DAIMAO - BACK TO BRITISH HILLS
Daichan and Eiji spent a lot of time together doing all the things that couples usually do, but they didn't live together yet and had no plans about living together in the future.
Being so busy with their work made it impossible for them to live like an ordinary couple.
They were not kids anymore and both tired of flirting with anyone, so went on seing each other as often as they could and were utterly satisfied with their long lasting affair.
The two young men were watching a movie on the sofa in a cold mid-December night when Daichan's mobile started to ring.
It was late. Daichan gave the phone an annoyed glance and said:
"I'm sorry, I forgot to turn it off..."
Then took it from the table and changed expression as soon as he put his eyes on the screen.
Eiji, who was looking at him, couldn't help but seeing that sudden change of mood but didn't ask questions.
"It's Mao calling me... I've got to answer, excuse me."
Daichan didn't change room to answer the phone. He just got close to the window right behind the sofa. He wanted Eiji to feel at ease and trust him: he had nothing to hide. Nevertheless, he felt rather nervous: Mao didn't call him often as they were used to keep in touch by emails, and being heard by Eiji now was somehow weird.
"Daichan, is it too late? Were you sleeping?"
Mao's voice sounded different each time. This kid was growing up and changing so fast...
"No, it's ok. I was watching tv. Are you fine?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I was wondering if we could have a chat...and..."
Mao hesitated and Daichan was about to suggest him to call back later in the japanese morning, but then Mao went on with his speech:
"...and a cup of tea, or a glass of wine as you prefer."
Daichan stood still, his tongue lost the connection to the brain for a few seconds, then Mao began to laugh and Daichan thought he had been joking.
"Daichan, I' m going to the airport right now. I' ll be in Tokyo tomorrow afternoon."
No joke, he was coming back to Japan to spend the Christmas holidays with his family. Daichan began to stutter, which was quite unusual for him, and Eiji turned to look at him.
"A-are you serious? Well that's great, of course we have to meet and drink something together!"
Almost 8 months since they last met... Mao came to Japan for just one week in late April and they went out for a beer with Nakamura Ryusuke and a couple of other friends. Finally time to meet again.
Eiji's point of view couldn't be just as thrilled as Daichan's one.
This sounded like a perfect kind of dangerous situation.
When the phone call was over Daichan sat next to Eiji on the sofa and was able to cool down very fast. They talked about Mao's return and Eiji, who was rather worried, preserved a calm, almost careless attitude towards this subject. He never stopped looking at Daichan who, on the contrary, kept his gaze on the tv screen most of the time.
"I think we'll go out for dinner together very soon, just the two of us I mean... I hope you don't mind."
"You have my blessing, dear. Just leave the silver platter at home. Oh, it's so late! I'm going home."
Eiji kissed Daichan on the lips and started up, ready to leave.
Daichan was shocked and started to laugh, then pretended he didn't get the pun.
"Eiji, what did you say?"
"It's late, I'm going home."
"I got that part... could you repeat the previous one please?"
Eiji smiled, put on his coat and went away.
Daichan spent the whole night thinking about those words and trying to decide what to do.
Eiji was pretty confident, but Daichan's feelings for Mao seemed to be still there, unchanged. They were just dormant, awaiting to be brought back soon.
Daichan got up from that sleepless night, determined to do something very daring: he looked for a special place to go with Mao, and called to book a room for two for one night.
The special place was to be "British Hills".
British Hills is a replica of a british village, just two and a half hours from Tokyo. It is set in the mountains and it gets very snowy in winter time.
Four episodes of the "Takumi-kun" saga were shot there. It was also the place where Daisuke and Mao kissed and made love for the first time.
Daichan cherished this amazing resort because of the sweet memories related to it.
It was an absurd idea, he wasn't even sure that Mao would have agreed to spend a night there with him but he was determined to proceed and Eiji was to be kept unaware of this plan: he definitely didn't want to split up.
Mao landed in the late afternoon and spent the first two days in Tokyo with his family.
Daichan called him that same evening, right after dinner.
"Okaeriii! How are you? Are you tired?"
"Daichan! I'm fine, thanks. I was able to sleep during the flight."
"Good. Listen, keep yourself free next Tuesday and Wednesday. I'll pick you up on Tuesday morning. "
"Pick me up? Where are we going?"
