Putting one foot forward she willed herself to climb the final steps of his solace, his peace.
"You surprised me." Not literally. He had heard her approaching 2 miles away. He picked up on her car's tiring engine, her voice shouting an interesting interpretation of "No Such Thing", and her heart racing with anxiety. "I thought you would stay for the whole reception." He kept his gaze turned up towards the sky, finding that once again it posed far more questions than it answered them.
"Nah, I hate weddings. Always have." Especially this one. Not that she was suddenly pro-Clark and Lana—no amount of alcohol could ever induce that sort of delirium—but she knew when her sometimes friend was making a mistake. She used to believe that Lex was capable of being a good man.
With all that resource at his disposal he could have changed the world for the better. With an intelligent driven woman at his side they could blaze their own trail and be remembered for the great things he had always dreamed. There had been a time when she had respected him so much she could with little effort imagine herself being the one to don the "Luthor" appellation. But everything had changed drastically from those days...Once a potent team, now allied enemies.
Lex's fight to escape his father was dwindling into a race to embrace it. It disgusted her. Lana was falling into something far bigger than she understood, regardless of the volume of 'How to be bad-ass' lessons he was willingly giving her. Lana may think that she can live this life unscathed, but she was coming upon a rude awakening. It really was just a matter of time.
"You looked great today." He said in a small faraway voice. Clark was barely with her now.
"That's too bad, what will I burn at the bridesmaid's convention tomorrow?" She asked playfully, trying her best to pull him out of his state.
"I'm sure you'll find something." It didn't catch.
He was receding into himself again and she couldn't have that. Moping Clark was about as much fun as a sack of rocks. Actually, less…at least you can throw rocks.
He acknowledged her for the first time, his arms folded, creasing his white dress shirt as he leaned against the barn window. She wore a royal blue top, similar to the one she'd worn during their Thanksgiving feast, and plain jean pants. Chloe was comfortable with professional and quirky. And though he missed the elegance of her all dolled up it suited her personality. It certainly didn't detract from her beauty.
"I'm glad you came." She was too, since he seemed so gone that had she not come he might have flown away without any one noticing. Figuratively, of course.
"So are we regretful?"
He considered her for a moment and shook his head.
"Contemplative." She had asked him the same thing before when she had first seen him in the parking lot outside the church. He was pacing like a madman and muttering sporadically to himself. He stopped dead in his tracks upon seeing her.
"The maid of honor has spotted you, you have no choice but to follow her inside." Her smile grew larger as it naturally did in the company of Clark Kent.
"Hey, Chlo." He shifted his weight uneasily, caught off guard by her presence. There weren't many girls in the world who could be given taffeta and pull it off, but she did with grace and poise. That was Chloe. She may not be on any Maxim covers anytime soon, but she certainly could take your breath away. She was classic, surprisingly elegant, and her fair skin appeared creamy to the touch. He suddenly wondered why he hadn't touched her more often over the years.
"So what's the verdict?" She sat on the hood of a nearby car, positioning herself across from him. "Are we regretful?" She had said 'we' because of the many conflicting sides to Clark. One day he loved Lana, the next he wanted to throw her out of a window. It was better to be inclusive.
"Contemplative." She wasn't sure how much she believed that. When it came to Lana Lang all anyone ever had were regrets.
"Well, I think you've tortured yourself enough. Are you coming inside or not?"
He exhaled in a deep heavy sigh, a painful one. Clark looked away at the church. Its bells began to ring in commencement, calling all that were ready to its doors. Problem was he wasn't at all sure if he was ready.
"She's going through with it Clark, you should respect that by being there. Come in and show everyone you can be bigger than yourself, that you can be stronger than they all expect." He turned back and stared at her for a long moment, seeing the truth in her words. He was still as confused as ever about his feelings. They felt like a tangled knot of emotion inside him. And now one by one he unraveled the issue and faced each. Slowly he was beginning to understand the base of all his actions in regards to others.
"Alright, I will. Just…not yet." He was close to getting it, but going in prematurely could ruin that.
"Fine. But If I don't see you in 15, I'm so coming after you with a Kryptonite bat, k?"
He laughed. Only Chloe, with her petite 5 feet 3" frame, could be threatening to a man of his stature. If he was being totally honest with himself, she scared him half to death. There was nothing that could stop him from being there on time. "Sounds like a deal." She walked away from him more satisfied than she ought to be.
Now she could only wait and pray that he didn't do anything rash and foolish. Where Lana Lang was concerned, an otherwise bright individual tended to act like a nonsensical moron. Oh to be enchantingly beautiful! It would be fun, for like a day.
