Prologue:

I guess it was about two years ago now that my world cracked in to milions of pieces like a glass mirror. My life cracked slowly, though, and not fast and with the minimum amount of pain. I suffered the maximum amount of pain as each crack separately split, until eventually my entire life cracked to pieces. I had nothing left to hold on to. Nothing I wanted. My life slipped from my fingertips surprisingly easily, though painfully.

I was eleven when my world started spinning rapidly around me in dizzying speed. I lived in Arizona still. I had two of the greatest friends you could ever hope for. We would do anything for eachother. We were family. I was the oddball in the group though... I always have been. I guess you would consider me goth, though I wasn't. I guess you might consider me goth now, though. Anyway, my best friend, Jason, was probably the happiest, go-lucky kid you could ever find. He was funny, and happy.

Until his parents found out that they had to move to Colorado that summer. When he was told that, he turned quieter. Darker. He was pissed off more and more everyday. He wouldn't laugh or smile anymore. He never contributed to conversations. It killed me to watch him crack so painfully, and so obviously too. It would have helped if he had been able to cover it up. But Jason had never been able to do that well at all. Ever.

My world had spiraled down then, and came to a jerking halt that gaveme whiplash when one night we were in the park. Just hanging out, and simple words slipped out of his mouth that made me want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Three simple words that I used on a daily basis, but for different reasons.

"Sam, I'm suicidal."

Since then, I've never looked or thought about Jason the same way. I pleaded with him every day not to kill himself, I talked to him everyday, and I was afraid not to talk to him for a day, because I didn't know what might happen. My dad worked in the Coast Guard, so that summer when Jason moved to the cold, cruel, isolated town of Pagosa Springs, Colorado; I moved back to my hometown: Mobile, Alabama.

I hadn't been born there, but ever since I was two I had lived there until we moved to Arizona when I was eight. Anyway, I lost contact with Jason my seventh grade year. Everything in Mobile was going fine, so I never thought about it much. We were friends on Facebook, which he never really updated.

And then my mom died.

When my mom died a few months before school left out, everything changed. I was more resigned, more of a recluse. I went to school and that was all I really did outside. I stayed home. Played video games and read books and that was about it. I was looking through old photos one day, and I found a picture of me and Jason. Everything changed. I instantly grabbed my cellphone and went on Facebook. I found his number and texted him. I didn't hear anything for an hour or so, and then he texted back.

He texted back, and that was all I could ask for. My suicidal best friend was still alive.

We stayed in contact. He had changed alot. He was on weed. He was a juggalo. He fought and hurt people for fun. He cut himself. He was still suicidal. He had been charged for assault. He was nothing like the happy, carefree twelve year old boy I remembered.

But he was Jason, and he was alive. And that's all that I cared about.

Over the next year we continued talking, and we shared each other's pain. I became more distant at school, and I became more violent. I got suspended from school for cussing a kid out, which was a bunch of bullshit. And then I was expelled from that same school for beating a kid up. And then, as if it couldn't get worse, my dad died. He was on a flightin a helicopter one day, when it malfunctioned and crashed in the Gulf of Mexico. He died on February 15.

He died on my fourteenth birthday.

Things changed. I was thrown in to a foster family. Contact from Jason stopped. I feared the worste.

And then one summer morning, I got a call from his mom.

He had killed himself. He had made a noose and hung himself in his own room, but he had written me a letter.

Dear Sam,

Sorry things had to happen this way. You were the best friend a person could ever ask for. The worste part about this is that I love you. I mean, truely, honestly loved you. I haven't seen you for two years sure, but I know I love you. More than mere words on a slip of paper could ever hope to express. I don't know if you feel the same way or not, but I hope I was a part of all of that drama you said you had. My only regret with and for you is that we never saw each other after we moved.

Love, Jason.

What made this pain so much more acute and focused on me was the fact that I loved him too. I had realized it, but I had always wondered if it was fake or true. I hadn't known until then.

Things spiraled down worse from there. I tried taking my own life twice, and was thrown in to the asylum both times because of it. I hated my life. I wanted it to be over. I cut myself off from the world. I ignored all of my friends, and my family. I was moved to a different foster home, and then skipped between more until there were no more in or around Mobile. Only about a week ago did I find out I would be moving to Bathory to live in a different foster home.

So now my life, a living nightmare with no shards in my mirror left to crack. My body is just a living shell, holding the emptiness that used to be joy and happiness. I believe in the supernatural. I always have. I believe in aliens and ghosts, and I'm fascinated in mythology like vampires and werewolves. Sometimes in life I make a list in my head of truths, to discern myself from the world and thoughts that I'm not sure are true. Call me crazy I guess, but I could give less about what you or anyone else thought of me.