"I'll tell you, don' t worry... Are you staying at your mother's house or in Shibuya?
"I'll be staying at my mother's house for sure... but..."
"Take a change of clothes... warm clothes."
"Daichan... you're scaring me!"
"Don't say so, you should know me already!"
"Yes, that's why I'm scared!"
"And a pair of boots, don't forget the boots!"
Two days later Daichan rented a car and drove to Mao's home.
They met in the street, it was early and cold and none was around. They smiled at each other and hugged for one second, both embarassed, then Daichan took Mao's bag and put it in the car.
Mao was not so skinny like he used to be. He had turned into a very attractive man. The cute boy was still there maybe, probably hidden behind the eyeglasses.
"Did you tell your mother that you're going away with me?"
"She didn't ask and I didn't tell her, but I guess she knows that it's all your fault if I'm already leaving..."
The two young men were both nervous and shy at first, but it didn't last too long.
Mao was in the mood to talk about his daily life in New York, and Daichan in his turn talked about his latest stage plays and about his wonderful trip to Guam.
"I saw that. You were jumping around like a kid...so funny! It reminded me of a crazy puppy who's running on the beach for the first time!"
"Did you see that? Where did you get the dvd?"
"Oh, I saw it in Youtube."
Daichan was not glad to hear that someone had already uploaded his dvd in Youtube, but the good thing was that Mao intentionally looked for his videos so maybe missed him more than he could have expected.
"Do you miss Japan sometimes?" - Daichan dared to ask.
"I always miss Japan... I belong to this Country, I can't think of living in the U.S. for good."
Daichan was tempted to ask him more but then gave up and Mao shortly added:
"I really miss everything ..." - … Daichan couldn't help hoping to be part of that "everything".
They stopped talking for a while, then Mao realized that they were going to the mountains. There was a thick layer of snow all around them. The landscape was so familiar to him...
"This is the way to British Hills, right?"
Mao's voice was low and serious. Daichan looked at him, forcing a smile, but Mao wasn't looking back.
"Yes, it is. I thought it would be nice to enjoy it as guests."
Mao just nodded and didn't reply.
Daichan was afraid that he was getting angry, but he knew how to turn his mood into a cheerful one: a good lunch, a hot chocolate and a great amount of snow were all that Mao needed to unleash his inner child.
They arrived at "British Hills" in time for lunch, and they were welcomed by a very charming Christmas atmosphere. It was all like they last saw it in 2011.
Mao took a deep breath and whispered:
"Here we are again... looks like we were here just yesterday..."
He was conscious that this choice hadn't been taken at random by Daichan.
"Did you book a room for two?"
"Yes, I did. Any problem about it?"
"Let me guess... THAT room?" - Mao believed that they would have shared the room where they made love for the first time, but he was wrong.
Daichan's scolding gaze made him feel ashamed, but he felt even more ashamed when he found out that their room was actually the "Luxury Suite".
"Oh God, they're gonna think that we are on a sort of honeymoon..."
"Mao, look, we have a private living room. We can sit, talk and relax on our own."
They left their bags in the Suite and went to dine.
Daichan couldn't stop looking at his beloved Mao and admired the way he was able to talk in English to the british waiter. The awkward boy had become so incredibly confident...
Mao's attitude changed a lot as they went on eating and talking, and Daichan felt very relieved: it was obvious that his friend enjoyed to be there with him, and his only hope was to spend a nice time together after so long.
They ended their lunch, then put the boots on and went out in the shining snow.
The sun was still high in the sky, and it wasn't too cold.
Some young girls were playing with snowballs and having a lot of fun.
"I wanna do that, too..." - said Mao.
"Really?"
"Yes, why don't we..." - Mao couldn't end his speech because Daichan hit him on the shoulder with a big snowball and ran away.
They played for about half an hour, running and chasing each other, then, all of a sudden, Mao fell down in a hole full of snow and almost disappeared. Daichan's big laugh could be heard from afar, but he immediately came over to help his friend.
"You clumsy boy!"
Mao's glasses were completely wet so he put them away and they went on arm in arm, walking around and finding the places where the "Takumi-kun" scenes were shot.
