This is not a story that should indicate that I am against Snarry. I quite like Snarry, infact. When I get a firm idea in my head, I post it; and this was one of these ideas.

Harry Potter stared in horror at Dudley's monitor screen. He turned his gaze from Dudley, to the screen, and then back again; jaw dropped, eyes widened.. completely horrified.

Dudley chuckled and sneered, the whale-like boy slumping onto his chair that creaked under his massive weight. "Never told me you had a boyfriend, Potter."

"..He's.. HE'S MY TEACHER! Who does this? WHO DOES THIS? WHO DOES THIS?" Harry shrieked, pressing the back button as hard as he could. The page did not change.

"Apparently you do, Potter." Dudley waggled his eyebrows. "Never knew you were into that kind of thing, eh?"

"I'm..I'm -not-! This is horrifying! Can that even happen?"

"Apparently it can in whoever's messed up world that is." For once, Harry agreed with Dudley. A whole lot.

"-This can't happen! Right? It can't! Never! Right?" Harry asked desperately, staring at the computer screen.

"You can, if you make it happen." Dudley sounded mystical for a moment, but then shoved a twinkie in his face, and the intelligent phase was ruined. Dudley could never hold up the intelligence for too long, it broke his brain.

"And..and.. Snarry? SNARRY? Why Snarry? Snarry doesn't exist! Snarry will never exist! It's just in these people's sick and twisted imaginations, right?"

"Sure." Dudley grunted, apparently liking seeing Harry panicked as he turned to the monitor and motioned widely with his bulky hand across the screen. Down the line, there was Snarry, Snarry, Snarry, Snarry, Snarry, Snarry M-Preg, Snar-

"What's M-Preg?"

"You don't wanna know, Potter.. you don't wanna know." But then Dudley had the miraculous thought (who ever thought that Dudley could actually think?) that if it annoyed and sickened and disgusted and freaked Potter out, then it was good. So he clicked on it.

Harry read. And read some more. And he didn't get what the big deal is, until-

I'm pregnant, Snape, and you're the father.

Harry shrieked; a very girly, loud sound that made Dudley punch him in the side. Hard.

Harry continued yelling. "WHAT? THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE! 'M-PREG' IS NOT POSSIBLE! IT IS NOT, EVER! THERE ISN'T ANY POTION TO, EITHER! I KNOW! I WILL PROVE IT! I WILL PROVE TO THE WORLD THAT SNARRY DOES NOT EXIST, AND NEITHER DOES M-PREG!"

Harry ran out of the room.. not before running headfirst into the door, though.

He searched futilely for anything. Anything at all, that could prove that Snarry did not exist; and that it would never, ever, ever happen.

He had nightmares about the stories Dudley had forced him to read. He blamed it all on Dudley. If the whalesized boy didn't show him that stupid site on his stupid computer, then he wouldn't have nightmares about m-preg, or.. *shudder* Snarry. Or.. worst of all.. *shudder* Snarry M-preg.

Petunia did not know why whenever she and Vernon mentioned sausages, salsa, or anything that started with an s, the freak screamed like he was being tossed into a fire. He continuously woke them up with his screams about "Mmmpreg" and "Snarry" or whatever the hell he was talking about, and it was getting on their nerves.

Vernon suggested he 'shut the freak up by suffocating him with his own pillow'

Petunia suggested she 'throw the freak out of the house by his stupid freaky head'. And then wash her hands. Ten times, for good measure, of course. Can't have freak-germs.

Dudley just laughed and stuffed crisps into his mouth, continuously bugging Harry about Snarry M-Preg.

They didn't even know who this Snape guy was. Vernon mentioned something about Harry one day.. "I always knew the freak was gay." Harry shrieked directly into his ear, dropped the plate of sausages he was carrying over to his overweight uncle onto his uncle's lap, and ran out of the house and down the sidewalk, yelling, "NO MORE SNARRY!"

A nearby neighbor looked up from mowing his lawn and glared at the havoc-wreaking boy. "Get offa my lawn!" He yelled, shaking a fist at the Potter kid. And then he laughed to himself, because secretly, he'd always wanted to say that.

Ms. Figg looked up, and was briefly pushed to the side by Potter who was screaming at the top of his lungs. Something about Snarry? Pfeh. Kids these days.

Potter ran into Piers Polkiss, actually apologizing because he didn't notice who he was before continuing on, stepping over Piers who was knocked to the ground.

Harry ran, and ran.. until he turned and walked very normally back to the house.

Running and shrieking wouldn't do anything..right?

Harry quickly told Ron and Hermione all about Snarry and stupid m-preg when he got to Hogwarts. They were just as horrified as him, Hermione squeaked loudly and Ron looked very green and shouted, attracting nearby Slytherin attention.

"THAT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!"

"What would never happen, Weasley?" Snape sneered behind Ron.

"AAAAGGGH!" Harry screamed and ran away from Snape, very fast.

Snape stared after him, mouth slightly open. He clicked his jaw shut and glared at them. "Why, exactly, did Mr. Potter just run off, shrieking like a banshee?"

So Hermione told Snape all about it. As you could imagine, Snape was also, very very indeed horrified.

Snape immediately went to the staffroom, grabbed a cup of black coffee, downed it in one swig, got another cup of coffee and then downed a whole bottle of Firewhiskey in three minutes. And then he went to tell Albus about it.

Albus smiled cheerily and said, "Oh, I know! I am a Snarry fan."

Snape choked on his firewhiskey and spat it all over Albus and his stupid, infernal, silver, too-long, he-probably-trips-over-it-getting-out-of-bed-every-morning beard.