Hiya! Here's a new one shot about little ol' Rollins. It's mushy and angsty and a lot longer than I expected !
Enjoy :)
Fixed
"I don't know what's you're looking for down there, but I'm pretty sure you're not going to find it."
I scoffed, eyes still staring down the bottom of my fifth glass of rum and coke. It was typical of Bayley to make a comment like that, and I would have told her that had I not been too focused on letting the last drop of rum slide on my tongue, making sure to not waste any. I felt Bayley roll her eyes as she took a stool next to me, seemingly unwilling to let me drown my sorrows alone.
"I know this sucks, Lena, but you can't just sit here and drink yourself into a mess all night," she pressed on, slowly prying the glass out of my hands.
"You just watch," I mumbled, reaching for the glass so I could have someone fill it up once more.
"Are you serious right now?" she sighed, grabbing the glass more roughly this time.
"Do I look like I'm kidding?" I laughed, giving up on the glass and instead turning my body to face the bartender. "Good sir, I would like another drink of alcohol." The bartender smirked and placed another glass in front of me, filling it up with the same mixture. "You're too kind," I winked.
"You're drunk already."
I rolled my eyes and focused my attention back to Bayley.
"I am chillin'," I held my hand up in defense dramatically, only proving her point.
"Lena – "
"Bayley, I'm fine. I'm not a child, I don't need looking after. Just go back to your friends, ok?" I said, gulping down half of my new drink in one sip.
"I can't. Not if you're sulking here all by yourself, being sad over some douchebag."
I laughed a humourless chuckle, passing a hand over my face before meeting her gaze. She'd been staring at me this whole time, I knew that much, her eyes full of worry and attention. I reached over and drunkenly pulled her into a hug, thanking her silently for her words. I couldn't really articulate much at this precise moment, but I needed her to know how I felt. When I pulled back she gave me a sad smile and I took a moment to drown the rest of my drink before speaking.
"He is a douchebag," I said, shaking my head, and she laughed.
"Oh my god, yes!" she agreed, and we both chuckled.
We sat there in silence for a minute, long enough for me to risk a glance in the direction of our table. Further down the bar, the rest of our group were chatting and drinking amongst themselves. I looked over all my friends, feeling warmth in my heart, before my eyes landed on him. He looked so unbothered, listening with attention to something Roman was saying, a smirk reaching his lips as the story continued on. A cold shiver ran down my spine, chilling me instantly. How could he look so calm, so collected, when I was right there, a complete mess? How could he not seem to care that we'd only broken up three weeks ago? How, just how, could he bring other girls around me like it wasn't a big deal?
His arm was currently resting on the back of her chair, his hand softly draped on her shoulder, and a part of me felt like he was doing it just to hurt me. I couldn't possibly forget that I was right there. Could he?
The thought of it was a thousand times worse than him purposely being a jerk. Memories from a year long relationship don't go away just like that. Not in three weeks. Not like this.
"Hey."
I jumped slightly, almost forgetting that Bayley was right next to me. I'd been doing that a lot lately; dazing away with thoughts of Seth. It's not like I could stop thinking about him, really; he was always there. At work. At the gym. At the bar. We were always together. During our relationship it had been a blessing. Now, it was a damn curse.
"Stop staring at him."
"I'm not."
"Yes you are."
"She's pretty, isn't she?"
I heard Bayley let out a long sigh next to me. "Stop torturing yourself, Lena."
"She's like, a million times prettier than I am." I heard myself rambling and I couldn't stop. I knew our sad it sounded, how pathetic. I didn't like talking myself down. I didn't like how terrible I felt about myself when other girls were involved. I didn't like that Seth was making me question all my worth. But how could I not? He was the one who left. And now he was showing up with these freaking models, perfect girls who were the furthest thing away from who I was: flawed and bitter.
"That's not true. You're a 10. Now shut up and let's go back to the hotel."
"Fine."
Bayley seemed to be relieved and she shot up, extending her hand towards me. I grabbed it and she helped me slide down the stool, knowing full well I was not exactly capable of doing it myself. Once my feet touched the ground, she wrapped an arm around my waist to steady me up and guide me towards the front door without making it look too much like she was carrying me. I looked up at her, eyes full of gratitude, feeling lucky that I had someone who cared for me that much.
"You're a gem, Bay."
"I know."
