Chapter 1
"How long till we get there Maura?"
"It shouldn't be too long now."
"Shouldn't be too long? You can't be more precise? You have the map."
"I'm well aware and as I recall I wanted to use my new satellite navigation system, it was you who insisted it wasn't necessary."
"That's cos I assumed you had some idea of where we were going. What the hell kind of place is Storybrooke anyway?"
"I came across it during my Google search of country get a way's. Apparently its off the beaten track, secluded and not that easy to find."
"No kidding Maura. We've been driving for what feels like days!"
"Don't exaggerate Jane, it hasn't been that long."
"Long enough. This was meant to be a relaxing weekend to recoup after a tough case, not a mystery tour to the back of beyond."
"Well the place sounded idyllic, so I'm sure it will be worth it when we get there."
"If we get there! I suppose as long as they have beer and burgers it wont be so bad. They do right? Cos if I've come all this way for some arts and craft weekend or worse some detox retreat I won't be happy!"
"Calm down Jane, its a quiet little harbour town. No needle point, pottery or yoga is scheduled and I'm sure beer and burgers will be available from somewhere. God forbid we risk ruining your good mood."
Jane could feel her jaw tense, even though she knew the comment was made in jest. But looking over at Maura who had a coy little half smile on her face soon helped de-stress her, she returned the gesture. Jane knew she had a temper, knew she was inclined to blow up over the slightest thing and knew no one was better for calming her then Maura.
They continued driving, Jane's mood improving as she realised cruising around with her best friend was not something to get agitated over. The conversation flowed as normal, it was effortless and relaxed. Any pause was easy and comfortable. Almost like they understood each other tolerance for mindless chatter and knew when to keep quiet.
By the time they reached Storybrooke they were both hungry and tired. Jane in that order, Maura the other way round. Maura would have been quite happy to call it a day and settle for the night. She didn't agree with skipping meals but she knew eating late in the evening wasn't ideal either. Jane however had other ideas.
"So is there anywhere round here we can get some food?"
"As a matter of fact there is." The elderly lady who checked them in informed them.
"Granny's Diner. Take a left out of here, follow your nose for half a block and it's on your right hand side."
Jane nodded as the directions were given. She noticed that the diner and B and B seemed to be run by the same woman. It concerned her slightly, something about one horse towns put her on edge. God only knows what people get up to in places like this, without big city living to keep them entertained.
Jane threw the bags into room and headed downstairs, not even bothering to get cleaned up first. This place looked like it could be full of people who still pointed at aeroplanes, she doubted her wrinkled shirt would cause any offence. Even Maura had decided against changing, she was so effortlessly stylish that even after a long drive she still looked better then most people did on a night out.
The smell of what Jane would call 'proper food' lead them to there destination. Once outside they looked at the small white Diner that looked perfectly in keeping with the quaint surroundings. As they entered they were caught of guard by a very striking waitress.
"Take a seat anywhere you like and I'll bring you some menu's over."
Jane and Maura complied, watching as the red head floated around running the place single handed and making it look easy.
"So, you guys from out of town?"
"Is it that obvious?" Jane replied, being well behaved enough to keep the 'we're not related so we must be' in her head where it belonged.
"We don't get many visitors, but your very welcome. I'm Ruby if you need anything let me know."
"How about we start with drinks?"
"Sure thing, what can I get you."
"Beer and..." She was gong to order for Maura but since she was unawre of the selection on offer she let Maura speak for herself.
"Do you, by any chance carry a Merlot?" Jane just rolled her eyes this place looked like it was still getting used to running water.
"We do, but I wouldn't recommend it. We're not exactly the Nappa Valley. But I do a great G&T and gin is gin right?"
"Well actually..." Jane gave Maura a swift kick to the shins. No one, her self included, was interested in hearing about different types of gin and how its made and blah, blah blah. Maura recognised the action as a cue to be quiet.
"Yes I suppose your right, gin and tonic would be lovely thank you."
"OK I'll get your drinks for you and give you a minute with the menu's."
Jane watched Ruby as she walked away. Being a cop made her naturally inquisitive, what the reason for checking her ass out was she didn't know or didn't want to know. Ruby's appeal was obvious. She was tall with a great figure and legs that went on till tomorrow. Her features were large, big eyes, big lips that broke into a killer watt smile. She was a real looker, so her apparent need for inch thick make-up was a mystery.
