Disclaimer: I do not own Being Human
A/S: I just wanted to make a note about all the one-shots I've been doing recently. Basically, one reason is because I'm just in the mood to do a lot of one-shots at the mo rather than updating my stories. I know so bad of me LOL but don't worry I'll return to them really soon. And secondly, some of the details in these stories are going to be in line with the OC I've created in a full length story for Being Human. If you haven't read it, it's called The Life Of Effie Blackwood. And for those who have read it I absolutely, positively, truthfully promise that soon I will start writing the one-shot I've promised to everyone.
Dangerous Minds
For MyLittleStorys
I, thus neglecting worldly ends, all dedicated
To closeness, and the bettering of my mind.
scene ii, Act I, The Tempest
Lucy always believed she was meant for something more. Or, she had been brought up to believe that. Maybe it was better to never know your potential. She always thought that there had to be some truth in everything what everyone believed but the problem was that everyone was more concerned with opposition and the differences rather than the similarities with one another. All human beings were supposedly connected to one another on a deep and fundamental level. Technically, all of us should be related to one another just less so than to immediate or distant relatives. Wasn't that the point of humanity? To be able to connect with one another? To empathise? To understand, to see each other's humanity? Science had taught her that this world was so beautiful and well-manufactured. All you had to do was look around and see that. Although as perfect as it was something it could become uncontrollable. You could even find beauty in the fact that it was wild and uncontrollable. Religion taught her that there was someone who had to have put it this carefully together and thought about it enough to make sure that it run the way that it did. Due to her scientific background most people would be surprised at her religious beliefs. It was all that simple. She still had her doubts about it all.
Who didn't have doubts about their beliefs? Who didn't wonder for a second that perhaps everything they had worked towards, everything they believed in resulted in nothing whatsoever? Even the immortals had their doubts about their existence. She could tell from the few conversations that she had with Euphemia. She could just tell that despite the vast space of time she had in this life she still hadn't figured everything out. Although she had a lot more to confront and deal with in terms of her humanity and purpose. What was the purpose of the undead staying amongst us? Maybe that was what bothered her more than anything. Maybe that was why she sought out Lucy for her help. It didn't mean that she regretted following her down that path. Or was it Euphemia following her? This was where her doubts began to appear. Not about what she believed in but whether her actions reflected her good intentions for humanity. Then again her actions hadn't exactly been directed towards humans lately. It concerned those who were only once human. She couldn't believe it at first but then there she was. She was acting on behalf on humanity but she was wasn't working or trying to figure out about the humanity of living humans and more about those who lost it. Maybe Euphemia was hoping she might find a way of reclaiming it for her. Sometimes she wondered whether she had done the right thing though.
She was always going to have a problem with all of this. No matter what Euphemia told her she was always going to have a great internal conflict between that nagging feeling of God's existence and the yearning of scientific discovery. Whether it was moral, whether there was a God or whether that was all just a game. The existence of Euphemia and her kind made her doubt her belief in God. She was a good person, but nonetheless she was still a vampire. Why would God bring the dead back to life? Why would He give them such terrible power? Why? Then she saw it as a test. Her mother always told her such dark times were times of when our resolve was to be tested. Funnily enough, that made a lot of sense to her when it came to the questioning of human existence where science could not answer for it they could answer the how but not the why. Her father saw life in that same way as well, strangely enough. Although he saw life as a different test to her mothers way of seeing it. Since her parents were always at odds with one another about each others beliefs the result of having a child between them was going to cause her to have her own inner conflicts. Some would think it dangerous to have a child in the midst of such turmoil. Not just of the disruption of upbringing but also in the genes. There was that tug her guilt-ridden mother felt sometimes strangling her heart and then there was that constant hammering of logic in her mind.
