One Regret

A/N: Yuri! Lemon! And GENDERBENDER ;)) XD Enjoy & Review!

I love her.

I miss her.

My eyes were dreary and heavy. I couldn't think straight. I felt numb. I felt a hole. A deep, wide hole on my chest. Like my soul has detached and has yet to return.

"Hey... I heard what happen. I hope you're alright." One of my friend said concern. I sighed, I only walked away.

I miss her.

"Why?"

She just stared at me with empty eyes.

"I love you." I repeated my voice cracking.

"No you don't."

She was my girlfriend for a year now. She was my best friend and the one who help me discover my sexuality. She was practically my first in everything! I kicked a rock as I walked though, ignoring the obvious failed-attempt glances on me. I saw rock, almost the color of her eyes. Painfully, I kept walking. I remember the time we met at ninth grade.

I walk in the hallway of High School, feeling nervous butterfly swarming in my stomach. This day was bound to come and here it is: The first day in high school. I was obviously nervous and a bit freaked out but I held my head high even if I was blushing a lot. I stop before a class that my map showed me, I grunted a bit and went for the dive.

As I walk in my homeroom, I bump into another girl.

"S-Sorry! I didn't-"I stuttered before being cut coldly.

"Watch where you going, idiot." A smooth monotone voice said.

I felt my anger rising. For I, have always been known to be a short-temper blondie.

"Could've at least said sorry back, bastard!" I retorted. I look up and my breath hitch. She was the most beautiful girl I ever seen.

Her straight, long, and black hair was in a high ponytail, with side choppy bangs framing her long, slender, and pale face giving her lips a rosy touch. Her coal eyes, barely showing from her uneven bangs, were showing no emotion as she stared at me. I look at her, up and down, noticing how she is in a slender shape with our school uniform. She is gorgeous in my straight eyes. I couldn't help but envy her. Not realizing I was still staring, the unknown girl just made a small grunt noise to grabbed my attention. I quickly met her eyes.

She smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Like what you see?"

I blushed but shove it off by saying, "Sorry dyke, but I don't roll that way."

She gave me a glare and left for class.

We weren't on good terms at first, but then we later found out we were roommate and learn each other name. Her name was Sasuko- a beautiful name for her. Anyway, we always challenge each other into simple and big things. Glaring at one another like the world is about to end. People always called us 'The Rivals Opposite' because, our personality was complete opposite. I with long golden hair in two ponytails that were curl to make it seem bouncy. Bright blue eyes with a tan skin. I was always loud and happy compare to Sasuko's personality, which was quiet and serious. I heard my mother once said, after meeting Sasuko when she visits me at my dorms, saying 'I was the sun and she was the moon.' I scoffed saying she was being delusional but now that I think about it, she was right. I was the sun and she was the moon. We never got along due to our opposite personality but it was one day, we surprisingly acknowledge each other and became best friend. I frowned a bit, and saw a spider creating a web on a plant. I'm not very afraid of it because Sasuko taught me the beauty of Spiders along with all the Darkness.

It was around 10th grade where I found myself standing in detention after school in my math class. I took a glance at Sasuko who was, surprisingly, also in detention with me. It was due to our bickers turning into rivalry contest in class that 'disrupted' the classmates. I just huffed a bit before flopping in my chair.

"I wouldn't even be here, if it wasn't for you, idiot." Sasuko said annoyed.

I scrunch up my nose and huffed, "I wouldn't be the one talking; you were the one replying back. You could've at least ignored me."

She looked away as she crossed her arms. I did the same. After a long minutes passed, I felt something crawl on my back. I rolled my shoulders, shrugging it off as tickles. Later again, I felt it crawling on my neck. I freaked, and automatically, I grabbed it. I looked at my hand, and there was one, big, hair spider crawling on my hand. I screech loudly and threw it to Sasuko.

"A SPIDER!" I screamed as I threw it to Sasuko. She looks at me annoyed and scanned at the floor, looking for the spider.

"Where? You idiot!" She half yelled.

Then I saw it on her shoulder.

I screamed and pointed at her shoulder.

"Where? Idiot?" She said nervously as she notice where I was pointing. She turns her head to meet face to face with the large hairy spider. She screeches and brushes it off harshly...

"Take it off! Take it off!" She screamed.

I looked at the spider and saw it crawling under the teacher's desk. I ran to the back of the room along with Sasuko. Unconsciously, we were holding on to each other like it our dear life we're clutching.

The door slammed open to see our teacher who went to get a snack, looking at us with exasperated looks. We immediately notice we were grasping on to each other and push each other off.

