"That night by the car, you wanted to know what would have happened if you hadn't shown up," Carol said, looking up at the ceiling in the dimly lit room. "I know now."

"You woulda left, I know," Daryl finished for her from where he was lying on the floor, blocking her door, just like he had every night since Beth died and they decided to make the hospital their new home. He sat up and looked at her. "Why do you think I sleep here every night?" He had been suffocating her since they settled in, even trailing her to the bathroom, waiting outside the door. She let him away with it because she knew he was grieving and feeling tremendous guilt, though he'd never admitted it until then. "I couldn't find Sophia and she's dead. I lost Beth and she's dead. I've already lost you too many times, it ain't happening again."

There is was. He was taking personal responsibility for both Sophia and Beth dying. Beth was like Sophia all over again. Young, precious life, that they weren't able to protect. Carol knew all about that too. She had failed Sophia and she couldn't save Lizzie or Mika either. Just one more similarity between her and Daryl that even unspoken made their bond stronger.

"Neither were your fault. You have to know that," she said. Perhaps those words were meant for her as well, though she didn't believe them any more than he would. He grunted something in response that told her he was reacting exactly how she expected he would. They were adults. They lost children. It was open and closed in both of their minds, adults protect kids - end of story. He needed to heal, find peace, just as much as she did - maybe more because he just wasn't as well equipped to carry such a heavy burden like she was.

Carol stood up and started to pace. "I can't stay here," she said sadly. "I gotta go. I'm suffocating and - I - " Her voice cracked. "There are places I need to go."

Daryl wasn't going to let her off without explanation. "Where? What places?"

How could she explain it to anyone? It sounded so ridiculous. But if there was one person on this earth that would understand it was him. "I gotta go back. Right back to the start." She sat down on the floor beside him. "We never stayed in one place long and every time we leave it's tragic." She looked at him, hoping he would understand. "I wanna go back to my home. I need to grieve the loss of normal life, of civilization." He nodded. But there was more. "Then the quarry. The farm. The prison. The grove -" she felt a lump in her throat. Daryl looked at her curiously. She would tell him one day if she ever made it back to him. But not then. "I can't move forward with closure. I don't want to keep adding places to the list without closing the doors that are still open behind me."

"So what? You're just gonna run?" Daryl said quietly. "Wait until I go take a shit or something and make a break for it?"

"I was hoping you would understand and I wouldn't have to sneak away," she replied honestly.

Daryl shook his head. "I told you, I ain't letting you outta my sight again." Carol sighed, they seemed to be at a stalemate. "There's only one solution I can think of," he continued.

She knew him. So well. She could read his face and she knew exactly what he was going to say. "You run with me."

"I run with you," he confirmed with a nod. "On one condition -" he gave her a look, challenging her to disagree. "When it's over and you've done what you needed to do - we come back here. We end here and we start over here."

"Daryl," she sighed deeply. "It's dangerous out there, you know as well as I do we might not even make it out of the city, let alone all the places I want to go and back here again." She reached for his hand. "Stay here, be safe and move on. Let me go."

He squeezed her hand. "You said a long time ago that you can't lose me too." Carol flashed back to the barn at Hershel's farm when she'd uttered those words. "That's how I feel now. I know you understand. I know you don't want to leave me."

Daryl was right. It would break her heart to leave him, but it was more important to her that he was safe and alive. She sighed again. He only wanted the same for her, she knew that. He wanted to protect her, and he wanted her in his life. "Okay," she replied both with reluctance and excitement. She hated endangering his life, but she had planned to be out there on her own for a long time, resigned to it even, so it was incredibly comforting to know she would have someone with her. Not just anyone, but her best friend - the only person she had unwavering faith and trust in. "We leave tonight."

"Tonight?" he looked panicked. "Just like that? No goodbyes?"

Carol shook her head. "We can leave a note. But I can't take the chance someone will change my mind or try to stop me."

"It's okay because we're gonna make it back. We ain't gonna die out there. We ain't," he said confidently.

She didn't have the same faith but she loved him for believing it. With heavy hearts they packed up their belongings and some food and water - enough to last several days. The last thing she did before they slipped out into the night was tape a note to Rick's bedroom door.

Dear Rick,

The last time I left it wasn't my choice. This time it is. I need to make peace with my past or I have no future.

Daryl won't let me go without him and I'm not strong enough to say no. He loves you like a brother and I'm deeply sorry for taking him from you.

If we're not back in a few months assume the worst, grieve and move on. But be sure Judith always knows her Auntie Carol and Uncle Daryl loved her with all our hearts.

Til we meet again,

Carol