Dear readers,
In short, this is the outpouring of insanity that occurs after the combination of being home alone ill for three days, and listening to this one Disney song over and over whilst attempting to write the next chapter of another of my Glee fanfics, so behold my madness...and my genius, but mostly my madness. Basically, the idea came to me, and it really amused me - I hope it amuses you too - and so I decided to write it down...Oh, and a disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or the song, but I do claim the right to the intellectual thought process that combined them!
Enjoy this taster of what goes on in my head!
Sopphires.
"I don't get it," said David, scratching his head and looking at Sebastian with an intense frown on his face. The new Warbler rolled his eyes heavily and sighed in a long suffering manner, getting to his feet and bestowing the councillor with a withering expression.
"I'm saying," he replied, slowly, in a drawling tone. "that you haven't won because you're stuck in the 1800s with all of your 'traditions', and that if you, like me, want to win, then you need to make some changes, and you have be prepared to do a lot more than you are now." There were blanks stares from the all the other boys in the room, all of them clearly unable to comprehend how he could change the rules, or how they could give any more than all their cute enthusiasm and 100% effort. Sebastian sighed once more, rolling his eyes scathingly.
How to put this in words they can understand? It's a shame that they're essential for victory; they're unspeakably plain…oh…
A smirk curled onto his lips and stared down at the wide eyed imbeciles that were gawking at him with slack jaws that would soon, no doubt, have drool dribbling over them as the little brain power they possessed was worked out of existence as they attempted to comprehend the sheer aura of awesome that he exuded.
I know that your powers of retention
Are as wet as a warthog's backside
He began to sing in a scathing tone of voice, sauntering over to the council table with a condescending look upon his face, looking down upon David with a disdainful expression that demanded to know how someone as stupid as he had managed to be elected as leader…then again, the masses were ignoramuses – ignoramii? – so maybe it wasn't saying much.
But thick as you are, pay attention
My words are a matter of pride
He snapped his wrist out so that he clicked his fingers in front of Thad's face, causing the councillor to jerk out of whatever candy-land dream his infant mind had taken him to, and arched his eyebrow, warning him off ever again staring into the distance whilst Sebastian stood before him, scheming, because he was about to turn this shit show-choir into a force to be reckoned with.
It's clear from your vacant expressions
The lights are not all on upstairs
He flicked his other hand in front of Trent, the last councillor's, face and received only a dull blink in response, and he rolled his eyes in a long suffering manner once more because they had everything they needed to win – genuinely good voices, the ability to dance, a good reputation and no chance in hell of ever getting into trouble because the school would cover it up – but no one had put that together before him.
But we're talking kings and successions
Even you can't be caught unawares
He slammed his hands down onto the council table with a dangerous expression on his face because how stupid were these people? All they needed was a new leader prepared to do anything, and the willing attitude to break the rules, and that glittering trophy that they so badly craved was in the bag.
So prepare for a chance of a lifetime
Be prepared for sensational news
So he turned his back on the idiotic leaders because he reckoned that he had managed to get the point across – they were done – and began to swagger down the middle of the room, smirk on his face as he looked down upon all the other boys, assuring them with his cocky presence that he was the answer to their problems; that he was going to give them what they wanted.
A shining new era
Is tiptoeing nearer
He tiptoed to the back of the room with the grace of the ballerina but without losing his badass, self-assured swagger, spinning around and seeing that all their expressions were shining with delighted, anticipated expectation, eyes wide and eager.
And where do we feature?
Asked Nick, leaning forward in his seat, and Sebastian knew that he had all of them hooked; they wanted to hear it all, and they were going to go through with it – well, he was nothing if not enticing.
Just listen to teacher
He replied, patronising, slinging a faux-friendly arm around his shoulders, and patted the shoulder in a manner that said he was in charge because he was the only one with any brains in here.
I know it sounds sordid
But you'll be rewarded
When at last I am given my dues
He sprang into the middle of the room, spinning around and taking in all of the excited on their faces that said that they finally understood at least a little bit of what he was telling them – he wasn't sure, though, that they quite got that they had to hand him undisputed control of their club in order to get that trophy that they so desired and the title of the best show choir in the country; they were that slow.
