He stood staring into the window at the child that had been born into the world. Given birth to by the woman he loved. He felt broken and numb, cold and lost without her. She was the one who was supposed to be sitting in her bed, smiling and holding their little bundle of joy. Arguing and laughing with their family.
But no, that beautiful woman and her smile, her quirkiness, her outrageous outfits would be no more. The pet names, the flirtatious banter and the laughter were to be heard never more. To him, she was like a beautiful butterfly with her colorful appearances and the fact that she never stood still.
Now she had been taken flight, away into Heaven and she wasn't coming back.
Placing his hand on the window, he thought back to how all had been so right to suddenly going all so wrong…
Arriving home from another long and tiring case, Aaron Hotchner killed the engine and climbed out of the car. Ever so glad to be home, he locked the car up and made his way to the front door. Unlocking it and stepping inside, he frowned when he heard the vacuum cleaner going. Hotch prayed that she had actually hired help or he was going to be very annoyed. Setting his keys down and shutting the front door behind him, he made his way through the house to the living room and stared at the sight before him.
His heavily pregnant wife was vacuuming the carpet while What's This from the soundtrack to Tim Burton's A Nightmare Before Christmas blared through the speakers
"PENELOPE AMANDA GARCIA-HOTCHNER WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
The sound of his loud voice drowned out the music causing the FBI's BAU tech analyst to shriek and spin around, finding her husband looking very annoyed at her. Picking up the remote and pressing pause, and turning off the vacuum cleaner, the blonde grinned sheepishly
"Hi" she greeted him lamely.
Hotch crossed his arms over his chest
"Why are you out of bed?" he asked her sternly
"I'm sorry, I tried. But have you tried being confined to bed all frickin' day? It's soooooo boring. I had to get up and do something and the carpet needed cleaning. Laundry needed doing and…I'm in big trouble aren't I?"
The father of one nodded his head
"Up to bed" he told her
"But Aaron" Garcia began
"No buts Penelope, up to bed. You know you're supposed to be resting and off your feet, doctor's orders. If you remember your blood pressure is high and we don't want any problems when it's time for Gracie's arrival. Upstairs now."
Huffing and grumbling, Garcia left the vacuum and made her way out of the living room passing her husband.
And Hotch swore he heard her grumble about stupid, annoying, old, grouchy Macho men husbands.
Shaking his head, he followed after his now irritated wife. Garcia was currently in her third and final trimester of her pregnancy but had been having some complications. Her blood pressure had been alarmingly high and the doctor had told her to stay off of her feet and confined her to bed rest for the last few weeks.
Of course, Garcia being…well Garcia was prone to think otherwise. Normally she was used to sitting still for a long time because she helped them out on cases but confining her to a bed for the last few legs of her pregnancy had been driving her crazy
"There is only so much daytime television a pregnant woman can watch, Aaron" she had told him.
This was their first baby—though his second child—and he wanted everything to be perfect; they'd had the baby shower back when Garcia was five months pregnant after the two had decided to find out the sex of the baby. At the ultrasound, Garcia had practically squealed and hugged him almost to death when they found out they were having a girl.
Jack had been over the moon when he found out he was getting a sister.
The nursery, which was put together last month was decked out in all shades of purple, highlighting the mother-to-be's favorite color
"Besides, purple is so much cooler than pink" she had said and even Jack agreed.
Entering into the bedroom, he found her in bed and her arms crossed in a pout. Hotch walked over and sat on the edge of the bed, tucking a blonde strand behind her ear
"Oracle, I know you're upset but you want Gracie to have a safe arrival, don't you?" he asked her
"Of course I do, it's just that the television was getting boring" she replied in a whine
"What about your laptop? Can't you entertain yourself on there?"
Heaving a sigh, Garcia nodded and tears welled up in her eyes
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad. I was just trying to be helpful."
