A/N: As the title suggests, here is a Natan oneshot to help me get out of my writer's block induced rut. I wrote most of this at midnight, so if you find mistakes that's why. I needed to post something before I go completely inactive. So I guess all there is left for me to do is to shut up and let you read.
Disclaimer: Now I find these pointless. Don't the owners have better things to do than sue a sugar-addicted 13 year old girl? Come on Rick, Linda, etc. Get a life!
Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong. Ding dong.
"Amy! Would you answer the damn door already?!" Dan called from the living room where he was trying to watch one of his favorite shows: Whack-Jobs Caught on Tape.
Amy burst into the room, "Dan, you really shouldn't say words like that." Dan rolled his eyes in a typical good-natured Dan way, "C'mon, Amy. Just because you don't say them doesn't mean I can't."
Amy crossed her arms, "Dan. You're twelve. Way too young to say stuff like that." Dan groaned and rolled his eyes before getting over it and grinning, "Whatever. Get the dang door." Amy smiled slightly, "Better."
Amy walked hesitantly over to the large double doors that were the entrance to their mansion in Attleboro. Dan, uninterested in Girl Scouts or whoever the hell (Ha. Amy couldn't control his thoughts, now could she?) it was.
"Uh, Dan? You may want to come over here. Like now," Amy called. Something about the urgency in her voice kicked Dan's Brother Mode on. Even though Amy was older, Dan felt slightly protective of his sister. No matter how much he wished they could live on separate continents.
He strode over to her in a bored way, ready to face the demon Girl Scouts. "Look, we don't want any cookies. There's a fat guy who lives nearby, I'm sure you'll make loads of money off him," he was saying before he stopped dead.
Two teens were standing there. One boy and one girl. Both had cinnamon-colored skin and thick black hair, complemented by unnerving amber eyes.
"Are you sure you don't want to by cookies? They're laced with cyanide. Free of charge for you, Daniel," the girl said, smirking.
"Oh God. You have got to be kidding me," Dan groaned. The girl, Natalie, rolled her eyes, "I wish. But poor love-sick Ian insisted we waste money on plane tickets down to this little house to talk to your peasant sister."
"No, no, no, no, no, no!" Dan exclaimed, thoroughly horrified at the appearance of the infamous Cobras. Natalie and Ian Kabra: his arch nemeses. Him and Amy's worst enemies during the clue hunt. No, no, no.
And poor Amy looked like she was going to have a heart attack. She just stood there, mouth wide open, staring at them.
"What's the matter?" Natalie asked innocently, standing in front of her, "Never seen anyone beautiful before?"
"Oh shut up, Cobra," Dan interceded.
"Don't call me Cobra, peasant," Natalie growled, reaching in her purse for what was no doubt a dart gun.
"Don't call me peasant. I'm richer now, remember?" Dan responded bravely, knowing Natalie was going to attempt to murder him.
Oh, and attempt she did. She literally tackled him to the ground, clawing and punching as they fell. Dan, of course, did the logical thing and fought back. One of them would've died eventually, but Ian stepped in.
"Natalie, please, not now," he almost begged. Dan stopped momentarily and glanced at him. Geez, what got Cobra so out of character? he wondered. Natalie, with a sigh of regret, stopped trying to murder the helpless American boy.
For a second they just stood there, staring at each other. They were kind of caught in the moment, with Natalie lying on top of Dan.
"Oh... ahem... er... umm," Natalie said as she slid off of him and stood up, holding her hand out for Dan. Dan took it, taken aback by her sudden gesture of kindness.
Not that Amy and Ian noticed. They were too busy having an intimate stare-off.
"Oh good Lord get a room!" Natalie exclaimed, covering her eyes in case they started making out right then and there. Dan, who also noticed their... er... stare-off, started making fake barfing noises.
Natalie giggled, much to her alarm, while Amy and Ian turned and glared at him.
"Oh shut up, Dan!" Amy exclaimed, waving her arms in wild gestures. One of which hit Ian in the face.
"Ow!" he exclaimed before clutched his probably insured face. "What the bloody hell was that for?!" he yelled.
Amy's eyes widened, "Oh, God, Ian! I'm so sorry! Here! Let me get you some ice!" Then she grabbed his wrist and led him to the kitchen.
As soon as they were gone Dan turned on Natalie, "Why the hell are you people here? Haven't you tormented us enough?"
She gasped, clearly taken aback by his harshness. But, being the Kabra that she was, stood her ground.
