Mornings are my-once-loved part of the day. But now I hated mornings, even if the sun shines bright on me for I still feel cold under its gentle rays. And I know that no matter how warm it is, it can't make me feel some comfort like the ones it used to give...
My whole world was always dark, dark from the very beginning. I felt damned until an angel saved my life from the pits of hell. He showered me with so much love and care, that no other else can ever give. It was the prime of my life, and everyday seemed paradise and everything just seemed right...
But that was long ago, until the day we needed to part. I don't want to end it, I don't want him to go but that is life. I had no choice, for each of us is just borrowing some life to live in this world and someday we need to give it back. I pleaded to every god I knew to let him stay longer and be with me forever. But my wish was not granted. He really needed to go and leave me...
My life was once again in darkness. It felt so cold and so lonely; I can feel my world crumbling down. No matter how hard I scream his name, or how hard I pray every night wishing he'll be back, I know he won't return. At the surface I'm still hanging in his words that he'll come back. That one day we'll be together again. I lived and believed in this lie, but deep inside although it pains me greatly I know my angel won't return...
He's long gone now and I finally accept it's the reality as my mind says so, but my heart tells me the otherwise. I still get this feeling, maybe some sort of hope or faith that he'll come back. I wait everyday for that knock on the door wishing that when I'll open it it's my angel that came back for me. But no, everyday I patiently stood there near the door but it's only my friends that came, except him...
Maybe my friends are right. Maybe I really need to move on, get a life and start over. But do I really need to start over? Do I really need to erase all the memories of the past? I don't really want to, for the only memory I have is the sweet memories of him. But yes, there are sad memories but I managed to hide them in the back of my head. Maybe someday those sad memories will just fade away into oblivion. I really can't forget him though, I am afraid if I lose him in my heart- no, even just in my thoughts I would be insane, heartless and cold. But I almost forgot… I am cold now. This feeling of coldness is more than the physical cold, because deep inside far greater pain is felt. His death took away every love, every feeling, every warmth and joy in me. Is this what it feels when you give all your love and one day just lose it all? Do you just feel empty like a shell, so lifeless?
I don't know what to do now. I want to move on and start a new life. But no matter what I do, I can't seem to find a way how to start again. All the choices I used to have now seemed gone. I'm drowning, drowning in hunger for him. I think I'm going insane, hearing him, feeling him every night in my dreams. No one can understand me, no one. I only need him, he's the only cure. But now he's nowhere here... I'll never be healed. My wounds would only bleed again, and again...
Sephiroth... I miss you. Maybe someday in the life stream, we'll be together again. I'll hope you're there, waiting for me... Promise me you would wait... Promise me Sephiroth... I love you forever...'