And injustice deliciously squared
Be prepared!
But no matter because he knew that he had them whether they knew it or not, and if he had control of them, he had control of the Warblers, giving him the ability to launch a two-pronged attack on Kurt Hummel and his little woodland friends: his natural allure would win him Blaine, and now he had the means to deliver a crushing defeat onto the New Directions and destroy the one thing that made his high school life bearable.
Yeah, be prepared.
Yeah-heh, we'll be prepared, heh.
For what?
Jeff was looking at him, the excitement fading from his face to be replaced with the confusion that said he got what was going on; Sebastian would win them the Nationals trophy, but he didn't get how Sebastian would get them that, and Sebastian had to roll his eyes in scathing exasperation because did he have to explain everything to the half-wits?
For the death of the king!
He proclaimed dramatically, pointing to the council with a flourish, hoping that they understood that he was going to get rid of the council, put himself in charge and then topple the biggest local show choir.
Why? Is he sick?
Questioned the blonde, and if ever there was proof of the blonde stereotype then there it was, because – of course – the council was just going to unanimously decide to step down, obviously that was going to happen!
No, fool we're going to kill him. And Simba too.
He replied in a tone of voice that said he had absolutely no patience for their moronic questions, and did they get it now that there was going to be no council, and the old order was going to be gone because he was going to take over, and then he would remove the New Directions from their opposition and leave the way to Nationals clear before them.
Great idea! Who needs a king?
No king! No king! La la la la laa laa!
Sang first Jeff and then Nick, and it took all of Sebastian's considerable self-restraint not to slap them around the face because, no, there would be no anarchic state in the Warblers; it was about to turn into a dictatorship. How were these people with their amoeba-sized brains at an academically selective school? Oh right, yes, Dalton had two kinds of pupil: give-me-a-place-or-I'll-die-from-bullying or give-me-a-place-my-daddy's-super-rich!
Idiots! There will be a king!
He roared, causing the two ninnies to freeze in horror, and glared round at them for their idiocy, and saw that – still – not all of them understood what was going on; or at least, the two that had decided to speak for the Warblers were still confused. Of course, the stupidest were voicing the opinions of the majority; this was America.
Hey, but you said, uh
Objected Nick with a pouty, childish frown on his face that meant that never more honestly had a person's expression illustrated the mental capabilities within because did he really think that someone would go to the trouble of ousting leaders from power just to let that power fall in the hands of anyone…how naïve was he?
I will be king! Stick with me, and you'll never go hungry again!
He announced at last, guessing that there was no place to be subtle around people who could barely form coherent sentences let alone ones that were grammatically correct and up to the standards of the top universities that they were supposedly going to be attending. He raised his arms into the air as a gesture of grandeur, emphasising how he had the power to bring them victory and glory and esteem.
Yaay! All right! Long live the king!
Exclaimed Tweedledumb and Tweedledumbest, and Sebastian knew that now they had finally clocked what was going on, the others must have too and would follow him whatever now because he got the impression that they had been waiting to follow what their other members were going to do – too cowardly to make a move on their own.
Long live the king! Long live the king!
Chanted the other Warblers like good, obedient, incapable-of-independent-thought minions, and Sebastian felt his smirk grow impossibly wider at the sight of all of them because he had just won…oh, and didn't that just feel wonderful!
It's great that we'll soon be connected
With a king who'll be all-time adored.
They began to sing, all leaping to their feet, even the councillors, and march around the rooms with lustful enthusiasm that told Sebastian that he had all of them under his thumb, and that they had now attained the level of mindless grunt drones for him to command as he pleased.
Of course, quid pro quo, you're expected
To take certain duties on board
Sebastian lounged against the wall, smirking triumphantly at the Warblers who still parading around the room, and knew that he now had around twenty boys to take the fall for him and do his dirty work, and he knew that there would be no pointless arguments about morality because he was in control, and if they refused then he would simply walk away and take their hopes away.
