Warning: This fan fiction deals with GLTB (Gay Lesbian Transsexual Bisexual) issues.  If you are not okay with such issues, you might not like this fic.  You can still read it; I just won't take any responsibility for your dislike of it.  If you flame me for that reason, I will write you off as a homophobic bigot, then laugh at your expense.  Thank you, and You Have Been Warned.

It's not a fusion…

It's not a crossover…

It's just

Very Bad If You Fall In Spring

By socchan

(Apologies to anyone whose mind is warped from this experience)

It was a beautiful day in Feudal Japan: clear blue sky doted with clouds, late August, hot but not humid.  It was the kind of day some people write books about.  A dusty road wove and wriggled through a large forest, and along this road a motley group was traveling.

The group consisted of three humans, a demonic cat, a fox youkai, and a dog hanyou.  They traveled a bit slower than they might otherwise have, but that was understandable, due to the battle they'd been in about a week ago.  It had been a very important, but ultimately anticlimactic battle.  Who knew that Naraku would be so desperate as to drain his own life force for more energy?

Perhaps they were moving more slowly because they no longer had to run; perhaps it was from grief; perhaps they were just happy to be alive, and wanted to linger a while, enjoying the scenery.  Whatever the reason, the group stuck to this more leisurely pace, and little could have shaken them from it.

Evidence of this is observed as a familiar scene plays itself out: the human dressed as a monk gets just a tad too close to the one in the kimono; the one dressed as a monk tries to cop a feel; the one in the kimono yells "Pervert!" and smacks him across his face, before drifting back to find solace with the other female member of the group.

"I swear," Sango grumbled darkly, "If he does that one more time, I'm going to chop of his hand!"

"I wouldn't blame you," Kagome replied.  "I don't think anyone would.  The only one besides him who would probably complain is Inu-Yasha, and that's because he'd be exchanging a fighter for dead weight."

Sango smiled slightly at this.  "I've almost stopped wondering why he does it," she confessed.

Kagome tilted her head, a thoughtful look on her face.  "Maybe he's trying to compensate for something."

Miroku stopped dead in his tracks and turned around.  "Excuse me," he said, "but I don't feel the slightest bit insecure about the size of my—"

"That's," Kagome interrupted, blushing slightly, "not what I meant."

"Oh."  Miroku blinked, then turned back around.

Sango shook her head and tried to ignore it.  Men!  "So what did you mean, Kagome?"

"I meant," Kagome said, trying to explain, "that maybe he's trying to hide being gay."

Shippo blinked from where he sat on Inu-Yasha's head.  This was a dangerous perch for the kit, and the only reason he hadn't been thrown off yet is because he hadn't provoked the hanyou to do so.  Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before the inevitable occurred.  "Why would Miroku pretend not to be happy?" the kit asked, confused.  "He always looks kinda gay to me."

Kagome smacked her forehead and dragged her palm down her face.  "What I'm saying," she said, more than a hint of annoyance in her voice, "is that maybe he gropes women so much so people won't think he's attracted to men."

Save the rushing of wind, the group was met with silence as they all stopped to ponder this.  It did not last long.

Shippo abandoned his perch on Inu-Yasha's head as the hanyou collapsed with laughter.  "Lady Kagome!" Miroku protested.  "How could you accuse me of such heinous things?!"  He turned to a serious-faced Sango.  "Lady Sango, I assure you, I am by no means attracted to men."  Sango raised a skeptical eyebrow.

Inu-Yasha was rolling from side to side, clutching his abdomen.  "Miroku attracted to men!  Oh that's rich!  Ha-ha-ha!"

"Are there really people like that in your time, Kagome?" Shippo asked.

By this time, Kagome was beet red.  "Yes, Shippo, there are.  I have an uncle who is attracted to men, and a female friend who is attracted to women.  It's estimated that ten percent of the population is attracted to the same or both sexes.  And it's not heinous, it's natural!"

Miroku crossed his arms over his chest and scowled, performing an uncanny imitation of Inu-Yasha.  "And how, might I ask, do people come into such a state?"

Kagome half-shrugged.  "No one really knows.  Some people think they're born like that; others, though fewer, think it's a choice.  Some people even say it's hereditary."

