A/N: I made myself cry writing this but I really wanted to put it down anyway... because I really liked this idea. It has been bugging my mind ever since I first heard Ed Sheeran's amazing song Small Bump and when that song made me cry, I knew I should really start writing it. So... here you go!
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.
'Small Bump'
Jane stared at the screen that showed a tiny human being, not even two months old.
He knew he could trust Lisbon when she had told him, but he hadn't believed it – not truly.
His eyes darted from the screen to Lisbon. She was looking at the screen too, but there was no smile on her face. He was 99.9% certain she was worried – about him.
When she turned her head towards him, it was confirmed.
"Patrick... we... we still have options... we can... I don't know, remove it?"
"But... Lisbon, do you want that?"
"I want what's best for you."
"But the baby is inside you-"
"And yes, it's your child too. But you're... we're not ready for this... not yet, if ever."
He brushed her forearm briefly. She closed her eyes and swallowed.
"But you want to keep the baby."
Her eyes opened but theirs didn't meet. She looked at a spot in front of her and nodded, faintly. She shook her head, and then nodded again.
"I..." She looked at the gynecologist. The woman was sitting there looking at the conversation unfolding. She got the hint Lisbon was sending her though, and cleaned her belly so Lisbon could lower her shirt. "I'm sorry, I need..."
She walked out of the room and left the gynecologist and Jane alone.
The woman moved to clean up the room, then stopped her movements and looked at Jane.
"What's holding you back?" she asked, then quickly added; "if you don't mind me asking, of course."
"No, it's... it's fine, I suppose. I... I lost my daughter ten years ago. She was just six at the time."
The woman pressed her lips into a thin line. He shook his head.
"Well... that's what holding me back. I'm afraid I can't love again."
"But you love Teresa."
"Yes I do."
"Then why do you think you can't love the sum of you and her?"
"It's complicated-"
"It doesn't have to be-"
He got up. "I think that would be it."
She nodded, reluctantly. "Of course, Patrick. Just think about it, okay? It's not about you or Teresa, it's about a baby."
He nodded quickly and left the room. Lisbon was pacing the hall and as soon as she saw him walked away.
"Lisbon-"
"I'm sorry, Jane. I just need some time."
"Talk to me, please."
She turned around, causing him to bump into her.
"I'm sorry, Patrick," she whispered, "but I'm keeping the baby. I'll do it all on my own if it's needed, I can do it, but I won't get rid of... of my baby. This may very well be the last chance I'll ever get at having my own child and I won't let anything take that away from me. I'm sorry."
She turned around and he couldn't move if his life depended on it. He just watched her leave the hospital.
~...~
Two months later. She had stayed true to her word and had kept the baby, despite hearing him having his doubts about this all.
She was already showing, and it hurt Jane. He loved her, but could he love their baby? He didn't know.
They hadn't talked for weeks. Frankly, ever since they had been to see the gynecologist they had been avoiding each other. He knew she didn't hate him and he knew she wanted to be what they were before, but the thing was; they couldn't. They had crossed that line between 'colleagues' and 'lovers' months ago and they couldn't cross it again. Now, no matter what happened, they would be lovers – and soon enough, they would be parents, whether they were ready for it or not. And this fact jeopardized both their jobs, even if Jane didn't care much about his.
She and Cho had left to talk to their suspect – they came back looking quite distressed.
He sipped his tea on his couch. Van Pelt was the first to notice the vibe the two were in.
"What happened?"
Lisbon averted her eyes. Cho looked at her then answered for her.
"She chased Nelson but tripped and fell on her belly."
When the rest couldn't fit the pieces together, he continued.
"She had to throw up and now she fears that something's wrong with the baby."
Van Pelt was the first one to be shocked. "You have to go to the hospital-"
"No! No, it will be alright. Cho really blows the situation out of proportion. I don't feel any pain and I'm not bleeding or anything so I'm sure there's nothing wrong."
Van Pelt glared at her. "If something's wrong and you're too late, you might lose your baby."
Lisbon looked at Jane for the first time since she had returned to the HQ. She swallowed and quickly averted her eyes.
"It wouldn't matter to everybody anyway."
And with that, she walked back to her office.
Three heads turned towards him. He just sighed and got up, walking to his attic.
Was he ready for this? He really didn't know. Lisbon's gynecologist was right, though: it wasn't about him or Lisbon, it was about the baby that was buried deep inside her.
He'd forgotten about the baby-debacle for a while, quite frankly. Now that Cho said she had been worried about the baby, he was reminded of this surreal reality they found themselves in.
She was pregnant.
Of his child.
They would have a baby, together.