Clark barged in right on the dot just as the ceremony took off. His lost look broke her heart. This idolized moment that had once been so close to being his in another life was set before him with a different outcome. She could sympathize. One day would it be her? Would she be the one coming late to a wedding that had not wanted her? Would she stand in the back with no seat that fit her except the spot beside him? She fought back her tears. Today was not that day.
She had barely seen him for a second after the 'I do's' we're exchanged. She had half-expected Clark to pipe in and put a stop to it all as did the majority of the room that was privy to his being here. But all through the tension filled moment he remained silent. If nothing else, she was very proud of him.
She caught him giving his congratulations to all those whom deserved it: Lana, Lex, Nell, and Lionel. A part of her wondered if he was overdoing it a bit but she noticed a change in him. She thought he'd be a wreck at this point. Getting smashed and singing horrible show tunes for the guests…at least that's what she'd do. Except Clark couldn't even get drunk the way humans do. For him it involved rocks and unwise purchases of lip-gloss. Again, she sympathized.
Though he handled himself well, Chloe was dubious of his reasons for leaving early. She turned the dance floor twice with Jimmy and once with Lex by Lana's persistent demands. All the while, she had been planning her escape. What could she say to get away to see Clark? After an hour of twirling intolerably and speaking on behalf of a union she more than deplored, she was able to sneak away from her duties.
Now she was here, miles away from the life of the party, checking up on her best friend during what must have been one of the most trying days for him.
"That's a lot of thinking for one day." She absently wondered if he'd actually figured something out, or was just being Clark. Mysterious as always.
"There's a lot to think about." He looked to the darkening sky once more. He had always thought his love for Lana had been celestial, epic even. Like it must have been written. That was why they couldn't help but be drawn to one another, even when they kicked each other in the teeth.
Except, when he looked back on everything, he felt more misdirected than star struck. After a 6 year long roller coaster of self-doubt, abject misery, and momentary happiness he could say that his feelings had been real, he knew that. But were they as intense as he had projected? Had she held his heart so vividly, painfully even? This he doubted.
When he had looked upon Lana for the first time, she held things for him that he was sure anyone would envy. He wanted to inspire that envy. He wanted to live outside the shadows in a life of reckless normal teenage abandon. He wanted to be normal, with the annual home coming queen on his arm. He loved her from the first moment he had laid innocent eyes on her.
But was that real? Could you fall for someone you knew nothing about? Clark wondered if that was why Vegas had as high a divorce rate as it did.
"Do you think I love Lana?" He made to catch her reaction, craning his neck to see her. Chloe's body language was half of the conversation. It was like having subtext to things neither of them dare say.
"Do you?" He gave her an imploring look, forcing her to answer a question she would otherwise gladly avoid. "Um…" She frowned thoughtfully. "Honestly Clark, it's really not my place to say—."
"Would you just answer?"
She sighed exasperatedly. "I think…I think that you still have feelings for her." Chloe took a seat on the old couch. She was missing the party for this? She really ought to get the best friend of the year award. "You guys loved each other for such a long time, especially you. You just can't turn that off. I can tell you from experience, that in time with enough encouragement, you will." He was lucky to have been hiding his face when she finished. That bit of knowledge surprisingly felt like a twisted knife in his side.
"So you think I loved her?" Her eyebrows shot up incredulously.
"What?" Chloe almost laughed. "Of course you did."
He shook his head at her discouragingly. "How can you be so sure?"
"Because, well… I just know, okay? You did." She dismissed him quickly as if he had said the most ridiculous thing ever.
But he was second-guessing that asseveration, just as he had been all day long. That alternate universe, in which he was powerless, Chloe was crazy, his mother was a Luthor, and Lana was his high school sweet heart, gave him an insight into his mind. What he had seen had been the key to everything and yet somehow it's meaning fell through the cracks. He'd still missed it.
He grabbed his desk chair and set it across from her.
"Do you remember the phantom that tried to kill me through my subconscious?"
"The mind prison guy?"
He nodded. "I had accepted the treatment only after Lana had asked me, begged me actually. She promised a life of ordinary and joy. We were destined to be together. It had been so tempting to take. I thought that I must have loved her a lot to want to give up everything I knew to be with her."
"And now?"
"If that was true why didn't I go with the treatment the first time she asked me to go back? Or even the second?"
"I don't know, Clark."
"Everyone told me I was crazy, I was wrong. But I knew who I was. When I was in a rough spot, about to be captured and brought back to the asylum, you found me."
