When I was about four, my mother died in a Death Eater accident.
It was pretty horrible, but my dad was broken beyond repair. A young Chinese man, his parents were Death Eaters who disowned him once they learned out he was dating my mother, a Muggle-born. He's an Auror (or, at least he was: Now all he does is stare at the wall and pathetically mourn his losses until dinner), and I would've thought that the fact the love of his life was killed and tortured by Death Eaters would drive his passion for capturing them even further, but no. Just my luck that he would go numb and unfeeling.
My little brother, Lucky (a horribly ironic name that I think my parents might've chosen when they were high or drunk or something) and I grew up raising ourselves. It was horrible, especially considering I spent the few years I've had at Hogwarts seeing people get letters from their parents, words that showed affection and love and longing for their little babies to come back home for Christmas. My dad only sent me one letter in my whole entire life at Hogwarts, and that was to tell me that we were going to move to England (we originally lived in Alaska; my mother used to love the cold), closer to Hogwarts. I think he probably meant closer to Kings Cross Station, because Hogwarts was in Scotland, but I actually believe that he didn't remember where Hogwarts was located. It was depressing to think about.
And now, I'm the typical quiet Asian Ravenclaw who doesn't have much friends and spends all her time studying. It's a joke, my social life. It consists of two types of people: People like Lily Evans, who only are my friends simply out of pity, and the Mauraders, people who like to make fun of me. Except for Remus Lupin, but he doesn't count. He's Remus; he's always nice, whether you're a slimy Slytherin or just a regular student.
So, there you have it. Literally my entire life story. Literally the only things my life is composed of. I'm not very extraordinary, a fact that is so painfully obvious it hurts my head when I think about it.
It's not like I can count on my looks to make up my painfully thin social life. I'm skinny as shiz, I have straight black hair and painfully-light slanted eyes, colored with light blue eyes so bright they were hard to look at, and paper-white skin. I'm pretty average, even in my looks.
And now, looking in my pocket-mirror so I could see Remus Lupin's reflection behind me as he studied his notes, the realization that the world was filled with insignificant people like me with no talent to make the world better, stronger, more purer then it is, hit me hard.
I was regular. I was always regular, always going to be "that Asian girl". I wasn't going to become Lily Evans, who was probably going to become the most brilliant Potions professor at Hogwarts in the history of Potions professors, or James Potter, who was probably going to spend his life as a world-famous Auror. I was going to be Asia (another ridiculous name my parents probably thought of while they were at a pub) Yang, that girl for the rest of my life.
"Ms. Yang, did you hear the question?" McGonagall's voice suddenly asked sharply. I looked up from the pocket mirror to stare into her narrowed eyes. Warmth rose up in my cheeks as I realized she was talking to me.
What were we talking about? I thought frantically. Animaguses? I thought we already covered that last week! How to turn a cat into a teacup? Frogs? Dogs?
"Horse radishes?" I said weakly. The whole classroom burst into laughter.
"I said," McGonagall said, barely smiling, "did you mind explaining how you could turn into an Animagus and the risks of becoming one?"
Oh, no. Not this question. I knew it perfectly well. I had it memorized, ever since last summer.
"It's a very complex spell, one that would take at least several months to complete. You would, of course, have to register your Animagus form with the Ministry of Magic, or else it would be extremely illegal. The risks even vary going to Azkaban for as many months as it took to become an Animagus." In my pocket mirror, I saw Lupin shudder at my words for some reason. "Animagus transformation is either a kind of Self-Tranfiguration but not actually a Transfiguration or Charm spell, a kind of Self-Charm but not actually a Transfiguration or Charm spell, or a kind of Self-Transfiguration and Charm spell. You could die if you don't do it correctly."
"Well said. Five points to Ravenclaw."
And then she turned around, addressing the whole class.
"It is illegal to be an Animagus while you're a minor. The consequences are severe. So it is my strongest recommendation to not try to turn yourself into one, unless you want to suffer 4 months in Azkaban."
The whole class shuddered, and then the bell rang.
. . .
"You know a lot of things about Animaguses, don't you?" Remus caught up with me after class, his scrolls and textbooks almost coming up to his face.
"It's not my fault I'm knowledgeable." I snapped, and then immediately regretted it when I saw his stricken face. It was just that, the whole thing left me unsettled. As if Professor McGonagall knew my dirty little secret.
"Are you okay?" Lupin asked, concerned. I sighed, readjusting my textbooks in my arms.
"Fine. Just a little worried."
"About what?"
Idiot, idiot, you're such an idiot, I told myself.
"Um… exams! Yeah, exams coming up soon. We're going to have so much studying on our hands, so…" Oh, Merlin! He probably thought I was lazy or something. "I mean, I study a lot, so it doesn't really matter, but-"
"Oi, Moony!" Sirius Black called down the hall, interrupting my blather.
"I gotta go, I'll see you soon?" Remus gave me a big grin that made my heart melt.
"Erm, I was just- yeah, of course! See you-" But he was already down the hall.
"Later."