Her mother always took her to church, she read the Bible to her, she taught her about God, prayer, sent her to a Catholic school. The works. She probably had a hope that she would grow up to be like her mother and if she attended church for long enough she would eventually find her future husband there, unlike the mother. Sometimes there would be a look in her eye which told Lucy that she considered it the biggest mistake of her life which would forever be a mystery to her as to how she came to this conclusion. If she was to be honest, she found the experience rather stifling. Then there was her father. He would take her down to his shed at the bottom of the garden where his lessons would consist on how all of what her mother told her was false. He would teach her about the wonders of Physics, Biology and Maths. The hidden knowledge the Bible never told. She found it rather seductive at first and more beautiful than the hidden secrets of the Bible. He would treat it as if it was all a big conspiracy. Their lessons had to remain a secret since despite her parents differences, her father still loved his wife. She was too delicate to him to know the truth. He knew that the moment he would tell her everything would be the moment when her world would fall apart.
"You know the problem with you humans?" Said an elegant voice from the doorway.
Lucy looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened at the shadowed figure. She knew the moment when she heard her voice she knew who it was. She knew that she was going to come for her eventually, considering all the information she had given her about her own kind. Although some ways it was her own fault for doing all of this. She was the one that sold out, not Lucy. She could at least say that she would never sell out her own kind in the way she did. She turned back to her and saw that she was still standing there, waiting for her. She didn't step towards her because she couldn't. Lucy knew she had to be the one to go to her even though she frightened her more than anything. She felt safer where she was but she knew vampires, as the legends went, could never enter a church. It made her wonder again if there really was a God. That could be the only force which could stop a vampire from entering a church or could be the only reason why such terrible creatures could be overcome. Otherwise, what other reason would there be for not being able to enter a church? Euphemia sighed and looked as if she was going to step forward but knew she had to wait patiently for Lucy to come to her.
"Fine. I'll tell you what wrong with you all...You think too much." She slurred with a slow tilt of the head and a cross between an annoyed and exasperated look on her face.
Lucy steadied herself on the bench as she made her way out of the church. "If I recall most of our conversations consist of you looking into your own humanity. If it was to be chosen out of the two of us you would be the one to think too much."
Euphemia smirked. She knew she was trying to get to her and she was right she was and it was only because now she felt even more betrayed. She had told her everything that she did because she trusted her. She would have never told her these things if she didn't trust her to be the right person to speak of such things to. She always thought she was good at reading people but now she saw humans were like leeches they sucked out everything you had until there was nothing left to spare for yourself. Humans were like a disease, they did nothing but destroy the world and each other and then bred more than rats in a single sewer system. The expression on her face told Lucy that she was getting to her more and more as each second went by and she couldn't deny the fact that it made her feel like she had a little bit of power over the situation at hand. It didn't deter her from behaving any differently than she already was. She had been brought up to be honest with people and it was probably a rule, she could imagine, to not make exceptions for when you were talking to a vampire. Then again, Lucy didn't know this, but Effie rather admired her for her honesty. It made her feel like it was at least something that was going two ways. There were very few people around nowadays who were as honest as her. It was why she chose her. It had to be someone and she decided to chose her.
"At least I don't think so deeply to the point where anyone could sneak up on me." She replied dryly.
Lucy shrugged her shoulders. "Us humans aren't as...Sensitive to our surroundings." She sneered when she said humans, which made Effie a little chillier than she usually was.
"You make it sound as if I hate you for being human." She observed.
Effie knew that for every human that found out about what she was and for every one that was going to discover what she was that there would be judgement and fear hand in hand with that knowledge. She could feel the dread and disappointment almost sink in whenever she met one in the street who tried to have a conversation with her. She dreaded having to interact with them on any level became humans were beautiful in the sense of being unpredictable. Anything could happen whereas with vampires, eventually things got predictable. That was the downside of immortality once you had been around for a few decades. She always knew that she was never going to be able to live a normal life amongst the humans. That wasn't a fear but a fact. She knew she was never going to make it work. It didn't work out for long with her husband so how it could it work out successfully amongst humans. It was only safer for either side to actually segregate each other from one another by one half not knowing the true nature of the other. It was something which made her wonder whether she had been making the right decisions lately. She only ever knew the answer to that question when Ivan was around but thanks to Lucy that was no longer a possibility. She was going to be alone now. She had Ian and Vera, but sometimes she felt like there was something missing.
