Free Range Cursing

A Kingdom Hearts Fanfic

YAJJ

Date: 1/3/2015 12:10 pm

Summary: Prompto hears some new words from newfound dad Cid, and decides to teach them to Roxas… needless to say, Cloud is not happy.

A/N: A oneshot for SunpeachX on tumblr and her lovely askblog, The Chocobros. Literally those boys give me life. This is just what I imagined happening when Cid's potty mouth met Cloud's overprotective Mom-ness.

Since the first day that they met him, Cloud was strictly aware that Cid Highwind, the owner of the ranch that he and his brothers had intruded upon after their escape from the orphanage, was not exactly a kid-friendly sort of a man.

Not that he didn't like kids. He was actually surprisingly good with Roxas, who had since meeting the man tottered after him like a lost puppy. Cid never seemed to mind, in fact talking to Roxas about some of the stuff that he was doing. Cloud sent Prompto on a mission to keep Roxas in sight as much as he could, so he could focus on other things.

Yeah, Cid was good with the two younger boys, and after a few days of Cloud getting used to him, he found himself enjoying the aging rancher's presence as well. But… he had no filter. Whatsoever.

In fact, the day that they had met, the first words out of Cid's mouth were "What in the ever living fuck are you doing in my goddamn barn?" He'd only improved slightly since then.

Cloud tried to censor it himself, if he could see a word coming. Like the mornings when Cid would blearily walk out of his room. If Cloud heard a crack, then he normally knew what he had to do: Grab both of his brothers, mash their ears against him and his hands against their other ears, and yell "DANG!" at the top of his lungs. Most of the time it worked, although it sent both brothers into a cacophany of giggles

Other times, he would substitute the actual F-word for the phrase "F-word", or "D-word" for the D-word, or "S-word" for the S-word, and so on and so forth.

So, yeah. Their guardian had a bit of a potty mouth to him. And if the attendees at the orphanage had ever taught Cloud anything, it was that no one was there for you but family, and never to curse out in public.

He had learned his lessons very well. Prompto, however, did not.

Oh, Prompto got a kick out of the way that Cloud would try to censor Cid. He found himself ways and ways and ways to get Cid to curse, just to hear Cloud scramble to censor it. Roxas thought it was funny, too, but he had no idea what was going on, so his enjoyment was generally simply because Prompto was enjoying himself.

Since being taken in by Cid, Cloud worked with him in the barns and fields, and was often left to do chores while Cid went in to check on the younger ones. If not for Roxas needing someone to look after him, Prompto would be out there with them. Prompto was happy for the excuse.

This brief period of time, where Cid was left with the younger boys without the Mama Chocobo, was like heaven for tricky little Prompto. Because Cid would wander around and curse about aching bones and joints and muscles, and he'd curse about the color of the walls, and the leaky roof, and the fact that their water ran warm, and everything that there was to complain about normally came with a curse attached. Prompto would happily drag Roxas around and listen to their grumpy caretaker, free of Cloud.

Now, Prompto didn't really know what any of those words meant. He wasn't stupid by any means, in fact was quite smart, so he could assume what some words meant, but he didn't know all of them, and sometimes just liked saying them. And, most importantly, teaching them to toddler Roxas.

"Say it," he said to Roxas as Cid headed back outside to assist Cloud with the feed.

"It," Roxas said, already well on his way to being the smart-aleck his older brother was.

"Ha," Prompto grunted with a grin. He dropped to the ground in front of Roxas who was playing happily with the unnamed chick that had hatched in his arms. "No, Rox. Say it. Say the F-word."

Roxas now confused, said "the F-Wowd…?"

The chick cheeped at Prompto decisively and pecked his little beak at Roxas' sweatshirt.

"Nice try. The actual F-word. You know. The way Cid says it."

Realization turned Roxas' face a very excited pink. "Oh! Wike fuck!"

Prompto cackled like a hyena, nodding his messy blond head. "Exactly. But with more bite. You hafta say it like fuuuuck. Come on, like me. Fuuuuck."

"Fuuuuck," Roxas said obediently, giggling at Prompto's laughing face. The chick continued chirping, though if he was copying them or telling them off, neither could be sure.

"Right! What else is there… the dangit one. You know that one?"