Then Mao stopped and talked to Daichan:
"Why did you take me over here? Every step we take, a heart-breaking memory comes to us... "
They were spending a nice day off playing, chatting and taking pictures... then suddenly this question. Daichan had been expecting it, but was taken by surprise anyway.
He carefully thought, then looked Mao in the eyes and answered:
"We belong to British Hills, we'll always be part of this place because we were born here as a couple, and I miss the way we used to be... I missed you so much and needed to feel like before just for one day. I don't want you to feel sad, to regret the past, to be angry with me... so please try to enjoy this day as it is, just take the best from it. Can you try to?"
Daichan's voice was trembling as he spoke and his eyes were full of tears. At that very moment Mao knew how much he missed Daichan's beautiful laughter, and started to regret his question.
They stood there for a while, unable to move or talk.
Was it possible to "feel like before"? Wasn't it a nonsense? They were not a couple anymore and grew tired of being mistaken for Gii and Takumi long before breaking up. They were "Kyosuke who studies and lives in New York" and "Daisuke the actor who lives in Tokyo."
Mao was used to a brand-new life now, but apparently took him less than half an hour to get back to the former one.
Daichan was waiting for him to say something. This handsome man whom he had loved so much was standing in front of him, sweeter than ever, still very attractive to him, and Mao strongly felt like kissing his lips... and so actually did. He got closer and gave him a sensual kiss, then grabbed his hand and said:
"Let's go to The Ascot, I need a hot chocolate."
Daichan was amazed by Mao's behaviour and had no time to react. He didn't kiss him back either. He just got kissed and was puzzled like a schoolgirl being kissed for the first time.
"Wait, wait a moment! You gave me a kiss, did you notice?"
Mao simply smiled and walked on. Daichan was conscious that the kiss was a kind of answer. He didn't need to ask more for now.
They soon arrived at The Ascot, where Mao could finally warm up and eat some sweets.
"This is so good... open your mouth!"- he tried to feed Daichan in a bossy kind of way, but the young man started to laugh and preferred to take the cake by himself.
Daichan's gaze was focused on Mao all the time. Why did he like him so much? He found him cute anytime, so it was not only about the way he looked like: he had fallen for his sweet but also strong attitude, for his smile, for his good taste, for his funny clumsiness.
And then, he always felt like he had fallen in love with a straight guy who incidentally found himself involved in a homosexual affair.
Straight men were over the top for Daichan, but being helplessly in love with one of them was such a foolish loss of time. Mao, who rejected his kisses during the filming of "Niji iro no garasu" and, despite his cute look, always behaved like a straight boy, eventually fell in love with him and even made love with him. He was the perfect lover, but it was over now. Daichan's heart was starting to ache...
"Are you staying in Japan on New Year's eve too?" - asked Daichan.
"No, I'll leave on the 28th..."
"Oh, I'm sorry that you're not gonna stay a bit longer..."
"I hope you're not alone that night."
"I won't be alone... thank you for your concern."
The conversation didn't go any further. They were both too afraid to ask details, or rather too wise.
When they went outside the sun was about to set down and the giant Christmas tree was already lighted up.
It was much colder than before, so they decided to get in at once.
Their heated room was delightful. They could sit on the large armchairs and look out of the windows to enjoy the snowy landscape shining in the evening.
Daichan went to the bathroom and filled the tub with hot water.
The bathtub was an oldstyle european one, not too big and provided with four golden paws.
"Ofuro is almost ready... it's not exactly hinoki but it should be good. You can go first."
Mao quickly undressed in front of Daichan, then walked straight to him with a resolute look in his eyes and started to undress him beginning from the trousers.
Daichan was astounded, almost amused. He couldn't believe this was really happening and initially thought it was just a joke.
"What the hell are you doing?" - a shrill voice came from his mouth.
Mao was still busy with the lower part of his body. He was about to take off the underwear but Daichan stopped his hands.
"Please don't...It's getting hard..." - his voice was low and hoarse now.
Mao kissed him on the lips, put his tongue in his mouth and went on grabbing his dick.
"You are so handsome Daichan...I want to make you mine, I want to make love right now."
Daichan's brain was in a storm, his excitement was too high... and all of a sudden his thought went to Eiji.