Knowing a mood swing easily, Hotch gathered his wife into his arms and held her, rubbing her back gently as he tried to calm her down
"Of course, my love I know. You are a big help but you have a very special and big responsibility to follow the doctor's orders in order for Gracie to arrive safely into our lives. She depends on you to keep her safe. Will you do that, darling?"
Pulling back, Garcia sniffed and nodded. Kissing her husband, she pulled back and laughed when the baby kicked
"She knows you're home" she smiled.
Shuffling back a bit, Hotch leant down and laid his head on his wife's swollen belly. He rubbed it affectionately and felt his little Gracie respond in kind with a kick
"She missed her daddy" he heard Garcia say
"And daddy missed his Gracie as well" he said kissing her stomach before sitting up and kissing her "where's Jack?"
"Spending the night at his Uncle Dave's"
"Okay. Come on, mommy, time for bed"
"It's only ten thirty" Garcia whined.
Hotch rolled his eyes as he eased his wife down under the comforter and as soon as her head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep. Kissing her forehead, he slipped out of the room and quietly walked downstairs to shut the music off and put away the vacuum cleaner. Shutting off all the lights, Hotch headed back upstairs and down the hall to the bedroom where Garcia's light snores could be heard.
Chuckling softly, he closed the door and began to undress slipping into his night clothes before climbing into his side of the bed. Immediately, Garcia rolled over and buried her face into the crook of his neck. Wrapping his arms around her as best he could, Hotch closed his eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of life with Garcia.
He'd barely been asleep two hours when he heard a gasp beside him and he opened his eyes, blinking tiredly. Glancing next to him, he saw his wife sitting up and her eyes wide
"Penny" he began sitting up "what's wrong?"
When Garcia glanced at him eyes wide, he wondered what was going on
"Aaron, my water just broke."
Hotch was suddenly fully awake and alert sitting up
"What?" he asked
"Aaron my water just fucking broke" she hissed at him
"You're not due for another three weeks" he said slight fear in his voice
"You think I don't know that?"
"Have the contractions started yet?"
"No but we need- ow, oh god there's one now- to get to the hospital, now."
Getting out of bed, Hotch hurried around the room collecting his wife's bag before easing her out of the bed and out of their room. Walking down the hall, they walked down the stairs before slipping out of the front door and heading to the car.
Arriving at the hospital twenty minutes later, Garcia was induced and now in a private room while Hotch sat beside her. He had called the others ten minutes ago and they told him they were on their way. Watching as she sat there, typing away on her laptop, he shook his head. The woman was in labor and was typing away at her laptop like it was any ordinary day
"Sweetie, you need to be lying down"
"In a minute"
"Penny"
"In a minute"
"Penelope Amanda Garcia-Hotchner."
Huffing, she shut her laptop down and handed it to her husband. Lying back against the pillows, Garcia stared up at the ceiling humming under her breath. She winced and bit her lip hissing as another contraction hit. They'd stopped for awhile but it seemed like they were back on track.
Feeling her husband take her hand she glanced over at him and gave a smile
"Now they come back" she rolled her eyes.
Hotch chuckled at his wife, even in pain she was able to make him smile
"Hopefully it won't be long and we'll have Gracie" he said
"I bloody hope so."
It wasn't long before the team arrived, bringing gifts and flowers
"I haven't even had the baby yet" Garcia stated
"We know but we thought they might make you feel better" Emily Prentiss told her handing her the flowers.
Derek Morgan moved to Garcia's side and took her hand, kissing her forehead
"How's our favorite girl doing?" he asked
"Wanting to kill Aaron."
The team laughed at her
"I wanted to do that to Will" JJ giggled as she held a sleeping Henry
"No because Aaron confiscated my laptop."
Everyone looked at Hotch like he was crazy before bursting out laughing. David Rossi looked down at his nephew and nodded his head. Grinning, Jack moved over to the side of the bed and Morgan picked his nephew up
"Hi mama"
"Jack Attack. Oh baby I am so glad you're here. I need you here for this okay, baby? And you'll keep Henry entertained for me if he wakes up?"