The laughing stopped and Inu-Yasha rolled to his feet, shell-shocked.  "That's not funny."

Kagome blew her bangs out of her eyes, exasperated.  "Really.  You just noticed."

"Well, yeah, that's why I said—"

"I was being sarcastic, Inu-Yasha.  In my time, it's a very serious problem.  People are killed for who the fall in love with sometimes!"  Kagome stopped short.  "I'm too tired for this." She announced.  "Let's stop and make camp."

Inu-Yasha leaned against a tree, thinking.  From the corner of his eye, he watched a pot that was bubbling over a fire.  Shippo was curled up against Kagome's pack, sleeping.  Kagome and Sango had wandered off to take a bath in some hot springs he'd smelled near-by.  Miroku had wandered off shortly afterwards, which, now that Inu-Yasha thought of it, might be the cause of some worry.  On the other hand, as the battle with Naraku had taught them, Inu-Yasha probably had bigger concerns than whether the would-be priest was peeking or not.  He'd drag the monk's sorry carcass back to camp later, once the girls were through beating the life out of it.

No, Inu-Yasha definitely had bigger things to worry about.  Chiefly, what Kagome had said that afternoon, about people being attracted to others of the same sex.  If what Kagome said about it being hereditary was true, and her uncle was attracted to men…

Inu-Yasha sighed.  "I may have to settle for Kikyo."  He made a face.  "On second thought, maybe I should just save myself the pain and ask Kagome about it.  Sure it's embarrassing, but I want to be sure before I do anything I might regret later.  After all, maybe it skips a generation.  And if it doesn't, maybe her brother's affected, and not her."

Shippo raised his head, blinking sleepily.  "Whas sis 'bout K'gome?"

"Nothing, brat, just go back to sleep."

"Oh, okay.  'Night."

With a sigh of contentment, Kagome settled into the hot spring.  "Nothing like a hot bath after a long day of walking, eh, Sango?"

"Mm-hmm…" Sango nodded absently.

Kagome frowned.  "You okay, Sango?"

"Hmm?  Yeah, I'm fine, I just have something on my mind."

"Care to talk about it?"

Sango smiled tiredly, and nodded.  "It's about what you said earlier—about men who are attracted to men and women who are attracted to women?"

Kagome blinked.  "What about it?"

"Well… How do you know if you're… that way?"

"Oh, that."  Kagome half-shrugged.  "Same way you know if you're attracted to men, I guess.  Why do you ask?"

"I… I've been giving it a lot of thought, and… Kagome, what happens if… someone… is… that way?"

"Oh, Sango, you don't have anything to worry about.  I'll still be here for you, and if Inu-Yasha and Miroku really are your friends, they will be, too.  Shippo's probably too young to care one way or the other.  And if they do decide to abandon you because of it, well, you could always move to my time.  People are much more accepting of it there."

Sango blushed.  "I wasn't talking about me…"

"Then who were you talking about?"

Sango's blush deepened.  "…You…"

Kagome stared at Sango a minute, a confused look on her face.  "You think I'm gay?"

Sango raised her hands in defense.  "It's okay if you are!  I just want to know, is all."

Kagome grinned.  "Sango, I'm pretty sure I'm not gay."

"Oh."  Sango settled back in the water.  "What do you do if… if you're not… that way… and you fall in love with someone… who is the same sex as you?"

Kagome smiled, distantly.  "Sango, if you fall in love with someone, it doesn't matter whether they're a boy or a girl, a human or a demon, or whatever.  You'll still love that person, won't you?"

Sango's reply was almost a whisper.  "…Yes…"

"Then you have nothing to worry about.  If only love is strong enough, it will find a way."

Sango smiled at Kagome.  "Thank you."

"No problem."

So wrapped up were they in their own thoughts, neither of the two women noticed the slight rustling in the bushes just above them.

Inu-Yasha had closed his eyes, and was about to follow Shippo's example by taking a nap, when Miroku stumbled into the clearing.  One of his eyes opened, irritably.  "Oi, Miroku, who turned you down this time?"

Miroku cast a despondent glance in Inu-Yasha's direction.  "Life."

Inu-Yasha's other eye opened.  "Yeah?  How so?"