He was cheating on him and was feeling guilty, but he couldn't lie to himself: Mao wasn't just a casual lover and he knew from the start that he would have kissed or even had sex with him... they were meant to meet and to love each other again. This absurd stay in British Hills was to become like the memory of a perfect dream. No regrets were allowed, not this time.
He was panting too fast and almost went numb. The fireworks were still burning in his head. Mao's tongue was like a hard cock, and Daichan got the feeling that he wanted him to be the bottom.
He was ready to do whatever he wished, to take it up in the ass and give him pleasure as long as he needed.
Mao's desire was increased by Daichan's submissive attitude. He touched his hole, found out that it wasn't tight at all and that he was able to put the whole finger in it. Then even two fingers at once.
"You're having fun lately..." - he said.
Daichan didn't care about these words, he only begged Mao to suck him or fuck him as soon as possible because he was ready to cum.
They went straight to the living room and Daichan leaned on the window.
The lights were turned off so that nobody could see them from the outside.
Mao went on his knees to lick, and the hole got dripping wet and ready to be used.
"Spread your legs, you're too tall."
Mao's cock was not too big. It fitted Daichan's hole, and was hard enough to give him a great pleasure. He used it like a hammer, very fast and harsh. Daichan's sweaty chest was pressed against the cold glass of the window, and he went on jerking off until his cum finally started to pump out of his dick and spread on the floor.
"I'm coming... Mao... ahhh!"
The more he was feeling pleasure, the more his voice got higher and girlish. Mao was incredibly aroused and started to fuck even harder, then came inside of him.
"You squeal like a woman... I would put it in your mouth..."
Both tired and breathless, exhausted by that hot performance, they just stood there for a while. Mao leaned on Daichan's back and kissed his shoulder.
"How do you know?" - asked Daichan.
"Know what?"
"How do you know the way women squeal?"
Mao could answer that he saw porn movies, of course, but Daichan was not a fool so he decided to tell him the truth.
"Daichan, you were my first and only man. I had no other gay relationships in my life except you. As for now... I only have straight affairs in New York. I think I've always been straight after all."
Daichan knew it already in his heart. But even so, he felt as if he was hit by a gun.
"You are into women now, so why did you fuck me? I really can't understand..."
"You were my very first love and I won't be able to forget you. Besides, I don't want to. You are such a wonderful creature... I don't think of you as a male: you are just you. You are my beloved Daichan, the most beautiful human being I ever met. I can't refrain from dreaming of you, from feeling the longing for your perfect body, for you kisses, for your smile...
You are my senpai and my best friend and you know that I'll always be fond of you, but... but I also want to raise a family some day. I hope to get married and have some children in my life."
Daichan listened and silently started to cry. He didn't want Mao to see his tears because he was afraid to look selfish, but Mao noticed his sobs and held him tight in his arms.
"It's fine. And I'll be so proud of you, so happy for you...You deserve to have a beautiful family of your own."
"And you'll be part of it as long as we live. I won't be able to give up on you. Never."
Daichan turned face to face with Mao. They embraced and sweetly kissed, and their tears got mixed on their faces. They could barely see each other in the moonlight.
The cold starry night in the mountains was amazing.
Daichan pointed at the Milky Way and said:
"We could start meeting once a year on the seventh day of the seventh month..."
Mao didn't reply, just stared at the sky. Then they both started laughing like two dorks.
To move on different paths, yet staying connected. To be as one, always, yet having different partners. Daichan was confused, but also aware that only a weird solution was possible at the moment.
A hot bath was waiting for them. They washed themselves and finally got into the bathtub together, relaxing without speaking.
They just wanted to treasure that moment, as they were conscious that it could hardly be renewed in the near future.
Mao was lying on Daichan's chest, and Daichan was touching his body all over underwater. Mao's cock soon hardened again, and Daichan casually started to jerk it off. When Mao's breath was speeding up, and his moans were getting louder, he suddenly stopped his lover and got up. He turned towards him and went down on his knees, almost putting the cock on Daichan's lips. He wanted to be given a blow job.
The senpai closed his eyes and took the whole shaft in his mouth.