"For God's Sake, what is wrong with you girls?" He yelled.

We shut our traps and looked at him with wide eyes. I immediately notice we were grasping on to each other and pushed her off as Sasuko shot me a glare.

"You girls never stop fighting! Always bickering over who better and making dumb challenges to one another on simple things. Being childish with each other! Sometime having glaring contest! I'm even surprise to you Sasuko- I expected you to be mature and smart enough to ignore her like your brother would have!" He yelled, desperately as trying to tell us something.

I immediately felt Sasuko stiffen at the topic of her brother. I always known she has serious issue with her brother but I never took the care to find out.

However, the teacher seems to be oblivious of Sasuko's cold glare toward him and continue yelling.

"One must have thought you were sisters, let alone, married couples! Always fighting. Bickering. Challenging. Please, let me be! Detention for a week. Finale." The teacher finished. He stomped his way out but we didn't miss the glimpse of the spider on his back.

It was a long silence until we heard our teacher screams for help.

We broke down laughing and giggling after we calmed ourself and breathe correctly. I look at Sasuko's coal eyes as she did with mine. There tension in the room waiting for it to be cut. I gulped and swallow before speaking what I thought was right.

"Friends?" I asked hesitantly, afraid of being rejected.

In addition, for the first time in my life- I saw Sasuko smile.

"As if. Who wants to become friend somebody like you Naruko?" She teased.

I froze. That was the first time I ever heard her spoke my name. My real name. I took a deep breath before giving her a glare but I knew that was her way of saying 'Yes'.

I felt everyone looked at me with pity in his or her eyes but I ignore it. I knew they were faking it. Everyone fake emotions nowadays. Why couldn't I do that so I can move along easily?

I walk in class with my teacher looking at me with a sad expression. I ignore his look and slump into my seat, which was next to a window. I look outside and saw the bright sun shining down the perfect lawn outside our school. I was somewhat expecting the weather to be moody and raining due to my attitude but

I'm half-glad it wasn't cliché as most movies. The teacher coughed to get everyone attention after they were settled and started the lesson.

I lean on my left hand as it kept my head from hitting the desk, looking away from the window, which I later regretted as I spotted an empty seat close to mine. It immediately made me felt like somebody punch me in the stomach as I realize the empty seat will remain empty for now on unless somebody else sat on it. My eyes water up quickly but I blink multiple times to clear it away. I felt nothingness swallowing me up again as I remember the first time when Sasuko came out to me.

"So wait? You're lesbian?" I repeated, surprised as Sasuko came out to me.

She sighed and put her right hand on her hips. She gave me an irritated expression. "Do I have to repeat it? I. Am. Lesbian." She draws out dryly.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Not a problem. You're still my best friend!" I smiled cheekily at her as I pounce on her. She groans playfully but she pet my head.

I realize something. "Since when did you know?"

She only looks thoughtful before giving me a mischievous look. "Easy, I never was and never will to be attracted to a guy sexually."

I only pouted. "Maybe none were too pretty for you?"

She sighed and closes her eyes before giving me a strange look. "No, it just, I always been sexually attracted to girls. I didn't found a problem of denying so I admit it."

I grimace playfully. "How will I know? What if I'm bisexual? Or lesbian? Or even pansexual?"

She chuckled and looked at me. She only said one word that made me actually curious. "Experience."

After a several days Sasuko came out to me, I actually felt the need to experience. So being the daring girl I was, I did. With Sasuko.

I found myself pushing Sasuko against the wall in our dorms. She looks startled and surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" She yelled at me.

I only grabbed her hands and pinned them to the wall. She couldn't do anything against me. She knew I was stronger than she was. With her soft fragile limbs of her, easily everyone will know I'm stronger.

"Please forgive me after this." I whisper to her. She finally got the idea and try pushing me off. I didn't let her. In return, I kissed her. The moment our lips touch, I felt a rush in me. Like a shockwave was running through my veins. My heart started beating very fast and I was breathing deeply. I notice Sasuko was not kissing me back so I kissed harder. Everything was new to me. Exciting. And surprisingly, very enjoyable. Finally after what seem years hidden in seconds, Sasuko responded- which made the kiss ten times better.

After gasps and pants, after gropes and moans, I felt Sasuko leading me into the bed. I shiver at the mere thought of it. I parted my lips from her as she looked deeply in my eyes. I was a bit hesitant but even if it was one day. Even if it was the bare beginning, I knew I was ready.

She whispers, "Are you sure about this?"

I only nodded. She crashes her lips into mine, to form a sloppy kiss but later into a passionate kiss as we laid in beds. The rest is history.