"I don't know if I can explain." He paused. "I had no reason to even think you existed since everything else was explained away in my life. But I knew you would be there, just like I know that air will always be here to breathe. Invariable. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I think so." Chloe had always felt that way too. Whenever she needed help, even before she knew his secret, she almost anticipated his arrival. It was nice to know that he was the same, even though she didn't have any powers of her own to speak of. In a way, they were equals.
"When you pulled up in your car and we sped away together, I felt safe. You believed me, unconditionally. You gave me strength to fight what was starting to break me." He focused on his wrangled hands, dark memories plaguing him. "Lana came to see us later in the Talon apartment where you'd been laying low, under the radar of the Luthors. Lana tried to push me to go back with her, but with your support I was able to refuse. "
Clark stood, feeling an abrupt intangible tightness in his chest. The memory had been as fresh as it had been that night. Her blood all over his shirt, her breath slowing, and her lips losing their precious color. That had been a very difficult time to overcome. He had stayed awake listening for her heart beat 'til morning, afraid that if he closed his eyes, even for a second, he would wake up in that nightmare again. He couldn't help but end up at the Talon, because he needed to see her alive again. Because he needed to know she wasn't sprawled out a floor below with the life drained from her. Clark sat on the curb across the street for hours. The sun had long since risen by the time he'd extricated himself from the pavement and gone home.
He futilely cleared his throat.
"I-um…" He somehow found himself by the window again looking into its ominous face. Every time he came to this point of his understanding he became stuck. It was too hard to confront the possibility, the plausibility of her passing.
Aware of the choked tears in his voice, Chloe closed the gap between them. She rubbed his back gently, coaxing the final words of the story from him.
"Lana had brought two Luthor security guards with her to force me to go." His words were strangled and mostly fragmented. "You were so scared. They were faster than you, both of us."
"They pulled guns and…" He couldn't bring himself to say the words.
Luckily, she caught his meaning. "I was shot?"
He caught her eyes, feeling engaged by them. There was life there. The blue-green ocean held him ceaselessly and instead of the terror he saw a very different emotion in himself burn.
He broke again, "You died…" The true pain in each word struck her. "…right in my arms." And yet he'd never said anything all this time. She reached out and grabbed his rough tan hand squeezing it in hers.
Realization dawned. "So that's what the bear hug was for." He began slowly rubbing his thumb over their intertwined fingers. Her hands were so fair and delicate in comparison to his that it made her fragility more real, more urgent. It overwhelmed him and he compulsorily let her hand fall away from his.
After several more moments of silence he spoke again, finding the voice to tell her how this all fit into his feelings. "It was only after you had passed that I was completely lost. I was stubborn enough for it not to happen immediately but without you, I couldn't hold any longer. How could I ever continue on knowing I had let you down like that?"
"You didn't let me down. It sounds like I was protecting you."
"You shouldn't have needed to. If I was truly special I should have been able to save you."
"Then, next thing I knew, Lana was offering me the only way I thought I could be happy again with normalcy, with love, with a new destiny. So, I took it gladly."
"Now, do you think that's indicative of my feelings?" She considered it, but couldn't help remaining skeptical.
"There's a reason he used Lana, Clark, instead of me or Lois." There was a natural bitterness as she spoke these words. She hoped desperately that he didn't notice.
He did.
Clark allowed her to look at him again, sensing the metaphorical distance they shared. Even after all this time, Lana stood between them, obstructing their relationship on many levels. "Right, but not for what you think. Lana has alluded me, has been an undeniable desire of mine for years. Present her as the innocent, loving girlfriend and she can get me to do anything. Not because I love her, but because I can't have her this way in reality. In reality, Lana is far from my ideal." She was the girl he unwittingly fell for when he was too young to be too discriminating with his emotions.
"What are you saying, Clark?" Chloe took a step back, to get a better look at him. This conversation was going to dangerous places fast.
"I'm saying that I don't love her, I don't think I ever have."
Chloe scoffed. "You're Insane!" The physical space increased as Chloe walked away in frustration. This was too much. Rubbing at her temples was little consolation. It couldn't be true. She knew…She knew!
She had also once known that Clark was a normal Kansas farm boy.
"Why? If I loved her so much, why couldn't I open my mouth and tell her the truth? Why didn't I stop her from marrying Lex? I never trusted her enough, because I knew that deep down that the Lana I held up high on that pedestal didn't deserve it. The real Lana will be fine at a Luthor's side."
Chloe's head was spinning. This was like finding out that the universe did revolve around the earth or that gravity didn't exist at all. This was more striking than discovering that her best friend was an alien. There were so many implications; she didn't want to even begin. But one question kept pushing through to the forefront of her mind. 'Where does this put us?' Whether it was indirectly or not Lana had always been the one to put a stop to every attempt they had made. He had never been ready for her. Was that changing now? Was that why he told her this story?