The future is littered with prizes
And though I'm the main addressee
He waltzed into their ranks once more, slipping through the gaps that they instinctively made for him, parting like the red sea in a mark of respect for their leader; raising him further above them with each second that they acknowledged that he was in charge and thus clever and better than all of them.
The point that I must emphasize is
You won't get a sniff without me!
He rounded on Trent; the one boy who looked like he held onto a snifter of doubt, and snapped his fingers in front of him, cold, harsh expression on his face, and the combination of the two, and his raised voice, was enough to cause the podgy Warbler to stumble over his feet and topple down as Sebastian smirked in victory, knowing that he had just highlighted that all of this would only happen with him – he had convinced them all; bullied them into the mind-set, really, that they could not win without him: he was indispensable.
So prepare for the coup of the century (Oooh!)
He continued, stalking away as if he had not just caused a boy to tumble to his feet and look at him with piteous fear, and looked coldly down upon each Warbler that he passed by, eyes narrowed and calculating, demanding to know whether they had what it took to overturn everything they knew and get him the crown.
Be prepared for the murkiest scam (Oooh La! La! La!)
He eyed them up once more, body moving in a smooth dance that his mind was completely disconnected from because he reckoned that none of them had quite realised how below the board their victory would be, and smirked even wider because they were so naïve to think that he wouldn't be stooping below the normal level.
Meticulous planning (We'll have food!)
Tenacity spanning (Lots of food)
He danced amongst the Warblers with an erect, kingly posture, sliding between the different members and appearing where they least expected him to, and saw that, at the moment, they didn't care what it took because Sebastian had promised them trophies and glory, and that was all they cared about – Sebastian would scheme, and they would lap each sordid one up because it promised them what they wanted.
Decades of denial (We repeat)
Is simply why I'll (Endless meat)
Oh, and people were so wonderfully easy to manipulate because he could stand in the middle of the boys, looking down on all of them with nothing more than contempt because they, like everyone else, were imbeciles, but they didn't care; he could do whatever he wanted; he could take whatever he wanted; be king however he wanted, and as long as they got that trophy, they didn't give a shit! Oh, they were so stupid it was funny.
Be king undisputed (Aaaaaaah...)
Sebastian leapt onto the middle chair of the Warbler council table, sullying the seat with the dirty soles of his shoes, and stared down at his dominion, smirking somehow even more at the lack of protestations against his disrespectful act because it was all his now.
Respected, saluted (...aaaaaaah...)
And seen for the wonder I am (...aaaaaaah!)
He stepped onto the table, increasing the height he had over the other Warblers, and no doubt making them all feel unspeakably inferior to him, and then tore open his blazer and undulated his hot body because he had a crowd of adoring fans, and who wouldn't exhibit and flaunt themselves in front of them? He enjoyed having his ego fanned by their stares; call it his one weakness.
Yes, my teeth and ambitions are bared (Oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo-oo)
Be prepared!
His voice to almost a shout as he threw his arms into the air, and his actions simply encouraged the band of hyenas – no, wait, they were just very unintelligent people – below him to howl a little bit more in what was supposedly song…He definitely would have to work on their levels of excitement; it was incredibly detrimental to their singing.
Yes, our teeth and ambitions are bared
He snatched the central chair – the leader's chair – from the floor and stood it on the table as the other Warblers; his mindless minions, roared back at him in song that made him feel ineffably powerful because he had total control over every single one of them, and he had the power to dictate how they thought and reacted; he had changed their entire opinion on him in under three minutes! Oh, he was so good.
Be prepared!
He clambered onto the chair so that he was dizzyingly high off the ground, and so had the ability to sneer down at them because they were on the ground, and he was high, high above them, lording it over them with his arms in the air and everything that he had wanted to get when he walked into the room bestowed upon him. He was king…albeit only of the Warblers, but they were simply the first domino in a long line that would take down Hummel, the New Directions, Vocal Adrenaline and anything else in his way, leaving him, at the end, with Blaine, a destroyed Hummel and a nice pile of trophies.
Some idiots just gave me supreme power and expect me to scrupulous with it, and I suppose all that's left now is to make the pun: be prepared…