That night, we made love to each other. And immediately, I knew I liked Sasuko more than a friend did.

It was the first night I confirm my sexuality and the same night where I was starting to fall in love with Sasuko. After several lovemaking, we became a couple.

Everyone was shock to see us as a couple- They thought we were enemy, let alone, straight. Some were disgusted, other were okay. Some were even happy about. I was always the happy one, pronouncing our love since she was always the one smirking. However, the worst came. It ended for a year until she broke it off and finally I told her my feelings just last week.

"Naruko. We need to talk." She told me while I was hanging with my other friends. When she spoke those word, my blood went cold and I felt like my heart misses a beat. Those words. Everyone knows what it means. My friends looked at me with wide eyes as I stood up. She left, knowing I was going to follow her. She was always the one demanding. I was always the one submissing. I gulp, feeling my fingers shaking and my knees walking slower and slower each step.

After we stop, we were far away from the school and in the forest. In the back of my mind, something quickly told me that Raven just didn't want the whole school hearing my cries and yells. Sasuko never like loudness and making a scene, which was ironic because she was dating me.

Why was she dating me? I felt insecure. Did she love me? Why would someone beautiful like her, love me? She must've got tired of me.

She turns around and gave me the cold empty eyes, the one she gave me when we first met. Randomly, my heart felt the need to stop whatever was coming.

"I love you!" I blurted.

Sasuko only widen her eyes a fraction before going back to normal. I saw flashes of hope, angst, despair, and love in her eyes before going to the cold empty eyes. As I was about to speak, desperate to stop it from happening, she open her mouth. Then her word cut me.

"It's over." She said coldly.

I felt as if my world died. My blood went colder and my head felt lightheaded. I was breathing very deeply and my hand started to shake. My love, my heart, my everything doesn't want me. Then realization hit me hard. She was planning this before.

Last couple of weeks, she started disappearing often and was being quiet than normal. She was flirting with other bi or lesbian girls but I was too dense to notice and thought she was only being nice. She barely talk to me and gave me comfort unless our sexual courses. Her eyes were becoming blank and darker. She started smoking also and I had question why but she replied "Because I can." And never bother her with that topic again. I notice her skinny, as she had been not eating well. She was becoming more pale than usual. Her hair is more messy and out of place than how she has it in a perfect simple high ponytail. She kept leaving her dorms and coming back at midnight. She rarely smiles. She didn't tease me as she did almost all the time. It was as if she was disappearing from me. I didn't notice. I didn't realize. I was too dense to even save our relationship. I could've found out earlier and help her. But I didn't.

Why? I was selfish. Being the selfish girl, I still ask a stupid question.

"Why?"

She didn't reply.

"I love you." I repeated my voice cracking.

"No you don't." She said coldly.

I felt hot warm tears coming out fast and smoothly down my cheeks.

"I'm changing school. In a matter of no time, you will forget me." She mention as if she was talking about the weather.

"Why? I-I-I'm sorry! We could work this out!" I cried desperately.

She only walked away without looking back.

My heart sank. I couldn't breathe well. I was shaking throughout the whole body now. My head felt light headed. I felt numb. A part of me has been crush.

My soul has flown away. My throat tightens and I could not breathe. I open my mouth and sobbed. An animal noise-like came out of my mouth. It got louder and louder each time I sobbed. I felled to the floor, crying. I felt cold. I felt empty. Nobody was here to keep me safe. Nobody was here to hug me and comfort me. Nobody was here to say everything is going to be all right. Because it isn't like that. I shiver in the hot warm rays from the sun; I shiver because I was cold.

I felt alone.

"Naruko? Do you want to go to the nurse?" My teacher suddenly asks. I saw everyone look at me. As if, I am some kind of show. At first, I wonder why my teacher would ask that question until I realize I was crying silently. I touch my cheek and it felt sticky. I quickly grabbed my blue messenger bag and left class abruptly. I heard all the whispers and gossips as I leave class.

I couldn't think straight. I only let my legs take where I felt safe most. And of course, it was my dorm room. I looked for my key in my messenger bag and notice the door was slightly open. I carefully shut my bag close and open the door slowly. I never leave the door unlock ever since Sasuko taught me not to. I skimmed through my memories if I did lock the door and I firmly remember, closing the door and locking it afterward with my keys. As I walk in, my heart exploded in surprise. I never expected her to be here. My mind went numb and couldn't register what was happening. Sasuko was standing in front of me.

"Sa-su-ko.." I whisper, feeling my voice was about to crack.