"Dangit?" Roxas tried, cocking his little head.

"No, you say it like a dam. Damnit. Or something."

"Dammat?" Roxas tried again, and Prompto laughed still.

"Almost. Damnit. Come on, Roxas, damnit. Say it like me and Cid! Damnit! I stubbed my toe!" Prompto grabbed at his foot simply for show, but Roxas apparently appreciated the action. "Dammit!"

"More bite!"

'"DAMNIT!"

Prompto shrieked with delight, and then he covered Roxas' mouth and looked over his shoulder for Cloud, who appeared to still be out with Cid. "Right! Okay, now you need to go show Cloud what you learned to say today. Okay? He likes you knowing new words. Go and show him, and make sure you talk really loud, so me and Cid can hear. Okay? Me and Cid!"

Roxas nodded excitedly, getting to his feet when Prompto dropped his hands. Prompto opened up the back door and let the giddy four year old run free at his sweating oldest brother.

Prompto could see him clearly from the door. Cloud wasn't too far out, helping an aging chocobo stretch out her legs. According to Cid, she was probably the grandmother of Roxas' hatchling.

Roxas ran right up to Cloud and tugged on his shirt. Roxas said excitedly, "Cwoud, Cwoud, guess what I wearned how tah say!"

Cloud tossed at Prompto a nervous glare, nestling the old chocobo down on her haunches so he could be eye level with Roxas. "What did you learn how to say? And what are you even doing outside? Where's the chick?"

"Pwompto said I hadda tell you!"

"Okay—what did you learn?"

With that, Roxas pulled in the biggest breath possible to pull into his little lungs, and let out the loudest "Fuck!" probably known to man.

Cid, harvesting feathers from the males, stopped what he was doing to turn and stare. Prompto broke into giggles, collapsing in the doorway from his laughter. The chick bounced at his side. Cloud's face had melted from a smile to an astounded blank, unsure of how to respond. He stared at Roxas who, grinning, was swinging his arms back and forth.

A few seconds later, the ugliest sounding guffaws erupted from the pens as Cid keeled over and burst into laughter. He was leaning up against Bulldozer, the largest chocobo in the flock, attempting to pull in breath after life-giving breath (and frankly, he was failing miserably).

In the doorway, Prompto hadn't stopped laughing. The little chick was twittering at him.

"G—good for you, Rox," said Cloud, still entirely at a loss for what to do or say. Roxas looked so proud… "But… I thought I said not to say the things that Cid says."

Immediately, Roxas' eyes glassed over, and he looked like he'd been shot down. "...Pwompto said you'd be happy I wearned a new wowd."

Fire burned in Cloud's cerulean eyes, glaring at the middle brother. Prompto, apparently catching the glare, stopped laughing. Before he could feel too threatened, though, Cloud turned down to Roxas and said with a smile, "Come on, you chunk. Of course I'm happy. There are just… better words for you to learn."

"Pwompto said—"

"Prompto is an idiot, and apparently needs to learn how to keep his mouth shut. How about this—you go inside and play with the chick, and when I'm finished out here, we'll read a book and I'll teach you some real words, okay?"

It took just a moment for Roxas to clear up, but he quickly splashed a smile across his face. He turned back to the house and moved his chubby little legs, tripping over Prompto in his attempt to scoop up his little chick.

Cid finally seemed to calm himself, still using Bulldozer as a prop. Prompto hadn't moved from his place in the doorway. He now seemed a little nervous.

Once Roxas had scooped up his chick and was well inside, Cloud stood to his full height of five foot three and sent his most murderous glare at his younger brother, who was apparently realizing his mistake.

"Prompto Argentum-Strife. I will deal with you after chores."

And now all three of them curse up a storm. You tried, Cloud. You tried.

I have no idea how their last names work so I figure they're all Argentum-Strifes (or Strife-Argentums). Lucky Roxas doesn't even have a last name or this could get super messy.

And yes, Cloud will probably kill him xD And Cid for inadvertently teaching Prompto how to swear.

Also, calling Roxas 'chunk' is honestly just a thing that I imagine both Cloud and Prompto do, and the kid doesn't even mind xD It's not even intended as an insult. Like Prompto calling Roxas 'bitch' all the time now!