"See anything you like?" Maura asked as Jane quickly turned her head.
"They seem to have quite a varied selection." Maura added saving Jane from any further embarrassment.
"Burger." Jane blurted out with all the eloquence of a cave man. She cleared her throat and tried again.
"They do burgers right?"
"Yes Jane, they do burgers. Crisis averted." Maura gave a little smile and Jane, like always returned it.
"One beer." Ruby said while placing the large glass tankard in front of Jane's wide eyes. Jane licked her lips unsure if it was a resulted of the cold beer or hot pants.
"And one G&T. Ready to order?"
"I think so, Jane? Do you know what your having?"
"Hmm, oh yeah I'll have the cheese burger, extra pickles and large fries please."
"I would like a green salad with house dressing on the side please."
Ruby smiled as the difference in these two women became more and more evident. One refined and sophisticated, the other a little rough round the edges. Both extremely hot in completely opposite ways. Where had she seen that before? She did another little smile their resemblance to Regina and Emma was really quite amusing. She just hoped these to were a little less...intense. Ruby took the order straight through to the kitchen, the Diner wasn't particularly full so the wait for the food wouldn't be long.
When the food arrived Maura fatigue and manners were evident as she ate her salad in a very proper and lady like way. Jane eating her burger however, looked like feeding time at a zoo. She had both her large hands holding the burger but even that wasn't enough to stop its contents spilling out. Her cheeks were bulging and her hands were greasy and covered in melted cheese and relish. Maura just looked at her and rolled her eyes. To most people this would have been gross, but it didn't phase Maura she had seen it to many times before to still be shocked or bothered by it. In truth she enjoyed it, there was a strange enjoyment to be had in watching someone really enjoy there food and the way Jane would grown with approval at ever mouthful was more then enough to make up for etiquette.
"Mmm this is so good, seriously Maura taste this." The burger struggling to keep it form, trickling grease and sauce and god only knows what else down Jane's wrist looked oddly appetising when thrust into her face by Jane's glistening fingers.
Maura expression conveyed slight apprehension but she took a bite anyway. She closed her mouth, her lips brushing Jane's fingertips, there eye contact had been constant and Maura saw Jane's reaction to there accidental touch. Maura always saw, she just didn't say anything. Jane had intended to tease Maura about taking a bite so huge she could have lost her hand, even though the bite was a dainty and delicate as everything else Maura did, but she didn't. That accidental touch had stunned her into silence. She was now cursing the burger grease for creating any kind of a barrier between her fingers and Mauras lips. As that thought played through her mind and the double meaning come to the fore front she put her burger on her plate and gulped down three large mouthfuls of beer. She swallowed hard her gaze focused on the door, for no other reason then to avoid meeting Mauras eyes. Just as Jane was about to look away the door flew open and in walked two women who seemed to have quite a show stopping presence.
"Miss Swan I don't know how many times you need telling but when, where and in fact if you see Henry depends totally on my say so."
"And Henry wanting to see me more often, that means nothing to you?"
"Henry is a child he doesn't know what he wants. I know what's best for him, I'm his mother!"
"God damn it Regina so am I!"
From sleepy inbred town to feuding lesbians apparently caught up in a custody battle? This just got interesting. Maura and Jane quickly looked back to each other both showing intrigued expressions. Their own awkward issues seemed somewhat juvenile in the light of what these woman were clearly having to deal with. They were both able to keep up the façade of innocent out of towners enjoying a quiet meal but that doesn't mean they weren't listening to as much as they could make out of the other couples conversation. This was made easier when the intriguing pair took a seat at the table next to them. Jane watched as the denim clad blonde pulled out a chair, it didn't seem like an act of chilverly but the pristine brunette occupied the empty chair before the blonde could, causing the blonde to move to the opposite chair while rolling her eyes. Jane thought for a moment she caught the blonde checking out the brunette as she crossed her shapely legs, she couldn't be sure as the legs were her main focus to. She would not have been surprised though for all the obvious anger they felt for each other there was till a massive amount of sexual chemistry, stands to reason she guessed since they share a son.
"You know the only one getting hurt here is Henry."
"Well that's not entirely true now is it?"