Sasuko looked at me with such longing eyes I never expected to see from her. When she saw me, I saw relief and desperation in her eyes. I quickly shut the door, incase somebody pass by and saw her. When I turn back to look at Sasuko, she was running to me. I jumped in surprise when she hugged me fiercely. She buried her face in my shoulder and had her arms around my waist.

"N-Naruko! Oh god, Naruko! I miss you! Please forgive me!" She almost sounded like she was crying. No- must be me dreaming. The Uchihas never cried from what I heard from her. I hesitantly hugged her back, afraid if I hug her, she will disappear. Sasuko seems to notice though.

"God, I miss you terribly Naruko! I'm real. Naruko, I'm real." She comforted me yet I was the one supposedly comforting her. Then I felt her break a sob. My heart broke at the sound of that. For the first time in my life, Naruko was crying.

"I'm here, Naruko. I'm here." I spoke softly. Sasuko only stopped hugging me and looked at me with intense eyes. I notice tears were flowing from her eyes.

She looks beautiful when broken.

Then she told me something I never heard. "I love you."

My eyes widen and my heart flutters. She loves me. I love her. Without thinking, I kissed her. Our kiss was sloppy at first but later graduated to more demanding and needy. Each time her hand touches my face, my heart flutter. Whenever she licks my lips, I feel hot. Our tongue battle in dominance and of course, Sasuko won. Without realizing, she picked me up and was carrying me to the bed. She laid me down and butterfly kiss my neck, my collar, my breast, my stomach, and to the bottom. I gasp, shuddering, feeling her cold skin on my hot skin. My skin was sensitive to her touch.

She took all of my clothes off without me realizing. I felt her touches and kisses disappear and I quickly open my eyes, feeling afraid she disappears. No, she was staring at me as if I was the most beautiful yet sexiest woman alive with such intense eyes filled with lust and love, my skin shudder under her look. And before I knew it.

We made love. During our lovemaking, she was telling me words I never thought I'll hear.

"Who bring you most pleasure?"

"Ah! Y-You!"

"Who do you love?"

"Ohm.. Ah.. You!"

"Say my name."

"Sa-Ah-Sasuko!"

"Nobody will ever bring you most pleasure but me, right?"

"Y-Yes!"

"I love you."

"I love you too!"

"I love you more than anybody ever will!"

"Ah-Yes!"

"Nobody will ever give you this much pleasure. I'm the one for you."

After our intense passionate lovemaking, she gently laid next to me, pulling me close to her. She looks at me with her coal eyes with a touch of light and kisses me gently on my forehead. My chest felt warm and fuzzy that I had enough strength to smile softly.

"I love you Sasuko Uchiha."

She stayed quiet before smiling which made my heart flutter and stomach in butterflies.

"I love you too, Naruko Uzumaki."

I woke up, feeling cold. Immediately, I got up and look on my bed. It was messy and still hot. I rubbed my eyes, clearing my vision after blinking a few times. I got up and put a warm robe on me. I called Sasuko but she never answered. My eyes widen and my heart was beating fast. No this couldn't happen, right? My bed is still warm and messy as if somebody left. I check the door, seeing any sign if somebody was here. The only proof I got was my bed. Unconsciously, I grabbed the sheets and smelled it. It only smelled like me. My heart started to fade slowly after I finally learn Sasuko was gone.

Everyone knew. I knew. It came out on the news this early week. I remember every word.

I sat in my room alone, surfing through the TV. As I keep changing the channel, I heard a name that perk up my ears. I went back to the channel and it was the current news.

"Just yesterday, there was a dead body found around Butterfly's Park named Sasuko Uchiha. Our researchers currently said she actually caused suicide just a few days ago- their best guess is around Saturday. She was holding a picture of a blonde girl with an unknown name and a picture of her family with her other hand a handgun. Must've shot her self in the head. Polices said that it was because of the recently massacre of her family from her brother. Her brother ran away and she was the only one of her family despite her brother." Said the brunette woman quickly and smoothly. My whole world shattered.

"Oh don't forget, the picture of the blonde girl had a note on the back saying "I love you, please forgive me.". Guess it must've been a lover." The blonde next to her mention.

All my thoughts vanish. All my feelings vanish. I barely felt my heart beating. The reason she was acting differently was because her brother killed her family. And I never fucking knew. She even killed herself the same fucking place we became together. She loved me.

I ran in the bathroom, feeling sick, and vomited harshly. After vomiting several times, I was already pouring my eyes out again. I couldn't help it. I have been holding this too long. I had only one thing in my mind.

Sasuko is gone forever.