I chuckled, and we finally made it to the front door. I welcomed the cool air on my face, seemingly more aware of my surroundings than I was inside of the bar. Bayley attempted to let go of me, keep her arms close, trying to see if I could handle standing on my own. When I didn't fall over she nodded and walked ahead, leaving me to follow at a slower pace. She reached our rental car a few steps in front of me, reaching for her purse to get the keys. After a few minutes of frantic searching, which had given me enough time to reach her, she turned to me with a sigh.
"Do you have the keys? I thought I'd taken them from you earlier but I guess not," she asked, and my hand went to my mouth as I chuckled. "What?"
"I stole them back when you went to the bathroom," I admitted.
"Are you kidding me?"
Bayley was clearly not as amused as I was about the whole situation. I answered with a dramatic shrug and a proud grin, which she scoffed at.
"Unbelievable," she mumbled, extending her hand towards me with a hard stare as I reached for the keys in my back pocket.
"Here ya go, ma'am," I nodded my head at her, letting the keys fall in the palm of her hand.
"Please never drink again."
I was about to let out a childish retort when the sound of laughter had me turning on my heels to stare at the front door of the bar. My face fell when my eyes met the stumbling figures of Seth and his date, both hanging on to each other as they laughed along. I had to place my hand on the hood of the car to not let myself fall to the ground. My stomach was in a knot as I took a deep breath, hoping it would stop the ache in my chest. It didn't.
After regaining his composure, Seth met my eyes in a flash, and he stopped laughing altogether. Instead he held my stare a second more and turned to his date, whispering something in her ear, getting her to follow after him as he started walking away from us.
The commotion had given Bayley time to unlock the car doors and she silently settled herself in the driver's seat and waited for me to get to my side, looking me over with sad eyes. When I closed the door and buckled my seat belt slowly, the car roared alive and I ignored her stare, instead looking over the window. She didn't say anything and instead drove off, the car so silent I could hear my own beating heart.
We had been driving for only a few minutes when my chest, which had been aching since seeing Seth, seemed to crack. I think I heard it. I think I felt my own heart breaking in that moment, that silent moment in the car. And then I was sobbing. It all came in a rush, my hand going to my face in a flash, unable to control myself anymore. I folded over myself on the seat, unable to even hold myself up, as sob after sob broke through me. Bayley's left hand left the steering wheel and she placed it softly on my shoulder, drawing comforting circles.
"Why does he do this?" I cried, letting my hands fall long enough to look at her. "Why does he do this to me?"
Bayley took a deep breath and shook her head. "I don't know, honey. I really don't know."
I barely remember getting to the hotel that night, or settling into bed. All I remember is crying myself into a restless sleep.
I woke up the next morning with my head throbbing, my eyes puffy, and with the weighing feeling that things weren't going to pick up from then on. And they didn't.
Seth seemed to make a point of bringing random hookups to any outing, as though he was trying to break some kind of record on how many girls in a row he could be with without remembering their names. Or maybe it was the record of how many times he could make me feel like my heart was bleeding in the same week.
It was a month later that my birthday came, and even though I wasn't the biggest fan of birthday parties, especially when I was concerned, I'd somehow agreed to go out with the roster on our last night in a series of house shows. I was turning 25 after all, and it was indeed a cap worth mentioning. Little did I know that the entire RAW roster had been invited, without filter of who I'd actually want to be there. It seemed to be an excuse to have everyone out together to celebrate not only my birthday, but everybody's hard work in the upcoming weeks to Wrestlemania.
I'd fooled myself into thinking he wasn't going to bring anyone to my birthday.
It's my birthday, I thought. He wouldn't do that. He'd have that decency.
Nope.
The festivities had started around 10 o'clock with everyone filtering in after being done their respective matches. I'd spent most of the night with Bayley and Sasha, laughing our way through fruity drinks and cheesy nachos, but I was sitting between Finn and Sami when Seth made his entrance. He'd main evented the house show and was the last one to make it to the bar, with, of course, a tall brunette with piercing blue eyes in tow. The building tension was obvious to everybody, even though I tried my hardest not to stare. But I couldn't.
When we'd started dating, I couldn't believe that a guy like that could want to be with a girl like me. I didn't wrestle, I didn't work out that much, and I didn't look flawless every second of every day. He did. He was damn near perfect, with a kind smile, a dorky laugh and a body to die for. I couldn't believe my luck. But I guess that's all it had been: luck. And it ran out.
It was our first day off after a while that he'd spent the night at my apartment and woken up before me. When I'd made it to the kitchen to get breakfast going, he was fully dressed at the kitchen counter with an unreadable expression. He told me he needed space. He said it was going too fast and that he felt trapped. He wasn't ready for a commitment yet. He'd been engaged before and it hadn't worked out, and he wasn't at a place where he could invest himself in a serious relationship yet.
