Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect

A/N - This fic was a request by the beautiful QueenFreckles who asked me to listen to the song Distance by Christina Perri and write a song about Kaidan and Shepard struggling to reconnect. It was a gorgeous song and I instantly fell in love with the idea. A big shout out must go to tlcinbflo who helped me come up with a context for this fic and went out of her way to help me develop my idea - she is awesome.

I will be updating weekly and the fic will switch POV between Kaidan and Shepard. I hope you all enjoy it. Feedback and reviews are always appreciated and much loved. Please enjoy!

Coverart is by CocaineJia from DA.

Gina Shepard paused outside of the Normandy's shuttle and drew in a deep, steadying breath as she waited for her team. The nightmarish events of the day flashed through her mind in a sickening blur of terrified screams, billowing smoke and the god-awful piercing howl of the Reapers, and with a frustrated growl she curled her hand into a fist and smashed it against the side of the shuttle. Thinking about the people left behind on Earth and the horrors they were facing wasn't healthy, but every time she closed her eyes it was all she could see.

How could she forget the sight of the cannibal reaper troops savagely tearing into bodies on the street, consuming the bloodied chunks of meat they tore from the dead? She couldn't even clear the cloying scent of burnt human flesh form her nose, or chase the bitter taste of ozone and dust from her tongue. Adrenaline surged through her as she saw the searing red light of the reaper's beam in her minds eye and heard the agonised shrieks of the soldiers as they burned ...

No!

Shepard took another deep breath to calm herself and ignored the faint shiver along her skin as Kaidan brushed by her and made his way into the shuttle. The unfairness of the situation rankled her no end; Mars lay only minutes ahead and there was no choice but to bring him along on her team. Her stomach churned nervously at the thought of working with Kaidan and she angrily swallowed the fear back down.

Kaidan made her heart ache and she despised him for it. She hated that even after he'd severed ties and walked away on Horizon she still remembered the warmth of his lips on hers and the scent of his aftershave as he held her close. Dammit. It wasn't fair! He'd moved on with his life! Why the hell couldn't she do the same thing? How could she fight alongside of him when her body still burned for his touch?

Fool! Shepard condemned herself angrily as she strode across the threshold and sealed the hatch. A gentle hum instantly flickered to life along her skin as her biotics reacted to Kaidan's presence, but she steadfastly ignored it. Once the delicate prickling sensation had driven her wild, now it was a reminder of all she'd lost.

And if she were honest with herself, what she hated most about Kaidan Alenko's presence on the Normandy, was that she didn't hate him at all.

Sighing, she turned to find him standing just inside the door, his brows creased in thought, and her eyes helplessly slid down his tall muscular form encased in the Alliance heavy armour. It looked good on him, too good, and an ache of loneliness and nostalgia stirred in her chest. Kaidan looked as handsome as ever and his new found confidence suited him. If only things were different and she'd been there with him to share his adventures like they'd planned.

She flicked her gaze back up and her sea-green eyes clashed with his. Something flitted through his gaze, something that looked like longing, but it vanished before she could be sure.

Tucking a curl of her vibrant red hair behind her ear, Shepard nodded at him politely and slipped past him to the front of the shuttle, determined not to look back even though she desperately wanted to. James glanced up with a nod as she moved to stand beside the pilot's seat, his hands busy at the controls. With a slight jolt, the docking bay doors slid open and he capably directed the shuttle out of the main hanger on a descent to Mars.

"Good job, Lieutenant."

She clapped James on the shoulder, grateful to have him on the Normandy along with Kaidan. His support and friendship during her time on Earth had kept her sane, and she was keen to see if his prowess in battle lived up to his brags and tall tales. Besides which, James made being here with Kaidan a little easier. It was difficult being alone with her former lover, and James was a good buffer.

"Shepard?" EDI's voice purred over the com. "The Mars outpost appears to be online, however I have been trying to raise them without success."