"I don't know what I'd do without you, Chloe…You mean a lot more to me than you know."
He'd said those words the night he had returned from his Else World. Then again, he also declared that he was in love with Lana at the time, which apparently turned out to be a complete fallacy.
"What are you thinking?" Walking over to her slowly, Clark felt equal parts curiosity and uneasiness. She was by the railing of the staircase, bracing herself against it.
"So. Many. Things." Chloe trailed off entirely, leaving him to his own thoughtful interpretations. He stood behind her on the ledge leading to the staircase.
"I assumed today would be so awful, but aside from the confusion it really hasn't been." Her eyes were closed to him in an effort to suppress the surge of emotion building inside her. "It was hard to see her get married. I won't deny that." The change hit her in remarkable waves, pushing violently at the walls around her idle heart.
"But it was so childish. All of it." Clark found himself still talking to her back. He resolved to let her be for a while longer. "I was like a little stubborn boy who dreamed about becoming an astronaut. Believing so strongly that it was what was right for me, that it was the only thing that what would make me happy that I couldn't see any other possibility." Stepping down finally onto the landing, he approached her cautiously.
Clark placed a gentle hand on her shoulder to turn her to him. Her eyes were a varied storm of anxiety, hope, and despair. Consciously pinning her against the beam, he reveled in how wonderful it felt to stand together like that. His hand came up instinctually to push some of her stray hair behind her ear. Their gazes locked again, anticipation conquering both of them.
Caressing her cheek, he continued softly, "I'm just a little kid, Chlo. Realizing there's more in the world to see." He bent towards her most of the way, posing the final decision to her.
The kiss was tentative yet somehow also intense. It was a test. They were just getting their feet wet.
He pulled away and stared down at her reverently. "There's so much I've missed already."
Chloe thought of all the objections she had. For one, she was only half believing this new revelation about Lana and she was fairly certain that he was much more effected by the day than he let on. Then there was this whole implication about his feelings for her, which as far she was concerned was dubious on its own grounds. Especially without the needed accompanying explanation. Not to mention that getting involved with Clark had its own problems as well as the potential endangering of their 7-year long relationship. Finally, there was the little problem of her availability. Jimmy probably wouldn't be particularly happy if he heard about this.
All these rational reasons for protesting, yet somehow she, though rarely vocally challenged, couldn't voice a single one of them. Facing him, an invulnerable man made vulnerable by her, she knew she could not deny him.
She never could.
His head lowered then, as he trailed a myriad of tender kisses from her collarbone upwards, lingering in some places to take in her enchanting vanilla scent mixed in with her natural arousal. Today had shown him so many truths, but this one. This one he had known for so long and rejected. He deprived them this chance, out of stupidity and fear.
Now he sought solace in her.
His hands descended onto her lower back and traveled higher as hers clenched involuntarily in his shirt. Her soft expanse of skin felt heavenly under his fingertips. He really ought to have made a move sooner: much, much sooner. The heat of it increased exponentially as her mouth opened helpfully, allowing him unadulterated access. The sounds she produced were ineffably sexy and he was so aroused he could have taken her right there on the stairs. Though he didn't really think of himself as a ladies man, he could tell that by the way she was moving against him urgently, that he she really liked what he was doing. The banister creaked slightly at the unexpected pressure of their bodies, but neither noticed.
Clark was still afraid of the consequences this might bring. He was. But holding her, kissing her, all of her, made it all worth it. She was his best friend, his confidante. That had always been true. Even so, she was much more than that. She was his other half. The part that eagerly reminded him of his sense of humanity whenever he felt so alien. He was Kal-el of Krypton every second of everyday and his destiny was more far reaching than either of them could imagine. Chloe accepted that, in fact she embraced it with admiration and pride. She loved him absolutely and ran to him in his times of need. As did he for her.
They were an enduring team and nothing stood in their way. Anything that happened, he could face with her by his side. They were invariable. They were eternal.
Intellectually he knew that wasn't true. What had happened in his other reality was very possible. And one day, in the future, painful as it was to think about, he would have to face her death. It was inevitable. But he could still carry her with him. He always would.
She shivered beneath him, and he swore to protect her until that time, to enjoy every second he was granted with her.
Chloe tugged hastily at his shirttail until it came free. Grabbing both sides of his collar, she pulled the shirt apart, sending buttons everywhere. The way he watched her—his lips, red from use, his hair ruffled from being yanked, and his eyes dark with lust— made her melt. He recaptured her lips and their bodies pressed together closer than before.
