23 of April.

It was an ordinary day, it is an ordinary day, for God's sake, why am I so nervous? I can't understand it. It's just 23 of April. It's just like an ordinary day… Isn't it? But I was feeling something different inside me, I felt more eager to see her, or to be with her, more than ever, and I couldn't understand why, I couldn't understand why I felt some kind of anger when I see couples at the street.

Okay, it wasn't ordinary day like the other days. I had a huge desire of buying a rose and give it to her, but my conscious prevents me. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable… It's just… Imagine her face if I came up to her house and offered her the rose and she blushed just as her hair.

I can't do it, I mean, I saw her like… One hour ago. Hardly nothing, but there was something in her that really made me feel something, perhaps her curls, her smile, her voice, her smell, or just… Her. I don't know.

And neither I knew what I was doing going to the nearest florist.

-A rose, please.- I said.

Alright, what the hell had just happened? What kind of madness I was doing? I mean, I was going to my house thinking that I wouldn't buy her a rose and give it to her… My subconscious made decisions without me… And now I'm walking to her house, I admit that now I'm aware of my actions and I'm not going to deny that I really want to give her the rose. But I know that it's not right.

I abruptly stopped when I saw Chloe outside, I was… Like or thirty feet away from her, at the intersection, but I stopped myself, I stopped to see her, and then reality hit me. What the hell was I doing.

I saw how Tom was going down street until he called Chloe, the redhead turned around and wave at him. Tom was wearing a rose. And seconds after Chloe was wearing a rose.

-You're a moron, Beca- I whispered while I was lightly smiling.- A complete moron.

And when Chloe hugged Tom I turned around and I started to walk away, I didn't want to feel lonely. I didn't want to get depressed because of her. I didn't want to cry for her. But I am, I'm lonely, depressed and about to cry for Chloe Beale.

I sat up on a bench at the nearest park, threw the rose away in the trash and now they were grabbing my face, covering it, because of the shame. Because of everything. I couldn't believe what a jerk I can be.

And then I remembered that story about that guy who gave to his girlfriend twelve roses, one of them was made of plastic, he told her that he would stop loving her when all the flowers withered. Why was I thinking of this now? I don't know. But I wouldn't be able to do what that guy did. Maybe I wouldn't offer her twelve roses like the guy did, but I definitely can love her forever, although she wouldn't do it for me.

-Ironic.- I gazed who was in front of me and I saw Jesse.- A few minutes ago you were happy, smiling, laughing, as if you had won the lottery. And now you're here, sitting alone, like…

-I thought you'd be already at home, Jesse.- I asked him as I was staring at the ground.

-I wanted some fresh air.- he said smiling.- Chloe?

-Chloe.

Jesse shook his head and sat down next to me, putting a hand on my shoulder, we weren't close friends but we were friends. And he knew that I was in love with Chloe.

-I saw her.- he said.- With Tom.

-I know, I saw them too.

-Are you feeling down because of them?- I sighed.- You're feeling down because of them.- Jesse stood up.- Cheer up, Beca. You'll see.

Jesse leaved me without saying anything else, I frowned as I looked at my hands and I lost myself in my thoughts, why can't I forget Chloe? Why I didn't want to forget Chloe? What was stopping me? Sometimes I am just so bipolar… Sometimes, when I think of her, I feel like I was happy, and smile without realizing, because I love her. I love her so freaking much. Or sometimes I think of her and I think that I'm lonely, a tear comes out of my eyes without realizing, just because I love her.

I love her so freaking much.

I love her too much and I can't even control myself, my actions sometimes are so impulsive, sometimes I can't control my eyes. And sometimes I just want to go with her and hug her without saying anything. It was like she was the positive side of a magnet and I was the negative side. She attracts me neither she likes it or not.

I felt how the sun set, literally my view darkened, when I glazed up I saw…

-Chloe.

It couldn't be her, she was with Tom, it was my imagination, and she wasn't here, because she was with Tom. It wasn't her because she doesn't love me. And my imagination was only playing with me. Because she wasn't here.

-Beca…

But it felt so real… I really felt that she was really here. It really felt as it was real. Just as my feeling that I was about to cry.

I got up of the bench and I held up my hand to her cheek as I felt how my eyes teared up, I felt how they were burning, I felt how… My heart was beating, too fast… Too hard. And when I touched her cheek I felt like all of this was too real.

-Tell me that it's you and it's just not my imagination.- I whispered.

-It's me. It's not your imagination.

I felt something warm going down my cheek and I gasped for air, Lena reached up and wiped it out. Had I fainted and this was only a dream? Because I didn't understand what was happening.

-Jessie came running to me.

-You were with Tom.

-I was.

Why do I feel this way? Why I had the urge to run away from her, to go to my house, to lock myself in my room and cry in a corner? Why? Why now that she's in front of me, touching my cheek and being so close? Why?

-I saw you… Or at least I thought that I saw you. For a moment.- Chloe said.- And then you faded away.

-I did.

-Were you watching me?

-I was …- I whispered, and then I looked away.- I'm always watching you. Although it sounds a little bit stalker.

-Why were you watching me?

-Because I wanted to give you a rose.- I said while I glazed at her.- And I couldn't.

-And the rose?- she asked, I swear that I could see a spark in her eyes.

-In the trash, along with my heart.

Chloe slowly pulled away her hand from my cheek, with her mouth slightly opened and I saw how her eyes started to tear up, did I really say that? I wasn't even aware of have that thought.

-I'm sorry.- I said while I looked at the ground.- I shouldn't have said that…

-I'm sorry.- I hears how Chloe's voice trembles.- I…

-Why are you apologizing?- I glazed at her.- Do you even know why are you sorry? Or are you only apologizing to make me feel better? Do you really feel your apologize?

-Yes. I do feel it. I perfectly feel my apologizes, I perfectly feel how my heart beats faster than before because you said that.- Chloe gasped for air.- I feel how you suffer. I'm sorry, and I really feel my words.- the red-haired took my hand and pulled it to her chest.- Do you feel it?

I swallowed and I pulled away from her, stepping back, forgetting that the bench was behind me, and then I fell on it.

-A penny for your thoughts.

-Do you really want to know what I'm thinking about?- I asked as I tried to get up, but Chloe made me sit down again putting a hand on my shoulder.- I think that I want to pull away from you, run to my house, curl into a ball and think about all the pain that you caused on me.

Chloe stared at me, and I tried to hold her gaze, why did I said that? I solemnly swear that it wasn't from my brain. I solemnly swear that I said that without thinking.

-I love you.- and that was what Chloe said.

I felt tears going down my cheek while the rose slipped out of my hands and as I watched how Chloe was still hugging Tom.

Perhaps I had the rose with me, but my heart was still in the trash.

First story published, sorry for the gramar mistakes I don't speak/wirte very well english, a friend had to help me correcting this a little bit.