A 24 years old boy's cock, so stiff and good to be sucked... Daichan knew the way to make him scream in pleasure. He put his hands on his ass and pushed to give it the right rythm, then let him move back and forth on his own. The cock was all in his mouth, he almost got chocked and the feeling of chocking made him cum.
Mao pushed it faster, then filled his mouth and Daichan swallowed the load.
"I'd fuck with you all night long..." - said Daichan.
"What a nice proposal... but let's have dinner first."
They were starving, so they dressed up and went to the restaurant.
Daichan wrote a short message to Eiji to say goodnight, then turned off his phone and put it away.
The two friends spoke a lot and also drank a lot of wine during the dinner.
They were served by a western waitress, and Daichan couldn't help wondering if Mao was possibly attracted to her.
She was cute and shy. She had never seen such a couple of handsome japanese men, and Daichan's gaze clearly embarassed her.
"Daichan, stop staring at her!"
"Is that your kind of woman?"
"What? No way, no awkward conversation at table!"
Daichan laughed and went on:
"I saw your change but I wasn't able to give a name to it... "
"And... do you happen to like the "new me"?"
"I do. I used to like you before, but you have become a real man and I like you even more now. Ooops, I'm sorry. I shouldn't tell you such things."
"We both changed a lot...and it's the same for me: I like you better now, Daichan. I'm glad that you are finally able to be yourself. You're doing a sort of "coming out" lately, aren't you?"
"Coming out? Ahaha no, not yet. I'm not allowed to go this far..."
They were a little more than tipsy when they decided to go back to their suite. Barely able to undress and to put themselves into bed.
They fell asleep at the same time, lying one next to the other, and they got up the next morning with the rays of light coming in through the large window.
Daichan was the first to wake up. Almost unconscius, the eyes hurt by the sunlight and unable to open up, he feared he had just had a wonderful dream. The heart jumped in his own chest for a moment, then he touched Mao's hand and knew that the "dream" was real.
He was given the chance to see him asleep one more time, and he was grateful for this gift.
Drinking too much was so bad for him: he had an headache and such an awful look... so he went to the bathroom and washed his face.
Then switched on the phone and found Eiji's message in reply to his own:
"Sweet dreams my love, hope to see you tomorrow"
When he got back to the bed, Mao had just opened his eyes.
"Good morning dear, how do you feel?"
"I'm fine...Come here, give me a kiss!"
"I've got a terrible headache, these rings around my eyes and my hair is a mess..."
"And what about those wrinkles? Oh God, did I really make love with this old man last night?"
It was kind of fun seeing Daichan's upset face, but he wasn't really upset of course. He jumped on Mao and they played in their bed like two kids.
The awareness that their stay was about to end was unbearable.
Daichan and Mao got aroused and made love one more hopeless time.
Mao knew every single part of Daichan's body, as if it belonged to himself.
He knew his moles by heart, he knew how to touch him and was used to his touch. Two men making love...They were twin souls, they could really become as one.
He had never experienced such a complete fusion with a woman yet.
Daichan's big hard member was looking for his hole, but he rejected it. He was a total top with him now, and he wanted to make it clear.
Mao pushed Daichan down on his back and spread his legs, then licked his own fingers before getting them in the ass.
This position allowed him to see Daichan's exciting body, his horny face and above all his own dick going deep inside of him. At the same time, Daichan could see Mao in action and easily jerk off.
"Come inside of me..." - said Daichan in a faint voice.
"I want to cum on your doll's face."
Mao's fuck was harder than ever. His effort was just like a voice crying: "You are mine!"...
Daichan's ass was aching but the pain was more and more similar to pleasure as he was approaching climax.
He stroke very fast and the semen suddenly squirted out of his shaft, almost reaching the pillow.
This image was too exciting to handle, so Mao arched his back and hit Daichan one last time before cumming on his face.
Then stood breathless next to him, watching the thick drops of spunk at the corners of his sensual mouth.
Mao's gaze was full of devotion. Daichan tasted the cum with the tongue, looked at him straight in the eyes, then took his dick to suck it and drain it completely empty.
There was nothing more to say, nor to do. They had loved each other madly for two years, then again for one night. It was time to have a shower and go on. They had set up a perfect dream but it was already time to wake up and get back to real life.