Jack nodded and reached out taking Garcia's hand and she squeezed her stepson's hand before wincing
"God damn mother fudge cake."
The team chuckled, knowing she was trying not to swear in front of the children.
Suddenly the fetal heart monitor began beeping rapidly
"What's going on?" Garcia began panicking
"Penelope, it seems the baby is in distress and isn't getting enough oxygen, that's why the heart rate is dropping. We need to roll you on your side to help Gracie, okay?"
Nodding, the mother-to-be tried to calm herself while JJ and Will took Henry and Jack out of the room and to the waiting room with Reid and Seaver. The nurse helped Garcia to roll over onto her side and instantly the baby's heart rate began increasing
"That's much better. Hear that? The baby's heart rate is increasing. It happens to a lot of new time or second or however many times a mother has had a child. But we'll keep monitoring in case something like that happens again" the nurse explained
"Thank you" Garcia sighed.
Prentiss, Morgan and Rossi moved around to her other side where Hotch was seated
"You're alright, baby girl. You can get through this, I know you can" Morgan reassured her
"We love you and we're staying right here" Prentiss continued
"They're right, Kitten. We love you and you're our family. We'll stay until Gracie is born" Rossi added.
Tears filled Garcia's eyes as Morgan and Prentiss took her hands while Rossi moved to talk to Hotch and laughed
"What is it?" Prentiss asked
"Poor Aaron. He's fallen asleep" Rossi replied and the foursome laughed.
The trio talked to Garcia, telling her on what she had missed at work. Though, they reassured her, that although Kevin Lynch wasn't as fantastic as her, he wasn't doing so bad and had been a great help.
It must have been an hour later, when things suddenly took a turn for the worse.
A nurse came to take Garcia's blood pressure and frowned
"What is it?" Morgan asked
"Her blood pressure is too high, I'm gonna have to call your doctor, Penelope. We have to get Gracie out now before you get preeclampsia and then you'll both be in trouble."
The fetal monitor began beeping again and the nurse dashed out while Rossi and Morgan tried to get Garcia onto her other side as Prentiss shook Hotch awake
"What's wrong?" he inquired hearing the fetal heart monitor
"Penny's blood pressure is too high and Gracie's heartbeat is decreasing. They have to get her out now otherwise Pen will get preeclampsia" Rossi replied as he and Morgan got Garcia on her other side but it was no use.
The nurse returned with two midwives and the doctor
"Get her onto her back, she needs to start pushing. But I have to quickly check how far she is" Doctor Patterson ordered.
Helping Garcia onto her back, the guys stepped away as the doctor checked her and frowned
"Doc?" Morgan asked
"Penelope, you're fully dilated" he said looking at her
"Already?" Prentiss asked surprised
"Is that bad?" Garcia wondered
"I've never seen a woman dilate this fast but if your body's ready to deliver then we better deliver."
Hotch grabbed her hand while Morgan grabbed three fingers on her other hand, Rossi grabbed the other two and Prentiss helped to hold her leg apart from the other one
"The next contraction, Penelope you need to push" Doctor Patterson ordered.
Nodding her head, Garcia braced herself as she felt it coming
"Tuck your chin to your chest and bring your legs back and push"
"Urrrrrrrgh"
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. Okay stop, take a deep breath and…push."
Squeezing her guys' hands, Garcia pushed again
"Okay, stop, stop"
"Logan, the baby's heart rate is decreasing still"
"We can't push her out. Penelope, I know you're probably going to hate this but unless we do an emergency C-section Gracie isn't going to survive."
Panicking, Garcia nodded her head as she began to cry. She let go of the guys' hands as the doctor, nurse and midwifes wheeled her out to the operating theatre. She heard Prentiss say she was going to inform Reid, Seaver, Will and JJ as Morgan and Rossi moved up as they stopped
"Baby Girl listen to me, I love you and I will be waiting to see your pretty face once you get out of there" Morgan said as he kissed her forehead while she cried and nodded.