Gina nodded and pushed away from the console. "Thanks EDI. Hopefully it's just a downed transponder and not a full scale Reaper attack on the facility."

She hooked her breather helmet to her belt and forced herself to walk back into the troop deck. Almost against her will, her gaze zeroed in on Kaidan, her eyes unconsciously vulnerable as she watched him. It didn't feel that long ago that she and Kaidan had been friends and lovers, but what felt like months for her was years for him. The distance yawned between them like a deep dark chasm, and she didn't have the first clue about how to broach that expanse, or even if she should.

When he'd called her name outside the Defense Committee and she turned to see him watching her, her broken heart had fluttered feebly in her chest and she'd known she was still head over heels for him. If only she'd had the guts to to tell him how she felt, that she missed him and loved him, but it hadn't been the time or the place. Not with the ghost of Horizon was stilling hanging over their heads.

Still, she was certain she'd seen something sad and lonely in his eyes as he'd watched her ...

Maybe she was reading too much into it; Kaidan feelings were crystal clear on Horizon and his followup message served to crush any lingering hope. Why bother holding onto hope for a man who had moved on? Dreaming about what might be, especially with the gaping chasm between them, was a foolish endeavor. But she'd fallen for him hard during their pursuit of Saren, and death hadn't changed her heart.

"Shepard." Kaidan's beautiful amber eyes focused on her with an intensity that stole her breath away. "What do you think we'll find on Mars?"

She shrugged and tore her gaze from his, still unsure of what she could see in his face. "I'm not sure, but Hackett said it was a way to stop the reapers, and if Liara is there researching it, it must be important."

"Liara. I haven't seen her since your …" there was an awkward pause and he let out a painful sounding sigh. He spoke again after a moment, his voice rough with emotion, "since your memorial."

The sadness in his voice tore at her heart and Shepard met his eyes, registering his pain as he remembered losing her. Did Kaidan still feel anything for her? Or was it only her memory that he mourned? She so badly wanted to reach out and touch his hand, to bridge that distance between them and find out one way or the other how he felt about her.

"We're almost there," James interrupted them as the shuttle began to buffet about in the Martian winds and he brought them in low over the facility. "We've got a huge storm heading our way."

Shepard felt the connection between herself and Kaidan sever at Vega's interruption, and she stood up as soon as shuttle touched down. She slipped her breather helmet over her head, aware of Kaidan doing the same in her peripheral vision. James came striding from the front of the shuttle, his huge frame dwarfing both of them as he retrieved his assault rifle and stood beside them.

"How long until the storm hits?" She pulled a shotgun down and readied a thermal clip, fighting the urge to watch Kaidan as he opted for an assault rifle.

Vega glanced up as he stowed a handful of grenades in an ammo pocket and shrugged at her. "half an hour tops, then we'll lose contact with the Normandy for sure."

"Let's move quickly then."

Gina opened the hatch and cursed as the wind from the storm front roared into the shuttle like a freight train, slamming into her and almost knowing her over. She staggered back a step and jumped when hands steadied her, one hand on a shoulder and one gently on her hip. A tingle of awareness spread over her skin, and she knew without looking that they were Kaidan's hands. She shivered in her armour as she regained her balance and stepped away, fighting to calm her hammering heart.

James sidled past them and leapt out, scouting the immediate area as Shepard looked back over her shoulder at Kaidan. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it, Shepard."

His face was hidden behind the view plate in his helmet, but the note of satisfaction in his voice sent a pleasant shiver down her spine. Shepard looked at him for a moment longer and then jumped from the shuttle, gritting her teeth as she the wind buffeted her, sand and small pebbles rattling against her armour. She didn't know what that tone in his voice meant, but suddenly she felt better than she had in months.

A/N - As always, it's my intention to update weekly. In the meantime if you want more Shenko, I have some fluffy oneshots and short Shenko fics which you may enjoy. Feedback is much loved - and I appreciate if you take some time to review and let me know what you thought!