Daichan rushed to the bathroom to wash away the smell of sex. In the meantime his phone started to buzz: it was Eiji calling. Mao didn't care about it at first, but it went on buzzing again and again so he finally took it and saw the name on the screen.
Eiji then sent a message, which Mao was able to see in preview on the screen.
"Call me darling"
He put it away, feeling ashamed. He didn't really mean to peep.
When Daichan came out of the bathroom, Mao told him the truth:
"Your phone was ringing and I decided to take it to you... then it stopped ringing and... I'm sorry..."
"Why are you sorry?"
Mao blushed and looked like the shy boy that he used to be.
"There's also a message... from the same person. I guess it's from your boyfriend."
Daichan looked at the message and nodded.
"Yes, and I should call him now."
"Oh, I'm ok about that. Eiji-san... could it be THAT Eiji?"
"Yes, the buchou. We started dating more than two years ago, just before your announcement. We get on quite well..."
"Great! He's a cool guy, and looks like he really cares. I'm taking my shower now, so feel free to call him." - Mao was a little bit ashamed, but also glad to hear that Daichan had a long lasting relationship.
They both smiled, then Daichan sat on the armchair next to the window and called his lover.
"Hello, it's me. I'm sorry, I was washing my hair. I'm going out now... Let's meet tonight. Yes, I'll come to your place..."
It should be easy for an actor, but Daichan wasn't able to pretend well this time. He was starting to blame himself too much and was afraid that Eiji could notice from his voice.
The long drive home was going to be full of contrasting thoughts, but the look in Mao's eyes made him feel that it was all worth it.
They turned to see British Hills' main building for one last time before getting on the car, and Daichan's face was sad.
"This will never happen in the same way again...but I hope we'll be able to come back." - he said.
Mao sweetly held his shoulders and whispered:
"No matter where we are, British Hills is everywhere as long as we are together."
To meet, to fall in love, to break up and to meet again. To forgive and go on...to go on loving anyway...
Love doesn't have to come to an end: it can simply change and still be wonderful all the same.
Daichan got back to Tokyo, left Mao in Shibuya and headed straight home to relax and to reset his mind: Eiji expected him for dinner.
He was already clean but decided to take another long shower. Then looked at the blurry image in the mirror, and the mere view of his own naked body brought back the memories of the sexual encounters with Mao.
He was in a heightened state of arousal and quite sure that he was going to have sex with Eiji that night.
He arrived at his lover's house at 8 p.m. and found out that there was no food on the stove and no smell of food in the house.
They kissed on the doorstep, then Daichan took off his shoes and coat and Eiji led him to the living room where they started kissing for real.
"Did you miss me?" - asked Daichan.
Eiji didn't answer, just took his head and kissed him deeper.
They were soon entwined on the carpet like two lovers who do not see each other since a lot of time...
"Eiji, wait... you hurt me!"
No signs of the dog... she was closed in the bathroom. Eiji had clearly planned to fuck Daichan as soon as he had arrived to his place.
His manners were strangely rude, he was too horny and didn't talk at all.
He didn't undress himself and Daichan, just pulled the trousers and the underwear down and immediately aimed to put his stiff cock in the arse.
Daichan screamed, causing him to stop and to put some saliva on the hole.
Then also took Daichan by the wrists, preventing him from masturbating.
It all looked like a rape.
Daichan decided to get over it and quietly waited for the fuck to be over.
Eiji banged him hardly, almost angrily, and kept pushing hard until he came inside of him, then rapidly detached. Daichan's knees were slightly trembling, he was helped to stand up and went to the bathroom while Eiji opened up a window and smoked a cigarette.
When the cigarette was over he came into the bathroom and looked at his lover. There was no concern in his look and no repentance either.
"He knows I had sex with Mao."
This was the only repeating thought in Daichan's head.
The two men looked at each other for some endless seconds, then Daichan took his eyes off him and saw the pink fluid on the toilet paper: blood and semen mixed up.
"Why did you hurt me like that?" - he asked, though he already guessed the answer.
Eiji finally changed expression, as if awakened from a dream. Tears were clouding his eyes but not falling down yet.
He moved towards Daichan, bent down and hugged him tight.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry my love..." - he was starting to cry.