Stepping aside, Rossi stepped up and ran his hand down her face
"We'll see you soon. I need you to be brave, okay Kitten? We'll be waiting for you. I love you. You're my daughter, Penny you always have been. I need my little girl to be okay, got it?" he told her and she nodded.
Kissing her forehead, he and Morgan headed to the waiting room as they wheeled Garcia to the operating theatre.
When they arrived, they sat the blonde up and the anesthesiologist stepped up. He wiped her back down before sticking the needle into her back. She winced holding Hotch's hands and sighed when it was done. Getting her onto her back, the doctors began setting up while Hotch stepped outside to get covered up before he was allowed back in.
Sitting down in the seat that was provided, he took her hand and kissed her forehead
"I love you"
"I love you too."
As the doctors continued working on getting the baby out, Hotch kept whispering reassurances to Garcia, telling her everything was going to be alright. That everyone was in the waiting room, praying for her and the baby and that they loved them both
"Okay Penelope, you gonna feel some pressure but it completely normal" one of the doctors told her.
Garcia grunted when she felt the pressure though tried to ignore the pain and focused on listening for the sound she desperately wanted to hear
"Alright, almost there. And there is she. Hello little Gracie."
The sound of the newborn filled the delivery room and both parents started to cry. They kissed before the baby was brought over around to them after she was cleaned and weighed
"Here you go mom, here is your little girl"
"Hi Gracie."
Garcia kissed her daughter's cheek before she was handed to her father who cradled the most precious gift in the world
"Hello baby girl. My little Gracie Garcia-Hotchner."
All of a sudden, the monitors started going haywire
"Her blood pressure has risen" a doctor said.
Garcia's eyes rolled back into her head and she began convulsing
"She's seizing"
"She must have preeclampsia"
"Weren't you sure?"
"We never actually diagnosed it"
"Can you stop arguing and help her?"
They glanced at Hotch before people began moving around, trying to find her drugs to help. But then Garcia stopped and the heart monitor flatlined
"Cart now."
Hotch watched on helplessly, cradling his newborn daughter who was soon taken from him, as the cart was wheeled over and they set up the defibrillator machine. Soon they were ready
"Charging at 100 volts"
"Clear."
They shocked Garcia but nothing happened
"Charging at 150 volts"
"Clear."
Again nothing happened
"Charging at 200 volts"
"Clear."
Nothing changed
"Come on, Penelope, you can't leave this world. You have a loving family waiting for you" one of the doctors spoke.
Hotch moved to be beside Garcia
"Penny, its Aaron. Come back to us"
"Mr. Hotchner"
"Someone please get him out of here"
"Penny."
One of the nurses gripped him gently by the upper arm and escorted him out of the room
"Please, I need to be in there with my wife"
"Mr. Hotchner, I know this is difficult, but you need to stay out here. Where are your family and friends?" the nurse asked.
Suddenly thoughts about his family, his friends, they were going to need to be informed of what was happening.
After standing there talking for ten minutes, the door opened and Doctor Patterson walked out. Hotch stared at him but then he shook his head.
Hotch's world came crashing down and he staggered, allowing the kind nurse to catch him and guide him to a chair. Falling into the seat, he buried his face in his hands and began to cry.
This wasn't fair. First Haley and now Penelope. Why couldn't he just be allowed to have happiness? Why was his world suddenly his hell?
The nurse looked over at Doctor Patterson
"What about their family?" she asked him.
Doctor Patterson looked back down at Hotch
"Mr. Hotchner, would you like me to inform your family?"
Sniffing, Hotch looked up and scrubbed his face dry. He didn't think he could face his family right now, knowing that Penny was dead. As the tears came again, he nodded his head before reburying his face in his hands and crying.
Doctor Patterson looked at the nurse
"Kristy, stay with him."