"Daniel. My brother flew me 8,000 bloody miles to come to this damn country so he could apologize for being... what is it you say? An idiot, an ass, a jerk, any of them work. So don't you yell at me for being here when I sure as hell don't want to be!" she yelled.
Dan huffed angrily. Natalie put her hands on her hips, clearly expecting an apology. An apology she sure as hell wasn't getting. Instead he held out his hand.
Natalie raised a questioning eyebrow. "What? I'm offering a temporary-nonbinding-strictly-for-the-purpose-of-n ot-being-bored-while-our-siblings-make-out-or-some thing-truce. Nellie and Fiske are away on Madrigal business, the Starlings are off giving lecture in Europe, and I'm bored as heck. So, what do you say?" Dan stretched his hand closer.
Natalie hesitantly shook it with a distrustful look, "Just until they're done. Then we go right back to hating each other." Dan nodded as if that were obvious.
"Brilliant. Now. Is there anywhere we can go to spy on them?" Natalie asked. Dan grinned. At least they had one thing in common: they both loved screwing with their siblings lives.
'Yeah," he said, taking her wrist and leading her through the mansion, "if we go out to the backyard through the living room we can look through the glass door into the kitchen." Natalie, not having a better plan, shrugged and followed him.
Sure enough, just a living room, glass door, right turn, and another glass door away way the kitchen, complete with an intimate Amian (that was the word Natalie came up with to describe them) moment. They hid against the wall, crouched low to the ground as they watched them talk.
"Okay, what'd you bug Ian with?" Dan asked eagerly. Natalie glanced at him, question in her eyes.
"What do you mean by, 'What did you bug Ian with'?"
"Well, you knew he was going to do his Ian thing to get back on Amy's good side, so I just wanted to know what you bugged him with. You know, so we can hear them?"
Natalie smacked her forehead. Dan glanced worriedly at her, "You didn't bug him, did you?" She shook her head in an I-feel-so-stupid way.
"Oh you have got to be kidding me!" Dan exclaimed, repeating Amy's wild gestures. Natalie shook her head and shushed him to protect them from Amy and Ian's wrath if they were caught spying.
"Ugh. Well, I guess... we... could... use our imagination?" he offered. Natalie looked up and tilted her head slightly to the side, confused.
"Okay, so Amy and I used to do this at restaurants when we got bored. Whenever Ian talks, I'll guess what he's saying and repeat it out loud. You do the same for Amy." He looked pretty excited.
"Or I could read their lips," Natalie suggested. Dan pouted. "Aw, where's the fun in that?" he whined. Natalie, rolling her eyes, said, "Fine. Let's do it." She focused on Amy, trying her best not to read her lips.
"Oh, Ian. You're so hot and gorgeous and I'm just too nervous to do anything but stare intently at this icepack like I'm having a debate with it," she mimicked.
Dan snickered.
"Oh, Amy. I'm such a love-sick alien. I love the way you're fiery red hair billows in the breeze, and how your jade-green eyes sparkle as you obsessively think about my butt."
Now Natalie was giggling.
"Ian. Even though you're perfection like your sister and I'm just a color-blind average-looking girl, I'm in love with you! We can get married in France and have children named Ranford and Dixie."
Dan bit his lip to hold it in.
"Amy. I long to marry you and have Ranford and Dixie! Ranford can have your eyes and Dixie can have my butt!"
Natalie clenched her lips as tight as humanly possible. Tears were forming in her eyes.
"Ian! If only we had made up sooner! I love you and Ranford and Dixie already! But I don't want them to have my eyes, just your butt."
They held on to each other to keep from screaming, rolling over and crying from how hilarious it was.
"No! They need your eyes! My butt is fat and lumpy!"
"My eyes are dull and unappealing!"
"Lumpy."
"Dull."
"Lumpy."
"Dull."
"Wait. They can have both!"
"Oh Ian!"
"Oh Amy!"
As if on cue Ian and Amy both stood up and practically swallowed each other. As soon as they were certain neither Amy nor Ian was paying any attention to their surroundings, they both burst out laughing.
For ten minutes both Dan Cahill and Natalie Kabra, once worst enemies, rolled around on a patio while laughing at something they did together. It was like the universe decided to give all of us a break and let them be happy for once. Then, of course, one of them had to go and ruin it.
Natalie jumped up, and Dan had to cover her mouth to keep her from screaming.
"What?!" he whisper-yelled.
"Look at my dress!" she screamed, scrambling to furiously wipe all of the dust and dirt that had stuck to the dress when she rolled around with Dan.