Daichan went to Eiji's home in search for cuddle and solace... but ended up being hurt and abused. He was feeling utterly empty and sad, so started up and decided to leave.
"Where are you going? No no no Daichan, please don't leave!"
"Eiji, I don't feel very well now. I need to get some fresh air."
They both dressed up and went out together.
"I'll take you to eat out, what about pasta?"
Eiji held his arm and they walked towards the italian restaurant where they had dined so many other times. Daichan was absent, emotionless, just walking on auto-pilot.
They sat in a quiet corner, ordered spaghetti and beer and didn't talk to each other for a while.
Eiji was seriously worried and sorry, unable to find the right words to say to Daichan.
Then simply asked the only question running through his head:
"Did you come back very late last night?"
Daichan lifted his gaze and stared at him.
"Yes, it was very late... Did you look for me? Did you come to my house?"
"You sent me a message but I wanted to hear you, so I called you... but you had already switched off the phone."
"So you came to see me... and didn't find me. You waited for me...did you?"
"I did."
"How long?"
"I fell asleep in my car and woke up at 5 a.m."
Daichan bit his lower lip and bowed his head. He couldn't handle the look in Eiji's eyes.
"I don't want to know what you did last night, but it can easily guess it. Anyway, I really blame myself now: you didn't deserve to be hurt. I was a fool... but I was so desperate, and I still feel that way. Now I know that I can't make you mine. You are free to stay with me or to leave me, I know I can't force you to love me."
When Eiji ended his speech and looked at Daichan, he saw the tears rolling down his cheeks and knew that talking more was useless.
They were served their pasta and silently ate, then went out of the restaurant and walked back to Eiji's home.
"I want to stay, I want to sleep with you tonight. Just to hold you and sleep with you. If you allow me to..." - said Daichan.
Eiji took his hands and kissed them, he was extremely grateful and didn't want to know details, only hoped to make it right. Daichan wasn't t even trying to tell his own version, conscious that it was better not to anything, and his suspects were just enough.
He started to remember the past... wasn't Daichan still fond of Mao and crying for him on their first date? Eiji had decided to take the risk anyway.
The important thing right now was that his lover still wanted to stay by his side.
They slept together that night, just kissed and cuddled and didn't have sex.
Both unable to speak, both ashamed, each of them for a reason of his own.
"I wonder if we'll ever be able to make love like we used to..." - Eiji was worried.
Lovers sometimes argue, but he and Daichan did not argue at all. It was all hinted at, they were walking on thin ice and carefully avoiding to talk too much.
Mao was still in town and Daichan had a very busy schedule: the concert rehearsals and the event to promote his calendar. Eiji was nervous and suspicious and wished it could already be January.
Some days later they met in Ikebukuro, had dinner and spent the night together. They were rather tired so just watched tv and went to bed.
Eiji had a restless sleep and dreamt of Daichan having intercourse with Mao. He was a witness, he could almost touch them. Daichan was fucking Mao while looking at Eiji straight in the eyes... The man got up in a sweat, quite shocked but also excited. Daichan woke up too, turned on the light and saw that Eiji had a big boner.
"Was it a nice dream or a nightmare?"
"Both..."
"May I take advantage?"
"What...wait!"
Daichan was aroused and pulled out Eiji's dick to lick it and suck it.
They weren't sleepy at all, just ready to fuck. Daichan's head was going up and down on the cock too fast, Eiji couldn't handle it anymore but didn't want to cum in his mouth so had to stop him. They got on their knees and stared at each other, undecided. Then Eiji took Daichan's hips so as to top him but Daichan didn't agree:
"No way, it still hurts!"
"Oh God, I'm so sorry..."
" Not this time, not yet. But don't worry, I'm fine. Get down now."
Daichan was firm but tender at the same time. Eiji lied down on his back, facing Daichan who was already jerking off to get it harder.
"The gel, take it from the drawer please."
"Oh, I thought you were out of stock..." - said Daichan with a sneering grin.
This sentence put a bitter smile on Eiji's lips.
Daichan rubbed the tight hole with his long fingers before making his way in... His cock was already wet with pre-cum, and so hard that he was almost aching.
"How is it? Does it feel good?"
A sweet voice, an angel face and a big shaft made for pleasure. Eiji was losing control, the numbing pleasure was visible on his face and Daichan bent down to give him a very dirty deep kiss.