Miroku frowned and shook his head.  "I don't want to talk about it."  He leaned against the tree Inu-Yasha was sitting by, and brought up his right hand, examining it.  For the first time since he was born his palm was like that of any other man, and yet his life seemed worse than ever before.

"I don't see what you have to complain about.  I read these books in Kagome's time, she called them 'manga', and the people in them had it terrible!  For example, there was this one martial artist guy who went on this trip to China, and fell into this spring that turned him into a girl—"

Miroku's head snapped in Inu-Yasha's direction.  "What did you say?"

Inu-Yasha blinked.  "I said that I didn't see what you had to complain about."

"No, no, about the martial artist."

"Oh, him.  Yeah, his dad dragged him on this ten-year training trip, and during that time, they stopped in China, where they each fell into these cursed springs.  Anyway, now the guy turns into a girl and his dad turns into a panda.  And it gets worse—"

"Is it possible to re-create these springs?" Miroku demanded.

"I… I think so… there was this one storyline in which the main character got access to a map for an artificially cursed spring in Japan that would turn things into men, but I don't see what that has to do with anything.  It turned out to be a dud, anyway.  Why?"

"I think Sango and Kagome are gay."

Inu-Yasha frowned.  "You mean gay as in 'happy', or gay as in 'attracted to the same sex'?"

"The second one.  But don't worry!  There are hot springs right near here, so I could kinda wave my hands and create one of those cursed springs."

"How do you know they're gay like that?"

"I overheard them talking about it.  Now look, there's no time to lose; you have to tell me how to make that spring."

"You were peeking, weren't you?"

Miroku threw his hands in the air.  "Does it matter if I was peeking or not?  The important thing is, Sango and Kagome like women, and we are men!"

Yep, he was peeking.  "Fine, I'll tell you how to make the goddamned spring.  But I'm still not convinced that you heard right."

Relief flooded through Miroku.  "Thank you."

"Yeah, whatever."  Inu-Yasha got to his feet and stretched.  "First, though, we have to leave a message."

When Kagome and Sango returned, it was to a rather empty clearing.  "Where is everyone?" Kagome asked, setting down her bathing supplies.

Hearing Kagome, Shippo shifted, then sat up.  "Miroku 'n 'Yash went to do something.  They said not t' worry, 'n they'll be back soon." The kit said sleepily.

Kagome frowned.  "Did they say what they were doing?"  Shippo shook his head.

Sango wandered up to the fire.  "Ah!" she exclaimed.

"Sango?  What's wrong?"

Sango held the pot's lid in one hand, and was fanning the air in front of her face with the other.  "They burnt the stew!"  Kagome groaned.

Miroku and Inu-Yasha stood in front of the chosen spring, looking at it dubiously.

"So…" Inu-Yasha said, conversationally, "How do we know it works?"

Miroku shrugged.  "Test it?"

"How do we do that?"

Miroku kicked a pebble into the spring.  "Looks like it works to me."

"It's a rock!  How can you tell?!"

"I'll have you know it's now a very feminine rock."

Inu-Yasha rolled his eyes.  "Look, I'll catch a squirrel or something, and we can test it that way."

"Good idea."

Inu-Yasha reached into a nearby bush, and pulled out a rodent with a furry tail.  "Got one."

Miroku blinked.  "That was fast."

Inu-Yasha shrugged.  "I'm a natural."

"Okay, is it a male squirrel?"

"How should I know?  I'm not looking for its nuts!"

"Well, duh, you're not a squirrel, it is."

Inu-Yasha growled.  "I mean, I'm not staring at its privates.  You're so concerned about whether it's male, you look."

"Look, I don't care what the reason is, I'm not looking up a squirrel's tail when you can probably smell its sex."

The hanyou blinked.  "You're right, I can!"  He sniffed a couple of times, experimentally.

"Well?"  Miroku asked, anxiously.  "What did you find out?"

Inu-Yasha's nose wrinkled.  "That this thing seriously needs a bath."

Miroku rolled his eyes.  "Yeah, I know, we'll get to that, but is it a boy?"

"Huh?  Oh, yeah, it's male.  Now take it and dip it in the spring."

The squirrel glared at his captors as he changed hands.  Miroku got a firm grip on the skin around the squirrel's neck, then dipped the squirming animal into the pool.  When he brought it back out, it looked a little different, though it was still glaring and was now chattering angrily in squirrel language.  "So?" Miroku asked, turning the squirrel in his hands.  "Does the spring work?"