It was selfish, ungrateful for her to have such thoughts but wasn't she at least allow to have them? Was it more selfish to order her to have false hopes altogether? Was that not at least a mercy, an agonising mercy it may be but a mercy nonetheless? She could never be friends or lovers with them but she could brush against the fringes at the very least. She never thought it fair considering that they never knew that there could be someone out there and as they always said, it could be found in the most unexpected place. This wasn't just about lovers but also about friends. Sometimes the most unlikely people became the greatest of friends from when the day they met to one of their deaths. In her case she would be the dead one. She couldn't believe she was even pondering upon this thought. Though, she at least deserved that considering the effort which she made every second of every minute, of every hour, of every day from when she died to now. It was a long time, full time job if you thought about it. Everybody wanted to be a vampire nowadays but they didn't know that it did to the soul. They had no idea what it did to you as a human being. You felt like you wanted to be human but like Lucy was probably going to say, you had to stop being in denial. You were no longer human and there was no turning back. She had once accepted her fate but once she lost Alexis and left her with everything they worked for she began to wonder...
Sometimes she wondered if Lucy was either being selfish or if she simply just couldn't understand. Lucy suppressed a laugh. She wasn't in the mood for any of this. She hated Euphemia's mind games. She did it sometimes as if to test her loyalties. She could almost tell that there was something that Lucy was hiding from her. She knew that when you were dealing with something as unpredictable as a vampire you should always be careful, yet she was able to survive up to this point. What was she waiting for? Or was she just playing with her food?
Lucy raised an eyebrow. "Don't you?"
"I don't resent you for that. You know that I have nothing against you. Especially not that." She said calmly.
She nodded. "I know. But that's not the reason why you're here is it?"
Euphemia observed her for a moment, as if she was deciding which would be the tastiest part of her to devour. Or if there was a line of humans as to whether she would taste the best. This was a habit of hers which really unnerved Lucy. She hated to think that she was just a piece of meat to Euphemia. Sometimes she liked to think that they were equals in some respects. Even if she wasn't educated, she was still an intelligent woman. She had much more wisdom than Lucy could hope for.
"Lucy, when I came to you I asked very little of you really. I simply asked for your loyalty. Now this may cover a lot of areas but regardless of this it is not a difficult request to live to. In fact all you had to do was keep to your work and not involve anyone else in this matter. Yet..."
"And yet?"
There was a dangerous look in Euphemia's eyes when she finally looked up. It was like she was looking into your soul and with one gentle action she could pull out those demons, so horribly, so painfully that you would almost feel like you were about to die. Euphemia, as Lucy could gather, was not that kind of vampire. When you crossed her she tried to make it as painful as possible for those who caused her pain. She tortured her victims, not just simply kill them. She would even kill her own kind if she was angered enough.
"And yet a few days ago I hear a group of vampires have been killed. But not just simply a coincidental bombing in the street and believe me I have been around enough to know the difference between the two, but to hear that the bombing was at a notable gathering place of vampires in that area seems...very suspicious." She said slowly.
Lucy shook her head. "I'm sorry."
Effie almost wanted to laugh in her face now. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew she wanted to condemn her to hide her own guilt. She knew she wanted her to be gone from her sight and from the world, even if she wasn't strong enough to do it herself, she would never truly want anything good for her. Did she really know what she was apologising for? Did she really know what she had done to her? Did she know how many friends she had lost because she just wanted to side with what was familiar rather than what may actually be the moral side in this argument. Just because its the appearance of evil doesn't mean that its always the Devil. Humans threw this word around so often Effie doubted that they knew the true purpose or meaning to the word. It was such a powerful word as well. Like love. That was another word humans threw around way too much when so many of them got divorced and broke each others hearts. Whereas vampires were able to stay with their partners, lovers, husbands or wives for centuries. It made her feel that they weren't complete animals as everyone thought that they would be. They had no idea what the true use for the word was. They lost all ability to comprehend the power of words. Maybe they had forgotten and had been so obsessed with their own selfishness that they didn't think about the feelings of others any more. They always thought about what they needed or wanted. Never about what would be better for the world.