"Wait a minute your telling me your deliberately keeping us apart to hurt me? And the fact that Henry is hurting to is of no importance? Seriously?"
"Miss Swan do not for one second imply I'm as childish as you. Keeping Henry away from you is about protecting him. If that happens to cause you pain then so be it. You lost any rights you had when you washed your hands of him."
"Protecting him from what? From what I've seen its you he needs protecting from. When I gave him away I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought it was what was best for him."
"And now I'm doing the same. Not that I have to justify myself to you."
"Regina please be reasonable. Henry wants to see me you know he does."
"Am I not making myself clear? Or is your intellect lower then I thought? I don't want you anywhere near my son. I don't want him exposed to a life of reckless abandonment and petty crime."
Petty crime? Now Jane's interest was piqued. She had gone from subtle eavesdropping to giving the conversation her full attention, caring not one bit if she was being obvious in her quest for further details.
"But..." The blonde choked out clearly desperate to make her point.
"That's an end to it Miss Swan." The brunette followed sounding like a parent dealing with a whining child.
"But..." The blonde persisted.
"I said that is an end to it."
The blonde looked like it wasn't over, like there was still more she wanted to say, but the clipped authoritative tone of the brunette combined with steely eyes and flaring nostrils made her realise it was futile. She pushed back from the table and left the Diner.
Jane and Maura looked at each other, then to the brunette, then back to each other. Their eyes conveyed a range of emotions and opinions, being so in tune with one another they were able to translate.
Stay out of it Maura, its nothing to do with us.
But Jane she and her girlfriend/wife/ex- girlfriend/ex -wife have just had an argument. We can't just leave her.
Exactly, they had an argument and it didn't sound pretty. Basic cop training 101 never deal with a domestic unless you have to.
I know the argument was heated but I feel bad. I'll just ask if she's OK.
Don't you dare Maura. I'm serious keep out of it.
All said without speaking a word. Just as Maura was about to ignore Jane's advice completely the brunette turned around, eyes still blazing with rage. Both Maura and Jane were a little taken aback but assumed it must be residual anger from her recent heated exchange. That was until she opened her mouth.
"Can I help you?" The words were ones usually associated with pleasant helpfulness, on this occasion they were dripping with disdain.
"I'm sorry, we couldn't help but hear your...dispute with your...friend, we was just wondering if you were OK." Maura answered with hesitation and tact that was unusual for her.
"Couldn't help but hear? Your friend was practically sitting on my knee to make sure she didn't miss a thing." both women had opted to use 'friend' as assumptions weren't always correct. The brunette had however used a tone which inferred more. Jane panicked as she wondered if the comment about her practically sitting on her knee was in reference to her shameless listening in or her blatantly staring at her legs.
"We weren't trying to pry I can assure you."
"I don't need your assurance. Just go about your business and keep out of mine."
Jane was blown away, who the hell did this bitch think she was? She was about to make an example of her for talking to Maura in such an appalling way when she heard the door open and in a whirl of haughty arrogance the brunette was gone.
"Was everything OK with your meals?" Ruby asked as she collected the plates. Her tone implied she had no idea that any kind of altercation had taken place. Truth was she knew it had she just didn't care, she knew it often got worse so glad this seemed so minor.
"Your burgers are great but the entertainment sucked."
It took Ruby a moment to register, but Jane looking at the recently vacated table gave her a clue.
"Ah you mean Emma and Regina."
"What the hell is there deal?"
"How long you here for?"
"The weekend."
"Then its not even worth my time starting."
"Seriously."
"You have no idea."
Maura had been watching Jane and Ruby's interaction surprised Jane was able to keep coherent considering she was eye level with Ruby's crotch.
"You don't think this will escalate do you? Should we inform the authorities?" Maura asked out of genuine concern.
Ruby broke into a broad smile and shook her head, the suggestion was amusing enough but the look on the visitors faces would be priceless when they found out why.
"They are the authorities."
"What!" Came the synonimous shocked response.
"Emma, the blonde aka Sheriff Swan. Regina, the brunette aka Mayor Mills, among other things."
Ruby cleared the table and let Jane and Maura take in the information. They just looked at each other, dumbstruck, while figuring out who the hell thought it would be a good idea to let the lunatics run the asylum.