Disclaimer - None of the Voyager characters are mine. Any mentioned places or characters that are unfamiliar are mine.
Summary - One shot follow-up to Oh Starry Night. Harry Kim is trying to get past what happened on Rysaria. Tom tries to help him start on the right foot.
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Aftermath
Lieutenant Tom Paris was wandering the halls of Voyager. He was trying to find Harry and he tried the usual hangouts but to no avail. It had been a few days since he had last seen his friend and almost a month since they had left Rysaria. He had been around when Harry had his few narrow escapes from their crewmates. It was from these experiences that the lieutenant was slowly realizing that Harry was slowly secluding himself from everyone, including him. Tom wished he wouldn't have to resort to the computer to find him and hesitated for a moment.
"Computer…locate Ensign Harry Kim," Tom finally asked.
"Ensign Kim is in Holodeck 2," the computer responded.
Tom quickly made his way towards the turbo lift.
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After a few bypasses, the doors whirred open for Tom to reveal a lush forest with a clear night sky and a full moon illuminating everything around him. He gingerly stepped inside and hoped he would be able to find his friend amongst the lush foliage.
"Harry, are you there?" he called out.
He moved inward a few steps before noticing the ruffle of leaves nearby. He glanced to see a figure turn away from him and walk away into the brush. Tom narrowed his eyes, wondering if he wasn't imagining anything.
"Harry, is that you?" Tom wondered.
The figure ignored him and continued to trudge on through the trees. Tom quickly followed him until he reached a clearing. With the light from the full moon giving him enough illumination, Tom glanced around to see if he could find his friend. His shoulders slumped once he found Harry hovering near the edge of the tree line, hunched over in mid de-transformation.
"Harry…" he began.
"Stay out of this Tom," Harry rasped.
"No, I won't, Harry. You're my friend and you're going through a hell of a time right now," Tom gently replied.
As he got closer, the dark patches of fur slowly disappeared to reveal the human skin that hid from view. Tom had to swallow the bile forming at the back of his throat. Taking a quick look around, he found the blanket sitting on a nearby rock and covered his friend's nude form. The whimpers emitting from Harry were breaking Tom's heart as the fur slowly, and completely, vanished. Harry crawled away from his friend to a nearby tree and sat down, a shaking hand sitting over his face.
"Tom, I-I don't know why you're here. I'm not the same man I used to be," Harry croaked.
"But you're still my friend Harry. I can't believe that you would try and go through this alone, despite what I've already told you! I can't imagine what you're feeling right now!" Tom protested.
"That's right Tom, you can't imagine the myriad of emotions swirling through my mind right now," Harry shakily replied.
"I would - if you just tell me. You know anything you tell me won't go past these doors," Tom protested.
Harry hesitated as he thought about the request. A gentle breeze passed through the trees and Harry visibly shivered from it. Tom gently made his way to his friend and placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Harry - I'd like to know so I can start to help you get through this. You've been very resisitant to any and all help offered to you ever since we left Rysaria. If I were in your position, I would be pretty upset myself. You know I'm upset enough as it is with what I've already done to you," he started.
The ensign turned towards his friend, the dark circles sitting underneath his eyes. He pulled the blanket around his body, which continued to shiver despite the warmth surrounding them.
"You really want to know how I feel Tom?" he wondered.
Tom nodded, leaning forward to hear whatever answer his friend decided to give him. Harry gave a deep sigh, biting his lip before shaking his head slightly.
"Honestly Tom, there are times I feel extremely violated. Ekaterina attacked me, forced me to become her mate and then proceeded to get herself impregnated - by me. She's having my children, Tom, my children. Yet there are times I feel so sorry for them since they are so close to extinction," Harry explained, the emotions laced through his voice. "I can't even begin to tell you about when we had the sex.
"Try me. It's not like I haven't seen you have sex with her before. The fact I was forced to watch you still haunts me a bit," Tom prodded.
Harry took a moment, giving a deep sigh before continuing.
"She made me feel sensations in places I never thought possible. I even remember feeling complete when I was with her," he finally said.
Tom couldn't help but give a small laugh, a smile starting to cross his face. Harry couldn't imagine what his friend was thinking.
"What's so funny?" he finally asked.
"You. You've always been interested in the women that continue to escape your clutches. A hologram, the wrong twin, an ex-Borg, the alien werewolf..." Tom began to count off.
Harry snorted and a wide grin slowly crossed Tom's face. The smile faded as soon as Harry turned his attention elsewhere.
