Tears of Morning
By: PhoenixJustice
Disclaimer: Supernatural is owned by Eric Kripke, etc, I only own this story and make no profit from this.
Warning: T for language, slash, slashing an angel! (le gasp!), mentions of incest, etc
Pairing: Dean/Castiel (mentions of Sam/Dean.)
Setting: S4/Right after the ep when Sam meets Castiel.
Summary: "I understand how you feel, Dean. I truly do. I felt it when I shook his hand; why else do you think I hesitated? It's bad enough being even around him and I fear that you will soon feel that way too, as I do..."
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"I never asked for any of this. None. Why does it have to be me? Why am I so goddamn special? Hell, if anything, Sam would be the one to go to."
The man across from him doesn't speak, perhaps he was peeved at Dean's 'blasphemous' words? Who the hell knew anything that was going on anymore...
"Damnit, Cass, answer m--"
The sudden press of Castiel's lips against his was both a mixture of surprise as well as the most overwhelming feeling that he couldn't even begin to describe in words. Sam was the go-to guy for that sort of sappy crap, not him, but this--!
He pulls back, unable to keep shock from overtaking his face. Castiel's face looked solemn, as it most always did, as he sits back onto the other bed, except for a strange gleam in his eyes, but Dean could have been imagining that...
"I'm sorry, Dean, truly I am." Castiel said softly. "I...do not know all the reason for your questions, or most of them anyway. And Samuel is...tainted. He was tainted in the cradle by Ezekiel and even if he hadn't been...it wouldn't have mattered. It would have always been you who was chosen, not your brother."
He could still feel the pressure of Castiel's lips against his, that strange feeling inside of him, as he sat on the hard mattress of the motel room that he and Sam had gotten, a day or so after dealing with Samhain and all of that. The smell of sex could still be smelt, even though Sam had been gone for hours now and he had taken a shower. He wondered if the whole 'smiting' thing still applied to him, even with as 'important' as he supposedly was...
"You're free to take whatever pleasures you want, Dean; you have free will. Though it being your brother--"
He glances up at Castiel's face, glaring at him. "Get the hell out of my head. Don't you dare condemn me for that. No...condemn me if you want, but I will never be sorry that I love Sam--"
"Even if you sometimes feel shame about it? Not able to look down into his face--"
He stands up, fists clenched. "You don't know what the hell you're talking about."
Castiel stands up from the other bed and looks into his face, eyes flashing with emotion so strongly that Dean couldn't help but be reminded that behind the cool facade the man put up, he was an angel, and he had best not forget that.
"I don't? I know exactly what I am talking about, and you know it. You can't help the shame you feel. Not because he is your brother, but because sometimes you can feel that taint too, can't you? Feel it like a poison against your skin when he touches you, when you take him. And then you feel even more shame because you feel that way sometimes, and you can't help yourself." Castiel's face suddenly softens. "I understand how you feel, Dean. I truly do. I felt it when I shook his hand; why else do you think I hesitated? It's bad enough being even around him and I fear that you will soon feel that way too, as I do..."
"I wouldn't--"
"But you can. You might. Because of me. You and I are connected, Dean. That bond that led me to pull you out of Hell as easily as anyone ever has. That mark," he gestures to Dean's covered up shoulder where Castiel's handprint laid underneath. "Is proof enough of it. It could have even started before I pulled you out of Hell; I'm not sure."
"What are you saying? Like you pulled some psychic mumbo-jumbo and poof, I feel what you feel?" He asked sarcastically. "A bond? I mean, come on, I've seen some pretty weird shit in my time, but this? If it was real, we could make it a t.v show. 'Bonded by an Angel'. Sounds kinky." he snorts, crossing his arms, refusing to show any emotion, refusing to admit that he felt a reaction in him when Castiel said the word 'bond'. That kind of crap was for romance novels and Lifetime movies of the week; the kind of stuff that didn't belong anywhere in Dean's world.
Castiel takes a step forward and Dean has to keep himself from taking a step back...or forward.
"I didn't do anything to you. All I did was...watch you," Castiel admitted. And suddenly Dean found himself the one looking while Castiel looked away. "I watched you for so long. I...I didn't know that I would be the one to be in this position and that I would be the one to raise you from Hell. But I was asked by Him and I sometimes wonder if he knew my intent was so strong before I ever had an inkling of it."
"Castiel--" He stops, unsure of what to say, or if he could even think of anything. His heart clenched in his chest and he felt like the whole world had disappeared around him, and all he could see was the angel in front of him. "I...thought all of that, uh, 'touchy-feely' stuff was forbidden..." He was no good at this shit, this emotion; give him a busty blonde and he could make the right moves, get her into bed easy as pie, or hell, even Sam, but this was...
And just like that, after he spoke, Castiel's eyes lock onto his and he holds back a shudder.
"I am a different part of the usual angels; I was given free will. I was not forbidden from anything." He takes another step forward, bridging the last gap between them. "Least of all from you." He takes a hand and moves it down the side of Dean's face, making him gasp, eyes looking at him curiously as he does so.
He looks into Dean's eyes, seeming to hear Dean's thoughts once more. "...the body I am using? I think you misunderstood what I said. I was given a body freely by a man, but the face you are looking at is mine. Not many angels choose to do this, but I...I wanted you to see me and not a face that I was using, but was not mine."
"But why?" Dean asked desperately, unable this time to hold back a shudder as Castiel's hands pull off his jacket with ease, pulling his shirt off with the same ease. "Why me? I don't deserve it. You said it yourself; I fuck up (and I have many times) and you pull me back into Hell, not--"
Castiel shakes his head. "I was just angry and did not hold my tongue. I would never willingly put you back into that place. You're place is here; you're destined to do many great things. Dean," his hand wavers by the brand he had left on Dean's shoulder. "You are more than deserving and you have to know why; you feel it every time you touch my brand, don't you?"
Dean shakes his head weakly in denial, refusing to admit that he felt anything the times he sometimes would touch the mark. He lets out a shaky sob when Castiel touches the brand, feeling the small feeling inside himself magnified suddenly a thousandfold and he shudders into Castiel's touch, his mouth when he kisses him, coming and coming from that alone, such pleasure he had never felt in his life, unable to stop the shaking in the afterglow from the pleasure that seemed to never end, wrapped up in the angel's embrace.
"Tell me, Dean." Castiel's voice whispered in his ear. "Tell me now."
His eyes open and his voice was full of emotion, choking on it when he says the words--
"I love you, too."
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A/N: Well there it is! I've been wanting to do a Dean/Castiel from the moment Castiel appeared on Spn, like srsly, lol. But it never felt right, until now, to do one. I hope I pulled it off well. I always strive to keep as in-character as I possibly can, that and I'm a canon whore, lol. Yay a pairing on Spn besides Sam/Dean that I can really get into! xD
I hope that everyone enjoyed this!
Let me know what you thought!
--PhoenixJustice