My world crumbled that day, and I was too shocked to convince him to stay. So I let him leave. But he wasn't really gone because he was always there.
"What you thinkin', love?"
I turned to Finn who had obviously been looking at me as I stared. He gave me a smile, pretending he was oblivious to the whole thing.
"Ye look puzzled," he laughed, poking me softly on the cheek. I couldn't help but chuckle at the gesture.
"I'm trying to figure out how to get out of the birthday song," I lied, trying to brush my aching feelings off. Sami laughed on my right as he listened and shook his head.
"No way, it's happening. You're going to sit there and enjoy it," he insisted, pointing at me. I held my hands up in defense.
"Fine, jeez. Don't get all pointy at me."
Sami dropped his hand, grinning, and I shook my head. If my love life was a damn mess, at least I had people around me to count on. Even if they were all the same friends I shared with Seth, even if that meant he'd always be around; I was okay as long as I had these guys.
"A'right, let's drop the song 'n focus on the presents then, how's tha?" Finn proposed, and my eyebrows shot up.
"Presents?!"
"Yes, presents," he laughed, looking me over as the announcement nearly had me bouncing on my chair.
"That sounds like an amazing idea!"
"Good."
I smiled at Finn, already feeling so much lighter. He smiled back, and for a moment I forgot Sami was even there.
"I'm going to go get mine, I left it in the cloakroom," he said, and I nodded at him as he walked away.
Finn cleared his throat, fidgeting in his seat. My furrowed my eyebrows, bringing my head closer to his. "What's up?"
"Nothin'," he shrugged, and I shook my head.
"Not nothing, you look nervous. Is it your gift? Is it bad?"
Finn laughed and passed a hand over his face nervously. He looked so cute for a second, and I caught myself forgetting how shy he could be.
"Give it to me."
I bounced over my chair once more, biting my lip in excitement, and Finn took a deep breath before reaching into his jacket pocket which had been hanged loosely on the back of his chair. He pulled out a small velvet box, which usually hinted at jewelry. My eyes grew wide and my mouth fell slightly opened, which only seemed to increase Finn's nervousness.
"Finn..."
"It's really not that much, honestly," he justified, handing it to me. I hesitate for a second before reaching out to it, grasping it from his hand with shaky fingers.
"You really shouldn't have done this," I told him, opening the box. Inside lay a beautiful pair of earrings, shiny and silver, simple and elegant. I let out a gasp and looked back up at him with disbelief. "Finn, honestly, it's too much!"
"It's not. You… I just wanted to make ye happy," he shrugged.
"I am," I smiled, and Finn's shoulders seemed to relax instantly. "Thank you so much."
Without even thinking I leaned over and pulled him into a tight hug, my arms wrapping around his neck and his hands rested at my waist. When I pulled back, Finn was beaming and his hands lingered on my waist just a little too long, long enough to make me notice how close his face still was from mine.
It was then that I heard the scratch of a chair being roughly pushed back as someone stood, and I turned my head towards the noise only to meet two burning eyes staring down at me. Seth's chest was heaving, and he seemed about ready to jump over the table and pounce at Finn. My heart sped up in my chest at the sight of him, confused but suddenly hopeful. Was he jealous?
Did he care?
Before I could process the whole thing, Seth was halfway across the bar, apparently on his way out. And before I could even realize what I was doing, I was running after him.
He was almost at his car when I walked out of the building and shouted his name. He stopped on his tracks, frozen, and took his sweet time before turning around to look back at me. His eyes were still full of anger and I could see his clenched fists on either side of him.
He didn't say anything, and in that moment I realized he probably didn't have anything to say to explain this. Yet, I had to ask.
"What is wrong with you?"
The question stunned him, because he took a few seconds before he seemed to register it. Then, his face contorted into a scowl, and he was obviously even more mad than he had been.
"Me? What's wrong with me? What about you, huh!" he spoke, taking a few strides towards me but not bringing his voice down as he got closer. "Finn? FINN?"
"What about Finn?!" I yelled back, and by that time he was standing directly in front of me. He scoffed angrily as he obviously tried not to punch something.
"Are you fucking serious? The hell is this, huh?" he pointed at the box in my hand, and only then did I realize I was still holding on to his gift.
"Finn is my friend-"
"-your friend? Yeah, that's likely!"
"- and there's nothing going on between us!" I finished, trying to speak over his interruption.
"Bullshit!" he pressed on. "He's been fawning over you from the start!"
