Disclaimer: I don't own Supernatural or its characters - these were created by Eric Kripke - I'm just borrowing them. I'm not making any commercial gain. No harm or infringement intended.

My contributions to the 'Team Humbug' drabbles of Christmas fails, as part of 2016's 'A Very Big Pretzel Holiday Challenge' at SPN BigPretzel on LiveJournal.

Team Humbug won, but a good time was had by all! Happy Holidays/ Merry Christmas / Season's Greetings!

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A Very Big Pretzel Holiday Challenge 2016: Team Humbug:
Sing a Song of Seasonal Supernatural

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A/N: You can't make up for every past Christmas. 100 words. Season 12.

Christmas Memories

After hearing tales of the boys' upbringing, Mary had made a point of throwing herself into the festive season. She'd sent Sam to Target for extra tinsel, assigned Dean to locating the biggest tree in the state, and posted Castiel on wrapping duty.

It had been a blessed few hours of peace before she'd had to start the decorating.

"Great job, Mom," said Dean, admiring the tree.

Mary gave it a considered look. "Yeah, but it needs a tree topper."

Castiel stormed off.

"Something I said?" worried Mary.

Sam sighed. "We never should've left him alone with Crowley last Christmas."

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A/N: Sam gets waylaid while digging out the decorations from storage. Crowley is no help. 100 words.

Please Come Home for Christmas

Dean glared suspiciously when Crowley strolled into the room. It was too quiet.

"Where's Sam?"

"He went to get the Christmas decorations," replied Castiel, not looking up from his book.

"That was ages ago."

"Oops, I meant to say," chuckled Crowley. "He seemed to have found an underground city of tiny people living in your basement."

Dean blinked. "O-kay. Did he need help?"

Crowley poured himself a drink. "Probably. They'd tied him up with the Christmas lights."

"Why didn't you say sooner?"

Crowley shrugged. "It looked like they were going to worship him." He sipped his drink. "Or sacrifice him."

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A/N: Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe help make the season bright. Rowena's got her own interpretation. 100 words.

Help to Make the Season Bright

Sam rushed into the kitchen and opened the oven to release a thick plume of smoke.

Rowena wrinkled her nose as she studied the Book of the Damned. "I thought I smelled burning."

"Dinner's ruined," Sam groaned. "Dean's gonna kill me."

"Nonsense," said Rowena. "I've got just the thing to resurrect dinner."

She cast a quick incantation...

"That wasn't quite what I'd hoped for," panted Sam.

"Och, I'd say it's worked perfectly," replied Rowen, leaning back in her chair. She raised her legs to allow the undead turkey to get past.

"Run faster Sam, it's gaining on ye!" she cackled.

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A/N: It's important to obtain consent first. 100 words.

Meet Me Under the Mistletoe

"It's good to see you," laughed Jody as she pulled Sam, then Dean, into a hug.

"And not even a hunt," smiled Dean.

"Don't jinx it," scolded Jody. "Go on through, make yourself comfortable,"

Sam stopped just short of the doorway, Dean colliding with him.

Jody raised a quizzical eyebrow until she noticed the mistletoe.

"Those girls," chuckled Jody, rolling her eyes. "Although, I'm blaming Donna. You don't mind, do you?"

"Course not," muttered Dean his ears red, elbowing his brother until Sam echoed the sentiment.

"Excellent," nodded Jody. "Form a queue, girls," she yelled, going in for the (kill) kiss.

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A/N: A reindeer's for life, not just for Christmas. Assuming you live that long. 100 words.

Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer

Huddled by the fire, Dean could almost forget the deepening snow building up outside Rufus' cabin. He paused, beer halfway to his mouth. "What's that?"

The sound of jangling sleigh bells grew nearer. Heavy, thumping footsteps sounded through the roof and a moment later a slightly singed Santa exploded from the chimney.

"Save me!" he gasped

Outside there was a loud animal snorting.

"Rudolph the red nose reindeer!" cried Dean.

"It's not his nose that's glowing," said Sam, peering through the window. "It's his eyes."

Santa's own eyes seemed haunted by unspeakable horrors. "They do that when they turn feral."

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A/N: Every family has one. 100 words.

Do They Know It's Christmas?

It had seemed like such a great idea, thought Castiel. Get the family together and sit down for a delicious, home cooked meal.

Besides, it was just one day. What could possibly go wrong?

"Can you pass the mashed potatoes, Aunty Amara?" asked Lucifer.

Castiel had to sit back as the dish practically hurtled down the table.

"These are quite well mashed," said Lucifer inspecting the bowl. "Kinda like me after Aunty tortured me."

He turned instead Chuck. "So Pops, knocked anyone else up, recently?"

Seated between them, Castiel clutched his head in his hands and prayed for the Apocalypse.

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A/N: DEW Challenge: present. Dean has a mercenary approach to Christmas presents. Especially his own. 100 words.

Santa Claus is Coming to Town

Sam woke to the sound of a struggle. He sat up to see his brother holding a knife to the throat of what looked like...

"Santa?" cried Sam in disbelief.

Dean's grin was feral. "Turns out he's the ghost of Christmas Present. Explains how he gets down the chimney."

Santa looked at Sam in wide-eyed terror. "He's already killed my brothers."

"I've had crappy Christmases with more to follow."

Santa gave Dean a shrewd look. "How about every new edition of Busty Asian Babes promptly delivered to your door?"

"Throw in the Bumper Bouncing Christmas Edition and you've a deal!"

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A/N: Crowley can only wish that it is so. 100 words.

Silent Night

Crowley found Dean and Castiel with their heads together in deep discussion. They stopped speaking the instant they noticed him.

He narrowed his eyes. "You two look as thick as thieves, what're you up to?"

"Nothing," replied Dean, blushing.

"Choosing songs for our carol singing," Castiel answered simultaneously.

Dean sighed, defeated. "We're having a few musical differences."

"Well, I'm sure it'll be consistently terrible," laughed Crowley.

"You're welcome to join us," offered Castiel, clearly reluctantly.

"Good grief, no," said Crowley hurriedly. "If I wanted to torture myself and everyone around me, there are far less arduous methods available in Hell!"

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A/N: Sometimes they'd just like a nice, quiet night in. 100 words.

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

Engrossed in research, Sam took a while to notice the distant ringing.

"What's that?"

Dean glanced up from his own studies. "I think it's the front door."

Sam blinked. "I never realized the bunker even had a doorbell."

"I'll go," Dean shrugged, carefully closing the laptop's lid.

He returned momentarily. "Carol singers," he said disbelievingly. "Had to give 'em five bucks to go away."

An insistent knocking and drunken off-key singing had Dean back up and away for longer.

"Now they're saying they won't go unless we give 'em figgy pudding," Dean complained.

Sam snorted. "Some secret base this is."

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A/N: It'll take more than breadcrumbs to get out of this one. 100 words.

Hänsel und Gretel

"I'll bet you never thought you'd be having Winter Solstice dinner with the grand coven, did ye?" smiled Rowena.

"Indeed," nodded Sam, politely.

"Although, we did once stumble into a right character with a real-life gingerbread cottage," mumbled Dean, his mouth full.

"A sweet, rosy-cheeked grandma," Sam added hurriedly.

"Ooh, Esmeralda? She's lovely! And bucks the whole baby-eating hag cliché," laughed Rowena, self-deprecatingly.

Sam forced an unconvincing laugh. "Yeah, we'll totally have to visit her again, won't we, Dean."

Dean, frowned at his brother in confusion. "You're forgetting..."

Sam frantically motioned for Dean to shut up.

"...we ganked her good!"

(;,;)