So, this is written in SCRIPT format, at least, as best as I could without looking up script format. FYI: I own nothing that you recognize, and not even half of what you don't.
Note: CS is 'center stage.' SL is 'stage left' (from the actor's point of view). SR is 'stage right.'
The stage is set. Odd, somewhat annoying MUSIC in the background. Implied setting is BOYS' DORMS at HOGWARTS.
Hand lettered SIGN enters center. Reads THE POTTER PUPPET PALS.
Exit sign.
Enter second, smaller SIGN TWO.
Camera zooms in and the sign can be read. Reads IN… THE MYSTERIOUS TICKING NOISE.
Exit sign two.
Enter Snape CS.
TICKING NOISE can be heard in the background.
SNAPE (30s): (Looking around in a paranoid fashion) What is that mysterious ticking noise? (looks SR) Not over here… (looks SL) not over there… (CS again) kind of… catchy.
Snape 'bops' along to the beat.
SNAPE: (dancing, if it could be called that) Socks, socks, darning my socks. Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Dumbledore pops in for the briefest of moments to Snape's right.
DUMBLEDORE (old): Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
SNAPE: Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
SNAPE: Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore. Enter Ron FSR.
RON (teens): (overlapping w/ Snape) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ Ron) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
RON: (overlapping w/ Snape) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ Ron) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore. Enter Hermione SL.
HERMIONE (teens): (overlapping w/ others) It's grimy! (slight pause) It's grimy!
RON: (overlapping w/ others) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ others) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
HERMIONE: (overlapping w/ others) It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.
RON: (overlapping w/ others) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ others) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore. Enter Harry Potter.
HARRY: (overlapping w/ others) Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!
HERMIONE: (overlapping w/ others) It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.
RON: (overlapping w/ others) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ others) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
HARRY: (overlapping w/ others) Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!
HERMIONE: (overlapping w/ others) It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.
RON: (overlapping w/ others) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ others) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
Enter Dumbledore.
DUMBLEDORE: Underwear!
Exit Dumbledore.
HARRY: That's me!
CUT TO: Harry and Snape face each other CS. Their argument starts out heated and becomes violent.
HARRY: Hairy!
SNAPE: Socks!
HARRY: Hairy!
SNAPE: Socks!
HARRY: Hairy!
SNAPE: Socks!
HARRY: Hairy!
SNAPE: Socks!
Enter Dumbledore (no longer wearing his robes A/N is anyone else confused by his nudity?) from between Harry and Snape. Dumbledore's entrance pushes Harry and Snape offstage.
DUMBLEDORE: UNDERWEAR!
Enter Hermione SR.
HERMIONE: (leaping towards SL behind Dumbledore) Iiiiiit's Grimy!
Original cadence resumes, but with Dumbledore permanently onstage.
HARRY: (overlapping w/ others) Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW! Hairy Armpits. EW!
HERMIONE: (overlapping w/ others) It's grimy, it's grimy, it's grimy.
RON: (overlapping w/ others) Big, bold, bad soup stains!
DUMBLEDORE: (overlapping w/ others) Underwear!
SNAPE: (overlapping w/ others) Socks, socks, darning my socks.
REPEAT CADENCE 2x
All characters onstage (Harry, Hermione, Ron, Dumbledore, and Snape) begin to dance and sing in unison.
ALL (unison): Cleaning the dorms, all day long at HOOOOOOOOOOOG-WAAAAAAAAAARTS!
CUT TO: Ron enters FSR with 'PIPE BOMB.' Dumbledore, Snape, Harry, and Hermione spread across stage.
RON: I've found the source of the ticking! It's a pipe bomb!
Harry and Hermione CHEER. Snape and Dumbledore look at each other, panicked.
HARRY and HERMIONE: YAY!!!
SFX: Bomb EXPLODING. Bright lights and mass confusion ensue. When the lights stop, feathers fall from the sky, and the TICKING has stopped.
Enter Voldemort. SFX: evil LAUGHTER. Voldy taps wand on stage for a beat.
VOLDEMORT: Moldy shorts, moldy short, ooh, moldy, moldy, moldy, MOLDY SHORTS!
Exit Voldemort. Enter SIGN THREE. Reads 'THE END.'
THE END!! Well, how did you like it? Questions, comments, anybody? Buhler?