Nurse Kristy nodded and sat beside Hotch, a hand on his back as Doctor Patterson headed for the waiting room.
JJ sat anxiously waiting for news on Garcia and the baby. She had remembered earlier when Prentiss came barreling into the room alerting her and the others that there was a complication and Garcia was going for an emergency C-Section.
She, Reid, Ashley and Will had all looked at each other with worried looks, praying that everything would turn out okay. Soon after, Rossi and Morgan had joined them, the latter pacing every so often.
Glancing at her son, JJ smiled as he sat playing with his cousin and she waved when he looked up and he waved back.
Hearing footsteps, JJ stood up and the others glanced over, following suit, waiting on who she hoped was Hotch informing them of the good news and that they could come and see Garcia and the baby. But instead, they were met by Doctor Patterson
"Well?" Prentiss asked.
When Doctor Patterson sighed and looked down, JJ's heart stopped, knowing something was wrong. Finally the doctor looked up
"I am so sorry" he began and JJ's vision blurred with tears "everything had been going fine but then Mrs. Hotchner began losing too much blood and began seizing. She soon crashed and we tried to revive her. Unfortunately, we had to call it. I am so sorry for your loss."
The waiting room was eerily silent as everyone took in the news of what had happened.
Dead.
Garcia was dead.
Penelope Garcia was dead.
A mournful sob sounded breaking the silence and JJ realized it was her; she had made that distressing sound. She felt the warm tears as they tracked down her face, a trembling hand coming to her mouth. Her whole body trembled as the tears came hard and fast and soon she broke down, collapsing as Will caught and held her as she mourned for her friend, her sister who had died.
Morgan wasn't sure what to feel; pain, sorrow, anguish and grief stricken. He moved to a wall and punched it as he felt his own tears.
His baby girl, the light of the team, his family was gone.
Penelope.
He continued punching the wall before he was grabbed and spun around into the arms of Prentiss as they both cried.
Rossi felt his own tears as he consoled Ashley. But then he had to ask
"Doctor Patterson, what about the baby?"
"We got Gracie out before this all happened."
Glancing down at Jack, Rossi noticed that he and Henry were watching with sad looks of their own
"Jack, come here buddy" Rossi called out to his nephew.
Jack ran to Uncle Dave and was scooped up, burying his face in his neck.
Rossi sighed and glanced at Henry who came over and wanted to be lifted up.
Reid came over, bent down and scooped Henry into his arms knowing that Will was busy consoling JJ
"Where's Aunt Penny?" Henry asked his godfather the whereabouts of his godmother
"Henry, Aunt Penny is with God" Reid replied through his own tears, hating having to tell his godson that his godmother was dead
"Did a bad guy get her?" Henry asked
"No Henry, nothing like that. Aunt Penny…there was a problem and now she's gone to live with God in Heaven. But don't worry; she is safe from the bad guys. They can never hurt her, never again."
Looking over at Doctor Patterson, Reid suddenly wondered the whereabouts of his friend
"Doctor Patterson, where is Agent Hotchner?" he asked.
Everyone looked at the doctor
"He's outside the operating theatre where Mrs. Hotchner had her c-section" he replied.
JJ, without thinking, broke from Will's embrace and shot out of the waiting room, ignoring the calls of her partner and her friends.
She had to get to Hotch.
Running through the halls of the hospital, she ran through hospital staff who shouted at her not to run. JJ didn't give a damn; she had to reach her brother. Hotch had always been like a brother to her, they were there for each other just like they were with the rest of the team.
He was there for her when Henry was born and now, he needed her because his wife had died.
JJ's vision blurred and she scrubbed her eyes, reading the signs and bursting round corners and through doors. Finally rounding a corner, she skidded to a halt.
There was Hotch, face buried in his hands being comforted by a nice looking nurse
"Aaron" she called running for him.
"Aaron" he heard.
