Commander
I don't own Dragon Age. It belongs to it's creators at BioWare! Please R&R!
I am the Hero of Ferelden, Champion of Redcliff, Lady Cousland of Highever, and new Warden Commander. All of these titles bring me no happiness. My parents, my sister-in-law, my beloved nephew, friends, everyone I knew and loved are dead. My brother is all I have left. It brings to me little comfort that the man responsible for this is dead, by my hands.
The carnage at Ostagar still haunts my dreams, all those lives lost for no reason. Duncan, the man who saved me is gone, all the other Grey Wardens of Ferelden, and even King Cailan. But I know they have found peace with the ending of the Blight, but that isn't what hurts me the most. All the titles in the land can't fill the emptiness of my heart. It's because of a title that I feel this way. I did what I had to do, but I still feel empty about doing it.
I lost my beloved Alistair. I should call him King Alistair, but to me he is still the goofy lovable man who claims to be raised by devout Andrastian dogs, who could also fly, with an unholy love of fine cheeses. In a time in which I had nothing, he gave me hope. He was my everything; he was my strength and my shield. I don't get to see his face anymore. The only things I have now are titles and a new tyern to rule and hopefully make prosper. I suppose I shouldn't be too upset with what happened between us. He was the one who ended this, saying we couldn't be together because he needed a Queen who can provide him with an heir. I lost the only man I ever loved because of a decision that wasn't fully mine.
I accept that I am a Grey Warden; I loved fighting darkspawn during the Blight. It gives me a sense of purpose and helps me find inner peace. I would trade anything to be traveling with him again. To see his face as we would raid kitchens in the middle of the night, fighting over who got the last piece of Orlesian cheese. To feel his arms around me when I awakened from nightmares of the darkspawn, his silent presence reassuring me that everything was alright. He was the one who ended it, so I should hate his guts for what he did to me, but it was because of a title that he did that to me. Because I was the one who believed in him the most, who believed he could be a good and wise king. Of course he needs an heir to the throne, but it hurts me that after everything we have been through together that I couldn't have been the one to provide him with that heir. So I agreed to be sent to rebuild the Grey Warden order, to find new recruits, in hopes that by doing this work, my love for my King would diminish.
I never realized how much I still truly loved and needed him, until the other day. There was an assassination attempt on my life that ended with only one of my aides receiving a scratch on his arm. Even though I was calm and collected on the outside on the inside, I was scared to death. What would have happened if I had died? It probably would be a funny story to some. The fearless Hero of Ferelden, who vanquished the Archdemon and lived to tell the tale, but then died from assassination during dessert. The thing that probably scared me the most was that if I died, I would never have seen Alistair again. I made everyone swear to me, on the blood of Andraste, that they would never ever tell him what happened here. "You must swear to me, the King will never find out. We don't need him sending more troops here; we don't want to cause anymore unrest with the people. We need to show them how strong we are, that we won't go running to the King for every little thing that happens. I am fine, the assassination attempts failed. The King must never find out!" I couldn't bear it to use his name; thankfully growing up Noble has given me an ability to be strong, even though all I want to do is cry. Seneschal Varel bowed and agreed that Alistair wouldn't find out. Captain Garvel, however looked uncertain, but he finally agreed that he wouldn't tell the King. Let's just hope he keeps his promise.