Euphemia frowned. "Sorry? How can you humans be even capable of understanding what that word means?" She snapped.
Lucy felt something snap inside her at this moment. She couldn't believe that this vampire was lecturing her on how to be human. If she even bothered trying to be human she wouldn't know where to start by herself. She knew more about her than she knew other people or vampires knew about her. She knew about her husband, Carl, her brother, her ward, her miscarried child. She knew everything she could possibly know about Euphemia Blackwood.
"You're a vampire. You kill people for their blood. There's nothing worse than a vampire taking the morally high ground." She spat.
"At least I've been around for long enough to know, my dear, that no matter how well you try to make up for what you did not only to me and my kind but also to Mitchell will never be enough. The only way you will be able to repay that will be the only precious possession you have."
Lucy narrowed her eyes. "What are you talking about?"
Effie rolled her eyes and put her hand on her hip. "What do you think I'm talking about?"
Lucy shook her head and then stopped when she realised what it was she was talking about. Of course, she had been waiting for this all along. She wanted this the entire time. This was the only reason why she tracked her down. She was a vampire after all. Blood was all they thought about. What was it about her that she wanted from or desired about her?
"What did I do? Why do you want to kill me?"
Effie tilted her head. "I don't know. Why should I? I mean you betrayed me when I showed you nothing but trust and then you also went to that dark place no human should venture to, let alone where a dark one such as myself should show the path to that place." She murmured. "I should kill you for a lot of reasons but I know one thing for certain, killing should only done for a good reason."
Lucy scoffed. Effie frowned again. "You don't believe me." She didn't question her, she was merely commenting on the obvious.
"Of course."
Effie could deal with not being offended by her. She had been offended countless times before. She was used to being ridiculed on some occasions. Although she despised nothing more than someone ridiculing her for something which she had no knowledge about. That was something which frustrated her about humans. They had all these ideas about vampires when they really had no idea.
"Why 'of course'?"
"You live for killing."
Effie raised her eyebrows thinking that was a bit of a generalisation. There was more to vampires than their blood-lust. They weren't just animals, well the lower-ranking ones were but there were ones who were better than that. That was like saying humans lived for breathing. There was more to some of them that wasn't there? Well, what that was the only way of putting it since vampires were more or less the opposites to being human. Maybe that was threatening Lucy so much because she was seeing the possible darker side to herself if there was such a thing. Then again her actions were enough for her to be able to comprehend a darker side to herself without a moral argument with a vampire. They didn't just do that. Sometimes they were enhancing their minds, some of them were in public service, the ones who could control themselves that is and some just wanted to live a normal life. Then again they were the ones who tended to be a little delusional. Effie herself had enhanced her intellect thanks to Alexis mostly. He had taken her to plays but also taught her to read (a new hobby of herself since she had become enhanced in it), write and she could speak five languages. She thought she had improved her mind if anything through the reading of top psychologists and philosophers from before she was born to now. What had Lucy done? Be tugged back and forth between her atheist father and religious nut of a mother.
Effie started at her blankly and then turned away and shrugged her shoulders. "Well I'm dead. So it would make it very difficult for me to live for that reason let alone being able to carry out that task at all."
"Don't be clever about it. You're a monster. You're the dark shadow hiding in the closet which children are always scared to death about. The worst part is that they get over it. That's how you target them. It's easier for you when humans get older because they get over those fears which they should have held onto."
Effie took in a deep breath. She wasn't going to lie. She had a point. Then again this woman always had a point. But there was a line which she was beginning to cross. She should be giving her more respect considering the amount of information she had supplied her with about her own kind, no doubt. Also, she could have killed her at any moment. She could snap her spine in two like a twig, she could crack her skull as if she was throwing a hot apple at the wall. But she didn't.