Hotch looked up and saw JJ running toward him. He stood shakily to his feet and collapsed in JJ's arms as she stood and pulled him into a hug, sinking to their knees as they cried
"Jennifer" he sobbed
"Shhh, I know. I know."
Looking at the nurse, JJ nodded her head
"Thank you" she mouthed.
Nurse Kristy stood up and left them alone.
Rocking him in her arms, they cried mourning for Garcia.
Hurried footsteps sounded and when JJ looked back behind her, she found the rest of the family had followed
"Aaron" he pulled back and looked at her "the family's here. Do you want Jack?"
Hotch sniffed and looked past her to see the rest of them had stopped a few feet away and Rossi was holding Jack
"Jack" he called hoarsely.
Rossi set his nephew down and watched as he ran to his father, being scooped up into arms and held tightly.
Hotch clung tight to Jack pressing his face into his shoulder as he heard Jack begin to cry himself.
Jack looked at his aunt JJ
"Did Mama Penny go to heaven like mommy, Aunt JJ?"
JJ nodded sadly
"Yes, she did. We're so sorry, Jack."
A hand on Hotch's shoulder brought him out of his memory and turned to see JJ
"Hey" she greeted him
"Hey" he returned
"Where's Gracie?" she asked joining him at the window
"Right there" he replied pointing to his daughter.
Glancing through the window, she found the little baby and felt a warm wetness come to her eyes. Wrapping her arms around herself, she stared at the tiny being that resembled her sister but also Hotch.
Now that she thought about it, she didn't remember Henry being that small. Gracie seemed smaller.
Looking back at her brother, she rested her head on his shoulder
"We're all here for you."
Hotch wrapped an arm around JJ's waist
"I know, JJ. It is going to be so hard without her but I know she's watching over us. She's probably with Haley."
A small smile played at JJ's lips
"Probably"
"God I miss her"
"I know."
A nurse stepped into the room and checked over the babies before stopping at Gracie. She checked her over before looking at Hotch with a questioning look.
Taking a deep breath, he released his sister and made his way to the door and stepped into the room. Walking over, he held out his arms as the nurse handed him his daughter before she left to give him a moment.
Staring down at the beautiful little girl he and Penelope had created, he felt a tear come to his eye. She looked just like her mother with traces of himself, beautiful in every way. Her lids began to move and slowly blinked back to reveal blue eyes.
Garcia's eyes.
Feeling wetness on his cheek, he didn't care.
Father and daughter stared at one another, the familiarity already there
"Gracie, listen to me. I have to tell you that life isn't easy, baby girl. There are bad guys and Unsubs like you wouldn't believe. Dirty cops, drug dealers, you name it, we have it. The world isn't straight-laced and happy-go-lucky, it's dangerous and deadly.
However, there are people in this world, good people like your aunts and uncles and myself included who work hard to protect this world and try to make it a better place.
What I can tell you is this: I am your father and I will protect you from all of this, keep you safe and love you no matter what happens when you grow up. The good, the bad, hell even the weird, no matter what, Gracie, daddy will always be here for you. If you ever need me, I will drop everything and coming running for my little girl. I will make sure the sun will always shine for you.
Make sure you are always happy.
I love you and I know your mommy loves you too; you need to know that even though she's no longer here and won't get to see you grow up. She is up in Heaven with Aunt Haley and watching over us. In your heart, she lives and always will.
Remember that, Gracie.
I love you and mommy's watching over us.
Forever."
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
I'll remember you
always
But then this world
slipped through my fingers
And even the sun seemed tired
I still cared
As I lowered you down
my heart just jaded
In that moment the earth made no sound
but you were there
You helped me lift my pain into the air
And I'll remember you
And the things that we used to do
And the things that we used to say
If it don't hurt you
It won't hurt me
It don't hurt me
Then it won't hurt you
If it don't hurt you
It won't hurt me I know
The End
Song: Perfect Memory~ Remy Zero