After my mind running wild with the horror of what my fellow

Hilson fans everywhere may be subject to over the coming four

episodes, I felt the need to self-indulge in a bit of Hilson fanfic...

inspired by one of my fave scenes from 'Friends' :D this is only

a short fic written one evening, don't worry, I'm flitting back over

to 'Calls Me Home' now :D Enjoy! xxx

-[H]-

'Wilson needs eye drops.'

This really quite obvious statement reverberated around the DDX room with the usual, two hours late, flamboyant entrance of House, effectively putting an end to the early morning differential that was going on between House's three fellows as a result of the new case that had been thrust upon them at the ER's insistence.

'And so it begins,' muttered Foreman nonchalantly, the hint of a smirk on his lips the only giveaway of his amusement at the ongoing saga that was the two Department Heads as he carried on studying the notes.

Why they didn't just come out with it and admit their repressed love for each other, he'd never know.

'We kind of gathered that from Wilson's gammy eye,' observed Chase absently, idly flicking through the patient file he still had in his grasp and purposefully not giving his boss the satisfaction of his piqued curiosity.

'Surely he's got some by now?' asked Cameron, her ever present concern pulling her attention away from their patient for a moment as she looked up to House, who, worryingly, had that look on his face…

She wouldn't be surprised if he'd swapped Wilson's eye drops for hot sauce.

Neither, it seemed, would Chase.

'Are we about to hear Wilson yelling from next door thanks to some stupid prank you've managed to pull off?' he questioned seriously, as concerned as Cameron was now for their endearing Head of Oncology thanks to the quite frankly devious expression House was now facing them with.

'House,' warned Foreman, finally dropping the patient file to lean back in his chair and observe the madman he worked for.

'I'm hurt that you'd think me capable of such cruelty against my own BFF,' remarked House sarcastically, knowing full well that he'd done far worse in the past and limping to the coffee machine to pour himself a cup, 'when what I actually plan to do is tackle him to the ground in a frenzied ambush to put the bloody drops in myself. Wilson's being an ass.'

'Let me get this right…' concluded Foreman slowly, 'You want to jump Wilson? Because he's scared of eye drops?'

'Yep.'

'And you need us to help you pin him down… 'Friends' style,' finished Chase incredulously, the case now lying forgotten on the glass table in front of him.

'That would be a fairly accurate assumption, given the fact I'm a cripple.'

'You can't be serious,' questioned Cameron, somewhat naively, knowing already as she helplessly looked from House, to Foreman, to Chase and finally back to House again that, actually, he really was.

'Actually, I really am,' echoed House, taking his seat at the head of the table and taking a swig of his coffee before continuing, 'You see, it's quite simple – Wilson whines. Even in peak physical condition, Wilson will insist on whining. You can imagine what happens when you throw an infected, oozing eyeball into the works… it's a turn-off, to say the least.'

'Oh, how my heart bleeds,' muttered Foreman, turning his attention back to the patient file to get on with the job they were paid for, thoroughly used to House's inane commentaries concerning Wilson, commentaries that usually ended up taking precedence over their patient, a person who would most likely end up dead in the next few days if the team didn't get down to the Doctoring business of saving their life.

That somewhat important fact, however, seemed to evade House at the slightest distraction, distractions that always concerned Wilson in some form or other.

It seemed that today was no exception.

'My ears are bleeding,' shot back House, sounding ever more childlike in his argument as it wore on.

None of them would have been surprised if he'd stood up to stamp his foot then, frustrated as he was.

'Look, are you going to help me, or what?'

'Fine,' sighed Chase, draining the rest of his coffee, only to find himself subjected to the indignant glares of his two fellow team members once he'd put his cup down.

'What? He's only gonna carry on moaning if we don't help him, and Wilson's eye isn't going to heal itself. We could be back here in ten minutes to get on with this differential if we don't hang about.'

'Now that's the spirit I'm looking for,' exclaimed House pointedly, the belittling look he shot Foreman then nothing short of disgusted.

Foreman sighed, wondering where the fuck he'd gone wrong in med school to end up in this stupid situation, and looked at Cameron.

'I'm in if you are.'

She looked torn.

'Can I just point out here that you'd be doing this for the greater good?' declared House, turning on the doe eyes as he reeled her in with well-practiced skill, 'Think of the people you'd be helping, the lives you'd be changing… little old moi, freed from the fiery hell that is Wilson's grating voice… dear Wilson himself, freed from the agony of an itchy, gunky eyeball… Wilson's patients, their chances of survival currently halved thanks to him being able to see properly out of only one eye instead of two, our Head of Oncology able to see on a scan only one lung, one kidney… one breast in an examination… whatever happens to be on the right. Just think of all the nasty tumors running riot through his baldy kids 'cause they were on the left side of the scan, the side that he was blind to-'

'Oh God, alright, I'll help!' laughed Cameron, knowing he was spouting absolute crap but giving in anyway as Chase had done to just to get this over with, the grin on House's face smug as he heaved himself up to lean on his trusty cane, looking thoroughly forward to this.

He'd gotten all three of his fellows on board with this plan… it couldn't fail.

And Wilson wasn't going to know what had hit him.

-[H]-