A/N~ First off I want to thank SyrupylikeBreakfastinMontag for allowing me to write this even though it was along a similar vein as her story "This Rigged Game We Play" (which you should read, it's a wonderful story!) I've had this idea in my head for a while now and reading that story kicked my butt into gear for some reason. So thank you!
Second- I am very nervous about this story. This is the first fanfiction I've written in about 5 or 6 years. It's also my first slash EVER! So I would absolutely LOVE reviews, even if it's to tell me I suck and I need to go back to not writing anything.
Third- I will admit I haven't read the books but I know enough to get me by, if there is some cannon errors (aside from the whole premise) please let me know and I'll do my best to correct it. Same goes with any errors in general.
Also- I would like to note that this is SLASH of the Harry Potter/Severus Snape variety (with a little Snape/Lily undertone) There is a brief SLASH sex scene but it's not graphic.
Obligatory disclaimer- I own except for my complete disregard for cannon events (except apparently this story I'm all for cannon events, weird.) I reject your reality and substitute my own! If I owned anything in the Harry Potter universe I'd be able to pay off my student loans.
Alrighty... on to the story (btw it kinda changes POV after the line break from Snape to Harry)
-Temptation-
Severus Snape knew what it took to survive; he could view any problem from all angles and make a quick decision as to which course of action to take to assure he'd be on the winning side. He was also smart enough to realize that sometimes circumstances changed and in order to survive you had to be fluid. One thing he always held firm in, was the belief that regrets were pointless. Barring Time Turners, you couldn't go back into the past and change anything. Regrets were better left for fools who had time for them. But laying on the cold floor of the Shrieking Shack, bleeding to death and staring into the eyes of someone who loved him unconditionally, he couldn't help but to think of everything that led up to that moment and feel a small pang of guilt.
Begging had never been a part of Severus' personality, but he couldn't stop himself from begging for Harry Potter to look at him just one last time. He wasn't a stupid man and he wasn't emotionally stunted enough to be oblivious as to how the boy felt for him and he had never said one way or the other how he felt for him in return. Severus wasn't a Slytherin for nothing; he had his own best interests at heart in making Harry believe he was loved in return. The one thing he could never resist was temptation. Lily would kill him if she knew what transpired between her little boy and her ex-best friend in the middle of the night. He couldn't help ordering Harry to take his memories. Harry had to know who he had been sharing his bed with all this time, the boy still had a job to finish and he could never do it while he still loved him. Severus knew Harry had to hate him.
"You really…" Snape gasped as his voice faded out. Harry watched as Severus gasped his last breath, feeling his heart dying with him. He spent a minute trying to figure out what Severus was trying to say, then shook himself and started racing towards Hogwarts. The man he loved was lying dead on the floor of the Shrieking Shack and he couldn't let himself believe that Severus betrayed the Order. These past few months had been extremely hard to keep faith in his lover, but he had in spite of everything.
Severus made so many sacrifices and no one ever knew. Harry had always wondered what made Severus defect to the Light but every time he asked, Severus always scoffed, turned away, and snapped that his reasons were his own and that Harry should stop prying. Privacy was the one thing Harry knew Severus valued above everything else, so he knew that whatever he was about see in the man's memories was vitally important and that he probably wouldn't like it. Harry arrived at Dumbledore's pensieve, poured the memories in and watched them swirl around. As he submerged himself into the pensieve he couldn't help but feel that he was about to jump into Pandora's Box.
Harry watched the first few memories with awe. They were of his mother and Severus; he had never known that they were friends. After a few of the memories whizzed by he finally fell into a memory that he recognized. It was of his and Severus' first night together. Harry saw himself stumbling over his awkward admission of a crush and his indignation of constantly being compared to James. He rambled for a good five minutes about wanting Snape to see him as Harry not "The Gryffindor Golden Boy" or James' son. Being in Severus' memories allowed him to feel how incredibly underwhelmed about the entire situation Severus was; he also felt the spike of lust that shot through Severus when he had looked at him after he tripped over nothing and his glasses broke and fell. Severus had leapt forward and crashed his lips to Harry's own. Harry remembered being stunned by how fast things had changed, even now watching the scene through Severus' eyes he was a little lost about the quick turn of events, had Severus thought his clumsiness endearing? Before he had too much time to ponder this particular mystery he felt himself being pulled out of one memory and thrown into another.
The next few memories were just bits and pieces of their nights together, and Severus' complete aversion to Harry wearing those "atrocious glasses" in his presence. Severus' words of "look at me" before he came. Harry had always thought that was romantic, these were some of his happiest memories but he could feel the twinge of sadness in Severus' mind. He didn't understand why the memories of their coupling would make Severus any measure of sad until the end of the next memory.
It was the last time that they had been together before Harry's test of faith. Severus was thrusting lazily into Harry, just enjoying the sensations of being inside another. They kept up their slow pace until it became too much and they started speeding up, nearing their climaxes. Harry had came first that night at Severus' whisper of "look at me," when Severus tipped over the edge he gasped something that Harry, at the time, didn't understand. Since this was Severus' memory of what had transpired Harry clearly understood that his lover had gasped a name, and it wasn't his. "Lily" he had said. Harry felt like the whole world could have burned down around his ears and nothing would have fazed him. He was quickly pulled into the memory of what happened in the Shrieking Shack not so long ago, but this time he understood what Severus had said. They weren't words of love or regret just, "You really do have your mother's eyes." Tears streamed down Harry's face. This whole time while Harry was falling in love with Severus, Severus was in love with a ghost. Harry could feel one more memory trying to pull him in but he resisted. He wasn't sure if he could handle another one of his happy memories being polluted. In the end the pull of the memory won out.
Harry watched as Dumbledore told Snape that he knew about the task that Voldemort had appointed Draco and ask if Snape would be the one to kill him instead. The conversation continued as Dumbledore confided that Harry himself was Hocrux that Riddle never knew he created. With that Harry was thrown out of the pensieve as the barrage of memories ended. As Harry slid to the floor he pulled his knees to his chest and cried.
The man he loved only cared about his resemblance to a woman that had been dead for over a decade. He wanted to claw his eyes out just so he'd never have to spend another second looking at them whenever he glanced in a mirror. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't hate Severus, he couldn't bring himself to regret anything that had happened between them even if he was just a poor man's Lily. Severus may not have loved him, but that was ok.
Everything Harry had seen was whirling around in his head. He had been manipulated and used but some of the very few people he actually trusted. Harry shook himself out of his self-pity, there was no use dwelling on things one cannot change, he had a job to finish. He was the last Hocrux that had to be destroyed; he knew what needed to be done. Harry got off the floor, wiped his tears off, and took a deep breath. As he walked out of Hogwarts and into the forest, he made peace with his fate. Harry Potter was finally ready to die.
-FIN-
A/N- So... what did you guys think? I'm dying of curiosity over here. Did everything flow? Did I do horrible and should never attempt something like this ever again? PLEASE LET ME KNOW!
I would also like to say that I adore the character of Severus Snape. I think he is an incredibly complex character. I know I made him really messed up in this fic, but I like to believe that his cold exterior is just a front. (That's just... not how I wrote him in this story. lol SORRY!)
Anyways I'm anxious to see what everyone has to say, so I'll just go now. Also, if y'all could tell me if I've gotten them both in character and their voices right. I know I didn't have much dialogue in here and if that bothers you, sorry. I'm just nervous about giving Severus words, he's one character I abhor seeing out of character. So anyways... REVIEW PLEASE