And he was ignoring every point in this. He knew why he did it – he was afraid.
He closed his eyes against the pain was forming in his chest.
Images of Angela holding his beautiful daughter came flashing before his mind's eye.
Her and Charlotte in front of the fireplace on a cold winter day, the little girl braiding her mother's hair.
Lisbon nursing their child.
Her on the swings with their baby on her lap, the little boy or girl chuckling and expressing his or her joy.
A tear escaped his eye. He couldn't be cold and aloof, not about his child. Not about Lisbon either. They needed him as much as he needed them.
He checked his phone. He had been brooding in his attic for the entirety of the afternoon, it was evening now. He was sure Lisbon would be at home now; her doctor had demanded she'd keep regular hours so she could rest enough.
He retrieved his car keys and went downstairs.
~...~
He knocked on her door – again. He had been knocking for two minutes now but she didn't open.
Oh well, he was a con-artist for a reason.
He picked her lock in a few seconds and stood inside her apartment.
There was no sight of her whatsoever, but he saw she had been here – there was a box of ice cream standing on the table in her living room. The idea of her drowning her sorrows by eating ice cream sent a familiar pang of guilt through his system.
"Lisbon?"
He waited a few seconds. Then heard sounds from upstairs.
He ran to where the sounds came from – and he felt nauseous when he found her. She was sitting on the bathroom floor and there was blood everywhere on the floor.
She looked up, her eyes wide and tears streaming down her face – her hands were stained with blood as well.
"Patrick... Patrick, the baby..."
He didn't even wait before she was done. All that blood couldn't be good.
He lifted her bride-like and she wrapped her arms around his neck.
"It'll be alright, Teresa-"
"It won't," she whispered. He shook his head and placed her on the backseat of his car.
"I promise, it will be alright."
~...~
"I'm sorry, Ms. Lisbon, but you miscarried."
Jane felt his world collapse underneath him. He was pulled into the depths of the earth before he knew it.
She had lost the baby. The baby he had only just decided he would put his entire future in.
Lisbon was staring in front of her and nodded, probably without thinking about it.
They were all quiet, until Lisbon got up and left the room in a hurry. Jane followed immediately but didn't stop her.
She ran into the women's bathroom and he shamelessly followed her inside, not caring about the looks he got.
She sank to the floor and he caught her before she could hurt herself.
He'd broken his promise. And he would never be able to repair the damage.
He felt his own tears asking permission to leave his eyes, but he stubbornly refused. He needed to be strong now, for her.
"Teresa..."
"Forget it, Jane," she managed to say between chokes, "it's done, the baby's gone, that's what you wanted, wasn't it-"
"No, it wasn't."
She sighed and pushed away from him. She leaned against the wall and wiped at her face. It took her a while before she had a slight control over her body and had stopped shaking.
"It's done," she whispered. "I'm done. We established it was a mistake... and it won't happen again... because we will never do this again... I tried to get you to see reason, because we were going to have a child together... but that won't happen now... I want to leave, Jane."
He stared at her. She wasn't looking at him in return, just stared anywhere, her hands in her hair. When she came to an end with her monologue, he was able to say something again.
"Leave...? To where?"
"Anywhere, but away from here."
"Lisbon, think about this-"
"What's there to think about, Jane? I just lost my child. That was my last shot at being happy... just think about it. Red John wants me dead. You don't really love me, you just tell yourself that so you'll believe-"
"No. Stop there." She looked up to watch his face. There were tears burning in her eyes. She was silently telling him to stop, to not hurt her and his heart broke. He had hurt his little angel, she didn't trust him anymore. "Teresa, I love you."
She huffed and lowered her head, but he had seen that she had started crying again.
"I know I was stupid, but I would have loved our baby as much as you did, and perhaps even more. I've always been stupid, Teresa." He moved closer to her, and when she moved away from him he pushed more, wrapping his arms around her.
"I haven't shown it, I've never shown it and I'm a jerk just for that."
He took in a deep breath and kissed the top of her head. When he saw tears fall onto her hair, he noticed he was crying too.
"You may have decided that what we did was a mistake, but I don't agree. It was the best thing I've done, Teresa. I regret nothing of what we did."
He gripped her tighter. "Give me love, Teresa, please. I need you the most. And I'll work the rest of my miserable life to make it up to you. I'm so sorry, for anything that I've done to you... you don't deserve it... you're the purest person I've ever met..."
She moved away from him and got up but he wouldn't allow it. He grabbed her hand but she lost her footing and slipped, ironically landing in his lap. She already moved to get up again but he took advantage of the situation, linking their lips.