"Harry, please don't do this to me. I'm only here to help," Tom pleaded with him.
"I've heard that offer so much lately. More than what I care to remember. No one can help me now. In the end, I've realized that I have been changed into little more than a monster Tom! A monster!" the ensign cried out.
Tom recoiled at the words as Harry doubled over until he jammed his head between his legs and grabbed his hair in bunches. Sobbing began to emit from his mouth and Tom began to shake his head. Placing a hand on his friend's back, he tried to look at him in the eyes.
"Harry, listen to me! Please don't talk like this! You've become a changed man, maybe, but not a monster," protested Tom.
Harry jerked his head back up to stare at his friend, the depression within him threatening to surge forward. In Tom's eyes, it looked like Harry was on the verge of a complete mental breakdown.
"Do you really think so? Because I don't. I can barely control the transformations as it is. You know I'm off work until further notice but I will never be able to do Ops again. I simply can't do it anymore. People I have always worked with before have already begun to look at me with contempt. B'Elanna doesn't look at me the same way anymore. Maybe I should just get the captain to drop me off on the nearest Class-M planet and have the Rysarians come get me," Harry admitted.
Tom recoiled at the suggestion and he inadvertently allowed his body to show it. Harry quickly took notice and he stood up, shrugging the blanket off along the way. He strode into the clearing for all to see and faced Tom, who averted his eyes as to not stare at his friend.
"Look at me Tom," Harry ordered him.
When Tom didn't listen to his request, the anger flared up from the depths of his stomach.
"Look at me!" the ensign screamed at him.
Tom finally obeyed to observe his friend in all his glory.
"I'm looking, Harry, what exactly do you want me to see?" Tom barely managed to calmly ask him.
"That's exactly what I want you to tell me. What do you see?" Harry replied.
Tom gave a deep breath, giving his friend a one over. He knew that whatever he would say next would be scrutinized in any way he could possibly think of. He thought about his words extremely carefully before opening his mouth.
"I see a man, Harry. A man who recently went through a hell of an experience. One that certainly changed him a great deal more than desired," Tom quietly managed to say.
"Is that what you see? That's not what I see. I see someone that can't be trusted anymore. I'm afraid of transforming and unintentionally harming one of my crewmates. I also have these urges within my body. Ones that you have no idea how difficult it is to control," Harry told him.
He began to pace back and forth in front of his friend. Tom carefully watched him, hoping he wouldn't to do anything too drastic.
"I was also lucky that it was you who came in looking for me. Anyone could come walking in on me and find me like you did. What if, the next time, it's a female crewmember? I'm mortified as it is knowing exactly who had a glimpse of what Ensign Harry Kim looks like underneath that uniform," Harry replied, gesturing to his body. "It's bad enough that the captain was the first one to find me like this."
Running his hands through his hair, he glanced up at the full moon and took security in its presence. Tears began to form within his eyes and slowly began to fall down his cheek. Tom cautiously climbed to his feet and sighed as he watched his friend. He walked over to Harry and leaned in closer to him.
"Don't do this to me! I see a man Harry and yes, he's gained a bit of a disability. I also see that he's allowing it to hinder his performance and thus preventing him from healing emotionally. But if he allows this new 'gift' to mature and grow, and with a little help from those who care about him, he might be able to change that disability into an ability," Tom quietly told him.
Harry turned his stare downward for a moment before turning to fully face his friend. The tears were streaming down his face now. His knees buckled beneath him and Tom barely managed to catch him before he fell to the ground. Carefully lowering his friend, Tom found that Harry now held his uniform in a death grip. Tom gulped as he listened to the sobbing emit from his friend and decided to give Harry a few more minutes with his sorrow. The lieutenant gazed up at the moon, its brightness ever calming.
'I see why Harry decided to choose this setting,' he thought.
He gazed over the trees surrounding the clearing before turning his attention back to his friend. He gave one last sigh before staring upwards.
"Computer, end program," he quietly said.
All the trees disappeared, leaving behind a cold, stark room. Gently tapping on his combadge, Tom eyed Harry every moment he spoke.
"Transporter room, two to beam directly to Ensign Kim's quarters," he told them.
"Affirmative," came the response.
The two materialized on the floor and the lieutenant soon found that the ensign had fallen asleep in his arms. Carefully removing himself from his friend's grip, he made his way over to the bed and grabbed the blanket and pillow. Placing them around his friend, Tom gently squeezed Harry's shoulder one last time.
"Have faith Harry. You can get through this. I know you will," Tom sighed.
The End