"The start of what?"
"Of us!"
"There IS no us anymore, Seth."
He fell silent, breathing heavily after yelling at me. I held on to the velvet box for dear life as our eyes never left each other, and mine filled with tears that didn't yet fall. He let out a heavy sigh and nodded, his stare finally falling to the floor.
"Yeah," he breathed, his hands making their way to his face. He nodded and pressed his fingers onto his eyelids, sniffing. His hands fell and my breath caught in my throat when I realized his eyes were just as teary as mine. "Yeah, you're right."
"You left me."
I said it so softly I didn't even know if he heard me. Then his eyes met mine and I knew he had.
"I made a mistake."
My tears freely fell down my cheeks as I stared at him in disbelief, not fully comprehending what he'd just said. I didn't even know if I had imagined it, if I had wished it.
"I shouldn't have," he continued, and I was sure then that this was real. I let out a humourless laugh, not knowing whether I should let him go on, punch him, or let him take me home.
"What are you saying?" I asked him, curious and getting suddenly frustrated. The spiral of emotion I had been forced through since our break up had been exhausting, and I needed answers.
"I'm saying I fucked up, Lena."
"Really? That's your speech? I fucked up?" I imitated, feeling anger rush through me faster by the second.
"No, listen, hear me out, ok?" he said, holding his hands up as though trying to calm me down. "I messed up. I did. I was scared, ok? I still am. I'm fucking terrified," he continued, and the look in his eyes told me that he truly was. I'd never seen him like this, never this vulnerable. It made me want to reach out to him and soothe him down, but I fought the urge.
"Afraid of what?" I spat, holding my ground.
"Of us!" he echoed his earlier words. He passed a hand over his face, speaking softer. "Look… I'm not good at relationships."
"You were doing fine until you left," I argued, and his eyes closed momentarily.
"I'm sorry."
He took a final step closer to me, his hands reaching out slowly to my face. I wanted to push him back but something in me stopped me, and I let him cup my face in his hands.
"I'm so sorry," he repeated, bringing his forehead to rest on mine.
"What's happening?" I cried, asking myself and him.
"I don't know, baby," he sighed. "I just know… I know that I love you."
The confession brought more tears to my eyes and I let them fall without shame, simply trying to wrap my mind around the events of the night. This is what I wanted. This is what I had been dreaming about for weeks.
"I do. I mean it," he said, and still I didn't say anything. Truly I had no idea what to say. Instead I brought my hands up to rest on his, letting out a breath and I sunk closer to his chest. In a blink his lips fell on mine and my arms wrapped around his neck. He hands roamed my upper body and rested on my waist, bringing me closer to him as the kiss deepened, his tongue caressing mine with a passion I'd never felt from him. I moaned into his mouth, having missed everything about these moments. The scent of him, the softness of his lips, the feel of his beard on my cheeks, the roughness of his hands on my body.
Panting, we broke apart after a while, and he smiled down at me, making me chest flutter. He brushed loose strands of hair out of my face softly, seemingly lost for words.
I cupped his cheek in the palm on my hand softly, breathing slowly, knowing that this was probably the last time I would be with him like this.
"Why did you purposely hurt me?"
His face fell in an instant when I said it. He let go of me and I unwrapped my arms from his neck, staring up at him with determination. Even after all this, I still couldn't wrap my mind around his behaviour since our break up. When you love someone as much as he said he loved me, why would you want to make them hurt?
"What-"
"The girls, Seth. All the girls."
Seth's mouth opened then closed. He was stuck, and my jaw clenched as I waited for an answer I knew he didn't have. I wanted this so much, I wanted him more than I'd ever wanted anyone before. And slowly, as I read his eyes, I was realizing I needed someone who would want me the same way.
And that someone wasn't Seth.
"You don't hurt someone you love like that," I told him, swallowing the lump in my throat, trying to at least not cry my way into this moment. "That's not love."
"I do love you!"
"No, Seth, you don't."
His eyes darkened and I could tell he wasn't happy with the turn of events. Fair, but neither was I. I don't know exactly when it had happened: maybe during the kiss, maybe during the screaming match, maybe whilst being with my friends, or maybe while hugging Finn; but somewhere in there something had clicked.
"And it's fine," I finished.
Slowly I reached my hand towards my chest and pressed my palm onto my heart. There, I felt it. Strong and loud.
Fixed.
"I'm not giving up on you," he said, his jaw clenching, determined. I held his gaze and smile sadly at him.
"You will. And that's fine too."
Hope you liked it! Leave a review if you did ;)