"Yeah, it works."  Inu-Yasha frowned.  "Look, I appreciate that you're doing this and all, but how do we know that Kagome and Sango are really that way?  I mean, how much of their conversation did you really hear?"

"Enough."  Miroku replied, setting the now female squirrel free.

"Describe in detail what you heard."

The monk sighed.  "Look, I heard them talking about how you know if you're like that, and it sounded pretty much like they both were."

Inu-Yasha crossed his arms over his chest.  "I'm still not convinced."

"I'm sorry you feel that way about this, Inu-Yasha, but I'm afraid it's already too late to turn back." Miroku said apologetically.

"Huh?  What do you mean it's too late to turn back?  Neither of us has jumped in the spring yet, so how—" Inu-Yasha's tirade was cut off abruptly as Miroku pushed him in the spring.

"I lived almost all my life not expecting to ever be happy." Miroku told the submerged form, darkly.  "I finally find someone that will make me that way, and you expect me to give that up when I find out she likes girls, especially if I know there's another way?"  He snorted.  "Yeah, right."  Having said this, Miroku joined his companion, and jumped into the spring.

Sango looked around the clearing from where she was stirring the new pot of stew.  "When do you suppose the guys will be back?"

Kagome shrugged.  "Got me."

Inu-Yasha dragged himself from the spring, gasping for air.  He collapsed on the ground beside it, then dipped his hand it to drag Miroku out as well.  Miroku coughed a moment, then wiped his eyes, and looked at Inu-Yasha.  "Well," the would-be monk said, mildly, "I guess it worked."

Inu-Yasha was about to strangle Miroku and demand to know what the idiot meant, when he looked down and saw for himself.  "Gaaah!" Inu-Yasha shrieked.  "I've got breasts!"

Miroku shrugged.  "So do I.  You don't see me complaining, do you?"

Inu-Yasha rolled her eyes.  "That's because you probably always wanted them.  I, on the other hand, did not."  Inu-Yasha examined herself.  She was about half a foot shorter, rather full-figured, and now had sunshine-yellow hair that ended in wood-shaving curls.  Miroku's hair had turned lilac purple, and she was only an inch shorter than when she was a he.  Miroku's figure was a little less full, but not by too much.  Inu-Yasha scowled.  "How come I shrank more than you?"  Her ears twitched at the sound of her new voice.

"I donno.  Luck?"

Inu-Yasha knocked Miroku over the head, then hitched up her hakama.  "This sucks.  I'm going back to camp."  Still scowling, she started stomping back to the clearing, Miroku hurrying behind.

Kagome and Sango looked up in surprise when Inu-Yasha and Miroku walked (or, in the hanyou's case, stomped) into the clearing.  "Inu-Yasha?" Kagome asked, concerned.  "What's wrong—oh."  Her cheeks turned rather pink as she realized that neither of the two was male any longer.  "Ah, why are you girls now?"

Inu-Yasha humphed and tucked her arms into her sleeves.  "That idiot thinks you're gay."

Kagome blinked.  "Okay… I don't see what that has to do with it, though."

"Well, you remember that 'Ranma ½' manga you have?"

"Yes…"

"The idiot didn't want to give up, so he convinced me to tell him how to make a cursed spring so we could still court you."  Inu-Yasha's face was beet-red.

"I assure you, I had the best intentions in mind." Miroku put in.

Sango and Kagome stared at the men-turned-women for a good five seconds before they burst out laughing.

"I don't see what's so funny!" Inu-Yasha growled.

"Inu-Yasha, we're not gay." Kagome choked out.

It was at this moment that Inu-Yasha's resolve shattered, and she dashed off into the woods, crying.

Sango and Kagome exchanged glances.  "I'll go get him." Kagome said, then jogged off after the hanyou.

Miroku stood stark still, feeling rather broken.  She'd guessed wrong, and now Sango would never have him—her—whatever.

"Miroku."  The 'nun' was startled out of her misery by the sound of Sango's voice.  She looked right into the other girl's eyes across the clearing.  "Did you really do that for me?"  Sango took a few steps closer to her.

