The Door to My Heart
Tamaki x Hikaru
This is wrong, I shouldn't be doing this. This is fake, these feelings. It's a Sunday and I'm on another date with Haruhi, and I shouldn't be. All I want is him, but I can't. But if I can't have him, no one can! That's why I'm on this date with Haruhi, to get her away from him. It is so wrong but I can't help it, I want him so badly it hurts. He is so beautiful, with his bright golden hair, smooth porcelain skin and slim manly figure. He is so perfect; he's kind, sensitive and romantic. I may not seem it but I love romance, not that I will tell any one that though. Haruhi is looking at some bracelets in a commoners market, it is very busy and it's hard to keep up where she is: it's getting irritating, being in this huge crowd. I must admit she is cute, with her forest green summer dress and her hair in pigtails. She is nice too and I hate to do this but I have to.
"Ne, Hikaru-san, do you like this?" she asks, while holding up a multi-green beaded bracelet,
"Hai! It suits what you're wearing," I try to sound as enthusiastic as I can. I don't want to be here, I want to be with him, my precious tono. She smiles at me and purchases the bracelet. She puts it on, looks at it a bit then continues to look around the market. I follow quietly behind her dreaming up different situations in which he and I can be together. I shake my head; I should be concentrated on the date. Not strolling on that little bit of hope. I look to see Haruhi with an annoyed look on her face.
"Did you listen to a word I said?" she questions, I admittedly shake my head,
"You asked me on this date, and yet you're not bothered about it at all, why did you even ask me?" she asks with her hands on her hips. Damn it, I screwed it up. How am I going to get out of this one?
"Urm, cause I wanted to spend time with you," I say meekly, yeah good one Hikaru, highly convincing.
"Well you sure don't seem like it!" Argh I can't take it anymore! My head is already pounding,
"Fine! I'm leaving," Goodness, I'm already at my limit as it is, I don't need her pushing me further. I leave her with a shocked face, it was rather sudden and totally unnecessary, but thinking of him and how I could never have him got me down slightly, along with the crowded place, made me lose it. I'm going to regret this at school tomorrow, I know it. I call Yuki, our butler, to pick me up and take me home.
I flop down onto our vanilla cream, silky soft bed and sigh into the velvety pillows. The door opens and Kaoru takes a seat next to me. I turn to face him, he looks worried. He rubs my back tenderly,
"Ne, Hikaru are you alright?" he asks gentle, I sigh again, he probably witnessed it, as well as the other host members, including HIM, damn!
"Yeah, I'm fine," he continues rubbing my back; it is rather soothing and does calm my tense self.
"Are you sure? I saw what happened today, that isn't like you. If you're worried about something you can tell me, you know that," I know I can, but I can't tell him this, I know what we do in the host club is considered worse but that's fake. This feeling is real, very real and that's totally different.
"I'm fine, just a little tired," I lie, I hate lying to him, it's like lying to myself. He lies down next to me and I cuddle up to him, he continues to rub my back lightly,
"Ok, if you say so, you should rest," Along with the rubbing and his soft breathing it lulls me to sleep. I hope tomorrow doesn't go too horribly.
This is not good, it's the end of the host club and I'm holding a note that was in my locker. It says to meet them in the 3rd music room after the club has finished and alone. Whenever a girl confesses, it usually both of us since they can't tell us apart, but this seems different, they also usually pick a different location, so it seems to me that it is one of the host club have given me this note. Most likely Haruhi about yesterday, I haven't spoken to her today or anyone but Kaoru for that matter. I leave the music room with Kaoru and wait until a few minutes away,
"Oh, damn, I left something in the music room, wait here and I'll be right back," I quickly tell my twin and rush back to the room. I quietly enter and look inside to see Tamaki the only one in the room. Tamaki? What's he doing here? Is he the one that sent the note? It couldn't be. I walk further into the room and he turns around with a slight angered look on his perfect face, one that certainly doesn't suit him and one I rarely see, and it's directed at me. Damn, what did I do?
"Did you send this note?" I ask him to confirm that he did,
"Yes, I need a word with you," he speaks quietly,
"How could you treat her like that! On a date too! That's despicable, how dare you treat my precious daughter in such a rude manner, you should go and apologize to her, she doesn't deserve such treatment!" so that's why he is angry, at me. I don't want him to be angry at me, I never meant for this to happen, I just want to be as precious to him as Haruhi is. I want to be the one to make him smile that dazzling smile, to be the one to make him blush, to be the one to receive such love he gives to Haruhi.
"I was tired, and wasn't thinking properly,"
"Damn straight you weren't! If you were going to act that way, why bother asking her!" he is truly angry, more so that I originally thought he would be. He must really treasure Haruhi; there is no chance for me that small hope in the back of my mind has gone to a dim flame, about to go out.
"'Cause… I did ok!" what a lame excuse, avoiding the question,
"That seems VERY convincing, do you even like her?" Damn! I haven't been directly asked if I do before, I can't admit I do, because I don't, what do I do!
"Err, well, urm…" I stutter. He narrows his eyebrows and glares,
"You don't do you, why trick her then," he asks while coming up to me, oh no, I'm cornered.