"Geez, Natalie, chill. Let's go inside and try to clean it," Dan said. Natalie nodded, tears forming in her eyes. He led her into the kitchen, where Ian and Amy had mysteriously disappeared from, and got her some wet paper towels.
She immediately snatched them up and furiously scrubbed the dress. Which, of course, only made things worse. When the stains continued to get larger she crumpled and started crying.
Geez, is this what hormones are like? Who the hell decided puberty would be a good idea? Dan thought.
"Uh, Natalie? Why are you so upset? Can't you just buy another one?" he asked. Which of course caused all Hell to break loose.
"NO DANIEL! I CAN'T JUST 'BUY ANOTHER'! IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, NOT ALL OF US WERE TAKEN IN BY OUR RICH UNCLE AND GIVEN MANSIONS BY OUR RICH GRANDMOTHERS! THIS DRESS COST 4OO DOLLARS! AND IAN WASTED ALMOST HALF OF OUR REMAINING MONEY ON THIS BLOODY PLANE TICKET SO HE COULD APOLOGIZE TO YOU STUPID SISTER! NOW I'LL HAVE TO WEAR THE SAME CLOTHES TWICE! TWICE DANIEL! I'LL BE BRANDISHED AS UGLY AND TREATED LIKE A PEASANT!" she screamed. Then she resumed throwing her tantrum.
"Nat... uh... Natalie?" Dan asked hesitantly. When she ignored him he clapped his hands in front of her face and yelled, "NATALIE!"
She stopped screaming and glared at him.
"What?" she snapped.
"Two things: 1. You're overreacting. I'm sure no one will notice if you wear the same clothes twice." She opened her mouth to protest, but Dan stepped closer and put a finger to her lips to silence her.
"Two. You could never be considered ugly," he stated. She looked at him, confusion growing in her eyes.
Then, before either of them knew what they were doing, Dan leaned forward and kissed her. The kiss wasn't as needy and urgent as Amy and Ian's was, but it was a kiss nonetheless.
Gradually they broke apart, staring into each other's eyes. Dan's arms were cupping her face, while Natalie's were around his neck.
"What the hell did we just do?" Natalie asked.
Dan shrugged and gave a cocky smirk, "Well, unless my memory deceives me, I believe I just kissed you."
She rolled her eyes and swatted him lightly on the chest, "Idiot."
He rolled his eyes back, "Cobra."
Then they let go and stood there awkwardly. "So... what now?" Natalie asked. Dan shrugged and sat down.
"Maybe we should pretend this never happened," Natalie suggested, sitting in the chair next to him. Dan nodded absentmindedly. There were a few minutes of awkward silence.
"So... sorry about your dress," Dan offered, breaking the ice.
Natalie nodded, "Sorry about my tantrum. And for everything I personally did during the clue hunt."
They looked at each other then, completely shocked and what she had said. And here Dan thought Cobras didn't apologize. Wow.
"Maybe I should go. Hopefully Amy and Ian will be done soon and we can head back to England," Natalie said, standing to leave.
But Dan grabbed her wrist. "You don't... necessarily... have... to... go... quite... yet..." he blurted out awkwardly. She gave a half smile and sat back down. More silence.
"So, what do we do now?" Natalie asked, fiddling absentmindedly with the braid hanging across her shoulder.
"Well, I personally would like to kiss you again. But only if you want t-" Dan was cut off by Natalie kissing him. Wow. That was easy, he thought before all rational thoughts fled from his brain.
Natalie absentmindedly ran her hands through Dan's thick blond hair as he pulled her onto his lap. They kept kissing for a couple minutes before they weren't interrupted by Ian and Amy screaming, "DAN?! NATALIE?! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!"
They broke apart and turned to look at them, Natalie still in Dan's lap. Dan groaned, "Now she curses." Natalie gave a small snicker.
Amy and Ian, clearly disgusted, shook their heads and left the room. "And they said we need a room?" Amy asked.
A/N: Not terribly good, but enough to get me writing again. Adding to the Natan archive, one story at a time. So, how was my first oneshot? Terrible? Okay? Bearable? Let me know! I'm expecting reviews, because I know there are plenty of Natan shippers out there. And yes, I couldn't help but bring Whack-Jobs Caught on Tape from Who Says the Sixteenth Birthday Can't Be Sweet? For those of you who haven't read my other story, Isabel is featured on that show as "Blue's Clues Kabra." Enough said. I want someone to create this show. Like, seriously.
Well, that's all for now, folks! (Ah, Looney Tunes...)
-Emory