He was fucking Eiji with his tongue, too. Saliva was dripping from their lips, and when Eiji faintly moaned Daichan pushed in as far as possible and filled him with hot semen.
Eiji was still jerking off, moaning and crying real tears...then finally came and almost screamed: he had never experienced such a strong orgasm. Daichan started to lick the milky drops of spunk on Eiji's chest, then got out of his body and lied down next to him.
"Eiji, don't fall asleep. Let's have a shower first."
"I want to keep your sperm inside of me for a while."
They looked at each other and kissed. Daichan hugged Eiji and fell asleep by his side.
The next morning they were having breakfast together and Eiji took a look at Daichan's 2016 calendar hung on the wall.
"Can you guess my favorite month?" - he asked.
"...Could it be March?"
"You got it. But why?"
"Because you were born in March."
"Wrong answer."
Daichan raised his eyebrows. Then stood up and checked that month.
It was a smiling picture of him on a striped hammock.
"There it is, my beloved smile. That's the only picture where you smile, and you look adorable." - said Eiji.
"The bunny teeth..."
"My beloved bunny teeth, don't you dare to despise them!"
"I wasn't posing... I was laughing for real."
"That's the real you, I adore that picture. I think I won't move from that month!"
Daichan walked to the underground thinking about Eiji's words.
"My mother and father love me like this. And my sister. Eiji loves me in the same way. He's already my family."
Two years of love, sex, breakfasts, showers, laughs, travels, dreams, tears, hugs, games... still not enough. He wanted to share the whole life with him. He had to fight with himself not to have sexual encounters with Mao, he had to be strong, to cut with the past and build his future with the senpai.
Eiji was the man of his life, he was really happy with him.
Mao was the living keepsake of his youth, but he was growing up too and would have get married. To live in a lie, to keep cheating on Eiji, to try to make a dream last forever would have turned the good feelings and the good memories in very painful ones.
Daichan looked up to the cloudy sky and decided to talk to Eiji: he deserved to know the truth.
That same evening Eiji went to see Daichan and they talked in front of a plate full of sushi.
Daichan was serious and nervous, aware of the fact that his speech was going to be unpleasant.
"Eiji, listen. As you probably know, Mao is still in town..."
"Yes, I supposed so. I guess you want to meet him..." - he was about to say "AGAIN", but stopped in time.
"No, I'm not going to meet him. I want you to know that I won't see him one more time before his departure. I hope you can trust in me again...I only hope to deserve your trust."
Eiji was shaking but tried to look cool. "One more time"... Daichan gave form to all his fears with just these two words.
"Thank you for you frankness, Daichan. Can you answer a very important question now?"
"I'll try to..."
"Are you in love with me?"
Daichan didn't give a prompt answer and Eiji went on:
"Tell me if you're still waiting for him, for his return, I need to know if we have a chance."
"Eiji, I was in love with him when you and I kissed for the first time... but then I fell in love with you. I've been wondering if it is possible to be in love with two men in the same way, at the same time..."
"So you decided to test your own feelings having sex with him. Was it good? Are you still fond of him?" - Eiji was getting too nervous, Daichan took a deep breath and talked to him in the most calm way.
"Don't be rough, don't get angry. Listen to what I have to tell you please. I'd be lying if I said I'm not fond of him anymore, because he was my best friend, my lover, my working partner...and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy having sex with him...but sex is not enough: I need a real love. I need someone I can rely on, someone who wants to stay with me and care for me... like you do. I cannot plan a future with Mao, he's still a young boy and life changed us too much. We only have a strong sexual tension left... "
"If a sexual release with Mao once in a while would help you to feel better, then it's ok for me... unless you leave me." - said Eiji, in a low voice. He was looking at Daichan through the tears now, trying not to blink to prevent them from falling down on his cheeks.
Daichan was amazed. Eiji was so in love with him that he even accepted to share his beloved with another man. His sweetness was overwhelming.
"Eiji, I'm in love with you and I want to grow old with you. You are the one I see in my future days." - said Daichan, then stood up and embraced Eiji. They didn't talk about this subject anymore, they kissed each other and cried. A new chapter of their life had just begun...