"Dr Jaggart, can I be honest with you? Of course I can, like me you're someone who prefers that to bullshit. Firstly, you shouldn't speak of anything which you frankly know nothing about. I mean I am aware of your evil gene theory but this is something which can only go so far. It may refer to those who are serial killers, violent aggressors-"
"Strange sounds a lot like vampires and werewolves."
Effie calmy tilted her head to the side. "Perhaps. Although, I have seen for centuries, human judging even one another because of stereotypes, because of the actions of their ancestors and it really does make one wonder...Whether you all really in a position to be the judges of everyone else. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that you all are in dire need of being judged."
Lucy gulped and stood her ground. "Well I suppose one day that day will come." She replied stiffly.
Effie took in a deep breath. She knew which day she was referencing. The rare occurrence they would go to church sometimes their preacher would talk of such a day. She remembered being filled with dread at the mention of that day. She felt that feeling creep up on her again and she smiled. It made her feel human again. Whenever she felt like that she felt like she was increasingly become human once again.
"Ah. Judgement day." Effie replied triumphantly. "Yes, I suppose your...God will one day finally take a visit to one his business investments and find it...far from satisfactory in terms of the state that its in. If I were you I would be quaking in my boots."
"And what about all of you?" She spat. "You think we're bad, we're harmless in comparison to the crimes of your kind."
"Lucy." She said firmly. "I'm not saying you're better than us...Nor am I saying that you're worse. I'm just trying to make a point. Not so clear and not so well, I must admit."
"Well? What is it then?"
Effie turned back to her calmly. "That we're all monsters. And on top of that for the same reason."
It wasn't much of an ultimatum to be honest but at least she was giving her that. There weren't a lot of vampires around any more who would give her that. Most of them knew it was just easier to lie to them about that sort of thing. It was just how they were, but Effie was better than that.
Lucy blinked. "What do you mean? We're nothing alike."
Effie sighed and gave her a sad smile. "It's funny. Whenever I sit down and have a good read most of the time its always a good class, gothic romance novel. The Castle of Otranto, Dracula, Frankenstein. Frankenstein is the one which probably will be the best one to highlight the point I'm trying to make. I've read it quite a few times and I always have the same response. I feel sorry for him. He's treated as a monster when if you think about it, he just wants to be loved. He's manufactured so therefore people question his humanity but he's conscious of the concept of love so surely...surely that must make him partly human. Another example could be Shylock."
"Shylock?"
Effie resisted rolling her eyes and groaning. She really couldn't believe that she didn't know who she was talking about. Lucy went to a bloody Catholic school for goodness sake. One of things you were guaranteed to have to go through was Shakespeare.
"The Merchant of Venice." Effie replied. "I remember when my husband first took me to see the play. Wonderful story. Although, I also always leave feeling sad because of him."
"Remind me who was Shylock in the play." Lucy replied nervously.
"He was the Jew." She replied simply.
Lucy nodded with a flash of realisation evidently crossing in her expression. Effie would also know that due to her Catholic upbringing she would understand the moral predicaments which were to come in the next few seconds.
"He may have been the 'villain' but does there always have to be one? He was distraught over the betrayal of his daughter. But then again his daughter felt oppressed. It's difficult to find a villain in there isn't it? Then he starts feeling like his identity is being attacked because nobody can comprehend a Jew with feelings. Then he his stripped of his identity. Tell me, where is the justice in that? Why can't we all just accept one another's differences? Humans alike? Humans and vampires alike?"
Lucy gave her the answer in her expression. "It's different."
"How?"
She couldn't wait for what was going to come out of her mouth now. She was growing tired of Lucy attacking everything she had worked for in the past few decades. She had no idea what it was like to have to put up with all of this for decades on ends. Humans would never be able to understand how daunting that was until they actually had to deal with it.
"This isn't a question of religion Effie. It's a question of...what you are."
"Religion, beliefs, ethnicity, gender, sexuality...Doesn't it all dial down to one thing, Lucy? It all comes down to our identity and I think this is a predicament which challenges not just humans. It's something we think about as well, Lucy..."
