Title: A Fleeting Dream
Author:Chardreams
Setting: GSD Final Plus
Summary: At the end of it all, Athrun wonders if it was really worth it.
Disclaimer: Story is mine. GS/GSD is not.
'So I awoke, and behold it was a dream.'
- John Bunyan, The Pilgrim's Progress
The world was falling.
"You two should leave."
He started, eyes widening as he comprehended her words. Behind him, he felt Kira do the same.
"I will accompany his soul to the afterlife" she said calmly. The gun was still pointed at them.
It was in this one moment, at the world's end, that he realised the connection between the two. The love that had bound them together in life would now bind them together in death.
Somehow, he knew that, given a choice, his mother would have done the same.
The gun lowered slightly.
"Please tell Captain Raimus something for me. " She paused. "I have a child. A boy." Her voice softened. "Please tell her to visit him sometime."
And this– Athrun thought, as comprehension gave way to disbelief – was where Lenore Zala, if given a choice, might have differed. Would his mother still have chosen to die with his father if it meant leaving her only son behind?
He did not know. He would never know. Lenore Zala never did have that choice. He had been left behind.
Wordlessly, he and Kira started to walk away.
As they approached the lift, they turned to look at Rey – soldier no more, but a boy who had just shot the one man he had always respected and loved – bleeding and sobbing through his gloved fingers.
"Rey", Captain Gladys' voice rang out. "Come here."
He turned towards the couple as he watched Rey stumble towards them.
Through the tumult, he heard her voice. "You did your best too" she said as she hugged Rey and held him tight.
He was suddenly, involuntarily, reminded of a time long ago when he was held by his mother's embrace - warm, safe and comforted with his father, proud and happy, next to them. He remembered bathing in the warm glow of their love.
He knew then, as he watched them, that they were a family, not by blood, but by love. He had that once. A family.
It has been 4 years since his mother died. He thought he was used to this. Yet, he had a sudden inexplicable longing to switch places with Rey, to be held, to know that he was wanted, to have his parents back again.
The world was falling.
Rey was going to die.
He was going to live.
Somehow, he wondered who was the more fortunate.
Note: Dysfunctional families don't get enough love. This story was inspired by a scene in The Edge. Chimaki Kuori's subtle portrayal of Athrun's disbelief and internal outrage at Gladys leaving her son behind is simply amazing. I know The Edge Athrun seemed to have come to terms with it in the end, but I feel that contrary to The Edge, anime Athrun is less wistful, more cynical and I was trying to capture that.
And just a quick rant about The Edge: I absolutely adore it – the drawing, the subtle display of emotions, the shades in the wording (and not to mention the mangaka's bias towards AxC) etc. If I could live in denial, The Edge would be how GSD went. That being said, I actually think that the anime version is much more realistic (and no, I am not talking about Kira's and Athrun's apparent immortality. I have given up trying to explain that one) – the anime version had more of Athrun's anger and frustration and brittleness. Which is what I think is more realistic of an 18 year old rather than never-ending understanding and patience. [And so ends the quick rant. I could probably go on for another 20 more pages or so with a minute dissection of the entire show and my theory of all the characters but I would probably bore you.]
I know I probably would not get many reviews for this (I noticed that introspective fics generally get less reviews) but I would appreciate it all the same if you could tell me what you think!