The moment had been reminiscent of one of their many makeout sessions a few years ago. They had been sitting in the Talon—he on red kryptonite, she infected with an adrenaline parasite—playing an invisible game of strip poker. At the time he'd not been romantically invested in her, though she made it very clear that they differed there.
That made this moment entirely different. They were on the same page. Uninfluenced and uninhibited they could express their desire of lust and love. For once, he kissed her of his own accord, dictated by his own terms.
This was his statement. He is moving on. He's moved on. He is falling for Chloe. He's fallen for Chloe.
A deep ache inside her told how badly she wanted this, as she continually rubbed against him fervently. Her lips fell upon his chest, savoring the muscles that contracted under her caress. Internally, Chloe's suspicions were eating at her. 'What were we doing? Was he just seeking comfort?'
Moaning with pleasure, he broke her reflective thoughts. Clark spoke in punctuated gasping words. "Oh God, Chloe. I need you. I need you." There was something so desperate in the weight of his words that caused her to stop dead, where she'd been kneading his nipple between her teeth. He almost cried out at the loss. "Don't…Don't Stop." He hissed, eyes closing caused by the pressure to have her touching him again.
She pulled back, replying breathlessly, "Do you love me, Clark?" Normally, she would never have had the audacity to ask the question. Except now when her mind was so addled with sex that her tact flew right out the window. She would never leave herself so unguarded. She would never be so reckless. Immediately every nerve came to attention, in anticipated fear of his answer.
His eyes fluttered and then flashed open in surprise by her question. Clark had tried to put his emotions into something more tangible and concrete all morning. Everything was such a mess that he thought he never would. Though he managed to sort most of it out, where he stood with Chloe still posed difficulty.
No matter how hard he tried he couldn't come up with what to label it. It was so fierce and irrepressible. Yet it was sweet and gentle. He loved talking to her all the time and he passionately wanted to make love to her. There was so much, he felt like he needed her more than air sometimes. She suffocated him.
Chloe meant everything to him. His life, he couldn't live it without her.
There was only one word that could came close to describe how he felt about her. And even that wasn't enough.
He looked her straight in the eyes, allowing the words to come to him. She looked so frail and exposed then. Here she was offering her heart just as she had done so many times before. "You're the only woman I've ever…" His voice trailed off, sensing that Chloe would have trouble accepting it. "I know you won't believe me and to be honest I don't blame you." His hand came to rest above her left breast, where he guessed her heart was. "But I love you very much, Chloe Sullivan."
And that was enough to silence all her insecurities, after a moment of probing of course. She didn't dare tell him she believed him, but she did. Crashing into him with a renewed hunger that would have toppled over a human man, she kissed him harder than if the when the world was ending.
After a required break for air they resumed on the couch. They had sit and shared numerous memories here: years and years of platonic history. Neither of them could think of a better place to cross the line.
Coming to the loft hadn't been the plan, but somehow she'd ended up here. She didn't even know what she could say or what she would do. Would he even want to talk to her? Would he ever want to talk to her again? The endless questions rattled in her brain as she took each stride towards his barn, where they had spent so many nights. It was still hard to believe how things had ended up considering how they had started. They had once been so close.
Now, she was taking an extended leave from the bathroom to check up on her ex-boyfriend 3 hours after her wedding. Quite a Luthor she was already, given the length of the nuptials.
As she approached the old shoddy staircase she could hear the sound of two voices speaking in hushed tones at the head of the steps. Typically, she would have come back when he lacked company, but it was the company that interested her. Chloe was informed of whatever secret he had been guarding all these years and it was rare that she could ever come upon them this way, enraptured in such conversation. Giving her such easy admittance to private information would mean another clue to the whole mystery.
So she climbed a few more steps surreptitiously in hopes that she could catch a word, anything that might aide in her discovery.
Try as she might, they had ceased speaking all together now and Lana worried that they had already seen her advancing.
She took a quick peak at them to see if they were whispering softer or maybe—. The banister creaked and her thought never finished, as she found herself watching the two kissing. All the breath left her as she couldn't help but stare while Chloe removed his shirt and tossed it aside. She couldn't help but look on as he ran sweet kisses all over her. It was nauseating. She felt as if someone had viciously punched her in the gut. How? How did this happen?
A few stray tears left her as she turned away in pain. Clark hadn't owed her anything, but somehow the fact that he was with someone else so soon deeply bothered her. Why Chloe? Why was he able to share everything with her?
In bewilderment and genuine anguish she stalked out, reminding herself that Clark was an untold past she no longer needed to preoccupy herself with.
If only she could believe it.
The END