"I don't mean to trick her, she is nice and I sort of like her," I speak pathetically and VERY unconvincingly. If he keeps this up, I might break. I'm at my limit as it is and he is banging on the door right to a confession, and I certainly don't want that,
"Asking her on a date, shows to that person that you like them, and if you don't like them, that is trickery, why are you doing it?" he just busted that door wide open,
"Because I wanted to get her away from you!" I shout, while blushing, this built up feeling inside me is just spilling out of my heart, pouring freely, let loose for him to hear,
"What? Why?" he asks quietly,
"Because if I can't have you, no one can, I like you a lot Tamaki and I hate to see anyone else with you, so if I can't be that one person for you, no one can!" I quickly say and grip onto his collar and pull him into a kiss full of all the passion and love I can muster. Even if it's for only a moment, I want to feel his lips, imagine he is mine and only mine, love him like I want to. I pull away to see him flustered, panting and shocked. He is so cute; I could kiss him all over again. But I let go of him and leave. I don't regret the kiss, not for the life of me. It is just going to be hard to accept the rejection I'm certain to come. I need time to rebuild my heart and shut the door again. I need to build a wall around my heart to hopefully sustain the shattering of it, encase it so it stays together, easier for me to rebuild the pieces, so they don't fly in every direction, then I don't have to look for them or miss pieces out. I quickly meet back with Kaoru and grab his hand tugging him to the exit,
"Ah, Hikaru, what's the matter? What happened to you?" I think I'm still blushing and panting from running. I look down; I won't tell a soul what happened,
"Nothing, let's go," and then we both leave, with Kaoru asking me what happened.
It's been a few days since the kiss and I haven't really spoken to anyone, not even Koaru. It's been horrible, not being able to talk to him, to tease him like we used to. The kiss replays itself in my head constantly, taunting me to no end. It's making me go crazy. I'm packing up my stuff to leave, the host club has just finished.
"Ah Hikaru, were leaving already? Again?" Kaoru asks worriedly,
"I need to do some work at home," that's all I seem to be doing, trying to get my mind of it,
"But…" he trails off, it must be hard on him, he doesn't leave me, and we have left straight away the past few days, and he wants to stay,
"Hikaru-san," I hear my name being called and look to see it was Haruhi,
"Yes,"
"I'm sorry about the other day on our date, that was out of place, I shouldn't of acted that way," why is she sorry?
"Oh, no, I should be the one to apologize, I was the one out of place, I acted rudely and shouldn't of treated you that way, I'm sorry, I bed your forgiveness," and I was truly sorry, not only did it hurt her, but Tamaki as well, and I don't want to hurt him,
"Apology accepted," she smiles and I smile back. Least that got a little weight off my back,
"Ne, ne, Hika-chan, Haru-chan, come eat cake with me," little Hunny calls out while skipping over to us,
"Oh, I can't I should be…" I'm cut off as he grabs my hand and pulls me over to the table, which strangely doesn't have any cake on and no Mori either,
"Hikaru-san, I need to discuss something with you," Kyouya calls, I mustn't ignore him, he is AB blood type after all. I walk over to him and notice in the corner of my eye, the beautiful blonde looking out the window.
"Yes, Kyouya-senpai,"
"Oh, it seems I'm missing the documents, if you wait right here, I'll quickly get them," and he leaves. I look over at Tamaki still staring out the window. The sun kisses him and makes him glow; he looks angelic and so stunning. I look around to notice the rest are gone and it is only him and I. oh no, I must leave,
"Matte," he calls out with that charming voice. I stay were I am, quickly trying to finish the wall around my heart ready for the knife of rejection, that I know is going to stab me. He turns and I see that he has a calm look on his face. He slowly walks towards me. Come on, I need to finish it quickly, encase and bury my heart. He is now in front of me, and my heart is beating rapidly. Then it happens. He kisses me, and the wall around my heart melts. He is kissing me! Never would I have thought he would kiss me. It's a miracle, I am truly blessed. He pulls away and smiles, that dreamy smile of his, it makes my heart flutter,
"I like you too," he chuckles and wraps his arms around my neck,
"You know, you're cute when you're blushing," I snap out of my daze and smile brightly at him, while latching my arms around his waist. My heart is overflowing with happiness; I can't help but smile constantly. I nuzzle his neck and embrace him, never wanting to let go. We hear clapping behind us, and turn to see the rest of the club applauding,
"Omedetou," Haruhi says,
"Yay! Congratulations!" Hunny calls out,
"Yeah, congrats bro," Kaoru says while smiling,
"Thanks," I reply, I can't seem to think of anything else. I quickly realise what happened,
"Hey! You tricked me," I call out and everyone, including Tamaki sweat drops, what! I didn't realise!
"Well anyway, now they are together, how bout a date, ne, Haruhi?" my twin asks her, while place his arm over her shoulder. She blushes while nodding. Aww that's cute, but not as cute as my Tamaki, yes mine. I finally have him. After a long time dreaming, wishing for this to happen and it does, I can't think properly. I look at the perfect blonde to see him staring at me, blushing. He is just so cute! I kiss him again, with as much, or even more intensity as the first.
"Oi, get a room!" my twin calls out, we pull apart for a second,
"Oh we will," my lover replies, before returning to our previous exercise. One that I wouldn't mind doing over and over again. Forever.