Miroku nodded, dismally.  "Yeah."  Her cheeks burned, and she stared at the ground.  "I thought it was my only chance…"

Miroku was quite surprised when Sango lifted her chin and planted a kiss on her mouth.  After a second, her eyes drifted shut, and she wrapped her arms around the other woman.  Sango pulled her mouth away.

Miroku frowned, confused.  "Why…?"

Sango cuddled in closer.  "Miroku," she said, softly, "I care about you.  I care about you a lot—more than I can find words for.  I was terrified that you didn't feel the same, because you were always chasing after other women.  But this has proved to me that you care for me the same way I care for you.  Miroku, it doesn't matter to me whether you're a girl or a boy—you're still the person I fell in love with."

Shocked, Miroku could only pull Sango closer.  She whispered in the other girl's ear, "Thank you," before her mouth descended once again.

Kagome strode through the forest, searching for a hint of Inu-Yasha's presence, and calling out the hanyou's name.  She stopped when she saw a hint of red in a tree.  "Inu-Yasha, get down from there." She scolded.

"No." a miserable female voice responded.

"Well why not?"

"'Cause you're a girl.  And you don't like girls."

"Inu-Yasha!" Kagome said, exasperated.  "It doesn't matter to me!"

"You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"No, I'm not."  Kagome was running out of options.  "Look, if it didn't matter to me that you're a hanyou, why should it matter if you're a boy or a girl?  Love doesn't work like that!"

Inu-Yasha's ears perked forward.  "Really?"

"Really.  Now come down here!"

"You won't… you'll still stay with me?"

Kagome sighed in relief; it sounded like Inu-Yasha was doing better.  "Of course, Inu-Yasha.  I'll never leave you.  At least, if I do, I'll always come back."  She waited a few seconds for Inu-Yasha's reply.  "Look, I'm going to head back to camp.  You can come with me or not, whichever you feel like."  She turned around to leave, when she heard a thump behind her.  Looking over her shoulder, she smiled to see Inu-Yasha standing there.  Her face was slightly tear-streaked, and she still seemed to pout a bit, but she was there.  Kagome smiled, and went up to hug the hanyou.  "I'm glad you're back."

"Keh." Inu-Yasha muttered, her cheeks glowing slightly.

Kagome grinned, then pulled out of the hug, and grabbed the other girl's hand.  "Come on, let's go get some dinner."

Inu-Yasha squeezed Kagome's hand, and followed along, a slight smile on her face.  Perhaps this curse wasn't so bad after all.

=^-.-^= Fin =^-.-^=

Inspired by our ever-changing language, and written for the romantic in me.

Yes, I'm a shoujo-ai fan.  No, I don't really care if you aren't.  Yes, I know they were sort of OOC.  No, I couldn't get it to come out right otherwise, I'm not that good a writer yet.  Yes, I know that this would probably never happen in canon.  No, it doesn't matter to me.  I still liked it, and I probably still will like it, until I become embarrassed by its mediocrity.  If that does happen, I may actually try and re-write it, but it's not likely.  Yes, I know it's kind of open-ended, but no, I don't have any continuation plans.  It was just a spur-of-the-moment one-shot.  Yes, you can continue this if you want, but absolutely not without asking me first.  Yes, I know Shippo slept through most of it, but you try fitting him in!

Because I wanted to write something funny.

Because I wanted to write something romantic.

Because I'm just weird that way.

But mostly because gay is supposed to be synonymous with happy.  That's how it started out, and that's how it should remain, even if it has gained another meaning.  'Happy' and 'homosexual' are the only definitions I choose to recognize, and I usually prefer that they are active at the same time.

Did I succeed?  You decide.

Any further questions, comments, and/or flames can be directed to me via e-mail or review.  Leave your name and e-mail, and I will try to get back to you.

That line that Kagome used towards the end of the hot spring scene was a hat-tilt to Eric Hallstrom, my favorite author.  I chose to use 'strong' in place of 'true' for my own reasons.

Kagome, Inu-Yasha, et all belong to Rumiko Takahashi-megami, and are used here without permission.

Attempts to convince me that homosexuality is evil will only result in my further conviction that it is not.

Future revision is not improbable.

Comments, criticisms, flames, and words of kindness are appreciated.

Thank you, that is all.

-socchan