She lost all reasons for fighting him and gave in with a little sigh, before she pulled away and choked out a little sob. He brushed her cheek.
"I'm sorry," he whispered. She shook her head.
"It's..."
"No, it's not okay."
She sighed and wrapped her arms around him, crying her heart out in the crook of his neck, letting her grieve for her child she had lost, grieve like he had never grieved when his first child had died.
"I love you, Teresa. Don't forget that."
A/N: Okay how horrible was I with that? Just imagine this happening on the show though! I can already see the camera angles and all... and at the ending, you will see them sitting there on the floor and the camera slowly zooms out and ugghh I accidently gave myself feels.
But yeah... I do realize I was really horrible with this ending, even though Jane and Lisbon are sorta kinda together again... so, I usually would never do this but hey, there's a first for everything right? And I know I will annoy FanFiction with this but I don't care; here you go, a happy sequel!
Five months later
She was still grieving and it would probably take a long time before she had overcome her sadness about this. After all, the only thing she had wanted in at that point of time in her life was having a child, and just when she was given one, it was taken away from her again. He knew all of this, she had told him about her pain, at night when she was crying in his arms.
At least she trusted him enough now to talk about what she was feeling.
Yet he noticed something had changed in her mood. He had a lingering thought on what had caused her to change that but didn't dare to hope.
She smiled as she entered their kitchen, her arms behind her back. She went on tip-toe and kissed his lips softly, then took a few steps backwards and smiled even brighter.
"What are you planning, Little One?"
She shrugged. Her arms left her back and she revealed what she was hiding from him – a long and thin white box (like the one in which you put expensive pens), a pink and blue ribbon on top of it.
He shook his head – now he knew for sure what had changed. He hadn't seen it before, or maybe he had but he hadn't paid enough attention to it. He had been busy grieving, coping with their loss and keeping Teresa close.
He took the box from her and opened it. Inside were three white sticks and all showed... pregnant.
He looked up at her. She was still smiling brightly but there were tears in her eyes as well.
"Is this true?"
"I wouldn't be showing it if it wasn't."
He pulled her close to him and kissed her, passionately, holding her as though she was the most precious thing in his life, which she was of course.
"I love you, Teresa," he whispered against her lips. Her smile would not leave her lips, not even when he lifted her and sat her down on top of the kitchen counter.
~...~
Eight months later
Jane watched as the detective arrested the running suspect. He rolled his eyes – this was the part of crime shows that was realistic and it still bothered him. Men and women who were smart enough to plan a double murder without leaving evidence but then when the investigators show up at their house to talk to them, they ran. It was ridiculous.
"They always run. Why don't they realize that this makes them highly suspicious?"
He got no reply, so he turned his head. Lisbon was smiling down at little Mikki, who was contently sucking at her mother's nipple.
Mikki, meaning gift of God – because that was what she was. Jane hadn't thought they would have a child anymore after their first died before he was even born. Lisbon brushed a small dark curl out of the girl's face, then noticed that Jane was looking at her and looked up as well.
"Sorry, what did you say?"
He smiled. Mikki was Lisbon's only distraction – well, of course taking away the image of him standing in front of her, naked. That seemed to leave her mind blank too.
He shook his head. "Just commenting on the stupidity of criminals these days."
She rolled her eyes. "Right. Because everybody is dumber than you, obviously."
"No, that's not true. You're almost as smart as me."
"Almost?"
He chuckled and moved closer to her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder, looking down at their daughter just like she did.
"Do you think her siblings are looking down at her?" he whispered. She swallowed but didn't take her eyes off Mikki.
"I don't know... Nick wasn't even born yet..."
He nodded and kissed her temple.
"But he was still a little human being."
She closed her eyes.
"I know that Charlotte will," she said, her voice a bit stronger now that she had moved the focus from her lost child to his lost child. Of course she didn't mean to be mean, but it was still so... fresh, for her.
He didn't hate her for it, nor did he blame her for moving the hurt to his part for a little while.
"Me too," he whispered. "I'm sure they will watch over Mikki, together. Charlotte will probably make a flower crown for Mikki and force Nick to play with her dolls."
Lisbon smiled and nodded slowly, burying her face into the crook of his neck for as much that was possible with Mikki still in her arms.
His new obsession. He wasn't one to pick favorites most of the time but he much preferred this obsession over his other one.
A/N: OKAY putting that Author's Note in the middle of this story feels really wrong but I wanted to indicate that above that note, I was doing really well and then underneath that note, I was entering Dominique territory again, having always or almost always included Pregnant!Lisbon in my stories so here you go, that was pregnant Lisbon! Let me know what you thought of this one-shot, and thanks for reading! See you next time!