Jenseits von Gut und Bose (Beyond Good and Evil)
By: PhoenixJustice
Disclaimer: Supernatural is owned by Eric Kripke. I only own this story and make no profit from this.
Warning: M for future sexual content, mentions of incest, incest, language, violence, etc
Pairing: Dean/Castiel (mentions of Dean/Sam, Sam/Ruby, etc)
Setting: S4/after the ep where Anna is revealed to be an angel. Spoilers up to the episode.
Summary: It was hard to trust because people were so easily corrupted...he knew that all too well.
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Part One
Self Reflection
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You overstep your bounds.
And you need to remember just who and what I am. I am not the same as you, nor as others. I make my own decisions.
You are letting your heart rule you! You are an angel, God's Watcher; you should not interfere! And because of him, that lumbering oaf--
Hold your tongue. Do not try me. My patience extends only so far--
You are going down the path of the fallen, Castiel. It is only a matter of time.
I know what must be done, Uriel. I will never forget what must be done.
See that you don't. I'll be sure to watch and see. And if you overstep your bounds--
Only our Father may say what goes too far in this matter, not you.
Oh yes, because it is the precious Dean Winchester. You always loved to watch him--and here I was thinking that you were watching them both, but even I can be wrong on rare occasion, I suppose.
...That is none of your business. I Watch what needs to be Watched. Now leave me, I need to prepare.
...Remember what I said, Castiel.
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Letting go had been one of the hardest things that he had ever done. He couldn't look his brother in the face afterwards, but luckily Sam (always, always knowing what he needed) kept his distance and let him compose himself before Ruby arrived back, blood drying on her clothes from where she had been tortured by Alistair.
It was the damndest thing; here she was, a demon, and not only did Sam trust her, but even he hadcome to trust her...mostly anyway. He couldn't say he did a hundred percent because there were only two people in the world that he trusted that much and that was his brother Sam and Bobby.
It was hard to trust because people were so easily corrupted...he knew that all too well.
He gets in the driver seat and waits for Sam and Ruby to climb in before taking off, none of them talking as the car quickly goes up the road; him too caught up in his thoughts, as Sam appeared to be (and seemed to want to let Dean have his distance, which Dean was grateful) and Ruby was actually being quiet as well, though she looked between them curiously.
It was that way for awhile, until they reached the border of Kentucky to Ohio that someone finally decides to pipe up.
"So...any idea where we need to be heading next?" Asked Sam quietly.
Dean glances at Sam, but he was looking out the window. His heart clenches in his chest. He turns back to the road, wondering just how disgusted Sam truly was with him. What he thought. Anything...at that moment he wanted nothing to wrap his arms around him, gaze into those blue eyes, feel that press of skin, the flaps of his long coatclenched in his hands, wondering if he could feel the press of invisible wings--
He clenches hishands hard against the steering wheel, setting his jaw in a tight line. Where the hell had that train of thought come from? It had to be all the stress in such a short time, surely. Anna, seeing the Angels (him--), trying to keep them from getting her, keeping the demons at bay as well, worried about himself, worried that Uriel might really cast him back into the fires of Hell...no Castiel to raise him up then, (would he have another brand on his other shoulder if Castiel got him out of there? ...Would the man, the angel do that...?)getting closer with Anna in that short time frame. (There was absolutely no truth about the fact that he didn't let himself get close to her after he knew she was an angel, and in that pitch black dark, with an angel's grip on the brand on his shoulder he could pretend--)
"Dean!"
He jolts up, and it was only due to Sam's quick hands moving to the wheel that they don't crash head on with the semi up ahead of them. Sam lets out a sigh of relief and lets go of the wheel when they come to a stop on the side of the road.
Dean closes his eyes, taking in a few deep breaths.
"What the hell was that?!" Ruby said, leaning over for a closer look. "I know you're all upset because of your--"
"Ruby, that's enough." Said Sam.
"Little Angel and all, but we have bigger issues to deal wi--"
His eyes pop open and his hand was at her throat in an instant, with the Demons Bane* knife already digging in. She lets out a gasp.
"You wanna say that again?" He rasped, angrily, pushing the dagger in deeper. "Do you really? Just try me and see where it gets you."
"Dean! Ruby! That's enough, both of you!" Sam pulls Dean away from Ruby and she immediately sits back, rubbing at her throat. Dean doesn't fight when Sam takes the Knife from him.
"Dean...you're in no condition to drive right now. Let me drive." Dean starts to say something but gets interupted. "Please?"
Without another word, Dean gets out of the car and Sam scoots over to take the wheel. Dean gets in on the other side as Sam puts the car back in drive. He tried not to let the worry show on his face on how easily his brother let him drive his precious car.
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No human words could possibly explain the vividness, the colors, the textures, the sounds, everything that he saw through his eyes. Everything was different from an angel's perspective. He may have borrowed a body from a man, but the only entity inside of it was himself; the man's soul had passed upwards to Heaven after his great sacrifice. This was his body now.
He gazes down as he flies up above them, invisible. The hunk of metal they drove in, tiny in any other person's vision from this height, but so easily seen by him. He watches facinated at the play of emotions on Dean's face and feels sadness at Dean's sadness.
You still do not know your own self-worth, Dean...
Anna was wrong; Angels did feel emotions. At least some of them did...as he did. Uriel was afraid for (and angry at) him, saying that he Watched too closely at the Winchester boys...no, that he watched Dean too closely.
...Perhaps he did.
He had been Watching him for as long as he could remember, as the human saying went (though he never actually forgot anything). Ever since that special child had been born, Watching in horror and sympathy, unable to leave his post, as the special child watched his mother burn, from that day on watching over his younger brother, who was tainted in the cradle by Ezekiel. Watched him grow up; his first kiss, his first embrace, his first love, his second...Watched as he pleaded with his brother not to go away, to stay, one of the only times he truly pleaded for anything, his heartbreak as Sam leaves him. Watched as they get reunited, Watching as Dean comforts his brother over his loss of his beloved Jess, Watched as Dean comforts him with his words, his eyes, his lips, his body, watching their forbidden love unfolding once more.
All he had ever done was Watch.
It had been almost unnerving when he had to approach Dean for the first time.
You were...beautiful to look upon so closely. I had only ever watched from afar--seeing you close up was almost too much for me to take. You truly do not know how much you are wanted and needed--that you have self-worth and are more than deserving of love, our Lord God's, or otherwise...
He glides on, content enough at that moment to simply Watch, as he always did, than to intervein; the time would come soon enough...
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* = my own take on what the blade could be called
A/N: Well that's chapter one! Which I wrote like in...no time at all, lol. That episode when Anna was revealed to be an angel! Man! It hit like all of my buttons! Lol. All the Dean/Castiel-ness and Dean/Sam and everything else...geez! And yes, as you could guess from my '...that's chapter one!' That this is a chaptered fic. Not sure how long it'll be or anything, but we'll see where it goes! =D
I hope you all enjoyed this!
Let me know what you thought!
--PhoenixJustice